School Friends Jokes
106 school friends jokes and hilarious school friends puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about school friends that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest School Friends Short Jokes
Short school friends jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The school friends humour may include short friends show jokes also.
- I asked my australian friend where in Australia there ISN'T something trying to kill you. School was his answer.
- I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
- I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school and my friend asked, "You play an instrument?". I replied, "Yeah, I play a little guitar."
- I bumped into an old school friend today... He said "life is great! I live in a $2 million mansion!"
I said "that's nice, I live under a $5 million bridge!" - Schools are no fun nowdays. 20 years ago, me and my friends could run round the playground giving wedgies, and at most we'd have to write lines.
We tried it today and got arrested. - A friend of mine is going to cosmetology school... I told her all the tests will be make-up exams.
- Star Wars joke I made up for my son to tell his friends at school... Q: What kind of animal does Yoda raise?
A: Sheep
Q: Why does Yoda raise sheep?
A: Because Dagobah - My son came home from school in tears. "My girlfriend slept with my best friend," he said.
I said, "That's very flattering, I never knew I was your best friend." - Senior year of high school is a lot like a retirement home... You don't work anymore, you hate everyone who's younger than you, and in a few months, all of your old friends will be dead to you.
- I used to be so popular in school I would have a new best friend every year.. ..until I got to high school and they let everyone pick where they sat in class
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School Friends One Liners
Which school friends one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with school friends? I can suggest the ones about close friends and friends inside.
- My friend decided to join a mime school a year ago. Haven't heard from him since.
- Friend: Have you ever smoked Smarties? Me: Is that when you shoot up a grammar school?
- Friend: Have you heard of the school that was closed recently? Me: It doesn't ring a bell
- One of my friends is halfway through medical school He signs all his emails "M."
- My old friend from school missed me And he's why we had a gun ban
- What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A law-botomy.
- Why were the Mexican high school student's friends mad at him? He said he hates essays.
- My dancing is so bad My friends from the Waldorf School think that my name is Dorothy.
- You look like my Asian friend from school. Yeah his name was Ug-lee!
- Why did the trout go to med school? Mounting pressure from his friends and family
- My friends and I experimented with s**... in high school... I was the control group
- I heard that my friend had s**... with his teacher. Too bad he is home schooled.
- I was friends with h**... in middle school But that dude have the weirdest high fives
Laughter School Friends Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about school friends you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean best friends jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make school friends pranks.
Walk up to a friend at work or school and whisper, "
They know." Then quickly walk away. Most people will wrack their brains wondering what they did that people found out about.
3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven...
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?
The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!
Read the punchline out loud. I first heard this in high school, not sure how well it translates to print.
Poor Tom.
When he was seven, he lost his left eye in a tragic accident. Being from a poor family, the only replacement they could afford was a wooden eye.
When he was seventeen, three weeks before the prom, he was still dateless. He decided to work up the courage to ask someone, but he knew he has limits. He set his eye of Amy, a girl in his class, who spoke with a lisp.
He walked up to her at lunch, while she was surrounded by her friends, and he managed to stammer out a quiet "willyougotothepromwithme?"
"Whath that? I can't hear what you're thaying."
"Will you go to the prom? With me?" he answered, a little louder.
Amy smiled. She never thought anyone would ask her!
"Go with you? Would I? Would I?"
"LISP LISP LISP!"
Two Soldiers.
Two Soldiers Friends since School, They Are essentially brothers, they could trust each other with the world.
One of them is shot, He knows he isn't going to live. In his Dying Breath he asks his friend to care for his family.
The other soldier Replies,
"you shouldn't have brought them with you"
A w**... Contest.
Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a w**... contest to see who has the biggest w**...! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"
So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a w**... contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"
Orange Jews
Three of my best friends and I are Jewish in a school with a total of probably 20 Jewish kids (so everyone know we are Jewish). This year for Halloween, the four of us are all going dressed in orange morph suits. If anyone asks what we are, we will simply respond with "orange juice."
Successful entrepreneur
I met an old friend from high school the other day, and I couldn't believe how wealthy he had become. He ran a massively successful business, but could barely get a passing grade in math class when I knew him.
I asked him how he did it.
He said it was easy.
"All I did was find a product I could make for $2 and sell for $4. You'd be surprised just how much 2% adds up over the years!"
The fishing trip
So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.
"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."
Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.
The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.
"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.
"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"
A joke from Italy
Pierino returns home from school and he is very happy. He tells his dad "Hey Dad! did you know that today me and my friends placed a bomb in the school?
"Are you Crazy?" his dad responds. "You will be in a lot of trouble when i tell the principal what you did and he expels you when you go back to school tomorrow!"
Pierino: "School? What school?"
How little stefan got a brand new watch..
Little Stefan comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch. His best friend, little Jenny, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tell his story," I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent's bedroom.
I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I didn't tell the family. I asked for a new watch and here it is."
Jenny decides she wants one too, so night after night she listens outside her parents' bedroom for any strange noises and, sure enough, eventually she hears some b**... and groaning from the other side of the door.
She walks in and catches her parents in the act, so her dad offers her anything she wants to keep quiet about the whole affair. Jenny immediately says, "I want a watch."
The dad sighs and says, "Alright, but go and stand in the corner and don't make any noise . "
What are some good fruit jokes?
My friend is doing a video project for school and needs fruit jokes.
I hate when someone I had s**... with in High School sends me a friend request on Facebook.
Request denied, Principle Anderson.
Little Billy came home early from school to find his mom n**..., just getting out of the shower...
"Hey mom, what's that bushy thing between your legs?" he asked. "Oh that's just my sponge," his mom replied. A few days later Billy had a friend over, "mom, show Tommy your sponge." Billy's mom replies, "oh, I can't, I seem to have misplaced it." Billy says "oh I'll go ask the babysitter where she put it, I saw her cleaning daddy's face with it the other day."
At my high school graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch...
So I told a bunch of my friends "I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation."
Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them "Here's the punch line."
This is a completely true story, so I do not regret it.
Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom..
Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom.
The other three guys start talking about how succesful their sons are.
Guy 1: My son is so successful he owns a cardealership and just gave his best friend a Ferarri.
Guy 2: Thats nothing, my son owns an airliner and just gave his best friend a private jet
Guy 3: Well my son is more success than that, he owns an architecture firm and just gave his best friend a castle
Guy 4 walks out of the bathroom and walks over to the other 3 guys
Guy 4: Hey guys what are we talking about
Guy 1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our sons are
Guy 4:Well, my son is a Gay stripper
Guy 2: You must be so dissappointed with what he's done with his life
Guy 4: Actually, he is doing very well for himself. He just got a Ferrari, a jet, and a caste from his three boyfriends.
What do you call a Texan who just had s**...?
A jolly rancher.
Credit goes to my friend at school.
Only possible with the mind of a 7th grader...
My brother comes home from school one day and tells me his friend was held after school.
I asked him what for.
He said he moved all the women's rights books in the library into the fiction department.
Two old friends meet in bar...
[translated from Turkish]
-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!
-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while
-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?
-Mais biensur !
-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!
-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.
-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.
Next morning he calls Jack:
-Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?
-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.
-Oh cool! Thx!
-Mais de rien !
-oh! s**... already...
Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks:
-Salut mon ami, How is your French?
- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)
[probably not the best written joke :/]
How come Rhonda Rousey had a hard time making friends when she was younger?
Because she was Holm schooled.
An pakistani in the US fears for his safety
Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh:
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.
So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime.
Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I have never felt safer.
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
The son of a t**.......
A teenage son of a t**... was busted by his dad for skipping school.
"Farhad, why did you not attend school today?"
"Well," the boy said, "all my friends skipped school--"
"Ach! Farhad, must you always do what your friends do? I suppose if your friends wanted to live long, prosperous lives of peace and tranquility, you'd do that too, right?"
Friends from school are like hot dogs
You have them because they're there, not because you love them
I was a bit of a nerd in high school. Instead of chasing girls I was studying philosophy
My friends always said that I put Descartes before the w**....
A friend told me this one...
Why did the cyclops close his school?
Because he only had one pupil!
The joke is that I have no friends
All of my friends are jealous when they find out I hooked up with my math teacher in high school
But honestly, being homeschooled s**....
A blind kid named Stevie just changed schools...
And he was thinking about his old friends. Since he was blind, he never got to look at his friend, James, and he randomly thought, "Was James brown?"
After a little while, he realised he left before his friend, Marvin, came out and so he thought "Was Marvin gay?"
Needles to say, these questions really made Stevie wonder.
A boy learned about abortion is school one day...
When the boy got home he found his parents on the couch.
"Mom, Dad, what do you think about abortion?" He asked.
"I don't know," replied his dad, "ask your sister."
"I don't have a sis-"
(Thanks to my friend, Alex, for telling me that joke.)
A man is driving on the freeway
His wife calls him
Wife: Be careful honey, there was a news report about a crazy driver on the same freeway you're on
Man: I think all of them are crazy. Everyone's going backwards! (My friends told me this joke at school)
Old School Friend
I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now. He replied that he was currently working on:
*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment*
I was impressed......
On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife's supervision.
My friend asked me, "How did you come out?"
In elementary school, someone walked up to me and said, 'Are you gay?'
I said no.
Then he asked, 'Do your parents know you're gay yet?'
Without thinking, I said 'No.'
I tried redacting it, but it was too late.
I was gay.
A friend of mine was recently accused of having s**... with one of his clients...
As a result, he has been publicly humiliated, and is probably going to be indicted any day. On top of that, a wonderful marriage, not to mention years of schooling and training, wasted for a moment of weakness. It's such a shame, for he was truly a nice guy, and an absolutely gifted mortician.
I was arguing with friends over what school weighed the most.
One friend said high schools because the kids are older and weigh more.
Another said definitely colleges, not only do the students weigh more than high school students, there's so many more people.
I said you're both wrong, it's definitely Catholic schools, they have more mass.
When I was young I decided I wanted to attend medical school...
At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the following alphabets:
P N E I S
The question asked us to rearrange the letters in a way that it would spell the most important part of the body that is most useful when straight.
Those who answered *SPINE* are doctors today, and the rest of them are my friends.
Gold and Silver haven't seen each other since Elementary School
They decided to meet up at a bar. Gold walks in and sees his old friend and calls out to him.
"Aay, G."
Silver gets excited and shouts back, "Hey, you!"
Nearly became a Doctor
Only a few of my friends know that I nearly became a doctor. But this is what happened.
When I was young in the 1970's, I decided I wanted to a be doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked of us was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when e**....
Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes via the internet!
My friend owns a store and he hadn't made any profit, even during the back to school season.
Me- You should consider moving your store.
Friend- I cant!
Me- Why?
Friend- Coz its stationery.
2 teenage friends were outside when they saw a female streaker walking down the street.
One of them ran away as soon as he saw her, but the other one stayed and watched for a while.
They saw each other at school the next day, and the one who stayed asked his friend why he ran away. His friend said "My mom said that if I ever look at a n**... girl too long I'll turn to stone. And I already felt something getting hard."
FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS....
It's Mum not Mom
It's crisps not chips
It's chips not fries
It's football not soccer
It's rugby not football
It's school not shooting range!
VERY SAD DAY.
A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and would have been a brilliant veterinarian.
What did Lieutenant Dan say after getting his new legs blown off?
"Oh, the iron knee!"
Note: Old joke I made up and told friends in high school, before realizing his new legs are not actually made of iron. Hope the joke is still amusing though
George and Barbara Bush were driving through Texas...
...when the First Couple stopped at a restaurant.
Barbara Bush recognized the waiter was an ex-boyfriend from high school. George and Barbara had a friendly conversation with the waiter, and then continued their drive.
In the car, George Bush said to Barbara, "Can you imagine what life would be like if you'd married him instead of me?"
Barbara Bush replied, "Yes. He'd be President and you'd be serving coffee."
I bumped into an old school friend today
He was going on and on about how expensive his new car was.
So long story short my insurance rates are going up.
A dad buys a lie detector machine and waits for his son to come home
When the son comes home:
Dad - So you were at school right?
Son - yeah
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - Okay, okay I was at the cinema with my friends
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - ....I was having a few beers with my friends
Dad - What??? When I was your age I NEVER touched alcohol
Lie Detector - BEEP
Mom - Hahahaha! Well honey, he IS your son
Lie Detector - BEEP
A boy has an amazing night with a girl from her school.
When he gets to school the next morning, he decides to tell his friends about his night.
"Guys, I had an amazing night with Linda!"
Linda overhears the conversation and responds.
"In your dreams!"
"Yup."
Sir, your son was smoking m**... at school during the class!
Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?
My friend was bragging in a bar about having an o**... at school when he was younger.
It would have been pretty cool, but we knew he was homeschooled.
When I was in middle school, my "friends" used to force me to eat vegetables until I almost threw up.
They even started sending me pictures of vegetables on the internet, threatening to make me eat lettuce until I was sick. To this day, I still suffer from the effects of their rampant and traumatic fiber-bullying.
When I saw an old friend from school, he asked why I was bald. I replied "cancer."
"Cancer?"
"Yeah I asked the barber if he could shave my head, and he 'I sure cancer!'"
My friend went to this really prestigious, super expensive prep academy.
I mean these kids are so rich they hire hitmen to do their school shootings.
Steve comes home early to find his best friend n**... in bed with his wife having s**....
Bob! I mean, come on man! I expected it from her, but you and I have been friends since grade school. We played football together. You were the best man at my wedd.. could you two at least stop while I'm talking?
Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.
The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, So, you were at school today, right? Son: Yeah. Detector: Beep. Son: OK, OK, I was in a cinema. Detector: Beep. Son: Alright, I went for a beer with my friends. Father: What?! At your age, I wouldn't touch alcohol! Detector: Beep. Mother laughs: Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son! Detector: Beep.
What's the difference between high school and the friend zone?
I have a chance of making it out of high school.
A man was walking with his three year old daughter.
As they were walking, the man bumped into one of his high school friends.
'I've not seen you in ages! And this is my daughter Beth!'
"And what's Beth short for?'
'She's only three.'
Don and his friend Eva we're exploring caves in the town of Level for our palindrome school project
Eva said there were many things they could not do in caves. Don asked her a question using his knowledge from palindrome school. Don said, Eva can I stab bats in a cave . She said no don . Don then said, Eva can I pose as aesop in a cave . She again said, no don .
In school we had a friend named Gustavo.
He was a blast to be with, but he had an odor. If I had to describe it, fun Gus had a musky scent.
I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?".
I said "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?", I said "No, she's an optician."
I bumped into an old school friend the other day.
He seemed to be doing very well for himself, fancy clothes, new car. You could tell he was now very successful and wealthy.
I asked him how he had been doing and he said great, I've got loads of money, fancy cars and a big house.
I asked him how he came to be so rich and he replied I've been using animal carcasses and boiling them down to a concentrate and selling that for a profit. I've made a killing on the stocks market.
Today is a VERY, VERY sad day.
VERY VERY VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He is still paying his school loans. This just goes to show you one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family.
He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.
I asked my crush out and got rejected. My friend was shot in a school shooting on the same day
Well on the bright side, atleast I wasnt the only one that got shot down.
I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now.
He replied that he was currently working on:
\*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment\*
I was impressed......
On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife's supervision.
Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion
After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.
The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.
Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"
A joke my friend made up in middle school to prove I'd laugh at anything (I cried laughing unfortunately)
A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. The server comes up to him and says: what'll you have?
The man says I'll take blood in a monkey glass .
The bartender says excuse me?
The man says blood in a monkey glass, ya know just...blood in a monkey glass
The bartender says well you're gonna have to tell me how to make this drink because I've never heard of this...blood in a monkey glass before
The man says well you take blood...and you put it in a monkey glass
An old man's dream
"I dream to be the president of USA just like my school friend." an old man said.
"Who is your friend , Biden or Trump ?"
"Neither. His name is Kanye West"
"But he is not the president of USA"
"Correct, he dreams to become the president."
I'm filling in for my friend today ...
His patients won't be happy when they learn that I never went to dental school.
Need barber jokes for a friend
My friend is having a rough time in barber school so i've been sending funny hairdressing jokes and memes in an attemot to keep his spirits up but i've run out. Please send more to help make a stressed student happy
A dad buys a lie detector
He tells his son. This will beep whenever you lie. Where where you? The son says "I was at school" the lie detector beeps. The son says "ok, I was at the sinema with my friends" the lie detector beeps. He says OK I WAS AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE!!! we where drinking and doing drugs" the lie detector does not beep. The dad says "COME ON!!! WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!! I was at the park with my friends" the lie detector beeps. The mom says " he really is your son" the lie detector beeps once more
idk what to put the title as
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.........
The man decided to try it out at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you during school hours?
Son: At school
*The robot slaps the son*
Son: OK! I was at my friend's house watching a DVD
Dad: Which one?
Son: Kung Fu Panda
*The robot slaps the son again.*
Son: Ok! It was an e**... movie.
Dad: What!? When I was your age I didn't even know what an e**... movie was.
*The robot slaps the dad.*
Mom: HAHAHAHA. He is your son after all!
*The robot slaps the mom.*
What do Hot cheetos and a Gun have in common?
Bring it to school and everyone starts acting like your best friend .
What do a p**... and candy have in common?
When you pull them out of your backpack suddenly everyone at school wants to be your friend.
