School Age Jokes
41 school age jokes and hilarious school age puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about school age that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest School Age Short Jokes
Short school age jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The school age humour may include short grade school jokes also.
- Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
- TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
- Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
- i told my kids that at their age i had to watch VHS tapes on school safety and they said: "what's school safety?"
- My dad told me... "When i was your age, i had to walk 13 miles to school"... So i said... "Is that why you didn't graduate?"
- The drinking age in Alabama has changed to 25 Lawmakers warrant this by saying it is meant to keep alcohol out of high school
- A lot of people make a big deal about age differences in couples. As far as I'm concerned a girl is fair game as soon as she's finished school. So usually at about 3:15
- When i was your age everything was in black and white. Schools, fountains, bathrooms, everything.
- "Boy, when I was your age I used to walk fifteen miles to school." "Oh, is that why you didn't graduate"
- Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution:
"When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."
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School Age One Liners
Which school age one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with school age? I can suggest the ones about school kid and middle school.
- My old school was sponsored by IKEA... Assembly took ages.
Hilarious School Age Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about school age you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean school children jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make school age pranks.
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.
See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G.
See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, it's because you're 25."
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny is sitting in class, the teacher is going over vocabulary words.
She asks the class to use a word in a sentence.
The teacher says the word is "contagious".
Johnny is waving his arm up and down, no other students have their arm up.
The teacher figures there is no way Johnny can come up something rude for this word, and she calls his name to use the word in a sentence.
Johnny says the other day, my dad and I were driving down the freeway and woman was painting a billboard, she was using a very small brush.
The teacher says "what does this have to do the word contagious?"
Johnny says "my dad turned to me and said: 'Son it is going to take that "c**...-ages" to paint that billboard with that little brush!'"
The teacher says, "never again!"
They were the type of children who would kill both parents and make you feel sorry for them because they were orphans.
Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
back of the bus....
There once was an old school bus driver who in his age, had plenty of wisdom. One day he over heard the white kids and the black kids yelling about who should sit in the front of the bus, and who should sit in the back.
He quickly pulled the bus over and threw it in park then ordered everyone off the bus.
He proceeded to give an inspirational message about how there was no black or white. "We should all look at ourselves as green from this point on!"
Feeling like he got his point across he ordered the children back onto the bus, "I want the dark green kids in the back and light green kids upfront!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Got this one in a forward from my dad - I did not see that one coming.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD..
WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALDING,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
s**...
ASKED
"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?
Uncle just told me this one.
There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar. Are you from around here?"
The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where did you go to high school?"
"Oh, I went to Francis Lewis over on Utopia. Graduated in '66. How bout you?"
"Get out. I went to Francis Lewis. And I graduated in '66, too." "Where'd you go to college?" "Beloit, in Wisconsin." "No way! I went to Beloit too. What dorm?"
"Kevin Sullivan dorm."
"Sullivan? You're not going to believe this..."
Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says, "Joe, you wont believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same high school as me, graduated the same year I did, and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn't that amazing?"
Joe looks at them both and says, "Yeah, that's just plain amazing."
A third man comes in and says, "Hey Joe. What's new?" Joe says, "Not much. The Johnson twins are drunk again."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My boyfriend (of an 11 year age difference) said this to me the other day...
True story: My boyfriend and I were taking a walk and he happened to be wearing his reading glasses (which I find adorable).
Me: Ooh, you look like a s**... teacher in those glasses. I think I need to stay after school...
Him: Yes, I'll show you how many times 38 goes into 27.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A father and his 11 year old son are walking through the pharmacy one day.
As they walk past the family planning aisle, the son points to the condoms and asks "Dad, what are those?"
The father realizes his son is old enough to learn about such things, so he tells him "Well, those are called condoms. Men use them when they have s**... to be safe and not get girls pregnant."
"Okay." the son responds. "Who are those for?" he asks while pointing at the 3 pack.
"Those" the father replies, "are for men in high school: One for Friday night, one for Saturday night, and one for Sunday night"
"What about those?" the son asks pointing to the 6 pack.
"Those are for college aged men: Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday?" the father responds.
"And what about those?" the son asks pointing to the 12 pack.
With an air of confidence, the father looks up and says "Those, son, are for married men: One for January, one for February, one for March..."
Boy and school teacher
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, Why are you arguing?
One boy answers, We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.
You should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher, When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was.
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!
The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!
The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.
The robot slaps the mom...
Hillary Clinton says she will pass laws against high-school age interns.
She said she's going to put a lot of collating minors out of business.
My kindergarten-aged daughter...
Suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean t-shirt to class. She told us that the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it. My wife practically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one t-shirt that already had something printed on the side. She sent it off to school with my daughter.
That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt. On one side it said, "Families are Forever". And on the other, "Be Smart, Don't Start".
A man decides to buy a lie-detecting robot that slaps people who lie,
and decided to test it out on his son at Dinner.
"Did you go to school today, Jim?" asks the father.
"Yes," replies the son, "I, did go to school"
The Robot slaps him. "FINE, I went to the movies!
"Which one did you see?" the Father proceeds to ask.
"Toy Store 3" mumbled the son.
Once again, the robot slaps him.
"FINE! I saw an R-Rated film!"
"When we were your age, we would be killed if we watched an R-rated film! Heck, we didn't even know what those were at the time!" yells the father. The robot slaps him.
The mother laughs and says "Haha, after all, he IS your son." The robot slaps her as well.
Dad bought a lie-detector to test his son.
"Son sit down... we have to talk, i have a lie detector here"
"Did you go to school today, son?"
"uh, yes" the son replied...
-BEEP- -BEEP-
"uh, no i watched a movie" he said quickly.
"right, what movie?" Asked the Dad
"Just some comedy"
-Beep- -Beep-
"Okay, it was, you know, a different movie, you know what i am talking about"
"No, I don't know" Said the dad.
-Beep- -Beep-
"Like you never watched those things when you were my age dad"
"No, i never watched it" The dad said blushing.
-Beep- -Beep-
"Well well well, like father like son, isn't it" Said the mother laughing.
-Beep- -Beep-
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know why dad left you!
Little Johnny goes to his mom and asks "how old are you mom?"
His mother says "a lady never reveals her age"
The next day at school, Little Johnny tells his friend Jimmy about this and he says "if you find your mom's drivers license, it will tell you everything about her." When he gets home, he sneaks into his mom's purse and finds her driver's license.
That evening, he goes to his mother and says "mom, I know that you're 33 years old, and that your height is 5'3""
"How do you know?" she replies
"Because I found your driver's license and it has all your information! It also know why dad left you. It's because you got an F in s**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man brought home a lie detector.
He told his family: "This robot will slap anyone that tells a lie."
During dinner,
Dad: "How was school, son?"
Son: "It was nice, we had to write an essay."
The robot slapped the son.
Son: "Ok, I skipped school to go to a friend's house."
The robot slapped the son again.
Son: "Fine! I went to a w**...!"
The robot did not do anything, but the dad was shocked.
Dad: "How could you? When I was your age I didn't even know what was a w**...!"
The robot slapped the dad.
The mum, who was angry at first, couldn't help but laugh and said, "Well, he is your son after all!"
Then the robot slapped the mum.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Half as mad
A teacher from primary school asks Peter a question,
Teacher: "Peter; suppose that a car is moving at a speed of 100 mph suddenly brakes and the driver flies out through the windshield at a certain force and lands on the road. What would be my age?"
Peter thought for a moment and replied,
Peter: " Sir, you would be 40 years old."
The teacher; perplexed looked at Peter and asked how could he guess his exact age.
Peter: "Sir, I have an older sister aged 20 and she is half as mad as you."
A dad buys a lie detector machine and waits for his son to come home
When the son comes home:
Dad - So you were at school right?
Son - yeah
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - Okay, okay I was at the cinema with my friends
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - ....I was having a few beers with my friends
Dad - What??? When I was your age I NEVER touched alcohol
Lie Detector - BEEP
Mom - Hahahaha! Well honey, he IS your son
Lie Detector - BEEP
At the dinner table, mother shows the new lie detector she bought.
Mother: "Look, this device buzzes whenever it senses a lie"
Father: "Wow! Lets see! Hey son, what did you do today?"
Son: "Uhmm, I went to school."
*BUZZ*
Mother: "Ooh, you didn't go to class? Then what did you do?"
Son: "Alright, I watched a movie with a few friends"
Father: "Which movie?"
Son: "That new Star Wars movie"
*BUZZ*
Son (blushing): "Alright, we watched a -- well, a you-know-what movie...
Father: "Well well well son, this is very immature! At your age I didn't even know what that was!
*BUZZ*
Mother: "Haha, really a child of yours!"
*BUZZ*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited
Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude's house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!
No way!
Yes way, insists Fred, come with me and check it out for yourself if you don't believe me.
Twenty minutes later they're ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, Hi! I'm sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn't believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!
The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, Roger, the pig that s**... in your t**... is here!
A dad buys a lie detector robot and it slaps anyone who lies
The dad asks his son, where were you today ? And the son says, at school and the robot slaps him. Then the son says ok, ok, ok,... I was watching Kung Fu Panda . Then the robot slaps him again. So the sons says fine...I was hanging out with a girl. And the dad goes what? You're too young to hang out with girls I never hung out with girls at your age and the robot slaps him. Then the mom starts laughing and says well he is your son after all and the robot slaps her.
A dad buys a lie detector
He tells his son. This will beep whenever you lie. Where where you? The son says "I was at school" the lie detector beeps. The son says "ok, I was at the sinema with my friends" the lie detector beeps. He says OK I WAS AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE!!! we where drinking and doing drugs" the lie detector does not beep. The dad says "COME ON!!! WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!! I was at the park with my friends" the lie detector beeps. The mom says " he really is your son" the lie detector beeps once more
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
idk what to put the title as
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.........
The man decided to try it out at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you during school hours?
Son: At school
*The robot slaps the son*
Son: OK! I was at my friend's house watching a DVD
Dad: Which one?
Son: Kung Fu Panda
*The robot slaps the son again.*
Son: Ok! It was an e**... movie.
Dad: What!? When I was your age I didn't even know what an e**... movie was.
*The robot slaps the dad.*
Mom: HAHAHAHA. He is your son after all!
*The robot slaps the mom.*
The Good Old Days
> You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
- Emo Philips
Frank Sinatra was dining out one night when a high school lad came up to his table.
Mr. Sinatra," said the teen-age boy, my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?
What kind of favor? Sinatra asked.
"Well, I'm here with my girl and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say 'Hi, Bernie!'
OK, kid, I'll try, said the singer, smiling.
A little later he dropped by the boy's table, and said, Hi, Bernie!
The boy looked up at him and snapped, Don't bother me now, Frankie. Can't you see I'm busy?
