School College Jokes

67 school college jokes and hilarious school college puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about school college that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest School College Short Jokes

Short school college jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The school college humour may include short students university jokes also.

  1. Where do galaxies go to college? University!
    Happy 1st day back to school to many of you :)
  2. I feel bad for current college students... Back when I was in school, our national health emergency was caused by drinking Four Lokos.
  3. A group of vaping college students is called a smog. A group of vaping middle school students is called down to the principal's office.
  4. I knew a guy who said he didn't marry his high school sweetheart until after he finished college. I asked him, "How come?"
    He said, "Well, duh. I was working on my bachelor's degree."
  5. In my first year of college, I had 5 times the number of girlfriends that I had in my four years of high school. 5 x 0 = 0
  6. As the father of a now high school graduate, I think it's time I stopped fantasizing about "college girls." I mean, no need to dream when you've got the real thing at home, right?
  7. Little sister told me an elementary school rhyme today. Women go to college to get more knowledge
    Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider
  8. Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
  9. Q: What are a blonde's first words after graduating college?
    A: "Would you like fries with that?"
  10. What did the asian college student say to his old elementary school teacher? Long time no C

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School College One Liners

Which school college one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with school college? I can suggest the ones about high school and school open.

  1. I met my girlfriend in primary school. I can't wait til she goes to college.
  2. Most guys experiment with homosexuality in college... I experimented in Sunday School
  3. I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.
  4. Idiot college called, they want there mascot back.
  5. In 20 years, I bet there's going to be a college course called eye contact.
  6. Why don't a lot of cows go to college? Not a lot of them graduate high school.
  7. Where do vaginas go to school? Gynae College

Cheerful Fun School College Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about school college you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean college jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make school college pranks.

A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week.
Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture.
Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.
"And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked.
"I don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know," said the professor.
"That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"

Father and his 13 year old son walk into the pharmacy.

The son sees the boxes of condoms and asks: "What are these dad?"
And the father answers truthfully:
"These, my boy, are called condoms. Men use them to have safe s**...."
"Oh.. i see! the boy answers. They shown them to us at school, in the s**... education class."
Then the boy looks at a packet with 3 condoms in it and asks: "Why does this one have only 3 in it dad?"
"This, son is for high-school kids: One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
Then the boy looks at another packet that has 6 inside.
"What about this one? Why does it have 6 in?"
"This is for college students: Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday."
Then the kid sees that packet with 12 inside and with great wonder asks: "And this one dad, with 12 inside?"
His father sighs and explains to him: "These my boy, are for married people. One for January, one for February…"

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.
“I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

When I graduated from highschool, I was so poor and couldn't afford college.
So my parents sent me to dog training school.
I learned a lot when I was there.
Sit, stay, roll over.
I haven't quite got the fetching part down.
They say I'm a little rough around the edges.

A college Professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class.
He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there is no God.
Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent.
You could have heard a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by.
Again the Professor taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God! I'm still waiting!"
His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine, just released from active duty and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor and punched him full-force in the face.
The Professor tumbled from his lofty platform, and he was out cold before he hit the floor.
At first the students were shocked, and they babbled in confusion.
The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silently.
The class fell silent... waiting.
Eventually, the Professor came to.
When he finally regained the power of speech, he glared at the young Marine in the front row.
"What's the matter with you? Why on earth did you do that?"
The Marine smiled. "God was busy. He sent me."

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

How are getting popular in high school and getting a college woman pregnant similar?

Step one: p**... the student body.

The officer and the speeding Harley

Officer stops a Harley for speeding so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and give him a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer just walks away...

Uncle just told me this one.

There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar. Are you from around here?"
The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where did you go to high school?"
"Oh, I went to Francis Lewis over on Utopia. Graduated in '66. How bout you?"
"Get out. I went to Francis Lewis. And I graduated in '66, too." "Where'd you go to college?" "Beloit, in Wisconsin." "No way! I went to Beloit too. What dorm?"
"Kevin Sullivan dorm."
"Sullivan? You're not going to believe this..."
Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says, "Joe, you wont believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same high school as me, graduated the same year I did, and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn't that amazing?"
Joe looks at them both and says, "Yeah, that's just plain amazing."
A third man comes in and says, "Hey Joe. What's new?" Joe says, "Not much. The Johnson twins are drunk again."

A Father and his Son are walking down the c**... aisle in the pharmacy...

The son notices that condoms are sold in different numbers per pack, so he asks his Dad why. The Dad replies, "Well, son, the 3 pack is for when you're in High School. One for Friday night, and two for Saturdays. The 6 pack is for when you're in College. Two for Thursday, two for Friday, and two for Saturday." The son asks, "What about the 12 pack? I bet that's really good." The Dad says, "Oh, the 12 pack is for when you're married. One for January, one for February..."

A very conservative couple was hesitant to talk to their daughter about s**......

Years pass and the girl keeps growing up, and they do everything they can to keep her innocent on the subject. She goes to high school and college and the only think they teach her that she should avoid men and be abstinent. Finally, the young woman is engaged to be married. Hesitantly, the parents decide it is time to have "the talk". The husband and wife sit down with their daughter and blushing say: Sweetheart, we think that it is time for us to talk about s**.... The daughter throws her hands up and says: "Finally! So... what would you like to know?"

Topical Jokes for 6/11

In California, a ten-year-old boy has graduated from high school. And in Florida, a ten-year-old girl has dropped out of school because she's pregnant.
…the boy has already sent out a college application, which was written in magic marker, on the back of a Fruit Roll Up.
Casey Kasem's family has decided to take him off of life support. They made the decision after Kasem's brain activity shot to the bottom of the charts.
Starbucks has announced their new tables will wirelessly charge phones placed on them. *Annnd* electrocute sleeping homeless people.

Two guys are in a helicopter.

During their flight the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk.
Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piece of paper, writes "WHERE ARE WE?" in huge letters on it, and holds it up for the officeworker to read. The officeworker grabs a sheet of paper off his desk, scribbles quickly, and holds up his response: "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
"Okay, no problem," says the pilot. "I know where we are. We're over the local college and that's the engineering school."
"How do you know that?" asks the copilot.
"Because," says the pilot, "the answer he gave us was technically correct but completely useless."

Father takes his son to the pharmacy...

They are walking down an aisle and the son see's a 3 pack of condoms and asks "Father what are these?"
The father replies, "Well son those are for high school boys, one for Friday one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
They keep on walking and the son see's a six pack and asks, "Dad this pack has six?!"
The dad replies, "Yes son, those are for college boys two for Friday, two for Saturday and 2 for Sunday."
They continue walking and the son see's a twelve pack. This time in shock the son says, "Dad wow these have 12 why?!"
The father replies, "Well son those are for married men, 1 for January, 1 for February.....

A little boy and his dad were in line at the drug store

And the boy picks up a pack of condoms. He asks "what are these daddy?" And his dad says "those are for high school kids." The boy asks "why are there three?" The father says "one for Thursday night, one for Friday night, and one for Saturday night."
The boy picks up another pack and asks "why are there six in this one?" So the father says "those are for college kids. Two for Thursday, two for Friday, and two for Saturday."
The boy picks up a third pack and asks "why are there twelve in this one?" The father says "oh those are for married men. One for every month of the year."

Some recent grads having a beer..

Three guys, Mike, Dave, and Doug were at a table in a bar enjoying some beers and conversation. A stranger came by and asked if he could join them and was immediately welcomed. After about an hour of lively conversation the stranger said, I can tell you are all recent college grads. I bet I can guess where each of you went to school.
That would be interesting, said Doug, I'd like to see how you could do that.
Well, Mike here, he's Harvard. That's easy. He's got the Haavard accent. He also made reference to some obscure points of business law and his stylish business suit seals the deal.
And Dave has got to be MIT. The smudged glasses and black t-shirt are a clue. He also made some references that show he has a good grasp of quantum theory and computer science.
That's amazing, said Doug. What about me?
Oh. You went to West Virginia University.
How do you know? asked Doug.
I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.

4 college students are having a great time on spring break.

So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"

A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England

He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"

A mother and father named their child, "Odd..."

...and because of his unfortunate name, poor Odd had the worst life you could imagine.
In school, he was always picked on and had trouble making friends. In college he never fit in and struggled to gain the respect of his peers. In life he drifted from job to job, unable to find steady work. He never found the love of his life and lived a lonely bachelor.
And so one day Odd decided he couldn't go on anymore and took his own life. In his s**... note he demanded that his grave be a blank headstone with no mention of his name, so that he could be completely and utterly forgotten.
And yet every time someone walks past his grave, they see his wordless stone and go, "That's odd..."


From my 80 year old Granddad:
Two finalists in a contest, One a college grad and one a high school drop out, were to write a poem in 3 minutes. The only requirement was that it ended in "Timbuktu". The college grad wrote his and told it to the judges;
Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.
The judges were very surprised and pleased with the poem, thinking that the drop out had no chance of beating that one.
The dropout then told his poem
Me and Tim a hunting went,
Met three girls in a tent.
Sunrise came, mornin' dew,
I bucked one and Timbuktu.
He won the contest.

Did you hear about the piece of scrap wood?

He went to BOARDing school and applyed (applied) to college.

Two Elderly Couples Were Having Dinner...

...when one of the men says to the other man of the group, "Hey Stan, tell us about the college course you recently took!" Stan looks up from his dinner and says, "Oh, it was great! It was a memory class to help me to remember things better."
"Did it work?" the other guy asks.
"Sure did! I'm remembering stuff more efficiently now. It was a big improvement."
"What was the name of the school?"

Stan looks off into the distance, furrows his brows and asks, "What is the name of the flower... usually comes in a dozen...has thorns...?"
"Rose?" the other man asks.
Stan looks to his wife, "Hey Rose, what was the name of that school I went to?"

First day of high school and I skipped breakfast.

They're really preparing me for college.

Selling Condoms

An 18-yr-old starts work as a pharmacist's assistant. The pharmacist is showing the new kid around the aisles when they stop at the c**... display and the kid asks why they come in different quantities per package.
The pharmacist tells the noob that the 3-packs are for high school guy, who gets it on once on Friday night, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.
The 6-packs are for the more-experienced college guys, who do it twice each on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.
So the kid says, "what about these 12-packs?"
The pharmacist replies "the 12-packs are for the guys who've been married for a long time - January, February, March..."

Physics saves lives

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

The Pizza Delivery Guy

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

I was arguing with friends over what school weighed the most.

One friend said high schools because the kids are older and weigh more.
Another said definitely colleges, not only do the students weigh more than high school students, there's so many more people.
I said you're both wrong, it's definitely Catholic schools, they have more mass.

While helping some freshmen check into their dorms at our state college I overheard a couple of new co-eds rate me as a six.

It really saddens me that our public school systems are only teaching kids to count to six.

I used to fall asleep in class nearly every day in school until I got to college.

Then, I just skipped.

The best thing about college

The best thing about college is it forces you to have confidence. Like in high school I never had the confidence to walk in front of a moving car.

The difference between a high school pothead vs. a college pothead

Is realizing to get the food before smoking week rather than after

A kid grew up with a inattentive father...

He wasn't around much and didn't really make an effort. Was emotionally distant and at times cruel. But the kid was very close with his sister, brother and mother.
Years go by, he goes to college, goes to grad school and has a great career. He becomes a renowned scientist respected by all.
All the while his father never really making an effort to connect. One day a gala is thrown in his honor and the organizer asks for a photo of his family, so he gives him one.
But the organizer asks: I see your mother and your siblings here. But where is your father?
The man replies oh well he's not really in the picture

American School System

5th grade: You better learn cursive, because in middle school; all your work will be done in cursive!
6th grade: Just write print it's easier to read
Highschool: You better learn these core classes because they'll be required to know before college!
College: You have to retake and pay for these Core Classes for your Degree


I don't know if i can post this here but i need to pass my math exam and my teacher passes everyone who writes a joke to make him laugh. I need the best math jokes.
Anyway here's a joke:
What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A middle school math problem!
And what do you gett if you search for your ex and don't know why?
A college math problem!

At the drug store

A little boy and his dad were at the drug store and they just so happened to come upon the c**... aisle.
The little boy asked his dad "Daddy why are there so many different boxes of condoms?"   
"For different stages in your life." said the dad.   
"What's the 3 pack for?"   
"Well, that's for when your in High School 2 for Friday night, and 1 for Saturday night."   
"Then whats the 6 pack for?"   
"For when your at college. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning."   
"Oh. Then what's the 12 pack for?"   
"Well, that's for when your married. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March........"

During the 80's, many college students from Eastern Bloc countries - Poland, Hungary, and Romania met each other at a summer camp

Sitting around the campfire after supper, these young people tried their best to communicate with each other (Polish, Hungarian, and Romanian are totally not related), ultimately having to resort to some kind of sign language
Then one dude got an idea: Hey, we all learned Russian in high school, why don't we try speaking in Russian?
… After a brief, thoughtful thinking and pause … everyone returned back to that sign language

Father and son are shopping in a grocery store and the son asks dad what are these for?

*pointing at the condoms*
Dad: oh well son, remember the birds and the bees? Well those are something you use for protection
Son: what's this 3 pack?
Dad: those are for high school kids, just getting starting.. 1 Friday, 1 Saturday and 1 Sunday
Son: this 6 back?
Dad: These are for college students.. 2 Friday, 2 Saturday, and 2 Sunday
Son: and these?
Dad: oh the 12 pack? These are very special. These are for married folks.. 1 January, 1 February, 1 March...

On the first day of school, the college dean addressed the freshman class to explain some of the campus rules.

"The women's dormitory
is off-limits to male students and the men's
dormitory is off-limits to female students," he
intoned. "Am body caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time, $60 the second
lime and $180 the third time. Does anyone
have any questions?
A male student raised his hand. "How much
for a season pass?"

A life-saving topic

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a student interrupted him.
Why do we have to learn this stuff? , the frustrated student blurted out.
The professor ignored him and continued the lecture.
"I mean, why is this even required as a course? Why do I need to care about this?", the student continued.
"Because physics helps save lives," said the professor, turning back to the chalkboard.
Not satisfied, the student spoke up again.
So how does physics save lives?
The professor stopped, stared at the student, and responded, "Because it keeps the idiots like you out of medical school.

Ivy League School Principal, Mr. Marquez, and Community College Principal, Mr. Davidson, were arguing that their respective students were the most fearless.

Ivy League school principal called his students and asked them to jump in sea full of sharks.
They jumped.
Principal said: See the guts…
Community College principal called his students and asked them to jump.
They said: "Have you completely lost your marbles, Mr. Davidson?"
Principal said: See the guts.

A high school senior visits a psychic...

"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"
"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."
"How do you know this?" the student asked.
The psychic replied,
"It's mostly intuition."

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

Life saving

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff? " the frustrated student blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives? "The professor stared at the student without saying a word. "Physics saves lives," he finally continued, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school. "

It's irritating when students get ahead of themselves...

These days many college students assume that they're doing the job already. That's not how it works, you need to get the certification, or get the job.
Engineering students shouldn't call themselves engineers
Medical students shouldn't call themselves doctors
Law students shouldn't call themselves lawyers
Business school students shouldn't call themselves minions
And Art students certainly shouldn't call themselves baristas or waiters...

jokes about school college