Scattered Jokes

Following is our collection of disperse humor and cremate one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Scattered puns for adults, dirty scatter jokes or clean dust gags for kids.

There is an abundance of floorboards jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 25 funniest jokes on scattered. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any exhibit witze you can hear about scattered.

The Best jokes about Scattered

When I die, I have but 2 requests.

The first, I want my remains to be scattered around Disneyland.



The second, I don't want to be cremated.

When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea

Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...

When I die I'd like my remains to be scattered at Disney Land...

Also, I don't want to be cremated.

After my grandfather's funeral...

I scattered his remains all over my back garden.

Which was horrible, because he hadn't been cremated.

Holmes and Watson were investigating a murder at an archaeological dig-site

Holmes picks up several of the rocks and pebbles surrounding the murder victim. After a while, Holmes turns to his companion and says "I've cracked the case. The suspect was clearly murdered with a blow to the head by a rock, which then crumbled and scattered into pieces."

"How on Earth can you tell?" exclaims Watson.

"It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."


I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend.

I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend. They say Will You and Me That will keep her busy whilst I watch football on TV.

When I die, I want my remains to be scattered throughout Disney world.

I don't want to be cremated.

Funeral Plans

When I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered in the sea.

So when my family eats sushi they'll think of me.

When I die, I want my body to be scattered about at Disney World

But I do not want to be cremated

I have only two requests for when I die. #1. I want my remains scattered around Wrigley Field.

\#2. I don't want to be cremated first.

Army Post

A friend of mine recently back from his time in the army told me about one night, at his military base when he woke up about 2am, went outside - and he saw doughnuts, eclairs, cakes of all sizes scattered over the yard - but not another person in sight. Then he realised...

They had desserted their post.


My daughter had a sleepover last night. I awoke to a mess of rice scattered all over the floor...

...turns out they were having a pilau fight.

I have two requests for my funeral

1) be scattered at Disney Land
2) not to be cremated

I just scattered my Grandfather's ashes...

I wish he would empty his ashtray himself.

A reformed Mexican gangbanger was trying to change his life...

so he decides to go back to school and one night he was writing a book report, he was sitting at his desk by the window and a gust of wind knocked his papers away and scattered outside...he says "Come back here essay!"

Inexplicably, there are random craft supplies scattered all throughout my living room.

I don't know what to make of it.

Osama Bin Laden has been having trouble thinking lately

His brain is pretty scattered right now

There was a pile up on the freeway....

reportedly due to a bunch of old underwear, scattered all over the road. No one is sure how they got there, but there were skidmarks everywhere

When I die, I want to be scattered around Disneyland.

Oh, and I don't want to be cremated.


How to creep out a mortician

How to creep out a mortician.

1. Go in to pre-plan your funeral.

2. Tell him, "I want my remains scattered over the sunflower fields of Fayetteville."

3. He says, "We can do that. The cost for cremation is..."

4. Say, "Cremation? Who said anything about cremation?"

5. Mortician creep-out ensues.

In an alternate universe, the Curiosity rover launch moments after lift-off.

As the rover exploded mid air, the broken pieces of Curiosity fell back to the face of Earth and scattered across the land. Unfortunately, a particularly sharp piece just happened to impale a cat walking about outside.

They said that Curiosity killed the cat.

A bus filled with politicians was driving on ....

.... The country road on campaign trail. Suddenly on a turn the bus veered off and hit a tree with great force. A farmer nearby rushed in, and seeing the scattered bodies proceeded to bury them with dignity.
Police arrived in few hours and proceeded to question the farmer.
Police: "Good deed you did there. So all of them died huh?"
Farmer: " You know how these politicians are. Some of them kept lying that they were alive but I'll be damned if I believed them again"

When my grandfather died, we scattered his remains in the sea.

People at the beach started freaking out though, because we didn't cremate him.

I woke up this morning to find my books scattered all over the floor.

I've only my shelf to blame.

What do you call hand warmers scattered throughout a room?

Intermittens.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes