School Play Jokes
87 school play jokes and hilarious school play puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about school play that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest School Play Short Jokes
Short school play jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The school play humour may include short school safe jokes also.
- My son told my husband he got a part in his school play & he'll be playing a man who has been married for 25 years. My husband replied, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part.
- Why don't kids play fortnite in school? It's hard to make out where the gunshots are actually coming from
- I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
- My school did a performance last year called "The Dictionary" Turns out it was just a play on words.
- I once volunteered to help out at a special needs school I played games with them like football, tennis, basketball etc.
It makes you feel so good inside...
Because you always win. - Boy comes home and tells dad that he's got a role in school drama playing a man who has been married 25 years. Dad. "don't worry, one day you'll get a speaking part
- Q: Why did the school kids eat their homework?
A: Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. - Black people play 2k, then go to them gym and start trying to be like Kobe. White people play Call of Duty, then go to school and try to go on a 25-kill streak.
- Did you go to school by horse? I like to mess with my tennis teacher, he is over 50 and he gives it right back to me by how bad i play.
- Why were the group of fish afraid to play basketball? Because then there would be another school shooting.
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School Play One Liners
Which school play one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with school play? I can suggest the ones about school band and school open.
- I tried out for the part of Jesus in my school play.... I think I nailed it
- My school did a performance called League of Legends. It was a play on wards.
- What do Anti-Vax kids play in school? Marco Polio
- I got kicked out of school for playing an instrument I got band
- My School's Anime Club Started A Band To Play Reggae Weeby jammin'.
- I played the USSR anthem at my private school And now its a public school.
- Hey moms! Here's a fun game to play: When your kid gets home from school
- My school is putting on a play called The Nutcracker. Good thing it shows on December 1.
- What instrument did the Avocado play in the school marching band? The Guacenspiel
- i was expelled from elementary school. they had recess and i don't play
- Who needs shooting range? When you can just go to school to play with guns.
- What event do many schools have where people gather to play video games? eSports Day.
- I don't want to play a band instrument at school because I only get F minor
- I Dropped Out of Elementary School Because of Recess.. I don't play games.
- Top of my Med School Class: I don't just play God, I win. *definitely not remotely true*
Fun-Filled School Play Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about school play you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean school reunion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make school play pranks.
I hate school and got caught skipping the other day.
My principal said, "Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."
A w**... Contest.
Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a w**... contest to see who has the biggest w**...! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"
So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a w**... contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"
B'dum tsss
A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?
Dramatic Arts
Little Charlie has had his dreams set on becoming an actor, and, finally, he lands a part in the school play. He runs home after school to tell his dad. "That's fantastic!" his father replies. "Who do you play?" he asks. "Dad, I play a guy who's been married for twenty years!" His dad plants a hand on Charlie's shoulder, smiling sweetly, and says, "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."
Favorite pirate joke
A: What's a pirates favourite letter?
B: Arrrrrrrrr
A: Correct, what's a pirate's favourite class in school?
B: Arrrritmatic, Arrrrrrt, Arrrrrchitecture (any will do)
A: You're right! What kind of sweaters to pirates wear?
B: Arrrrrgyle!
(They'll be feeling good and playing along by now)
A: What's a pirate's favourite type of crime?
B: Arrrrrrson!
A: No. Piracy you f***ing idiot.
The Jewish Husband
A young boy comes home from school. He's bursting with excitement.
"Mom," he says. "I got a part in the school play!"
"That's great!" his mother exclaims. "What part are you playing?"
"I'm playing a Jewish husband," the boy says.
Suddenly his mother is FURIOUS. "What?!" she screams. "You go back and tell them you want a speaking part!"
Austria, mid-1950s
Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied "I'll be Bach!"
So, the 7 year-old daughter is talking with her mom...
"Mom, today at school during break, Jason and I played doctor!" she says excitedly.
"Oh dear" the mother answers, fearing the worst "what did you two do?"
"Oh, not much, he made me wait forty-five minutes and then double billed the insurance company."
At first i was feeling a little grumpy,
Then I was feeling happy, then a little sleepy and finally a little bashful.
I am no longer welcome at my daughters school play of Snow white and the 7 dwarfs
Overheard @ high school's red & white football game
Clueless freshman: "So, who are we playing?"
Crowd: "It's intrasquad!"
Pregnant pause.
Clueless freshman: "So we're still going to lose!"
It was my five year old daughter's school play last night. I haven't enjoyed myself so much in years!
I didn't go.
So there's this school play...
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
I was not a particularly small child.
I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.
High school plays are a lot like airplanes.
People only want to hear about them if they c**... and burn.
Jewish boy comes home from school and his mother and tells her he got in the school play. She asked him, "what part are you playing?" He said, "the husband!"
The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."
A little boy gets home from school and says..
"Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years."
The dad replied"Don't think about it, son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."
Want to hear a dirty joke?
Sam played in the mud.
Want to hear a clean joke?
Sam took a bath with Bubbles.
Want to hear another dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.
Enjoy this middle school level joke I suddenly remembered for some reason.
We Played the Guessing Game
Mom: What did you do at school today?
Mark: We played a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam?
Mark: That's right.
I came home and told my mum we were playing with explosives in science.
Mum: what are you doing in school tomorrow.
Me: what school?
Black kids play NBA 2K...
and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player.
White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible.
A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.
Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.
Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
Did you know Trump played soccer in high school?
He was a goalkeeper, set up a wall like you've never seen...
My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".
Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.
As a 30 year old man, I can tell you that dating never gets any easier......
I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months now, and last night we had dinner at her parents house. Her Mother doesn't care for me, but her Father hates me; which is weird, because we used to play football together in high school.
People keep telling me that concussions are really bad for my health.
I can safely say that after three years of playing high school football, my Brian is working just fine!
Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet?
A customer at our bookstore asked me, "Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet? My daughter needs it for school, and all I can find is the play."
I played sports, my whole life, and was always the best. I stopped short of playing collegiately.
In other words, I peaked in high school.
Billy's father picked him up from school. He was anxious to find out about Billy's tryout for the school play.
Billy replied, "Dad, I got a part! I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son," said his dad. "Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll give you a speaking part."
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when his 3rd grade teacher asked him to be a classical composer in the school play ?
I'll be Bach
My sister was in a school play with an auditorium that was packed. My mom said with how hot it was, it's going to be tough for the actors.
I said "Don't worry, it builds character"
8 year old boy came home excitedly, telling his dad that a school play is gonna be held next month
Dad: that's great! What role did you get?
Son: I'll be the husband!
Dad: (*sigh*) tell your teacher tomorrow to give you a different role with more lines.
There is a boy that went to school after 3 weeks of absence...
The teacher asks him:
-Why didn't you come to school in your first week of absence?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandma and we had to burry her.
Teacher:But second week?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandpa and we had to burry him.
Teacher:And the last week?
Boy:A brick fell on my dad and we had to burry him.
Teacher:But what were you doing all this time??
Boy:I was on the roof of my house playing with bricks.
Back in high school I played in a band, and we were big.
Probably the biggest band in the world — we had 93 drummers.
I tried to audition for the part of a tree in a school play...
But they told me my acting was wooden.
At the dinner table one night...
...a father asked his son how his day in school went.
"Oh, it was great, Dad! I got a part in the school play."
"Really?" said the father. "Tell me about it."
"Well, I play the part of a man who's been married 20 years."
The father said, "That's great, son. And if you do a good job, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."
Why are students prohibited from playing Fortnite during school?
It would be really hard to tell where the gunshots are coming from
ultimate goal: go to an american high school and play pumped up kicks over the pa system
then i can finally die happy
My Daughter , the love of my life, told me she did not want me to come to her school play Drunk, and I cried like a baby.
...because its a shame, I really wanted to see her performance.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
A hamburger.
(Told to me by a 4 year old at a school play. Too adorable not to share.)
Steve comes home early to find his best friend n**... in bed with his wife having s**....
Bob! I mean, come on man! I expected it from her, but you and I have been friends since grade school. We played football together. You were the best man at my wedd.. could you two at least stop while I'm talking?
An unpopular math nerd in school never really interacted with anyone.
Some girls decided to play a prank by giving him a piece of paper saying "i <3 u".
Unfortunately, the nerd did not understand and just responded, "Assuming solving for u, u > i/3".
During the last school play I felt funny and came over queasy.
At which point I was told to leave the production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
Top 5 anti-vax excuses, interpreted for gamers
Excuse #5: "I like to play life with the default biological settings".
Excuse #4: "I like to take my chances and play it on extreme difficulty, just like old school style."
Excuse #3: "Pay to win? Eww."
Excuse #2: "I'll rather die than pay for DLC."
Excuse #1: "I swear the update caused that c**...."
Trump has spent about twenty percentage of his days in office playing golf.
(Me, an Asian)
If I spent that much time playing golf, my GPA would go down to a...—————
*takes out calculator*————
*quick math*————
*puts it back*———
98.1. My GPA would go down to a 98.1.
Yeah, schools aren't that good.
Simon is in the school play and invites his parents
Now his parents don't think he'll be very good. Halfway through the play a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Dont worry' Simon's dad whispers to his wife 'It's just a stage he's going through!'
In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...
The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.
Mr. Johnson was playing in his frontyard with his fav grandson Toby when he saw Toby's teacher approaching
Mr. Johnson : "Toby go hide now, boy. It's your teacher. Aren't you skipping school?"
Toby : "Oh no! You go hide grandpa! Quick! Now!"
Mr. Johnson "Why should I? You're the one skipping school here!"
Toby : "That's the problem, grandpa. I told Mr. Anderson you died this morning. That's why i'm skipping school"
Football joke
Timmy, the goalkeeper of the school team, is sitting on the field after a big loss.
"My boy", an old man said behind him, "I saw you play. I think I can help you"
"Are you a coach?"
"No I'm an eye doctor"
Jewish Husband
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his father he has a part in the play. The boy's father asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The father scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Blonde PE Teacher
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher at a school.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!
An excited kid rushes home to tell his dad the good news.
He tells his dad he got a part in the school play. The dad congratulates the son and asks what part he got. Son says I'm playing the part of a man who's been married to the same woman for 25 years. Dad says nice son, just keep at it, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part.
A PE teacher asks his students who they think the smartest teacher at the school is.
The students all answer with the science teachers.
The PE teacher says "No, it's me. I get paid the same as them and I get to play dodgeball all day."
Apparently Wehrner Von Braun used to play truant from school a lot when he was younger to work on experiments with rockets.
His mother once said to him "Wehrner, you keep missing school!" Wehrner said "Yes, but only by a few miles!"
