Scene Jokes
168 scene jokes and hilarious scene puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scene that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article presents a collection of witty and humorous jokes related to scenes. Covering topics such as crime scene, nativity scene, spectacle, wreckage, and cameraman, these jokes are sure to bring some laughs. So let's take a look at some of the funniest scene jokes around!
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Funniest Scene Short Jokes
Short scene jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scene humour may include short scenario jokes also.
- How did the computer hacker get away from the scene of the crime? I think they just ransomware.
- Whenever I'm in trouble, I ask myself what Jesus would do now. And then I play dead and disappear from the scene for three days.
- I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching To reverse and leaving the scene
- Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer, I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
- In order to attract women I like to use this quote from shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
- I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 Shades of Grey... For example, the one where she gets a job right out of college.
- I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today... I left without making a scene.
- I'm making a film about emos. I really need to stop saying "cut!" at the end of each scene.
- They say criminals always return to the scene of the crime. No wonder there are so many Australians in the UK.
- Scene at the supermarket... Customer: Pardon me, but are these vegetables genetically modified?
Clerk: No, sir. Why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?
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Scene One Liners
Which scene one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scene? I can suggest the ones about movie and story.
- What's the dating scene like at MIT? Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.
- I quietly left my job as a set designer... I didn't want to make a scene.
- I just saved a ton on car insurance.... By fleeing the scene.
- Want to save 15% or more on car insurance? Just leave the scene of the accident
- Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
- I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
- We found a list of negative numbers at the crime scene It doesn't add up
- I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice. It was a revolting scene.
- What's the sexiest thing about the holocaust The shower scenes
- It's hard going somewhere with a playwright.. They're always making a scene.
- What do you call a Japanese crime scene? An assasinasian.
- What's the best part of the multi awarded game Stray The Cat-scenes.
- Why did the director get kicked out of the bar? He was making a scene!
- I just saw the sacrifice scene in Apocalypto It was so heartless!
- I quit my job as an animator without making a scene.
Crime Scene Jokes
Here is a list of funny crime scene jokes and even better crime scene puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They say criminals often return to the scene of the crime That must be why there's so many Australians in London nowadays
- Someone broke into my house and stole my toilet. Local police investigated the crime scene, but had nothing to go on.
- Polaroid of the suspect Reporter: 'Here I am, live at the scene of the crime, in fact I've just learnt the police have a polaroid of the suspect. More on this story as it develops.'
- Police were investigating a crime scene and found a knife and a clock. They concluded the man was just killing time.
- Prince's housekeeper of 30 years was offered a job as a crime scene investigator. She was considered highly qualified due to her decades of experience dusting for Prince.
- Two robbers were running away from the crime scene when a bus gets sandwiched between them. The one in front got tired, and the one behind got exhausted.
- An art thief gets caught after a heist, how so? Many people saw his Van Gogh from the scene of the crime.
- So the police arrested this old battery... They said they had DNA evidence placed him at a crime scene.
They tested his cells and decided they couldn't charge him. - What do you call a midget hanging around a crime scene? A little suspect
- What is the first thing Will Smith looks for at a crime scene? Fresh Prints
Opening Scene Jokes
Here is a list of funny opening scene jokes and even better opening scene puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two detectives are at a crime scene. They locate a briefcase that is vital evidence to the investigation.
One of the detectives says to the other "It's an open-and-shut case". - The scene kid cut open the undercooked loaf of bread. It's rawr XD
- Hodor's last scene was a huge opportunity for him. It's opening a lot of doors.
- Why hasn't Insane Clown Posse ever opened for Sia? Because she's never been scene
- This is what you do when you're lost Grab you phone, open Netflix watch any movie with at least a two second s**... scene and you dad will walk by any second
Scene Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny scene kid jokes and even better scene kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- While playing w/ kids, I almost slipped and made loud noises Wife rushed to the scene, found out it's me. Thank God it's you! Then she turned around to continue laundry.
- Why do kissing scenes in nearly every show have to use the soundtrack from a toddler slurping jello off of a plastic plate?
- What does the emo scene kid say? I just want to die.....my hair.
- What's a scene kids favorite number? CX
- Why do h**... kids wear camouflage? Because they don't want to be scene.
If you were in high school in the mid 2000s, you get it.
Nativity Scene Jokes
Here is a list of funny nativity scene jokes and even better nativity scene puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene... Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity.
- In honor of the BYU/Utah game tomorrow Why can't the University of Utah do the nativity scene?
Because they can't find 3 wise men or a virign. - Q: Did you hear that the White House isn't displaying it's Nativity scene this year?
A: They couldn't find the three wise men! - Did you hear that they're not having a nativity scene in Washington, DC? They looked through the entire city and couldn't find any wise men!
- So my son ate the baby Jesus out of our Nativity scene. Now we wait for the religious movement.
- They've been trying to set up a nativity scene in Washington...
- My cat has been destroying my Nativity scene for over an hour... I guess he's in de-creche mode.
- I just put up my Republican nativity scene. Of course I had to remove the Arabs, the Jews, the anchor baby, and the refugees, so all that's left is one j**... and a bunch of sheep.
Delightful Fun Scene Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about scene you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean films jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scene pranks.
Depressed race car mechanic.
Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'
'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'
'Is he a mechanic too doc?'
'No, a gynecologist'
I witnessed a huge accident on the highway today involving a semi truck packed full of toupees that overturned.
police are still there combing the scene.
So a police officer is called out to the scene where a Mercedes is wrapped around a tree,
He said "Well, I guess that's the way the Mercedes Benz"
Baking a Cake
A family was out at a movie and there was a s**... scene. Their little girl asks "What are they doing?"
Her mom replies "They are baking a cake." On the way home they saw two people in the park having s**.... The little girl asks the same question. Her mother replies "They are baking a cake honey."
The next morning the little girl asked her mom "Were you and daddy baking a cake last night?"
Her mom says "No of course not, why?"
"Because I licked the icing off the couch."
Did you hear about the Mexican Criminal trio?
They got away from the scene without a tres.
Two black guys are walking down the road when they are run over by a drunk-driving cop...
The first guy went through the windshield and the second guy was thrown 50 feet and landed in the ditch.
The first black guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second guy was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.
A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident
where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"
Ever seen the play about the French Revolution?
The scene with Marie Antoinette was perfectly executed.
A 4th grade '49ers fan in Dallas
The scene is a 4th grade classroom in Dallas, Texas. The teacher asks for a show of hands:
"Hey kids, how many of you are Dallas Cowboys fans?"
Everyone in the class raises their hand, except for little Suzy. The teacher says:
"Little Suzy, I notice you didn't raise your hand. Why is that?" Little Suzy responds:
"Because I'm a 49ers fan!"
"A 49ers fan?," the teacher asks incredulously, "Why on Earth are you a 49ers fan?"
"Because my Mommy is a 49ers fan, my Daddy is a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan."
The teacher doesn't like Suzy's answer:
"Little Suzy, that's no kind of logic. What if your Daddy was a drug dealer and your Mommy was a p**...?"
Suzy doesn't blink an eye:
"Well then I'd be a Raiders fan!"
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
How did Will Smith get caught for committing 1st degree m**...?
He left fresh prints all over the scene.
My wife is a film director and I really can not stand it.
Every time we go out somewhere, she makes a scene.
A cops calls for backup from a crime scene
This is officer John, please send backup, a woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.
Have you arrested the woman?
No Sir, the floor is still wet.
Police talking on the radio...
* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...
I once went on a date with a playwright
It was all going well, until she started making a scene
Whenever I see an underwater scene in a movie, I hold my breath
Almost died in Finding Nemo
An old lady shot her husband on the foot ...
An old lady shot her husband in the foot for stepping on the floor right after she mopped.
An officer reached on the scene and radioed into the station.
Station: "Has the women been arrested ? "
Officer: "No, the floor is still wet ...."
In a crime scene....
"So, Rookie, What do you make of all this?"
"Well, the vic was found n**... in bed, severely beaten to death. Sounds like a clear cut m**... case if you ask me"
"close. Our prime suspect is his wife, a morbidly obese woman who says he asked to be on the bottom during s**..."
"So it was a s**... then...."
A man is sitting in the dock at court.
The judge asks the man for his occupation.
"I'm a locksmith, your honour", the defendant replies.
"And what were you doing at the jewellers at three in the morning when police arrived at the scene", the judge inquires.
"I was making a bolt for the door".
A man is taking his son for a walk...
A man takes his son for a walk in his carriage. As he pushes him along, the baby is screaming and crying.
He says "Calm down, Carl."
The baby continues to cry and make a scene.
"It's going to be okay, Carl," the father murmurs.
After a while, a woman approaches and starts speaking to him.
"You must really care about your son Carl to take him on a walk to calm him down."
"No, I'm Carl."
Did you hear about the hearse that got into a head on collision?
Luckily only one person was found dead at the scene
Watching a s**... scene with my parents is so awkward.
My mom is such a bad actress.
I want to reenact a scene from 50 Shades of Gray....
Y'know the one where she gets a job right out of college.
"I am the young brother, let me through"
A man rushed to a gathering at an accident scene. Unable to see the victim because of the crowd the man said,"I am the young brother, let me through" The crowd looked at the man & paved the way silently.At the centre lay a donkey which had been hit by a car.
I was going to make a scene when they told me I couldn't join the Easter Egg hunt...
...instead I just left without a Peep.
Art Thief
A mastermind thief infiltrates The Louvre and steals several paintings. He loads them all into his van and drives off. A few blocks away, his van breaks down. When the police arrive on the scene, one of the officers asks the mastermind how something like this could happen if he was so smart. The mastermind replies with "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
We must follow our policy. . .
I was at the airport the other day to pick someone up but their flight was delayed so I wandered around a bit. I noticed a big scene at one of the airline check ins. there was this agitated vulture holding a couple of dead possums arguing loudly with a whole group of ticket agents. I kinda felt bad for the guy but the airline did have a one carrion policy.
Blonde Moments: Life with a Blonde Teenage Daughter
SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.
Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl's name is?
Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.
Lauren: You're no fun, Dad. Forget it.
Me: What is a vowel?
Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …
Me: Close enough.
A police officer called his station back on Radio.
He was at a m**... scene where an old woman shot her husband for stepping on just mopped floor.
Dispatch: So was an Arrest made ?
Officer: Not yet.
Dispatch: ?
Officer: The floor is still wet.
An inspector arrives at m**... scene of an obese man by a cannibal
It was a lot to digest
One time, the parents went out to dinner.
The sitter called and asked if she could cover the creepy clown statue in the kid's room.
The dad said: "Get out of the house. Call the police. We don't have a clown statue!"
By the time police arrived the scene, they found they did have a clown statue and the dad had alzheimer's.
A bank robber gets hold of the cash he needs but before fleeing the scene he demands the regular customers to stand in a line
The bank robber ask the first guy in line: "did you see what happened here?"
First guy: "I sure did! And I'm gonna tell the police exactly what happened and what you look lik..."
The bank robber shoots him in the head and ask the next in line the same question.
Second guy: "I assure you I did not see a thing... but my wife here did"
A policeman arrives at the crime scene
"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."
Three kids are in a park with their father
The first child approaches the father and asks,
"Dad, why am I named Dandy?"
Father responds,
"Because a dandelion fell on your head when you were born."
Second kid comes up and asks
"Dad, why am I named Rose?"
Dad responds,
"Because a rose fell on your head when you were born."
Third kid runs up screaming,
"HRJSOAOSBRBRJFIDISOSBBPPPBFFFSSSS"
Dad gets up and shouts at the third one, causing a scene,
"SHUT UP BRICK!"
The dating scene at Hogwarts must really s**....
Since every girl there has a magic wand, they don't really need the boys at all.
In the original 'Good Will Hunting' script, there is a surprise gay s**... scene between the two straight leads. It was purposely put there as a test to see if studios actually read the script. Harvey Weinstein was the only producer who mentioned the scene
Weinstein said that the s**... scene usually takes place before he approves a movie
The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad
That the scene where the n**... entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".
Drunk driving
A drunk guy was driving home on the wrong side of the road. His wife saw the scene live on TV and in horror rushed to call him: "Hello?! Are you driving home? Be careful, there is a madman driving on the wrong side of the road!". He replies: "I know, there isn't only one, there are hundreds!".
A t**... struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...
"Abominable. Simply abominable."
I'm gonna dress up as Forest gump tonight and go to the movies and make a a scene.
Then I will have to apologize for ruining their Black Panther party
I got into an accident, but I managed to save myself & a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching..
my car to reverse leaving the scene....
The attorney tells his client the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
Clean Underwear
My mom always told me to wear clean underwear in case I was ever in an accident. I never thought this was a real thing until I read about a car accident in the paper. They said the officers at the scene checked and there were no skidmarks.
A s**... scene came up on the telly.
My ten-year-old son was next to me. I said, "Put your hands over your eyes."
He said, "Why!"
I said, "Just do. I didn't realise these bits made it into the wedding video."
09:51 Arrive at the crime scene.
09:51 Find m**... victim.
09:51 Cordon off the area.
09:51 Start searching for m**... weapon.
09:51 Realise watch has stopped.
Two police officers walk into a crime scene.
They see two people lying dead on the floor. The victims are holding a piece of w**... each. Their eyes are red and their skin is dry.
One officer turns to the other and says: "Looks like a joint s**...."
I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".
"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".
Have you heard about the m**... diorama maker?
He just came on the scene.
My local beauty shop was broken into last night.
CCTV footage shows a suspect moonwalking out carrying a large amount of moisturising cream.
The officer at the scene told the shop owner "You've been struck by, a smooth criminal".
2 police officers were called to a domestic a**...,
2 police officers were called to a domestic a**... call. when they got there they had to call for backup. 2 police cars showed up making it 6 officers at the scene,
they called headquarters and spoke to their Captain.
"Captain we have a m**... here"
"what happened?"
"a wife shot and killed her husband for walking on her still wet mopped kitchen floor"
"well, have you arrested her yet?"
"Not yet, the kitchen floor is still wet."
A German was packing his luggage for holiday when his wife interrupts him...
"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"
"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".
A blonde and a brunette
decide to go to the movies together. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde pays up. The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week." The blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't think that black horse could possibly win a second time!"
A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.
A cop fills him in on what happened.
Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy
Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.
That's some locomotive
I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching
Into reverse and then leaving the scene.
My wife is angry at me for giving money to Charity
My wife looks after our finances. She asked "Honey where this check of 1000$ every month goes to "
Me "It's for Charity"
After few months She asked me about what work this charity does.
Me it's better to show you than tell.
I don't know why she shouted and created a scene. So what if Charity is a Stripper. Charity is still a person with feelings and values. How can my wife be so insensitive
Two potato farmers are in a field
One of them reaches down with both hands and pulls up two of the biggest potatoes they have ever scene. The other farmer says "Wow! Those potatoes look just like my b**...." "That big?" Asks the farmer. "No, just that dirty."
A policeman is told to write a report at a crime scene.
Policeman: the dead man was found lying on the pawemant......he is lying on the pave.........p a v e
*The policeman kicks the body onto the street*
Policeman: the dead man was found lying on the street.
The police were called to a crime scene.
They found a woman with a b**... golf club in her hand. Her husband, covered in blood, on the floor.
She screamed "My husband. What have I done?"
Cop "How many times did you hit him?
Wife " I don't remember. Put me down for a six"
Why could Will Smith never get away with m**...?
First thing they look for at a crime scene is fresh prints.
A detective story
11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 - Found m**... weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken
