School Announcement Jokes
17 school announcement jokes and hilarious school announcement puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about school announcement that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest School Announcement Short Jokes
Short school announcement jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The school announcement humour may include short school open jokes also.
- My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies" You drop the "y" and add "ies".
- Bill Cosby University of Michigan is pleased to announce a gift from the Cosby family for the new school to be names in his honor.
The Sleep Studies Center for women. - How are 4chan and Tumblr alike? They usually announce a trigger warning before mentioning a school shooting
- My school announced that they had fixed the elevator today. Now that's what I call uplifting news.
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School Announcement Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about school announcement you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean school exam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make school announcement pranks.
A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.
Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.
Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
A school teacher with her class, a lawyer and priest were on a plane.
The pilot announces that they have lost power in the engine and that they will have to use parachutes to jump from the plane.
The teacher says "let the kids go first!"
The lawyer says "screw the kids!"
The priest asks "do we have time!?"
So there's this school play...
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
I went to a High School pep rally....
The principal had announced earlier that day that he would make an inspirational speech for us. At the rally, he walked up to the microphone for his speech. But, all he did was look at the crowd, smiled, and stepped down.
We were left speechless.
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.
Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school
One day he surprised his teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"
A high school principal made an announcement at an assembly.
He said, "Boys and girls, the faculty have witnessed an alarming increase in public displays of affection, which are against school policy. Effective immediately, we will start issuing fines to those caught doing this. A first offense will be $5. A second offense will be $10. A third offense will be $20. So on and so forth."
Suddenly, a student in the crowd yelled, "How much for a season pass?"
One day before school..
there was an announcement about the big championship wrestling match after school that involved the schools hottest girl student. After hearing this John asks Bill if he wants to go watch her wrestle. After contemplating for a John replies "I guess, but I'd rather see her box."
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
“Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.
” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
“Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
George Bush, pope, and little school boy
Are on a plane travelling at heights. Suddenly the captain announces
"Too much weight, we need to lose some"
Unfortunately there is only one parachute.
Then Bush announces
"I am the most brilliant man in the United States, I must survive."
Therefore he c**... a c**... and jumps
But that is not enough, soon the captain announces again
"Too much weight"
The pope turns to the school boy and says
"You stay here, I am willing to sacrifice myself, after all, I have pretty good connections to heaven"
The school boy answers
"It's okay, you can take the c**.... The most brilliant man of the United States took my school bag"
It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year.
To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, "I went on a choo-choo train ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a train ride."
The second child says "I went on a tug-tug boat ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a boat ride."
The third child says, full of pride, "I read a book." "Which one?" asks the teacher.
"Winnie-the-s**...!"
My kindergarten-aged daughter...
Suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean t-shirt to class. She told us that the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it. My wife practically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one t-shirt that already had something printed on the side. She sent it off to school with my daughter.
That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt. On one side it said, "Families are Forever". And on the other, "Be Smart, Don't Start".
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did
for a living.
"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.
Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's father replied, "Well, I'm really an attorney. But how do you explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old child?"