Scene Jokes
160 scene jokes and hilarious scene puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scene that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article presents a collection of witty and humorous jokes related to scenes. Covering topics such as crime scene, nativity scene, spectacle, wreckage, and cameraman, these jokes are sure to bring some laughs. So let's take a look at some of the funniest scene jokes around!
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Funniest Scene Short Jokes
Short scene jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scene humour may include short scenario jokes also.
- How did the computer hacker get away from the scene of the crime? I think they just ransomware.
- Whenever I'm in trouble, I ask myself what Jesus would do now. And then I play dead and disappear from the scene for three days.
- I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching To reverse and leaving the scene
- Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer, I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
- In order to attract women I like to use this quote from shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
- I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 Shades of Grey... For example, the one where she gets a job right out of college.
- I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today... I left without making a scene.
- I'm making a film about emos. I really need to stop saying "cut!" at the end of each scene.
- Scene at the supermarket... Customer: Pardon me, but are these vegetables genetically modified?
Clerk: No, sir. Why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask? - I'm gonna dress up as Forest gump tonight and go to the movies and make a a scene. Then I will have to apologize for ruining their Black Panther party
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Scene One Liners
Which scene one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scene? I can suggest the ones about movie and story.
- What's the dating scene like at MIT? Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.
- I quietly left my job as a set designer... I didn't want to make a scene.
- Want to save 15% or more on car insurance? Just leave the scene of the accident
- We found a list of negative numbers at the crime scene It doesn't add up
- I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice. It was a revolting scene.
- It's hard going somewhere with a playwright.. They're always making a scene.
- What's the best part of the multi awarded game Stray The Cat-scenes.
- Why did the director get kicked out of the bar? He was making a scene!
- I just saw the sacrifice scene in Apocalypto It was so heartless!
- I quit my job as an animator without making a scene.
- An officer accidentally hit a civilian He was the first officer on the scene.
- Have you guys scene the new john Wilkes booth movie? I've heard it's mind blowing.
- What do you call a midget hanging around a crime scene? A little suspect
- What is the first thing Will Smith looks for at a crime scene? Fresh Prints
- Directors are seriously the worst ....they always have to make a scene.
Crime Scene Jokes
Here is a list of funny crime scene jokes and even better crime scene puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Polaroid of the suspect Reporter: 'Here I am, live at the scene of the crime, in fact I've just learnt the police have a polaroid of the suspect. More on this story as it develops.'
- Police were investigating a crime scene and found a knife and a clock. They concluded the man was just killing time.
- Prince's housekeeper of 30 years was offered a job as a crime scene investigator. She was considered highly qualified due to her decades of experience dusting for Prince.
- Two robbers were running away from the crime scene when a bus gets sandwiched between them. The one in front got tired, and the one behind got exhausted.
- An art thief gets caught after a heist, how so? Many people saw his Van Gogh from the scene of the crime.
- So the police arrested this old battery... They said they had DNA evidence placed him at a crime scene.
They tested his cells and decided they couldn't charge him. - A disordered protein is found brutally murdered. It looks like just another random robbery gone wrong. A cop looks at the scene and laments:
"It's a crime without motif" - What do you call a cholo investigating a crime scene? Sherlock homes foo.
- A baker approaches a crime scene and asks the cop what happened... "Sorry, that's on a knead to dough basis."
- Want to hear a crime scene joke? Well move along, there's nothing to see here.
Opening Scene Jokes
Here is a list of funny opening scene jokes and even better opening scene puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two detectives are at a crime scene. They locate a briefcase that is vital evidence to the investigation.
One of the detectives says to the other "It's an open-and-shut case". - The scene kid cut open the undercooked loaf of bread. It's rawr XD
- Hodor's last scene was a huge opportunity for him. It's opening a lot of doors.
- Why hasn't Insane Clown Posse ever opened for Sia? Because she's never been scene
Scene Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny scene kid jokes and even better scene kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- While playing w/ kids, I almost slipped and made loud noises Wife rushed to the scene, found out it's me. Thank God it's you! Then she turned around to continue laundry.
- Why do kissing scenes in nearly every show have to use the soundtrack from a toddler slurping jello off of a plastic plate?
- What's a scene kids favorite number? CX
Nativity Scene Jokes
Here is a list of funny nativity scene jokes and even better nativity scene puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In honor of the BYU/Utah game tomorrow Why can't the University of Utah do the nativity scene?
Because they can't find 3 wise men or a virign. - Did you hear that they're not having a nativity scene in Washington, DC? They looked through the entire city and couldn't find any wise men!
- They've been trying to set up a nativity scene in Washington...
- My cat has been destroying my Nativity scene for over an hour... I guess he's in de-creche mode.
Delightful Fun Scene Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about scene you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scene pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do h**... kids wear camouflage?
Because they don't want to be scene.
If you were in high school in the mid 2000s, you get it.
Depressed race car mechanic.
Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'
'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'
'Is he a mechanic too doc?'
'No, a gynecologist'
Police dog
One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."
I witnessed a huge accident on the highway today involving a semi truck packed full of toupees that overturned.
police are still there combing the scene.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene...
Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity.
So a police officer is called out to the scene where a Mercedes is wrapped around a tree,
He said "Well, I guess that's the way the Mercedes Benz"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the Mexican Criminal trio?
They got away from the scene without a tres.
Two black guys are walking down the road when they are run over by a drunk-driving cop...
The first guy went through the windshield and the second guy was thrown 50 feet and landed in the ditch.
The first black guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second guy was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.
A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident
where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Car Accident
Two paramedics arrived at the scene of a car c**.... The driver of the car was still sitting in his seat, screaming his head off. One of the paramedics tried to calm him down.
"Pull yourself together, man" he says. "At least you haven't gone through the windshield like your passenger" He points at a girl lying unconscious on the side of the road.
The driver replied "You haven't seen what's in her mouth"
Ever seen the play about the French Revolution?
The scene with Marie Antoinette was perfectly executed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 4th grade '49ers fan in Dallas
The scene is a 4th grade classroom in Dallas, Texas. The teacher asks for a show of hands:
"Hey kids, how many of you are Dallas Cowboys fans?"
Everyone in the class raises their hand, except for little Suzy. The teacher says:
"Little Suzy, I notice you didn't raise your hand. Why is that?" Little Suzy responds:
"Because I'm a 49ers fan!"
"A 49ers fan?," the teacher asks incredulously, "Why on Earth are you a 49ers fan?"
"Because my Mommy is a 49ers fan, my Daddy is a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan."
The teacher doesn't like Suzy's answer:
"Little Suzy, that's no kind of logic. What if your Daddy was a drug dealer and your Mommy was a p**...?"
Suzy doesn't blink an eye:
"Well then I'd be a Raiders fan!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did Will Smith get caught for committing 1st degree m**...?
He left fresh prints all over the scene.
My wife is a film director and I really can not stand it.
Every time we go out somewhere, she makes a scene.
I once went on a date with a playwright
It was all going well, until she started making a scene
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In a crime scene....
"So, Rookie, What do you make of all this?"
"Well, the vic was found n**... in bed, severely beaten to death. Sounds like a clear cut m**... case if you ask me"
"close. Our prime suspect is his wife, a morbidly obese woman who says he asked to be on the bottom during s**..."
"So it was a s**... then...."
A man is sitting in the dock at court.
The judge asks the man for his occupation.
"I'm a locksmith, your honour", the defendant replies.
"And what were you doing at the jewellers at three in the morning when police arrived at the scene", the judge inquires.
"I was making a bolt for the door".
A man is taking his son for a walk...
A man takes his son for a walk in his carriage. As he pushes him along, the baby is screaming and crying.
He says "Calm down, Carl."
The baby continues to cry and make a scene.
"It's going to be okay, Carl," the father murmurs.
After a while, a woman approaches and starts speaking to him.
"You must really care about your son Carl to take him on a walk to calm him down."
"No, I'm Carl."
Did you hear about the hearse that got into a head on collision?
Luckily only one person was found dead at the scene
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Watching a s**... scene with my parents is so awkward.
My mom is such a bad actress.
I want to reenact a scene from 50 Shades of Gray....
Y'know the one where she gets a job right out of college.
"I am the young brother, let me through"
A man rushed to a gathering at an accident scene. Unable to see the victim because of the crowd the man said,"I am the young brother, let me through" The crowd looked at the man & paved the way silently.At the centre lay a donkey which had been hit by a car.
I was going to make a scene when they told me I couldn't join the Easter Egg hunt...
...instead I just left without a Peep.
We must follow our policy. . .
I was at the airport the other day to pick someone up but their flight was delayed so I wandered around a bit. I noticed a big scene at one of the airline check ins. there was this agitated vulture holding a couple of dead possums arguing loudly with a whole group of ticket agents. I kinda felt bad for the guy but the airline did have a one carrion policy.
Overheard at Starbucks:
Man: Would you like to try a pumpkin spice latte?
Woman: No. Since Trump came on the scene I am boycotting everything orange.
Blonde Moments: Life with a Blonde Teenage Daughter
SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.
Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl's name is?
Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.
Lauren: You're no fun, Dad. Forget it.
Me: What is a vowel?
Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …
Me: Close enough.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda.
I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An inspector arrives at m**... scene of an obese man by a cannibal
It was a lot to digest
Was driving down the street when I saw someone getting jumped by 3 guys. I quickly pulled over and ran towards the scene.
I got there and the 4 of us messed him up good.
Source: 75 year old Mexican father-in-law
One time, the parents went out to dinner.
The sitter called and asked if she could cover the creepy clown statue in the kid's room.
The dad said: "Get out of the house. Call the police. We don't have a clown statue!"
By the time police arrived the scene, they found they did have a clown statue and the dad had alzheimer's.
A policeman arrives at the crime scene
"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three kids are in a park with their father
The first child approaches the father and asks,
"Dad, why am I named Dandy?"
Father responds,
"Because a dandelion fell on your head when you were born."
Second kid comes up and asks
"Dad, why am I named Rose?"
Dad responds,
"Because a rose fell on your head when you were born."
Third kid runs up screaming,
"HRJSOAOSBRBRJFIDISOSBBPPPBFFFSSSS"
Dad gets up and shouts at the third one, causing a scene,
"SHUT UP BRICK!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The dating scene at Hogwarts must really s**....
Since every girl there has a magic wand, they don't really need the boys at all.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the original 'Good Will Hunting' script, there is a surprise gay s**... scene between the two straight leads. It was purposely put there as a test to see if studios actually read the script. Harvey Weinstein was the only producer who mentioned the scene
Weinstein said that the s**... scene usually takes place before he approves a movie
Dark as charcoal
A mother goes to the kindergarten to pick up her daughter.
She arrives to a nightmarish scene, the whole place is crawling with fireman, emergency vehicles and panicked parents, the kindergarten caught on fire, smoke everywhere.
She runs around frantically calling for her daughter: "Amber! has anyone seen my Amber!?!"
She tries to run inside the smouldering ruins of the kindergarten, but a fireman stops her, and says: "Sorry ma'm, but there's only Ashleys in there."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad
That the scene where the n**... entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Remember that scene from A Christmas Story where the people at the Chinese restaurant were singing "Fa ra ra ra raaa..."?
They were really filled with that no-L spirit.
A thought about Del Toro's The Shape of Water
The Shape of Water is a story about a woman who falls in love with an otherworldly creature that learns how to communicate, has a funny scene where he interacts with a domestic setting and has magical healing hands. He is also returned to his natural environment, almost dying on the way by a plucky protagonist dodging authority.
However, the protagonist also has a love scene with him.
You could say that this is *BestialE.T.*
Drunk driving
A drunk guy was driving home on the wrong side of the road. His wife saw the scene live on TV and in horror rushed to call him: "Hello?! Are you driving home? Be careful, there is a madman driving on the wrong side of the road!". He replies: "I know, there isn't only one, there are hundreds!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A t**... struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...
"Abominable. Simply abominable."
A woman cried out that her son had just been hit by a moped!
The driver, nearly at the edge of town, screeched to a stop, returned to the scene of the crime, and said, "Actually its a Vespa." Before fleeing the scene again.
The attorney tells his client the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
I've only told my closest friend that I lost my job as a film director.
##
## I don't want to make a scene.
Clean Underwear
My mom always told me to wear clean underwear in case I was ever in an accident. I never thought this was a real thing until I read about a car accident in the paper. They said the officers at the scene checked and there were no skidmarks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**... scene came up on the telly.
My ten-year-old son was next to me. I said, "Put your hands over your eyes."
He said, "Why!"
I said, "Just do. I didn't realise these bits made it into the wedding video."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two police officers walk into a crime scene.
They see two people lying dead on the floor. The victims are holding a piece of w**... each. Their eyes are red and their skin is dry.
One officer turns to the other and says: "Looks like a joint s**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This is what you do when you're lost
Grab you phone, open Netflix watch any movie with at least a two second s**... scene and you dad will walk by any second
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you heard about the m**... diorama maker?
He just came on the scene.
My local beauty shop was broken into last night.
CCTV footage shows a suspect moonwalking out carrying a large amount of moisturising cream.
The officer at the scene told the shop owner "You've been struck by, a smooth criminal".
A German was packing his luggage for holiday when his wife interrupts him...
"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"
"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".
The Detective's Conundrum
The detective walked into the smokey room. His assistant scurried in after. He took in the scene.
A dim light.
A flipped table.
And 53 bicycles laying all around the floor.
"It's apparent what he wrong here," the detective said.
"What is it?" asked the perplexed assistant.
"Someone had an ace up their sleeve."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last week I found out my cousin was into underage girls.
I reported him to the feds, but when they arrived on the scene they wouldn't do a thing. They let the freak run free.
Oh well, at least he didn't enjoy his tenth birthday party.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Young Bill
Young Bill was courting Mabel, from the adjoining cattle ranch.
One evening, as they sat on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the western hills, Bill spied his prized stallion h**... one of his mares.
He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the move on Mabel.
He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to do what that stallion is doing."
Mabel whispered back, "Go ahead. She's your mare!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde and a brunette
decide to go to the movies together. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde pays up. The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week." The blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't think that black horse could possibly win a second time!"
A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.
A cop fills him in on what happened.
Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy
Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.
That's some locomotive
My wife is angry at me for giving money to Charity
My wife looks after our finances. She asked "Honey where this check of 1000$ every month goes to "
Me "It's for Charity"
After few months She asked me about what work this charity does.
Me it's better to show you than tell.
I don't know why she shouted and created a scene. So what if Charity is a Stripper. Charity is still a person with feelings and values. How can my wife be so insensitive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man broke into a convent one day, intent on kidnapping a nun.
Bursting through the door, he swept the first nun he saw off her feet and threw her over his shoulder. Police arrive on the scene just as the kidnapper escaped through the front door.
The first cop shouted What the h**..., man as the kidnapper fled on foot, nun over his shoulder.
No offense, the kidnapper responded as he ran away.
Nun taken! the officer reported into his radio.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two potato farmers are in a field
One of them reaches down with both hands and pulls up two of the biggest potatoes they have ever scene. The other farmer says "Wow! Those potatoes look just like my b**...." "That big?" Asks the farmer. "No, just that dirty."
So.. When Mr Freeze leaves a crime scene..
So... when Mr Freeze has left a crime scene, you know its his work because people are frozen/there are frozen objects around right?
I would go as far to say thats him leaving his "Cooling Card"
A policeman is told to write a report at a crime scene.
Policeman: the dead man was found lying on the pawemant......he is lying on the pave.........p a v e
*The policeman kicks the body onto the street*
Policeman: the dead man was found lying on the street.
