JokoJokes

Schizophrenia Jokes

62 schizophrenia jokes and hilarious schizophrenia puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about schizophrenia that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Schizophrenia Short Jokes

Short schizophrenia jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The schizophrenia humour may include short schizophrenic jokes also.

  1. I don't think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds Because every time I take them she goes away
  2. My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD. Which means I hear voices but not for long enough to drive me insane.
  3. My roommate keeps telling me that I have schizophrenia But jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
  4. I was always told you lose a lot of friends after deciding to better yourself I never believed it until all of my friends disappeared after I started taking my schizophrenia medication
  5. my psychiatrist just diagnosed me with schizophrenia.. was really worried until i remembered i dont have a psychiatrist lol
  6. I have good friends, a wife that loves me, and a family that respects me You want me to leave that behind and take my schizophrenia medication?
  7. i went to go tell my best friend about the new schizophrenia meds i got today... i literally cannot find him anywhere.
  8. My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD. I hear voices, but not for long enough to drive me insane.
  9. I got kicked out of schizophrenia group therapy yesterday. I was just trying to be polite but I guess it was wrong to say "Don't mind me, guys. Pretend I'm not here."
  10. A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have? Schizophrenia.

Share These Schizophrenia Jokes With Friends




Schizophrenia One Liners

Which schizophrenia one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with schizophrenia? I can suggest the ones about delusions and hypochondria.

  1. My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia. Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
  2. My girlfriend dared me to take schizophrenia meds. Now she's gone missing.
  3. Do you suffer from schizophrenia? Just remember you're not alone
  4. If you suffer from schizophrenia Don't worry, you're not alone
  5. My therapist says I have schizophrenia Jokes on her I don't even have a therapist
  6. My roommate thinks I have schizophrenia Which is weird because I live alone.
  7. People always tell me I have schizophrenia But the voices in my head say otherwise
  8. How many schizophrenia patients does it take to change a light bulb? Who said that?
  9. Well I may have schizophrenia... ...but at least I have each other!
  10. Schizophrenia is nothing to joke about That's what my pet rock told me
  11. Together, I can beat schizophrenia.
  12. I'm an armchair psychologist Yesterday I diagnosed a Lazyboy with schizophrenia
  13. The best part of having schizophrenia... ...is all the friends I've made
  14. Roses are red, violets are blue I have schizophrenia,
    And so do I.
  15. Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy .... .... I hear you ask.

Diagnosed Schizophrenia Jokes

Here is a list of funny diagnosed schizophrenia jokes and even better diagnosed schizophrenia puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia. But the good news is I started seeing someone.
  • My friend's a police detective and has been diagnosed with severe schizophrenia. He first realized there was a problem... ...when he started to question himself...
  • When I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia, I was devastated. I guess that's what happens when the voices tell you to jump under a dump truck.
  • My psychiatrist told me that I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Or did he?

Paranoid Schizophrenia Jokes

Here is a list of funny paranoid schizophrenia jokes and even better paranoid schizophrenia puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • We never saw it coming. Psychiatrist: You have paranoid schizophrenia.
    Patient: Who! Me or me?
Schizophrenia joke, We never saw it coming.

Schizophrenia joke, We never saw it coming.

Fun-Filled Schizophrenia Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about schizophrenia you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mental illness jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make schizophrenia pranks.

Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

A doctor diagnosed me with...

... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.
... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!
... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.
... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams.
... Dementia.
But I maintain full cognitive... Um. What was the question?

Did you hear about the guy who had ADD and schizophrenia?

He heard voices, but could never pay attention long enough to them to do anything crazy.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying.
Now what do you call it when God talks to you?
Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

I have 6 mental illnesses

Schizophrenia, OCD, ADHD, dislexia, anxiety, and hypochondria.

My wife has schizophrenia

She thinks she has a husband.

What do you call a religious man with schizophrenia?

A priest

I was thinking about getting rid of my schizophrenia...

...but now I'm having second thoughts.

Two friends are sitting at a bar, one has schizophrenia. Suddenly the schizophrenic starts bursting out laughing, and it takes a few minutes for him to calm down.

When he finally does, he says "sorry, it's a inside joke".

If you suffer from mental illness, it always helps to remember you are not alone.

Unless the mental illness is schizophrenia

My mother's sister is on heavy duty medication for schizophrenia.

I call her Aunty Psychotic.

My psych recommended me some pills to deal with my schizophrenia

I haven't seen him since

How many schizophrenia patients do you need to fix a lightbulb?

Just one, his friend will hold the ladder.

Man my girlfriend is s**....

Just because I take my schizophrenia medication doesn't mean she has to leave me.

Son: Daddy, what is the difference between paranoia and schizophrenia?

Dad: Paranoia is when you go to the toilet, when your home alone, and lock the door behind you. And schizophrenia is when somebody knocks.

Schizophrenia joke, I'm an armchair psychologist

jokes about schizophrenia