Scattered Jokes
38 scattered jokes and hilarious scattered puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scattered that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Scattered Short Jokes
Short scattered jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scattered humour may include short scrambled jokes also.
- When I die, I have but 2 requests. The first, I want my remains to be scattered around Disneyland.
The second, I don't want to be cremated. - After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"
I said "Why not?"
He said "You have to cremate him first!" - When I die, I want my remains scattered over Disney World. Also, I don't want to be cremated.
- When I die, I want my friends to do two things: 1) Scatter my remains on my ex's front lawn. 2) Also, I don't want to be cremated.
- When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...
- Right now, my wife has a smoking hot bod... The ash scattering ceremony starts at 2:00 PM.
- When I die I'd like my remains to be scattered at Disney Land... Also, I don't want to be cremated.
- Todays weather forecast… S
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Scattered showers - When I die I want my remains to be scattered at my local beach.... I'm not getting cremated though.
- When I die, I want my remains to be scattered throughout Disney world. I don't want to be cremated.
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Scattered One Liners
Which scattered one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scattered? I can suggest the ones about gathered and shattered.
- When I die, I want to be scattered over Disneyland. But not cremated.
- When I die I want my remains scattered at Disneyland I do not wanna be cremated
- I want my remains scattered across the world I also don't want to be cremated.
- I just scattered my Grandfather's ashes... I wish he would empty his ashtray himself.
- Did you see that movie about scatter graphs? The plot was a bit all over the place.
- How come north Carolina is the bluest state? Raleigh scattering
- A statistician is overanalyzing a scatter plot You tell him, "Get to the point already!"
- How do you draw a scatter plot? You give the pen to michel j fox
- A math pickup line...You're so hot....... You make me wanna SCATTER my PLOT.
:) - A tornado hit a local dairy farm. Da-Brie was scattered everywhere!
- What do you call hand warmers scattered throughout a room? Intermittens.
- What was Kurt Cobain's nickname? ... scatter brains
- I have two requests for my f**... 1) be scattered at Disney Land
2) not to be cremated
Giggle-Inducing Scattered Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about scattered you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spotted jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scattered pranks.
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.
Their lovers happened to be at the f**... home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a p**... of chili, so he can tear my a**... up just one more time."
After my grandfather's f**......
I scattered his remains all over my back garden.
Which was horrible, because he hadn't been cremated.
How Do You Trap a Polar Bear?
You cut a hole in the ice and scatter peas around it. When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the icehole.
That was one my dad used to tell, so it's 100% genuine dad joke.
Holmes and Watson were investigating a m**... at an archaeological dig-site
Holmes picks up several of the rocks and pebbles surrounding the m**... victim. After a while, Holmes turns to his companion and says "I've cracked the case. The suspect was clearly murdered with a blow to the head by a rock, which then crumbled and scattered into pieces."
"How on Earth can you tell?" exclaims Watson.
"It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend.
I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend. They say Will You and Me That will keep her busy whilst I watch football on TV.
Three doctors are talking about death
The first, a dentist, says, When I die, I think I'd like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.
Hey, adds the cardiologist, that's not a bad idea, I'd love my tombstone to be shaped as a heart…
The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says, I think scattering of the ashes is my option.
LPT: Follow the given three steps in order to successfully accomplish a m**....
1. Set out a few high-mounted boxes with hole in the front of them.
2. Scatter about several boxes filled with cashews.
3. Be sure to do this in a place crows frequent.
A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order.
She wrote her will and made her final arrangements. As part of these arrangements she met with her rabbi to talk about what type of f**... service she wanted. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomindgales.
"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi said. "Why Bloomingdales?"
"That way, I know my daughters will visit me at least twice a week."
My pornstar friend recently passed away.
Per his request, we had his ashes scattered over his wife's face.
f**... Plans
When I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered in the sea.
So when my family eats sushi they'll think of me.
A few bananas are planning a heist
Right before they leap into action, they decide to run through the process again so all bananas know what they're doing.
Firstly, two bananas will be creating a distraction a distance away from the heist. Then, the rest of the bananas will scatter to confuse the enemy and start the heist.
After going through the process a few more times, the bananas are certain that they know what to do, and thus a couple bananas peel off and the rest of the bananas split.
Scattered Ashes
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
The elderly woman says "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
When I die, I want my body to be scattered about at Disney World
But I do not want to be cremated
