Fun-Filled Schizophrenia Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
my psychiatrist just diagnosed me with schizophrenia..
was really worried until i remembered i dont have a psychiatrist lol
A doctor diagnosed me with...
... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.
... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!
... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.
... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams.
... Dementia.
But I maintain full cognitive... Um. What was the question?
My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia.
Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
My roommate thinks I have schizophrenia
Which is weird because I live alone.
My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD.
Which means I hear voices but not for long enough to drive me insane.
Did you hear about the guy who had ADD and schizophrenia?
He heard voices, but could never pay attention long enough to them to do anything crazy.
What do you call it when you talk to God?
Praying.
Now what do you call it when God talks to you?
Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.
I have 6 mental illnesses
Schizophrenia, OCD, ADHD, dislexia, anxiety, and hypochondria.
My wife has schizophrenia
She thinks she has a husband.
Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy ....
.... I hear you ask.
You can explore schizophrenia telepathy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean schizophrenia symptom dad jokes. There are also schizophrenia puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I don't have schizophrenia.
And neither do I.
What do you call a religious man with schizophrenia?
A priest
People always tell me I have schizophrenia
But the voices in my head say otherwise
My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia.
But the good news is I started seeing someone.
Roses are red, violets are blue
I have schizophrenia,
And so do I.
When I was younger I thought I had schizophrenia...
I guess it was all in my head
I was thinking about getting rid of my schizophrenia...
...but now I'm having second thoughts.
Two friends are sitting at a bar, one has schizophrenia. Suddenly the schizophrenic starts bursting out laughing, and it takes a few minutes for him to calm down.
When he finally does, he says "sorry, it's a inside joke".
Do you suffer from schizophrenia?
Just remember you're not alone
I have a childhood friend who has suffered from schizophrenia his whole life. In fact, he never moved out…
He still lives in my head.
If you suffer from mental illness, it always helps to remember you are not alone.
Unless the mental illness is schizophrenia
I went to an art event this morning, and this painting really SPOKE to me...
I then remembered that I forgot to take my schizophrenia medication.
The world would have seen fewer gods
if schizophrenia was recognised early on.
Why do psychiatrists diagose schizophrenia so often?
Because they wanna charge twice.
Sinatra is diagnosed with schizophrenia...
He goes to see a psychologist and starts talking about his split personalities.
One is the charismatic singer who can perform and woo crowds with his talent and charm.
The other is Steve, who is reserved and shy and can't even speak in front of a more than a few people.
He starts off talking, timid and soft spoken.
The psychologist stops him and says Listen, first I'm gonna need you to be Frank with me
A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have?
Schizophrenia.
My friend's a police detective and has been diagnosed with severe schizophrenia. He first realized there was a problem...
...when he started to question himself...
Schizophrenia is ADHD on hard mode.
"2+2=..... stop whispering my name grandma! You've been dead for 20 years!"
My mother's sister is on heavy duty medication for schizophrenia.
I call her Aunty Psychotic.
My therapist says I have schizophrenia
Jokes on her I don't even have a therapist
My psych recommended me some pills to deal with my schizophrenia
I haven't seen him since
How many schizophrenia patients do you need to fix a lightbulb?
Just one, his friend will hold the ladder.
If you suffer from schizophrenia
Don't worry, you're not alone
Man my girlfriend is s**....
Just because I take my schizophrenia medication doesn't mean she has to leave me.
My roommate keeps telling me that I have schizophrenia
But jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
I have good friends, a wife that loves me, and a family that respects me
You want me to leave that behind and take my schizophrenia medication?
I don't think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds
Because every time I take them she goes away
Son: Daddy, what is the difference between paranoia and schizophrenia?
Dad: Paranoia is when you go to the toilet, when your home alone, and lock the door behind you. And schizophrenia is when somebody knocks.
i went to go tell my best friend about the new schizophrenia meds i got today...
i literally cannot find him anywhere.
Together,
I can beat schizophrenia.
Schizophrenia is nothing to joke about
That's what my pet rock told me
The best part of having schizophrenia...
...is all the friends I've made
My girlfriend dared me to take schizophrenia meds.
Now she's gone missing.
Well I may have schizophrenia...
...but at least I have each other!
I was always told you lose a lot of friends after deciding to better yourself
I never believed it until all of my friends disappeared after I started taking my schizophrenia medication
I got kicked out of schizophrenia group therapy yesterday.
I was just trying to be polite but I guess it was wrong to say "Don't mind me, guys. Pretend I'm not here."
My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD.
I hear voices, but not for long enough to drive me insane.
How many schizophrenia patients does it take to change a light bulb?
Who said that?
I'm an armchair psychologist
Yesterday I diagnosed a Lazyboy with schizophrenia
