schumer Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious schumer puns

When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian...

Nobody's laughing now.

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Amy Schumer gets mad when people describe her as fat, slutty, and disgusting..

because she doesn't like when people steal her material.

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Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One turns to the other and asks, "*does this taste funny to you?*"

The other responds, "*no.*"

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Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer.

One says, "Does this taste funny?".

The other says, "No".

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When Amy Schumer was a child, people laughed at her when she said she'd be a comedian

No one's laughing now.

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The worst part of this election...

...isn't that Donald Trump won, but that fucking Amy Schumer is reneging on her promise to leave the country.

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Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer.

Cannibal 1: "Does this taste funny to you?"

Cannibal 2: "Not at all, and there's plenty to go around!"

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Kim Kardashian, Pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

They set it lower.

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What do you hear right before watching an hour-long compilation of different comedians' jokes?

Please welcome Amy Schumer.

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The comedy industry is ridiculously sexist.

Zach Galifinakis can tell a joke to a full theatre and the audience would love it. If Amy Schumer told the same joke a week later in the same theatre to the same audience, she'd be accused of stealing material

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If people are going to just keep reposting jokes

The we should rename this sub Amy Schumer.

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Stop making jokes about how fat and disgusting Amy Schumer is.

You're stealing her material.

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When Amy Schumer was a kid, people laughed when they heard she wanted to be a comedian.

No one's laughing now.

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I kind of feel bad for Amy Schumer over people calling her unfunny.

I mean can you imagine being so bad at comedy that you have to steal *shitty* jokes?

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The most attractive part of Amy Schumer is....

Her Gravitational pull.

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Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Without thinking, the other replies "not at all".

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Amy Schumer is so unpopular now

No one has even bothered to repost the two cannibals joke in months.

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It's funny that Schumer and humor rhyme

Cause that is the closest she will ever get to being funny.

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My government isn't working

Phone Agent: Okay, have you tried turning it off and then back on?
Schumer: It didn't work

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Two Cyclopes are eating Amy Schumer

One turns to the other and say, 'Does this taste funny to you'

The other says, 'No'

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I was sad I missed a Dave Chappelle special on T.V...

But then my girlfriend reminded me, I can just watch Amy Schumer to hear all his best jokes.

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Why is Conan's guest's face blurred-out?

Oh. Never mind. It isn't. It's just Amy Schumer.

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What's a whale's worst nightmare?

Being compared to Amy Schumer

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All the kids used to laugh at Amy Schumer when she said she wanted to be a comedian when she grew up.

Nobody is laughing now.

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When she was young, people laughed at Amy Schumer when she said she wanted to be a comedian.

Guess what, no one is laughing now.

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Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

The first cannibal asks "Does it taste funny?"
The second cannibal turns around and says "nope."

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Of all the things "Inside Amy Schumer"...

..why can't any of them be funny?

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Rumor has it that the Canadian immigration website crashed because..,

Amy Schumer was on it

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So I saw Amy Schumer perform live...

The Kentucky Derby really is magical!

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Say what you like about Amy Schumer

But I've got nothing.

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I hate it when Amy Schumer gets compared to whales

Whales are kind of funny you know

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So Amy Schumer claims that a big time producer, sexually harassed her by asking her for a blow job.

Turns out, he was just telling her she sucks.

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What does a healthy dish and a good joke have in common?

Amy Schumer has never had any of them

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Everybody teased Amy Schumer when she said she wanted to be a comedian

Well, no one's laughing now

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Watching Amy Schumer is a lot like watching surgery.

Watching Amy Schumers Comedy is a lot like watching surgery videos on Youtube.
It's unsettling, it's gross and it doesn't make you laugh once.

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What are the most funny Schumer jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Schumer? Well, here are the best Schumer dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Schumer pick up lines to share with friends.

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