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Scary Jokes

135 scary jokes and hilarious scary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Do you love being scared? If so, this article is for you! It features a collection of spooky jokes perfect for Halloween or just for when you feel like having a good fright. Read on for some truly terrifying puns and gags that will send shivers down your spine. So, what are you waiting for? Let's get into the eerie tassels of the woods and enjoy some scary jokes!

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Funniest Scary Short Jokes

Short scary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scary humour may include short scared jokes also.

  1. My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!! It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house
  2. North Korea now has a missle that can reach New York City, and I think that's really scary. If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.
  3. I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen… I can feel it…
  4. Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?
    The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter.
  5. That CIA surveillance leak sure is scary I hope my Roomba doesn't start gathering dirt on me
  6. A kid and a clown are walking through the woods. The kid looks around and says, "man these woods sure are scary"
    The clown replies, "you're telling me I have to walk out of here alone."
  7. THAT'S NOT FUNNY, THAT'S SICK! A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods. The boy says "it sure is dark and scary here". The clown says "how do you think I feel? I'm coming back alone".
  8. North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary… Because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere…
  9. This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
    That's scary!
    It means 75% are running around untreated!
  10. 25% of all adult women are currently on medication for mental illness which is quite scary.... Because that means 75% are running around untreated.

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Scary One Liners

Which scary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scary? I can suggest the ones about frightening and spooky.

  1. I have a scary joke about math... but I'm 2² to say it.
  2. What's comforting and scary at the same time? A warm toilet seat.
  3. If you ever feel lonely, watch a scary movie Then you won't feel so lonely anymore.
  4. Why are white prisoners so scary? Because you know they did it.
  5. What do you call a scary turkey? A poultry giest.
  6. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it? Calculus homework.
  7. What is thin, white, and scary? Homework.
  8. I learned Braille to read ghost stories, It's going to be scary, I can feel it.
  9. Why are yacht and ships so scary? Because they're for boating.
  10. It must be scary dating an adult film star So many jealous step brothers
  11. What do you call a really scary, racist clown? A big It
  12. What genre of music sounds scary to a balloon? Pop music.
  13. Bad musicians can be scary. But their Bach is worse than their bite.
  14. The sentence "I'm aware" isn't very scary Unless you put Wolf on the end.
  15. French pastry bakers are scary. They give me the crepes.

Scary Clown Jokes

Here is a list of funny scary clown jokes and even better scary clown puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a homeless clown and a scary clown? One is penniless and the other is Pennywise.
  • Pennywise the clown to Ronald "you disgust me Ronald, you're not even scary."
    Ronald McDonald: "I've killed more people than you."
  • Two costumes are gonna be super popular this year: Donald Trump and Scary Clown. It's gonna be hard to say which is which.
  • Late at night I jabbed my wife in the dark and said, " You're it." I nearly fell out of bed when I woke up next to a scary clown in the morning.
  • I used to work in an IT department but I quit Because scary clowns aren't really my thing.
  • I'm a performance artist. My next show involves peeing on a scary clown.... And now, u**... on It.

Scary Halloween Jokes

Here is a list of funny scary halloween jokes and even better scary halloween puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A scary thing to do to your girlfriend on Halloween... is ask her if she's going as a sumo wrestler.
    Spooky!
  • One last scary Joke Halloween may be over, but I still got one more scary joke in me...
    Booooooo-bies!
  • What do you call a scary storage room on Halloween? A warehouse
    (Sorry)
  • I personally think that Halloween should be moved To November 8 (it'll be more scary)
  • Walked into a halloween store yesterday. The only thing scary was the prices.
  • Scary Halloween pug!
  • My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
  • You so ugly on Halloween someone said scary costume.
  • I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
  • What's a scary costume for Halloween? College tuition
Scary joke, What's a scary costume for Halloween?

Scary Stories Jokes

Here is a list of funny scary stories jokes and even better scary stories puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear the scary story about a piercing gone wrong? It was eerie.
  • What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing? He writes scary stories.

Scary Ghost Jokes

Here is a list of funny scary ghost jokes and even better scary ghost puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why Is The Letter G Scary? It Turns A Host Into A Ghost!
  • Do you wanna hear my impression of a ghost? Scary.
  • The Guest Q: Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?
    A: Any old friend he could dig up!
  • What's a ghosts favourite amusement park ride? The scary-go-round!
  • Why the letter "G" is scary????? In one fine evening it can turn your host into
    .
    .
    .
    GHOST.
  • What kind of ghost walks through walls? A scary one.
Scary joke, What kind of ghost walks through walls?

Amusing & Witty Scary Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about scary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean creepy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scary pranks.

A man and a boy went into the woods at night...

... the boy says to the man, "it's scary out here." The man then replied, "You think you're scared, I gotta walk out of here alone!"

Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."
The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."

A man and a boy are walking through the woods..

The boy turns to the man and says, "these woods sure are scary."
The man turns to him and says, "you're telling me, I have to walk back alone."

Frightening Statistic

This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

What do you call a scary bee?

A boo bee.

A man and a boy are walking in the woods

And the boy says in his childish voice "gee mister, these woods sure are scary!"
To which the man replies in a humbled tone " your telling me! And I gotta walk out of here alone!"

Two mafia hitmen are walking through the forest at night when one of them says

"I have to admit, it's pretty scary out here." The other replies, "You think this is bad? I have to walk back alone."

Two men get into a car wreck...

Both men are all right and meet to exchange information. The older man offers the younger man a drink to calm his nerves while they wait for the insurance investigator to arrive.
"Thanks for that drink, sir," the younger man says, emptying the little bit left in the bottle. "That was pretty scary."
"Don't thank me," the older man replies, casually tossing the empty bottle into the woods. "I'm a lawyer."

A man rolls thru a STOP sign and a cop pulls him over

"I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign. You only slowed down."
"Slow down... stop... what's the difference?"
The cop pulls the man out of his car and begins beating him with his nightstick.
"Now you tell me whether you want me to stop... or slow down."
*This joke was told to me by a police officer, which made it kinda scary.

12 year old and a clown walking through the woods..

A 12 year old and a clown are walking through the woods one night.
The kid turns to the clown and says "Mr. clown these woods sure are scary!"
The clown turns to the kid and says "What are you scared for? I'm the one who has to walk back alone!"

I just read that 25% of women in the United States take medication for mental illness...

That's scary! Why do we let 75% of them run around untreated??

A little boy and a clown go walking into the woods.

As they get deeper and deeper into the woods, the little boy starts looking around, apprehensive.
"Boy, it sure is getting scary in here." the little boy says.
"YOU'RE scared?" the clown replies, "I still have to walk back out of here by myself!"

Two cows are standing around talking...

"Hey, have you been following the news? All this mad cow disease going around is scary!"
"Yeah! Thank god we're elephants."

A man and a boy are walking through the dark woods together

Boy: Wow this is really scary
Man: How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!!!

A man and a boy walk into the woods together at night

Boy: "It's dark and scary in here"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone"

What do girls fear that's big, scary, and pink?

The Alaskan Bull Worm.

So I had this dream of eating a large marshmallow

The scary part was when I woke up I found my pillow missing.
*Took this off an essay example thing we were given in English, thought it'd be pretty funny to post on here

Did y'all hear about the circus fire this weekend?

Yeah, scary stuff... they say it was intents.

Election Day was the perfect day to go see Doctor Strange...

I got to experience a scary bizarro world were sanity was cast aside and the laws of nature were twisted to the breaking point, and I also went to a movie.

A homicidal r**... is holding hands with a little girl.

They are walking through a dense and eerie forest at night. Sounds of owls, wolves and other animals echos around. "This place is really scary sir" says the girl. The man looks around. The sound of wolves send chills down he's spine. He looks at the girl and says: "Yeah. Imagine me that I have to return by myself".

I had a scary dream about a horse last night

Man what a nightmare

The internet is a scary place. It's dangerous to go alone! Take this

.
(It's a grain of salt)

Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...

"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"
"Wow! That must have been scary!"
"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."

A recent study shows that 1 in every 10 men are gay.

As a guy I find this really scary, that means that 1 of the last 10 dudes I slept with is gay.

Tell someone that you love them today, because life is short...

but scream it at them in German because it's also confusing and scary.

Ten horses walk out of a bar. They see another horse getting mugged by a big scary dude in an alleyway. The horses are unsure if they should intervene. One brave horse says, "Let's put it to a vote! If you want to help him, say aye!"

They don't help him.

A clown and a five year old boy are walking into the woods

As they get deeper into the forest the little boy says, Wow it's scary in here!
The clown replies, What are you scared of, I gotta walk out of here alone!

What's orange, empty headed, and tries to be scary?

A jack o'lantern!

What do you call a scary cake that keeps coming back?

A boo meringue

A little boy and a clown are walking through the woods at night...

"Golly!" the boy says, "It sure is scary out here!"
"You think you're scared!" the clown replies. "I'm the one who has to walk home all alone."

So Roy Moore and a little girl walking through a scary Forest

The little girl turns to him and says, "Geese mister I'm really scared!".
And he says " How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

What's massive, scary, starts with T, ends with X, and eats people alive?

Tax

Little Timothy comes from school...

"How was school?" Asked the mom
"It was a blast! We got to make huge fires!"
"Oh that sounds scary! Are you going to do that again tomorrow at school?"
"Well there's no more school, so I can't say mom."
"Well why not?"
"It got pretty lit in there."
"You kids must've been all fired up!"
"It was blazing."

What do you call a scary dinosaur with a c**... pulled over its head?

A Du-Rex!

I've been reading a scary book in braille...

Something good is about to happen I can feel it.

I've been reading so much about the scary trade disputes between the US and Canada, I see headlines when I blink...

...Frankly, I'm tariff-eyed.

I hate driving through tunnels [OC]

They're always so dark and scary. My hands always start shaking whenever I'm driving through one with my mates.
I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome

A child and a p**... are walking through the woods together

The child says, These woods are scary .
Tell me about it, says the p**..., I have to walk back through here alone.

What has four legs, two mouths, is very scary and has the power to make a man suffer indescribable torment?

My pregnant wife.

I live in a rough neighborhood

There are lots of gangs here, so it's pretty scary at times.
In fact, my neighbor used to be a blood.
Then he fell off the roof. Now he's a crip.

What's so scary about a white person in prison

You know he did it
This ain't mine btw I got it from youtube

I went to the cinema to watch Harry Potter

...and I was surprised to see a man and his dog there. The dog barked at the exciting bits, growled at the scary bits and whimpered at the sad bits. At the end I approached the owner and said how I had never seen a dog enjoy a film so much and I was amazed. He replied So am I. He hated the book

A kid and child m**... are walking in the woods

A kid and a child m**... are walking in the woods. As the sun is going down and it gets darker, the kod says, "It's getting kinda scary mister." He tells the kid, "I know. I'm the one that's gotta walk back alone."

What's Gordon Ramsey's favorite scary movie?

Get out

Two cows are grazing next to each other in a field...

One cow says to the other, "The news is so scary with all this talk of mad cow disease, it really has me worried"
The other cow looks over and says ," I'm not worried at all..... I'm a helicopter....."

My uncle's favorite joke.

A man with a wooden eye was always nervous asking girls to dance. He was always scared they would find his wooden eye too scary and say no. But he saw a pretty girl with a harelip across the dance floor and mustered up the courage to ask her to dance. Once he asked, she was ecstatic and couldn't believe someone asked her. She said, "Would I?! Would I?!". The man gets angry and says, "Harelip! Harelip!"

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Jason Voorhees?

Both are scary people but Jason knows how to wear a mask!

It would be really scary if politicians worked shiftwork

There would be so many night mayors

What do you get if you build a carousel inside a haunted house?

A scary go round.

Life is short, so tell someone that you love them.

But shout it at them in German, because life is also scary and confusing.

A little boy and a clown are walking through the woods at 3 am...

The little boy says, "Golly! It sure is dark and scary out here!"
"You think you're scared," says the clown. "I'm the one who has to walk home all alone..."

I always said that I would never ever go walking dark scary tunnels in the earth.

But eventually I caved.

Batman is so scary, even bullets are afraid to hit him.

That's why they aimed for his parents.

I had a nightmare last night that my Tik Tok account was deleted

It was scary, because for a second I thought I had a Tik Tok account.

A little boy and a man are walking hand-in-hand down a forest path at dusk...

The shadows are lengthening, a breeze is blowing, dead leaves are skittering, tree branches are rattling & creaking and the underbrush is rustling. The little boy looks up at the man and says, "Gee, it sure is scary in these woods!" The man replies, "You think you're scared, kid. I gotta walk back outta here alone."

That "Born to Be Wild" song is actually pretty scary.

Especially the part where they find a head out on the highway.

What do you call a really scary horse that only appears after the sun has set?

A nightMARE!

If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again,

Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years

Scary joke, If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again,

jokes about scary