School Teacher Jokes
119 school teacher jokes and hilarious school teacher puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about school teacher that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest School Teacher Short Jokes
Short school teacher jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The school teacher humour may include short high school teacher jokes also.
- When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word... ...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
- Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school? Sources say that the teachers were alarmed.
- Is it ok for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school? Or does that make me a bad teacher?
- I was tucking my son in last night, and he tells me that his teacher is "an idiot" and she's "out to get him." Which is just the last thing you want to hear when your kid's home schooled.
- In my day, schooling was so severe. If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal ruler.
Tough measures. - No one laughed at my joke I made in school so maybe you guys will like it What do you call an english teacher who knows how to code
A pro-grammar - My music teacher at school told me never to hit a drum again or I could get in serious trouble. I did, and he was right. There was serious re-percussions
- My teacher said that we were going to have only half of a day of school this morning We all cheered, then she said that we'd have the other half this afternoon.
- Shoutout to my teachers from high school who said I would work at McDonalds I have my first shift on Monday.
- The school counsellor told me that alcohol was never a solution. I said that my chemistry teacher would disagree.
Share These School Teacher Jokes With Friends
School Teacher One Liners
Which school teacher one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with school teacher? I can suggest the ones about classroom teacher and kids teacher.
- It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution.
- Why was the math teacher late for school? He took the rhombus
- At my school there's a rapper named MC Squared The science teacher just calls him E
- I had a teacher in high school, Ms Turtle. She tortoise well.
- Why did the teacher wear shades in school? Because her pupils were too bright!
- My least favorite subject in school was Ancient History. The teachers tended to Babylon
- At least I know who is responsible for all these drugs in schools… supply teachers
- I decided to become a school teacher after moving to Germany. Kids there are kinder.
- I had the meanest math teacher in school. They were so average.
- I'm tired of going to school But you can't quit especially if you're a teacher
- My High School math teacher passed everybody. He gave no F's.
- Why did the summer school teacher wear sunglasses? Because her class was so bright!
- My teacher won't let me bring my mp3 to school. So I'm bringing my mp5 instead.
- Do you know who I blame for the rise of drugs in schools? The supply teachers.
- There was a kidnapping at the school today The teacher had to wake him up
High School Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny high school teacher jokes and even better high school teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In high school, I presented a project on communism I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.
- The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips... So I got kicked out of KFC.
- I got a C- for my high school sewing project. The teacher's only comment was.... Seams reasonable.
- High school laffs In high school once our history teacher asked who bombed pearl harbor, a Japanese kid raised his hand and the teacher said; correct!
- Did you know that all high school math teachers are lonely? You can tell by them always asking you to find the X
- ELI5 What happens when a high school calls in a replacement teacher for a subject they know nothing about? Ooops... wrong sub.
- None of my friends seemed very impressed when I told them I hooked up with my high school science teacher. I swear it is so much harder trying to fit in when you are homeschooled.
- What do you call a bad Mathematician? A high-school teacher.
- Teacher: "I will call your parents!"
Elementary student: "No! I’ll be a good boy!"
Junior High School Student: "Pffff… Anyway…"
High School Student: "Send my mother my greetings!" - I had a teacher named Misses Carriage in high school Good thing she didn't get married
Sunday School Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny sunday school teacher jokes and even better sunday school teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My Sunday School teacher is so old... .. when the New Testament came out she said "I don't care for the new curriculum."
- Class Teacher At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, No ma'am, my moms a good cook! - Who went to Mount Olive? A Sunday School teacher asks "Who went to Mount Olive?"
From the back of the class, a voice responds, "Popeye!"
Primary School Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny primary school teacher jokes and even better primary school teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In a primary school... The teacher asks students to draw female reproductive system. A girl in the class puts her head down out of shyness. A boy looks at her and exclaims "Ma'am she's copying!".
- I can always tell by their eyes if someone is a primary school teacher They have small pupils.....
- What did little John Cena say to his primary school teacher when she gave him his report card? You can't C me!
- do you know what a casual youtube blogger and a primary school teacher have in common? suicidal thoughts
- I met a beautiful primary school teacher and asked her out on a date. "I can't, I'm married... ...and you're six"
Laughable School Teacher Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about school teacher you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean science teacher jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make school teacher pranks.
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
The children unanimously replied, "No."
The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."
Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how can I get into heaven?"
A quick-witted five-year-old boy piped up and replied, "You have to be dead!"
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elementary school teacher was meeting her new class
She pointed to one student and asked "What does your father do for a living?"
The boy said "My father's a magician! He has a new act that ends with sawing people in half."
"That's wonderful!" said the teacher. "And do you have any siblings?"
"Yes," said the boy- "I have a half brother and a half sister."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.
Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.
Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
Little Johnny was sitting in Sunday school on Easter
The Sunday school teacher said "Today is all about the resurrection, does anyone know what that is?"
Little Johnny raises his hand....
"I do! And if it lasts more than 4 hours you're supposed to call a doctor!"
Little Johnny... Finding Jesus
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye.
She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, "Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."
The guy freaks out. He says, "I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle 3 years ago. You look familiar, but I just can't remember. Who are you?"
She says, "I'm your son's Sunday school teacher."
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
Ugly Faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to have a talk with the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
No problems
A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
A Sunday School Teacher . . .
A Sunday School Teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "Honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
How do you get into Heaven?
When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" Tim answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, Tim answered, "NO!"
The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.
Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven...
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?
The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!
An International School Teacher
...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "what's other countries?"
and finally the Chinese kid asks "what's my own opinion?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I banged the hottest chick of my class and now the whole town is talking about it."
~ Walter, 52, primary school teacher
An international school teacher asks: What's your own honest opinion on food scarcity in other countries?
An African student responds: What's food?
A Western European student: What's scarcity?
An Eastern European student: What's honest?
A Chinese student: What's opinion?
A Russian student: What's your?
An American student: What's other countries?
The School teacher sent home a note with her student..
The note reads, Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends too much time talking to girls.
Mother sends a note back the following day, Please advise a solution. Father has the same problem.'
Boy and school teacher
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, Why are you arguing?
One boy answers, We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.
You should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher, When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was.
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
I'm an atheist with a god-complex...
...which explains why all my highschool teachers always said I never believed in myself.
A preschool teacher is teaching a student basic geography
Teacher: "what state do you live in?"
Student: "denial."
A kid asks the Sunday school teacher which part of the body goes to Heaven first. The teacher decides to make it a lesson and asks the kids what they think.
Sarah says 'it's your brain, because that's what controls everything'
Tina says 'it's your heart, because that's where Jesus lives'
Johnny yells out 'your feet!'
The teacher asks why the feet.
Johnny replies 'because I looked in Mrs Brown's bedroom window this morning and she had her feet in the air screaming 'Jesus! I'm coming!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An all boys high school teacher was doing the attendance roll call one morning
She went through the list of names and each student replied, Yes miss as their name was called.
James?
Yes miss, replied James.
Is Robert here?
Yes miss, replied Robert.
Jack?
After about 5 seconds of silence, Jack hadn't replied.
The teacher continued, j**... today?
The whole class in unison, Okay we will miss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm s**... attracted to one of my students
I knew that becoming a primary school teacher was a bad career choice
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elementary school teacher was handing out samples of deer jerky to anyone who wanted to try it.
It was part of the lesson about pioneer days and she hadn't yet told them what kind of meat it was.
She was giving clues to help the students. "I'm sure all of you have seen one as there are a lot of them around here". No response.
"The males often clash to prove who is toughest". Still no response.
Finally she says "You have probably heard your mother call your father this."
Suddenly one of the students hacks and then yells "Spit it out! Spit it out! It's an a**...!"
To my high school teacher who said I'd never amount to anything...
Please use your psychic gift to tell me next week's winning lottery numbers. My mum will kick me out of her basement if I don't pay the rent I owe!
I like to date school teachers; if you do something wrong,
they make you do it over again.
How many public school teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Whatever it says in the book.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are socialist school teachers so disorganized?
Because they love to see the class struggle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's a good thing Breaking Bad wasn't made in England.
A show about a school teacher going to NHS for cancer treatments would s**....
What's the difference between a physician and a preschool teacher?
One has a job with patients, the other has the patience of Job.
Teaching as a career
A school teacher walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm so worn out," he complains to the bartender. "The entire American school system is horribly disorganized and poorly run." "Well, then I guess it's true," the bartender says. "School really does prepare you for real life."
Voltaire moments before death
I don't know if this has been on here but my high school teacher told me this a while ago.
On his death bed, a priest came to Voltaire's home and told him there was still time to go to heaven if he accepts Jesus as his lord and savior and reject the devil and all his beliefs.
Voltaire then says, now is not the time be making enemies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'll never forget the moment when NASA accomplished every child's dream
...by blowing up a school teacher.
School Teacher's Note
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.
A grade school teacher was instructing her students on the value of coins.
She took a half-dollar and laid it on her desk. "Can any of you tell me what it is?" she asked.
From the back of the room came the answer: "Tails!"
How to get to heaven
A Sunday school teacher asked her class the question how do we get to heaven?
She then asked, Can I be nice to my neighbors and go to church every Sunday and get into heaven?
The class replied, No.
She said, Okay, can I keep my house clean and help the poor then get into heaven?
The class again replied, No.
She asked, Then how do we get to heaven?
A boy stood up a said, You need to be dead!
A school teacher invited a Native American to give a presentation to his students about their culture
After discussing history, traditions and lifestyle, the conversation turned to language.
"One of the interesting things about our language," he said, "is that there are no cuss words."
"But then what do you say if you are hammering a nail and accidentally hit your finger?" asked a student.
"In that case," he replied, "we use your language."
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her first-grade class.
"Class," she said, "what were the first words Jesus said when he walked out of the tomb on Easter morning?"
A little girl waved her hand excitedly. "Ooh! Ooh! I know!" she said. "Pick me! Pick me!"
The teach smiled and said, "All right, Susie. What did Jesus say when he walked out of the tomb?"
Susie stood up proudly. "He said, 'TAH-DAH!'"
The firefighters dog
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"
In class room . Russia , after the war .
Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )
Who knows where Jesus is?
A Sunday School teacher was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?"
Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
My highschool teacher just became a grandfather
True story, a little background I had a teacher in highschool that I kept up with after graduation, he is also a little Aspergery.
So I just found out that he became a grandfather so I asked him What are you gonna have the kid call you ie grandad, grandpa, gramps etc... And in complete seriousness he responds with
"He's not gonna call me anything he can't talk"
I bumped into my old school teacher
I bumped into my old school teacher today, and we got talking about how he once said that I'd never amount to anything. I showed him though.
I spat in his fries.
Timmy Learns to Count
A preschool teacher asked her students in class, "who can count from one to ten?"
Little 3-year old Timmy swiftly raised his hand, "I can!" and started counting "one, two, three four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!"
The teacher is impressed, "Well done Timmy! Who taught you that?"
"My uncle Bobby!" Timmy said.
"Can you count past ten?" The teacher asked Timmy.
"That's easy!" Timmy continued, "Jack, Queen, King..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ancient athletes performed n**... to imitate the Gods
But whenever I do it I lose my job as a school teacher
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The new elementary school teacher confessed to me that she had severe social anxiety
It's ok, I said. "Just pretend your audience is n**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have had s**... with SO many clients on the job
And my family said being a school teacher would s**...!
In preschool, I became friends with a little girl
I showed her mine, and she showed me hers. However, a preschool teacher found out about it, and I was fired.
The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"
The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?
Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."
"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."
Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."
Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."
What did the asian college student say to his old elementary school teacher?
Long time no C
I was sitting down at my desk and I started thinking. I started thinking about everybody I've failed just because I wasn't good enough...
And then I realized I'm an awful school teacher.
If we're going to start arming school Teachers
What are a school teachers 3 favorite words?
June, July, and August.
Throughout my life all of my school teachers have told me that I shouldn't fall into peer pressure
now I don't know what to do.
A high school teacher once told me that math can solve any problem, numerical or not.
I've been sitting here for weeks and I still can't replace my X.
^^Sorry ^^;_;
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a Doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
All of the class but Little Johnny had answered.
The teacher called on Johnny and he slowly walk to the front.
My Dad is an entertainer he works at night. He is a male stripper some times he doesn't come home after work. This makes my Mother cry because he is sleeping with a man to get enough money to buy us food.
The teacher tells the other kids to go outside for recess. She hugs Little Johnny and ask is that true? No Johnny states he plays baseball for the Baltimore Orioles, but am ashamed to tell the other kids.
Why are women better elementary school teachers?
Because they're never Kurt.
First Pancake
A young mother was preparing breakfast for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan, 3. They both said they wanted pancakes. As the pancakes were almost finished and the syrup was being heated in the microwave, the boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother, who was also a Sunday School teacher, saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. She said, If Jesus were sitting here, he would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, Ryan, you be Jesus.
Twice
A sweet young school teacher who had always been virtuous was invited to go for a ride in the country with the gym instructor, whom she admired.
Under a tree, on the bank of a quiet lake, she struggled with her conscience and with the gym instructor and finally gave in to the latter.
Sobbing uncontrollably, she asked her seducer, "How can I ever face my students again, knowing I have sinned twice?"
"Twice?" asked the young man, confused.
"Why, yes," said the sweet teacher, wiping a tear from her eye, "You're not too tired? Are you???
An elementary school teacher is asking a student a Maths question
Teacher: "Ok, Jimmy. If I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"
Jimmy: "Five!"
Teacher: "No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?"
Jimmy: "Four!"
Teacher: "Good, Jimmy! Now if I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"
Jimmy: "Five!"
Teacher: "Jimmy! That is incorrect! Why are you answering with five?"
Jimmy: "Because I already have a cat!"
Brian raises his hand and says, He's in Heaven.
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, Where is Jesus today?
Brian raises his hand and says, He's in Heaven.
Susan answers, He's in my heart.
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, He's in our bathroom!
The teacher is surprised by this answer and asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
Well, Little Johnny says, every morning, my Dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'
Motivational Seminar
At a motivational seminar, three men are asked to come up to the stage. They are all asked, "When you are in your coffin and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A high school teacher walks in on a boy and a girl b**... in the men's restroom...
"Wrap it up."
A catholic school teacher was teaching a lesson one morning and asked his students where Jesus was.
"Yes Susie" he said as he called on Susie whose hand was raised. "He's in heaven!" She shouted with pride. He called on Steven who said "He was in his heart" The only boy left with his hand raised with had the most unusual answer "He's in my bathroom!" Everyone had a puzzled look on his/her face. "Yeah!" Said the boy.. "My father bangs on the door every morning saying 'Jesus Christ, ya still in there?"
When you die and you're in your casket and friends and family are mourning you...
Three friends are sitting in a bar drinking, when one turns to the others and asks, "When you die and you're in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy thinks and says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." He turns back to his buddy, who asked the question, "What about you?"
The guy snorts, "I want them to say, 'MY GOD, HE'S STILL ALIVE!!'"
A Former Sergeant In The Marine Corps Took A New Job As A High School Teacher
A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.
Just before the school year started, he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
Dead silence... the rest of the year went very smoothly :)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did
for a living.
"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.
Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's father replied, "Well, I'm really an attorney. But how do you explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old child?"
what is the drug of choice for school teachers?
young crack
A Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
'I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'
'NO!' the children answered.
'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, the answer was, 'NO!'
'If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, they all answered, 'NO!'
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?'
A little boy shouted out: 'YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD.'
It's a curious race, the Irish. Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man is set up on a blind date with a Sunday school teacher...
He was worried about possibly going out with a p**... but decided to give it a shot anyway. He took her out to dinner and asked what kind of wine should they order. She responded "Oh no, I couldn't have a drink. What would I tell my Sunday school?"
Disappointed, he realized this date was getting a little lame.
As they left the restaurant he offered her a cigarette.
"Oh no, I couldn't have a cigarette. What would I tell my Sunday school?"
Well he decided to drive her home as it didn't look like the night was going anywhere.
As they drove down the Boulevard they passed a motel. The woman looked hard at the man and said "Do you want to get a room?"
Stunned, the man pulled over, got a room and she proceeded to give him the wildest night of his life.
Lying spent on the bed, the man said "Wow... That was fantastic! But... What will you tell the Sunday school?"
"You don't have to drink and smoke to have a good time."
One for us old guys
Lady opens a house of ill repute and hired 3 girls to work for her: a fashion model, a telephone operator and an elementary school teacher. She figured the model would be the most popular with the guys as she was so much prettier, followed by the operator then the teacher who was rather a plain Jane. To her surprise, after the second week, most of the guys wanted to see the teacher. Lady decided to stand out side the girl's doors and eaves drop on them.
She heard the model say, don't mess my hair, don't mess my makeup. She heard the operator say, you three minutes are up, deposit another $5.50 (told you it was for the old guys). BUT when she listened outside the teacher's door, she heard," I don't care how many times it takes, you are going to do it over until you get it right!"
A Very Outdated But Still Funny Joke
A high-school teacher asks a girl in the class, "What part of the body enlarges to ten times its normal size during periods of excitement?"
The girl stammers and blushes and looks at the floor and says, "I don't want to answer that question."
So the teacher asks a boy, "Do you know the answer?"
The boys answers, "The pupil of the eye."
"That's right," says the teacher. Then he turns to the girl and says, "Two things are obvious. First, you didn't study your lesson last night. Second, you wedding night is going to be a terrible disappointment to you."
