The Best 86 School Work Jokes

Following is our collection of funny School Work jokes. There are some school work assignment jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these school work dental school puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest School Work Jokes and Puns

Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell.



A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school.



Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Nina’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."

A father went to take his daughter from school.



While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!"

"With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her.

"Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"

School Work joke

When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it.



It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love.

He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him.

The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love.

I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive.

After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind.

It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."

Walk up to a friend at work or school and whisper, "

They know." Then quickly walk away. Most people will wrack their brains wondering what they did that people found out about.


A cow joke

Our professor started our lecture on ketosis of dairy cows by telling us about an exciting new research project at our veterinary school's dairy facility. They are working with NASA to launch some cows into outer space to orbit the earth. The title of the project is The herd shot round the world.

A pony recently got to work as a teacher,

But 1 day before school starts he got a cold. Naturally he couldn't talk as loud as usual so the next day he comes into the class and says: "Good morning! Sorry if I'm being a bit quiet, I'm just a little horse."

School Work joke, A pony recently got to work as a teacher,

I heard this one at school today

Jack and Amy both work for the same company. Their work is going fine until the economy falls and the company starts downsizing. The boss was given the option to fire one of them. He calls Amy into his office to break her the news. He says: "I'll either have to lay you or Jack off".

I was fired from work at school...

So, due to a minor defect at birth, I was born with Strabismus, and up until last Friday, I was happy performing my duties as a teacher.

Unfortunately, I was fired. My boss told me he couldn't have a teacher in his school that couldn't control his pupils.

Read the punchline out loud. I first heard this in high school, not sure how well it translates to print.

Poor Tom.

When he was seven, he lost his left eye in a tragic accident. Being from a poor family, the only replacement they could afford was a wooden eye.

When he was seventeen, three weeks before the prom, he was still dateless. He decided to work up the courage to ask someone, but he knew he has limits. He set his eye of Amy, a girl in his class, who spoke with a lisp.

He walked up to her at lunch, while she was surrounded by her friends, and he managed to stammer out a quiet "willyougotothepromwithme?"

"Whath that? I can't hear what you're thaying."

"Will you go to the prom? With me?" he answered, a little louder.

Amy smiled. She never thought anyone would ask her!

"Go with you? Would I? Would I?"

"LISP LISP LISP!"

Woman buys parrot

A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:

"HI GARY!!"

You can explore school work principal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean school work schoolyard dad jokes. There are also school work puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A very sexist from my high school days

Person 1, "Your dishwasher stops working and like any good mechanic you hit it and tell it to get back to work, and it does. You return later to find dishes that are only half clean. Why?"
Person 2, "I have no clue."
Person 1, "You must have hit her in the eye."

I have a kid in africa

which I feed, clothe and school for less than a dollar a day, which is really cheap.

Ofcourse the plane ticket to send him there was quite expensive, but now it's really working out.

(stolen from the awesome Jeselnik)

Cultural Diversity--True Story

When I was six I learned about Hanukkah in school. My teacher told me, "Christians celebrate Christmas, and Jews celebrate Hanukkah."

That night I was waiting in line at Hometown Buffet with my family and asked Mom why the restaurant would be closed for Christmas.

"It's so that the people who work here can spend Christmas with their families." She said.

In a loud, excited voice I piped up, "BUT COULDN'T THEY GET SOME JEWS TO WORK HERE?"

We never went back.

It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.

When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a pimp and a drug fiend."

"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"

"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"

The fishing trip

So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.

"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."

Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.

The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.

"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.

"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"

School Work joke, The fishing trip

Legs in the Air

Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

Three kids are talking at school...

The first one says: "my dad is a formula one driver; he is super fast!" The second one answers: "Really? My dad is a pilot, and with his jet he is even faster than your dad!" They both turn to the last kid. He puts down his cookie, and tells the others: "My dad is so fast, his timetable says he finishes work at 6, but he's always home by 5". The two other kids are amazed, and they ask where his dad works. "He's a state employee".

Kiss The Mirror

A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.


An apartment building with three floors...

There is an apartment building with three floors. A different family lives on each floor. Floor one a black family. Floor two a Mexican family. Floor three a white family. Unfortunately a tornado destroys the apartment building at 2:00PM, leaving only one surviving family. Which family survived? The white family ofcourse because the kids were at school and their parents were at work.

After WWII, a German soldier...

After WWII, a German soldier left the tenets of Nazism behind and decided to change his path in life. He went to school, got a medical degree, and went to work doctoring sick animals. He was a veterinarian.

A kid has a pear-shaped head

The poor kid is feeling down because everyone at school teases him about his pear-shaped head. One day he can no longer take the teasing and says to the kids teasing him, "I can't help having a pear-shaped head, my mom ate a pear when she was pregnant with me."
"That's not how it works," one of the other kids said. "My mom ate a scratched disc when she was pregnant with me and nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...nothing...happened."

I got arrested today

I got arrest today, apparently you aren't allowed to do doughnuts within 200ft of a school zone... the frosting worked as great lubricant though

Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's....

Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.

A boy thinks his English teacher is attractive

One day after school he finally works up the courage to tell her how he feels. "Ms. Smith you're smart and beautiful, can I have sex with you?" The teacher responds, "I don't know, may you have sex with me?"

Two old friends meet in bar...

[translated from Turkish]

-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!

-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while

-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?

-Mais biensur !

-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!

-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.

-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.

Next morning he calls Jack:
-Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?

-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.

-Oh cool! Thx!

-Mais de rien !

-oh! stfu already...

Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks:
-Salut mon ami, How is your French?

- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)

[probably not the best written joke :/]

The pretty teacher was concerned with

one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

An pakistani in the US fears for his safety

Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh:

I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.

So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.

I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime.

Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365.

My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.

I have never felt safer.

A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..

A mom buys an old parrot in a whorehouse and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.

As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.

Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.

Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"

I told my dad about the school shooting today

I don't know why he got so worked up over picture day.

My plan is to finish law school, and pass the bar.

If that doesn't work out, I'll just open a bar and name it 'You Have Been Served'.

Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school?

He didn't work well with udders.

Why do school nurses bring a red crayon to work?

So they can draw blood

At school we were always taught the pull-out method doesn't work...

...but like many teenagers, it hasn't stopped the UK trying anyway.

Senior year of high school is a lot like a retirement home...

You don't work anymore, you hate everyone who's younger than you, and in a few months, all of your old friends will be dead to you.

Funny Comeback

Teacher: where is your homework?
Kid: at home.
Teacher: why is it at home?
Kid: it's called HOME work for a reason.
Teacher: are you being smart with me!
Kid: this IS school isn't it? Aren't you supposed to be smart.

What do you call a parent that goes to work AND takes his kid to school?

A crossing guard..

Where does the working Witch learn her spells? (Original Joke)

Invocational School

Why did the corn maze go back to school?

It was tired of working in a dead end field.

Selling Condoms

An 18-yr-old starts work as a pharmacist's assistant. The pharmacist is showing the new kid around the aisles when they stop at the condom display and the kid asks why they come in different quantities per package.

The pharmacist tells the noob that the 3-packs are for high school guy, who gets it on once on Friday night, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.
The 6-packs are for the more-experienced college guys, who do it twice each on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.

So the kid says, "what about these 12-packs?"

The pharmacist replies "the 12-packs are for the guys who've been married for a long time - January, February, March..."

The bully who used to take my lunch money from me in middle school still takes my lunch money from me everyday

Except now he works at Subway and I'm on my lunch break

Dave worked at a circus school...

Normally, he teaches kids how to juggle or do cartwheels but it wasn't all that interesting.
One day, he decides to teach the kids something a bit more exciting so he brought in a cannon.

Long story short - he was fired.

Why is Adele so popular?

Every school and work office uses them.

A mother asks her son

What is school like?

It's terrible, we have to do all the work, but the teachers get paid.

Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment?

Because everyone would get the same Marx.

School is like my baby boy...

It hasn't worked right since I dropped it.

Old School Friend

I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now. He replied that he was currently working on:

*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment*

I was impressed......

On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife's supervision.

The Perfect Man

So one day, a man is sitting at work with his co-worker:

Man: I'm really happy with life right now. Kids are doing great in school, wife loves me and puts out every night, and my doctor says I'm the picture of perfect health.

Co-worker: Wow! That sounds so great! Is there anything wrong with you?

Man: Well my therapist says I'm a compulsive liar, but what does she know?

Shoutout to my teachers from high school who said I would work at McDonalds

I have my first shift on Monday.

Couldn't get laid in high school

I was in a band. I was a musician. I'm like girls like musicians. This is gonna work and I'm like, "Hey girl, do you want to see my band on Friday? And she's like," Maybe, what's the name of your band?"

Marching.

Democracy obviously doesn't work.

I mean, I was voted "most likely to succeed" at High School.

Cocaine in school

One of the teachers at my local school for obese children, was fired today. He was fired for doing cocaine before going to work. He was ratted out by his large pupils.

So Trump is working with Putin on cybersecurity...

In other news, the principal at my school is working with the boys to install a surveillance system to insure privacy in the girls' locker room.

People keep telling me that concussions are really bad for my health.

I can safely say that after three years of playing high school football, my Brian is working just fine!

LPT: When calling out of work or school, don't fake congestion, etc... instead try using your best Indian accent.

There's a much higher chance they'll believe you're Sikh.

Three boys were talking after school...

Three boys were talking after school while waiting for their fathers to pick them up. The first one boasts: "My dad is a Formula One driver. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:15."

The second boy says: "That's nothing. My dad is a jet pilot. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:05!"

The last boy looks at his companions and says: "Pfff.... amateurs! My dad works for the government. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 4:45!"

God answers prayers, trust me.

I prayed for a job, a car, and for lots of pretty girls. I now work as a bus driver in an all-girls school.

VERY SAD DAY.

A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and would have been a brilliant veterinarian.

They say that if you're afraid to speak to groups, imagine that they're naked...

That's why I no longer work at the elementary school

A sausagy matter

A father had his son drop out of school for being an absolute schmuck, he got him a job at the sausage factpry where he works.

Dad : in this machine you insert a donkey and it turns into sausage.

Son : is there a machine where you put in the sausage and it turns into a Donkey?

Dad : i wouldn't call your mom a machine.

Billy's father picked him up from school. He was anxious to find out about Billy's tryout for the school play.

Billy replied, "Dad, I got a part! I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son," said his dad. "Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll give you a speaking part."

I'm one of the few pirates that went to school to get an education...

I'm one of the few pirates that went to school to get an education, and I just recently got my report card in the mail. It was tough, especially with the extra class I took for zero period, but I finally got what I worked so hard for!

*I got all Seven C's*

A cop, a firefighter, and a bureaucrat are at a elementary school career day...

The cop brags, I'm the fastest one out of the three. I can respond to a threat in one minute

The firefighter says, That's nothing, I can run into a burning building and rescue someone in 30 seconds

The bureaucrat responds, pfff, I can work 9-5 and be home by 2

I was talking to someone the other day...

I was talking to someone the other day and they told me about their life. They said they'd lived their whole life in a bakery in London: they grew up there, went to school there and are now beginning to work there...



They're London born and bred.

Lollypops

On Fridays our school sells lollypops in the cafeteria. I bought 22 so that I can be sick and not have to come to school tomorrow! Works every time.

A horror movie in a deaf school would work quite well...

...because no one would hear you scream.

American School System

5th grade: You better learn cursive, because in middle school; all your work will be done in cursive!
6th grade: Just write print it's easier to read
Highschool: You better learn these core classes because they'll be required to know before college!
College: You have to retake and pay for these Core Classes for your Degree

A man is at boating school, and is learning different phrases before he is allowed to work on a boat

The instructor asks him the first question, What do you say when a man has fallen off the boat.

The man energetically said, Man overboard!

The instructor has his next question ready, What do you say when a woman falls off the boat?

The man yet again states, Full speed ahead!

Little Johnny is in Catholic School

The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?"

Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray."

Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass."

Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. Johnny says, "Jesus is in my bathroom every morning."

The nun, obviously confused, asks why Johnny thinks this.

Little Johnny answers saying, "Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"

8-year old Billy comes home from school with a note from his teacher.

It says, "Billy stole a pencil from the student next to him." Billy's father is furious. He goes to great lengths to lecture Billy and let him know how upset and disappointed he is, and he grounds the boy for two weeks.

Finally, he concludes, "Anyway, Billy, if you needed a pencil, why didn't you just say something? You know very well that I can bring you dozens of pencils from work."

Peter wakes up one morning

"I don't wanna go to the school!"

"Give me one good reason why you should stay home!"

"I can give you three: I don't like the school cafeteria's food, I don't like the teachers and I don't like the students"

"Well, Peter, I've already packed your lunch. You're 54 years old and the principal. GO TO WORK!"

The things kids say....

I work in a middle school and I was talking to a 6th grader today. He was bummed because he's so short:

He says: I should go back to kindergarten with kids my own size.

Me: Well maybe you should try 1st grade because you already know the alphabet, right?

He didn't skip a beat and responded: I'm so American, the only letters I know are U, S and A!

It was hilarious.!! Thank you children for making us laugh.

Went into Politics.

Meme's 80 yrs from now,

When business schools didn't work out for him, he went into politics...

Today is a VERY, VERY sad day.

VERY VERY VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He is still paying his school loans. This just goes to show you one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family.

He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.

Whitehouse has a new slogan to encourage everyone to get back to work, school and boost the economy...

**!!No Lives Matter!!**

I finally landed my dream job as a palaeontologist

It took years of studying and hard work, but I've never been happier.

As I excavated a new find from the ground, a mother and her young son passed by. She pointed at me and told him, "This is why you need to do well at school and get a good job, or else you'll spend the rest of your life digging in a hole just like him."

Kanye West

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he'll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.

I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now.

He replied that he was currently working on:

\*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment\*

I was impressed......

On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife's supervision.

My uncle swore to me that if i wanted to attract girls, I mean REALLY draw in the chicks, I should roll up a sock and put it in my pants.

I did this at a high school dance, and I when I got home, he asked me if I tried it and did it work. I told him it did not help at all, and only made things worse. He looked down and said, Well you were supposed to put it in the FRONT!

Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion

After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.

The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.

Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"

Michael takes an exam

Michael is taking an exam at his school. All questions are True or False questions. He hasn't studied so he decides to answer all his questions by flipping a coin.

Once the time is up, The teacher collects everyones exams but notices that Michael is still working. The teacher asks why he's still flipping the coin. Michael replies by saying I was just checking my answers.

Like most people I've been enjoying the Olympics...

I noticed that the USA have won 3/3 gold medals in shooting so far. It really goes to show that if you put in the work in school, you really can acheive anything.

Two scientists walk into a bar

I'll have H20 says the 1st.

I'll have H20, too says the 2nd.

The bartender doesn't have a clue what they want because he flunked out of high school, and started working at a bar.

When I was just a little kid, I used to pray for a bicycle. Then as I grew older I learned in Sunday school, that's not how prayer works.

So I stole a bike...and prayed for forgiveness.

Everyday I drive to work there is a nun walking to work at the catholic school down the street. It was so cold today but there she was walking again

I guess she's just in the habit.

I knew a guy who said he didn't marry his high school sweetheart until after he finished college.

I asked him, "How come?"

He said, "Well, duh. I was working on my bachelor's degree."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the school work bored at work jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working school work business school piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes