School Lunch Jokes
64 school lunch jokes and hilarious school lunch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about school lunch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest School Lunch Short Jokes
Short school lunch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The school lunch humour may include short kids lunch jokes also.
- A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference For example:
Johnny ate his own lunch after school.
Johnny ate his own colon after school. - The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence. Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch
becomes
Jimmy went to school and ate his colon - The kid that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
- My wife asked me to prepare our 4 year old ginger son for his first day at school. So I punched him & stole his lunch money.
- To this day, my bully that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
- Visiting my first grade son at school lunch today... Me: How is school going so far?
Son: Good, I had a test.
Me: What was your test on?
Son: Paper. - My wife told me to get our ginger son ready for his first day at school So I punched him in the face and stole his lunch money
- To this day, the guy who took my lunch money during school still takes my money. On the bright side, he makes really good subway sandwiches.
- Why do african kids get off school earlier than american kids? they dont need a lunch break
- The boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.... He serves up a great burger and fries.
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School Lunch One Liners
Which school lunch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with school lunch? I can suggest the ones about school cafeteria and lunch box.
- What do Japanese kittens take to school for lunch? A bean-toe box!
- Why was Biggie hungry at school? He forgot Tupac his lunch!
*knee slap* - I just watched the movie 1917, and it reminded me of the lunch line in middle school.
- Yo mamma is so fat, the only good grade she got in school was an "A" in lunch.
- Lunch menu at a middle school in Flint, MI: PB&J with some Pb&H20.
- Yo mamma is so fat, the only good grade she got in school was an "A" in lunch.
- Yo mamma is so fat, the only good grade she got in school was an "A" in lunch.
- The other day i went to school... ... and ate lunch alone.
Charming Humor School Lunch Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about school lunch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lunch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make school lunch pranks.
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes, the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, four minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?" After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."
"But why don't you want to go today?"
"Because our English teacher died yesterday!"
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes.
After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Then she said, "First Question was which tire was flat?"
Every morning before school mom would give me 8 quarters for lunch... and every evening I'd sit on the toilet trying to pass them.
So, a blonde, an asian, and an african american are at lunch at school
The blonde opens up her lunch box and sees a PB&J. She exclaims "If I get PB&J one more time I'm going to kill myself."
The asian girl opens her lunch box and sees rice. She says "If I get rice more time I'm going to kill myself."
The african american girl opens her lunch box and sees chicken. She goes "If I get chicken one more time, I'm going to kill myself."
The next day they're all at lunch and the same thing happens, only they all kill themselves once they've opened they're lunch box and see the same food.
The asian girls parents cry "If only we didn't pack her rice for lunch again!"
The african american girls parents cry "If only we didn't pack her chicken again!"
The blonde girls parents look puzzled and say "I don't know what her problem was, she packed her own lunch."
Carpet matches the curtains
10 year olds Andy, Ben, and Chuck are having lunch at school on Monday morning and Andy says, "My Pa said that Mrs. Jones carpet doesn't match the curtains. What does that mean?"
Ben informs him that it is when a lady's p**... hair doesn't match the hair on her head.
Chuck proposes that they see if their respective teachers, Mrs Adams, Ms Brown, and Mrs Carter have matching carpet and curtains.
The boys spend the week trying to peek up their teachers' skirts. They meet up at lunch on Friday to discuss their discoveries.
Andy says, "It's a scandal: Mrs Adams bleaches her hair blonde, she's actually a brunette."
Ben says, "It's so crazy: Ms Brown dyes her hair red, she's actually a blonde."
Chuck says, "That's nothing: Mrs Carter wears a wig!"
Read the punchline out loud. I first heard this in high school, not sure how well it translates to print.
Poor Tom.
When he was seven, he lost his left eye in a tragic accident. Being from a poor family, the only replacement they could afford was a wooden eye.
When he was seventeen, three weeks before the prom, he was still dateless. He decided to work up the courage to ask someone, but he knew he has limits. He set his eye of Amy, a girl in his class, who spoke with a lisp.
He walked up to her at lunch, while she was surrounded by her friends, and he managed to stammer out a quiet "willyougotothepromwithme?"
"Whath that? I can't hear what you're thaying."
"Will you go to the prom? With me?" he answered, a little louder.
Amy smiled. She never thought anyone would ask her!
"Go with you? Would I? Would I?"
"LISP LISP LISP!"
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette..
are having their usual lunch of PB&J sandwiches in their high school cafeteria one day, when the blonde speaks up "I can't stand it, every day for the last year our mothers only make PB&J and I'm sick of it!"
The other two girls agree they are tired of the same lunch, so the blonde comes up with the idea that if tomorrow they receive the same lunch, they'll jump off the school.
The next day, the girls meet up on the school's roof, and one by one open their lunchboxes to PB&J again. They jump off and all die from the fall.
Later at the f**... the brunette's and redhead's mothers are crying together; lamenting over their stubbornness and not giving their daughters different lunches. They notice that the blonde's mother is quiet and distant, so they ask how she's feeling and why she looks so confused. "I'm upset of course, but don't understand" she replied. "You see, she always makes her own lunch"
Q & A with Ms Sonia Ghandi
Ms Sonia Ghandi is visiting a school. She goes to one class, gives a brief statement and says to the class full of rural children, "Ask me anything!"
So Pappu stands up. "Madam Sonia-ji, I have three questions. One, why are you not the prime minister of India; Two, who ordered the police to attack the peaceful demonstrators at Ramlila Maidan; Three, how much money do you have in your Swiss bank accounts."
Before Ms Ghandi can answer, the lunch bell rings. So after 30 mins the children and Ms Ghandi are back in the class. This time, Bubbly raises her hand. "Madam Sonia-ji, I have only questions. One, how did the lunch recess bell ring 40 minutes early; and Two, where is Pappu."
The first day of school...
The first day of school was always great. I remember mucking around in the classroom and wreaking havoc. Picking on the little kids and taking their lunch money. Asserting myself on the playground by tripping and pushing everyone.
I just hope the students were having fun.
My High School had a nap time class
It was great, every day it was so refreshing to get some sleep after lunch. But in order to get the class approved by the school district it had to have an official sounding name. So the school called it Math.
Bored on lunch, here's one I tell often.
Two h**... kids.. Darla and Buckwheat are at school The teacher asks Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?"
Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."
She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb."
"Now spell s**...'."
Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."
Darla says, "Buckwheat is s**...."
Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."
Buckwheat stands up and says, otay, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence."
"I may be dumb, I may be s**..., but Darla says my dictate good!"
My mom woke up early every morning to cut the crusts off my sandwiches for lunch at school.
She knew the crusts were my favorite part. She hated me so much.
Back when I was in school...
I was a huge metal fan. One day this really pretty girl came over and sat down next to me in the lunch room. I tried so hard to be cool, I'd never tried to be cool so hard in my life!
Then the worst possible thing happened. The teacher started walking over towards me, and when she got there... she unplugged me.
A high school student approached a group of popular kids during lunch time.
"May I join you?" he asked politely.
"We don't sit with idiots." they said.
"But I do." he replied as he gestured them to scoot over.
The bully who used to take my lunch money from me in middle school still takes my lunch money from me everyday
Except now he works at Subway and I'm on my lunch break
The guy who used to bully me in middle school still takes my lunch money.
On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son's names?
Lady: This boy's name is Leroy, this other boy's name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son's name.
Teacher: Isn't it confusing having all three boy's named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it's time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it's time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.
Class Teacher
At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, No ma'am, my moms a good cook!
School is like a dystopia
You aren't allowed to think outside the box, you don't have the freedom of speech, and you can't gamble or have strippers come to your lunch room.
My girlfriend told me to get our ginger kid ready for school.
So I beat him up and stole his lunch money.
My school had an emergency fire alarm today
From what I heard, Tyrone dropped his mixtape at lunch.
What did the mom alpaca say to her child before school?
Child: can I buy my food at school?
Mom: no, don't worry, alpaca lunch.
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples
When I was a kid I used to find sweet notes in my lunch at school
But that stopped after they fired the cafeteria worker
School bullying
ME: The bullies at school stole my lunch money again.
DAD: Did you tell anyone?
ME: Yes, but they just say things like "be strong", "stop crying", and "you're a useless teacher .
The guy that bullied me in high school still takes my lunch money.
In his defense though, he does make an excellent sub.
The guy whom used to beat me up and take my lunch money in high school still takes my lunch money today.
On the plus side, he makes really great sandwiches.
You know why high school days in the Gulag are shorter than regular high schools?
Since they don't include the lunch period.
We all know the Jered/ Subway story.
Jered walked to Subway for lunch everyday and dropped a bunch of weight...
my question is.... how many schools did he walk by ?
Whenever I make lunch plans with a friend I have to pre-plan my route and give myself an extra 30 minutes to get there.
Staying 500 feet away from a school is harder than you think.
Peter wakes up one morning
"I don't wanna go to the school!"
"Give me one good reason why you should stay home!"
"I can give you three: I don't like the school cafeteria's food, I don't like the teachers and I don't like the students"
"Well, Peter, I've already packed your lunch. You're 54 years old and the principal. GO TO WORK!"
I still don't know why I got fired today at school...
I was talking to my boss about how at lunch these two thespians were putting on quite a show. I was enjoying it, but I had an urge, so I kept masticating.
Wrong number perhaps
A women is getting lunch ready when the phone rings.
"This is the middle school calling about your son Johnny. He's been caught telling unbelievable lies."
"I'll say he has," the woman replies, "I don't have a son."
In serious news there was a kidnapping at the local school.
Thankfully the child woke up in time for lunch!
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs. The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray, "Take only one. God is watching."
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the hot dogs."
I don't want to go to school
"Dad, I don't want to go to school
today." said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
\-"Well, one of the chickens on the
school farm died last week and we had
chicken soup for lunch the next day.
Then three days ago one of the pigs
died and we had roast pork the
next day"
"But why don't you want
to go today"
"Because our English
teacher died yesterday!"
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
Little Timmy leaves right after lunch at school
so the teacher tells him to stop. "That's not how we do things, Timmy, what does your dad say after a meal?"
Timmy looks at the teacher and says "Whelp! Better go take a s**...."