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School Aged Jokes

48 school aged jokes and hilarious school aged puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about school aged that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest School Aged Short Jokes

Short school aged jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The school aged humour may include short school age jokes also.

  1. Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
  2. TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
  3. Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
  4. i told my kids that at their age i had to watch VHS tapes on school safety and they said: "what's school safety?"
  5. Why did Arkansas raise the legal drinking age to 32? To keep alcohol out of the high schools.
  6. My dad told me... "When i was your age, i had to walk 13 miles to school"... So i said... "Is that why you didn't graduate?"
  7. Alabama changed the legal drinking age to 33. They're trying to keep it out of high schools.
  8. The drinking age in Alabama has changed to 25 Lawmakers warrant this by saying it is meant to keep alcohol out of high school
  9. A lot of people make a big deal about age differences in couples. As far as I'm concerned a girl is fair game as soon as she's finished school. So usually at about 3:15
  10. New Drinking Age in Alabama They raised the drinking age to 32 in Alabama to keep alcohol out of high schools.

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School Aged One Liners

Which school aged one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with school aged? I can suggest the ones about school kid and school children.

  1. My old school was sponsored by IKEA... Assembly took ages.
  2. Your mama so old she sat next to Moses in the second grade.

School Aged Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about school aged you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grade school jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make school aged pranks.

"I just had s**... in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have s**... before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die."
"Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."

Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution:
"When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."

Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.

They were the type of children who would kill both parents and make you feel sorry for them because they were orphans.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

back of the bus....

There once was an old school bus driver who in his age, had plenty of wisdom. One day he over heard the white kids and the black kids yelling about who should sit in the front of the bus, and who should sit in the back.
He quickly pulled the bus over and threw it in park then ordered everyone off the bus.
He proceeded to give an inspirational message about how there was no black or white. "We should all look at ourselves as green from this point on!"
Feeling like he got his point across he ordered the children back onto the bus, "I want the dark green kids in the back and light green kids upfront!"

The Vicar's Salary

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.

My boyfriend (of an 11 year age difference) said this to me the other day...

True story: My boyfriend and I were taking a walk and he happened to be wearing his reading glasses (which I find adorable).
Me: Ooh, you look like a s**... teacher in those glasses. I think I need to stay after school...
Him: Yes, I'll show you how many times 38 goes into 27.

Boy and school teacher

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, Why are you arguing?
One boy answers, We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.
You should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher, When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was.
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

"Boy, when I was your age I used to walk fifteen miles to school."

"Oh, is that why you didn't graduate"

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!
The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!
The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.
The robot slaps the mom...

Hillary Clinton says she will pass laws against high-school age interns.

She said she's going to put a lot of collating minors out of business.

I heard my friend tell me that they are raising the minimum drinking age in Alabama up to 32.

I guess this must be part of an ongoing effort to keep alcohol out of high school.

The legal age of drinking in Alabama has been changed to 31...

Representatives hope that it will keep underage drinking out of high schools

A man decides to buy a lie-detecting robot that slaps people who lie,

and decided to test it out on his son at Dinner.
"Did you go to school today, Jim?" asks the father.
"Yes," replies the son, "I, did go to school"
The Robot slaps him. "FINE, I went to the movies!
"Which one did you see?" the Father proceeds to ask.
"Toy Store 3" mumbled the son.
Once again, the robot slaps him.
"FINE! I saw an R-Rated film!"
"When we were your age, we would be killed if we watched an R-rated film! Heck, we didn't even know what those were at the time!" yells the father. The robot slaps him.
The mother laughs and says "Haha, after all, he IS your son." The robot slaps her as well.

Dad: When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked miles to school, uphill, in the snow, every day.

Son: Yeah?! Well when Abraham Lincoln was your age, Dad, he was president!

In an effort to inspire his young son who did not want to go to school, his father told him :

"When Abraham Lincoln was your age he used to walk miles for the privilege of going to school."
The young boy thought for a moment and responded,
"Yes, but when he was your age he was President of the United States."

When i was your age everything was in black and white.

Schools, fountains, bathrooms, everything.

Dad bought a lie-detector to test his son.

"Son sit down... we have to talk, i have a lie detector here"
"Did you go to school today, son?"
"uh, yes" the son replied...
-BEEP- -BEEP-
"uh, no i watched a movie" he said quickly.
"right, what movie?" Asked the Dad
"Just some comedy"
-Beep- -Beep-
"Okay, it was, you know, a different movie, you know what i am talking about"
"No, I don't know" Said the dad.
-Beep- -Beep-
"Like you never watched those things when you were my age dad"
"No, i never watched it" The dad said blushing.
-Beep- -Beep-
"Well well well, like father like son, isn't it" Said the mother laughing.
-Beep- -Beep-

I know why dad left you!

Little Johnny goes to his mom and asks "how old are you mom?"
His mother says "a lady never reveals her age"
The next day at school, Little Johnny tells his friend Jimmy about this and he says "if you find your mom's drivers license, it will tell you everything about her." When he gets home, he sneaks into his mom's purse and finds her driver's license.
That evening, he goes to his mother and says "mom, I know that you're 33 years old, and that your height is 5'3""
"How do you know?" she replies
"Because I found your driver's license and it has all your information! It also know why dad left you. It's because you got an F in s**..."

Son: "I don't want to walk to school tomorrow, dad!" Dad: "When Abraham Lincoln was your age son, he had to walk 12 miles each day to get to school!" Son: "Well dad..."

"...when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was president!"

A dad buys a lie detector machine and waits for his son to come home

When the son comes home:
Dad - So you were at school right?
Son - yeah
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - Okay, okay I was at the cinema with my friends
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - ....I was having a few beers with my friends
Dad - What??? When I was your age I NEVER touched alcohol
Lie Detector - BEEP
Mom - Hahahaha! Well honey, he IS your son
Lie Detector - BEEP

A lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie...

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son. The robot slaps the mom...

Did you hear that they're raising the drinking age in Arkansas to 25?

They want to keep it out of the schools.

Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.

The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, So, you were at school today, right? Son: Yeah. Detector: Beep. Son: OK, OK, I was in a cinema. Detector: Beep. Son: Alright, I went for a beer with my friends. Father: What?! At your age, I wouldn't touch alcohol! Detector: Beep. Mother laughs: Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son! Detector: Beep.

At the dinner table, mother shows the new lie detector she bought.

Mother: "Look, this device buzzes whenever it senses a lie"
Father: "Wow! Lets see! Hey son, what did you do today?"
Son: "Uhmm, I went to school."
*BUZZ*
Mother: "Ooh, you didn't go to class? Then what did you do?"
Son: "Alright, I watched a movie with a few friends"
Father: "Which movie?"
Son: "That new Star Wars movie"
*BUZZ*
Son (blushing): "Alright, we watched a -- well, a you-know-what movie...
Father: "Well well well son, this is very immature! At your age I didn't even know what that was!
*BUZZ*
Mother: "Haha, really a child of yours!"
*BUZZ*

A man was walking with his three year old daughter.

As they were walking, the man bumped into one of his high school friends.
'I've not seen you in ages! And this is my daughter Beth!'
"And what's Beth short for?'
'She's only three.'

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited

Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude's house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!
No way!
Yes way, insists Fred, come with me and check it out for yourself if you don't believe me.
Twenty minutes later they're ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, Hi! I'm sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn't believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, Roger, the pig that s**... in your t**... is here!

Father to his young son: You should be ashamed. When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten miles every day to get to school.

Son responds: Really? Well, when he was your age, he was president.

A dad buys a lie detector robot and it slaps anyone who lies

The dad asks his son, where were you today ? And the son says, at school and the robot slaps him. Then the son says ok, ok, ok,... I was watching Kung Fu Panda . Then the robot slaps him again. So the sons says fine...I was hanging out with a girl. And the dad goes what? You're too young to hang out with girls I never hung out with girls at your age and the robot slaps him. Then the mom starts laughing and says well he is your son after all and the robot slaps her.

A dad buys a lie detector

He tells his son. This will beep whenever you lie. Where where you? The son says "I was at school" the lie detector beeps. The son says "ok, I was at the sinema with my friends" the lie detector beeps. He says OK I WAS AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE!!! we where drinking and doing drugs" the lie detector does not beep. The dad says "COME ON!!! WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!! I was at the park with my friends" the lie detector beeps. The mom says " he really is your son" the lie detector beeps once more

idk what to put the title as

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.........
The man decided to try it out at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you during school hours?
Son: At school
*The robot slaps the son*
Son: OK! I was at my friend's house watching a DVD
Dad: Which one?
Son: Kung Fu Panda
*The robot slaps the son again.*
Son: Ok! It was an e**... movie.
Dad: What!? When I was your age I didn't even know what an e**... movie was.
*The robot slaps the dad.*
Mom: HAHAHAHA. He is your son after all!
*The robot slaps the mom.*

The Good Old Days

> You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

- Emo Philips

Frank Sinatra was dining out one night when a high school lad came up to his table.

Mr. Sinatra," said the teen-age boy, my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?
What kind of favor? Sinatra asked.
"Well, I'm here with my girl and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say 'Hi, Bernie!'
OK, kid, I'll try, said the singer, smiling.
A little later he dropped by the boy's table, and said, Hi, Bernie!
The boy looked up at him and snapped, Don't bother me now, Frankie. Can't you see I'm busy?