School Play Jokes
87 school play jokes and hilarious school play puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about school play that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest School Play Short Jokes
Short school play jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The school play humour may include short school safe jokes also.
- My son told my husband he got a part in his school play & he'll be playing a man who has been married for 25 years. My husband replied, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part.
- Why don't kids play fortnite in school? It's hard to make out where the gunshots are actually coming from
- I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
- My school did a performance last year called "The Dictionary" Turns out it was just a play on words.
- I once volunteered to help out at a special needs school I played games with them like football, tennis, basketball etc.
It makes you feel so good inside...
Because you always win. - Did you go to school by horse? I like to mess with my tennis teacher, he is over 50 and he gives it right back to me by how bad i play.
- Why were the group of fish afraid to play basketball? Because then there would be another school shooting.
- It was my five year old daughter's school play last night. I haven't enjoyed myself so much in years! I didn't go.
- People keep telling me that concussions are really bad for my health. I can safely say that after three years of playing high school football, my Brian is working just fine!
- I came home and told my mum we were playing with explosives in science. Mum: what are you doing in school tomorrow.
Me: what school?
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School Play One Liners
Which school play one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with school play? I can suggest the ones about school band and school open.
- I tried out for the part of Jesus in my school play.... I think I nailed it
- My school did a performance called League of Legends. It was a play on wards.
- I got kicked out of school for playing an instrument I got band
- My School's Anime Club Started A Band To Play Reggae Weeby jammin'.
- I played the USSR anthem at my private school And now its a public school.
- Hey moms! Here's a fun game to play: When your kid gets home from school
- My school is putting on a play called The Nutcracker. Good thing it shows on December 1.
- What instrument did the Avocado play in the school marching band? The Guacenspiel
- i was expelled from elementary school. they had recess and i don't play
- Who needs shooting range? When you can just go to school to play with guns.
- What event do many schools have where people gather to play video games? eSports Day.
- I don't want to play a band instrument at school because I only get F minor
- I Dropped Out of Elementary School Because of Recess.. I don't play games.
- Top of my Med School Class: I don't just play God, I win. *definitely not remotely true*
- What do you call a metal band that only plays at high school reunions? The Alum-inums
Fun-Filled School Play Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about school play you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean school reunion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make school play pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate school and got caught skipping the other day.
My principal said, "Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."
"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end.
"
"People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."
"An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."
"Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."
"A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."
"The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."
"It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."
"You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."
"If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."
"Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."
"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."
At school, a soldier spoke to Johnny'
s class.
Johnny felt enthusiastic about joining the military, so he went home and told his dad.
To his surprise, this was the biggest step forward in his life, so his dad decided to explain the military to him.
"Son, I'll teach you what you need to know about the military.
The Army and Navy are the only two REAL branches of our military.
The Marine Corps is a cult.
The Coast Guard is playing a game called 'Pretend Navy Since 1915'."
So Johnny asks his dad, "what about the Air Force?"
Johnny's dad explained to him, "well son, the Air Force is like a giant corporation.
Just a bunch of people sitting at desks playing Flight Simulator and bullshitting with each other."
By that time, Johnny was amazed and decided he wanted to join the military, but wanted to know what his daddy did.
"What did you do in the military, dad?"
"Well son, I spoke Chinese and shot at the Americans in Vietnam."
Contagious
Little Jimmy was in school the next day and his teacher told the class they were going to focus on a new word for the day: "Contagious".
The teacher gave the class ten minutes to come up with a sentence containing the word of the day. When time was up, she asked them each to come up and read out their sentence.
Little Jenny said: "Last year I had the chicken pox, I couldn't play with my friends because it was very contagious".
Well done Jenny" said the teacher, "Very good".
Little Brian got up and said: "My brother Liam had nits in his hair, he couldn't go to school as it was so contagious!"
"That's perfect Brian" says the teacher.
Up steps Little Jimmy and says "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush. My dad says its gonna take the contagious
The officer and the speeding Harley
Officer stops a Harley for speeding so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and give him a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer just walks away...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A w**... Contest.
Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a w**... contest to see who has the biggest w**...! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"
So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a w**... contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
B'dum tsss
A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?
Dramatic Arts
Little Charlie has had his dreams set on becoming an actor, and, finally, he lands a part in the school play. He runs home after school to tell his dad. "That's fantastic!" his father replies. "Who do you play?" he asks. "Dad, I play a guy who's been married for twenty years!" His dad plants a hand on Charlie's shoulder, smiling sweetly, and says, "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Favorite pirate joke
A: What's a pirates favourite letter?
B: Arrrrrrrrr
A: Correct, what's a pirate's favourite class in school?
B: Arrrritmatic, Arrrrrrt, Arrrrrchitecture (any will do)
A: You're right! What kind of sweaters to pirates wear?
B: Arrrrrgyle!
(They'll be feeling good and playing along by now)
A: What's a pirate's favourite type of crime?
B: Arrrrrrson!
A: No. Piracy you f***ing idiot.
The Jewish Husband
A young boy comes home from school. He's bursting with excitement.
"Mom," he says. "I got a part in the school play!"
"That's great!" his mother exclaims. "What part are you playing?"
"I'm playing a Jewish husband," the boy says.
Suddenly his mother is FURIOUS. "What?!" she screams. "You go back and tell them you want a speaking part!"
Topical Jokes for 6/20
(For best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night personality)
In Maryland, two teenagers have won a marbles championship. The winning teens quickly said thank you, then boarded their time machine, to return to the year 1937.
In Illinois, a university is offering a scholarship for students who play video games. The school was then forced to suspend the program when a student found out you could get unlimited scholarships, by pressing up up, down down, left right, left right, and B, A.
The Governor of Florida signed a law today making it legal to fire a warning shot at an attacker. The legalization of warning shots is important in Florida, because that's how people greet each other.
Starbucks is increasing the price of it drinks and bagged coffee. To protest the price hikes, customers vowed to boycott Starbucks, and go across the street — to a *different* Starbucks.
A little boy and a little girl were walking home from school...
The little boy says to the little girl, "This weekend, my dad's gonna take me to ride a horse!"
The little girl says, "Oh, I have my own pony."
They walk a little further.
The little boy again pipes up, "Next weekend, my dad's taking me to a baseball game!"
The little girl replies, "My uncle plays major league baseball."
The boy scowls as they continue to walking.
Finally in frustration, the little boy pulls down his pants and yells
"Well, I've got one of these and you don't!"
The little girl calmly lifts her dress and replies "I have one of these, and with one of these, I can get all of those I want."
Austria, mid-1950s
Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied "I'll be Bach!"
So, the 7 year-old daughter is talking with her mom...
"Mom, today at school during break, Jason and I played doctor!" she says excitedly.
"Oh dear" the mother answers, fearing the worst "what did you two do?"
"Oh, not much, he made me wait forty-five minutes and then double billed the insurance company."
At first i was feeling a little grumpy,
Then I was feeling happy, then a little sleepy and finally a little bashful.
I am no longer welcome at my daughters school play of Snow white and the 7 dwarfs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Overheard @ high school's red & white football game
Clueless freshman: "So, who are we playing?"
Crowd: "It's intrasquad!"
Pregnant pause.
Clueless freshman: "So we're still going to lose!"
Little Johnny
At school one day, Little Johnny's teacher asks the class to use the word contagious in a sentence…
Cindy raises her hand. Yes, Cindy? She answers, I was at the dentist's office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.
Very good, Cindy! the teacher said, Anyone else want to try? Samantha raises her hand. Yes, Samantha? She answers, My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious.
Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative, the teacher praises. Okay, one more volunteer. Little Johnny raises his hand. Yes, Johnny?
Well, he says, I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, 'Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?' and he says, 'I don't know son, but it's gonna take that contagious.'
So there's this school play...
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
I was not a particularly small child.
I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
High school plays are a lot like airplanes.
People only want to hear about them if they c**... and burn.
Jewish boy comes home from school and his mother and tells her he got in the school play. She asked him, "what part are you playing?" He said, "the husband!"
The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."
Want to hear a dirty joke?
Sam played in the mud.
Want to hear a clean joke?
Sam took a bath with Bubbles.
Want to hear another dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.
Enjoy this middle school level joke I suddenly remembered for some reason.
Back in high school..
...I was a huge metal fan. In math class, I had an 8/10 girl next to me, she turns me on so much. I always try really hard to impress her, she's so hot. The teacher starts passing back last weeks test, and 8/10 looks at me, smiles, and starts playing with her hair. I can't handle it, I start spinning. The cute girl is completely staring now. I completely break down and stop spinning. She frowns, and I'm trying so hard to keep cool, but I had absolutely no power whatsoever. The teacher turns and plugs me back in, and I start spinning again. I was a metal fan in high school.
Black kids play NBA 2K...
and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player.
White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.
Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.
Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
Did you know Trump played soccer in high school?
He was a goalkeeper, set up a wall like you've never seen...
My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".
Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.
As a 30 year old man, I can tell you that dating never gets any easier......
I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months now, and last night we had dinner at her parents house. Her Mother doesn't care for me, but her Father hates me; which is weird, because we used to play football together in high school.
Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet?
A customer at our bookstore asked me, "Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet? My daughter needs it for school, and all I can find is the play."
I played sports, my whole life, and was always the best. I stopped short of playing collegiately.
In other words, I peaked in high school.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when his 3rd grade teacher asked him to be a classical composer in the school play ?
I'll be Bach
My sister was in a school play with an auditorium that was packed. My mom said with how hot it was, it's going to be tough for the actors.
I said "Don't worry, it builds character"
8 year old boy came home excitedly, telling his dad that a school play is gonna be held next month
Dad: that's great! What role did you get?
Son: I'll be the husband!
Dad: (*sigh*) tell your teacher tomorrow to give you a different role with more lines.
I was playing an fps with my friends at school.
Turns out you're supposed to use a computer.
There is a boy that went to school after 3 weeks of absence...
The teacher asks him:
-Why didn't you come to school in your first week of absence?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandma and we had to burry her.
Teacher:But second week?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandpa and we had to burry him.
Teacher:And the last week?
Boy:A brick fell on my dad and we had to burry him.
Teacher:But what were you doing all this time??
Boy:I was on the roof of my house playing with bricks.
Back in high school I played in a band, and we were big.
Probably the biggest band in the world — we had 93 drummers.
I tried to audition for the part of a tree in a school play...
But they told me my acting was wooden.
ultimate goal: go to an american high school and play pumped up kicks over the pa system
then i can finally die happy
My Daughter , the love of my life, told me she did not want me to come to her school play Drunk, and I cried like a baby.
...because its a shame, I really wanted to see her performance.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
A hamburger.
(Told to me by a 4 year old at a school play. Too adorable not to share.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Steve comes home early to find his best friend n**... in bed with his wife having s**....
Bob! I mean, come on man! I expected it from her, but you and I have been friends since grade school. We played football together. You were the best man at my wedd.. could you two at least stop while I'm talking?
3 Instruments are Catching Up
School is back in for the fall and 3 instruments are sharing their musical journey through the Summer.
The saxophone says, "I got to go to New Orleans and play with a real jazz band."
The guitar says, "I went to Mexico and played music so beautiful that the audience threw roses on the stage!"
At this moment, the Saxophone realizes that the flute has been quiet. "Hey Flute, how was your summer?"
The flute says, "I don't wanna talk about it."
The guitar says, "Come on, I thought you were going to band camp?"
"I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT"
An unpopular math nerd in school never really interacted with anyone.
Some girls decided to play a prank by giving him a piece of paper saying "i <3 u".
Unfortunately, the nerd did not understand and just responded, "Assuming solving for u, u > i/3".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Top 5 anti-vax excuses, interpreted for gamers
Excuse #5: "I like to play life with the default biological settings".
Excuse #4: "I like to take my chances and play it on extreme difficulty, just like old school style."
Excuse #3: "Pay to win? Eww."
Excuse #2: "I'll rather die than pay for DLC."
Excuse #1: "I swear the update caused that c**...."
Trump has spent about twenty percentage of his days in office playing golf.
(Me, an Asian)
If I spent that much time playing golf, my GPA would go down to a...—————
*takes out calculator*————
*quick math*————
*puts it back*———
98.1. My GPA would go down to a 98.1.
Yeah, schools aren't that good.
Simon is in the school play and invites his parents
Now his parents don't think he'll be very good. Halfway through the play a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Dont worry' Simon's dad whispers to his wife 'It's just a stage he's going through!'
Mr. Johnson was playing in his frontyard with his fav grandson Toby when he saw Toby's teacher approaching
Mr. Johnson : "Toby go hide now, boy. It's your teacher. Aren't you skipping school?"
Toby : "Oh no! You go hide grandpa! Quick! Now!"
Mr. Johnson "Why should I? You're the one skipping school here!"
Toby : "That's the problem, grandpa. I told Mr. Anderson you died this morning. That's why i'm skipping school"
Football joke
Timmy, the goalkeeper of the school team, is sitting on the field after a big loss.
"My boy", an old man said behind him, "I saw you play. I think I can help you"
"Are you a coach?"
"No I'm an eye doctor"
Jewish Husband
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his father he has a part in the play. The boy's father asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The father scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde PE Teacher
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher at a school.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!
A PE teacher asks his students who they think the smartest teacher at the school is.
The students all answer with the science teachers.
The PE teacher says "No, it's me. I get paid the same as them and I get to play dodgeball all day."
Apparently Wehrner Von Braun used to play truant from school a lot when he was younger to work on experiments with rockets.
His mother once said to him "Wehrner, you keep missing school!" Wehrner said "Yes, but only by a few miles!"
