Scary Jokes
126 scary jokes and hilarious scary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you love being scared? If so, this article is for you! It features a collection of spooky jokes perfect for Halloween or just for when you feel like having a good fright. Read on for some truly terrifying puns and gags that will send shivers down your spine. So, what are you waiting for? Let's get into the eerie tassels of the woods and enjoy some scary jokes!
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Funniest Scary Short Jokes
Short scary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scary humour may include short frightening jokes also.
- My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!! It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house
- That CIA surveillance leak sure is scary I hope my Roomba doesn't start gathering dirt on me
- A kid and a clown are walking through the woods. The kid looks around and says, "man these woods sure are scary"
The clown replies, "you're telling me I have to walk out of here alone." - THAT'S NOT FUNNY, THAT'S SICK! A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods. The boy says "it sure is dark and scary here". The clown says "how do you think I feel? I'm coming back alone".
- This is a frightening statistic 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated! - If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again, Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years
- I've been reading so much about the scary trade disputes between the US and Canada, I see headlines when I blink... ...Frankly, I'm tariff-eyed.
- Tell someone that you love them today, because life is short... but scream it at them in German because it's also confusing and scary.
- Batman is so scary, even bullets are afraid to hit him. That's why they aimed for his parents.
- Two cows are standing around talking... "Hey, have you been following the news? All this mad cow disease going around is scary!"
"Yeah! thank god we're elephants."
Share These Scary Jokes With Friends
Scary One Liners
Which scary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scary? I can suggest the ones about spooky and creepy.
- I have a scary joke about math... but I'm 2² to say it.
- What's comforting and scary at the same time? A warm toilet seat.
- What do you call a scary turkey? A poultry giest.
- What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it? Calculus homework.
- What is thin, white, and scary? Homework.
- I learned Braille to read ghost stories, It's going to be scary, I can feel it.
- Why are yacht and ships so scary? Because they're for boating.
- What do you call a really scary, racist clown? A big It
- Bad musicians can be scary. But their Bach is worse than their bite.
- The sentence "I'm aware" isn't very scary Unless you put Wolf on the end.
- French pastry bakers are scary. They give me the crepes.
- What's orange, empty headed, and tries to be scary? A jack o'lantern!
- What's the scary dessert that keeps coming back? Boo! meringue
- What do girls fear that's big, scary, and pink? The Alaskan Bull Worm.
- What's Gordon Ramsey's favorite scary movie? Get out
Scary Clown Jokes
Here is a list of funny scary clown jokes and even better scary clown puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two costumes are gonna be super popular this year: Donald Trump and Scary Clown. It's gonna be hard to say which is which.
- I used to work in an IT department but I quit Because scary clowns aren't really my thing.
Scary Halloween Jokes
Here is a list of funny scary halloween jokes and even better scary halloween puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A scary thing to do to your girlfriend on Halloween... is ask her if she's going as a sumo wrestler.
Spooky! - One last scary Joke Halloween may be over, but I still got one more scary joke in me...
Booooooo-bies! - What do you call a scary storage room on Halloween? A warehouse
(Sorry) - I personally think that Halloween should be moved To November 8 (it'll be more scary)
- Walked into a halloween store yesterday. The only thing scary was the prices.
- Scary Halloween pug!
- My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
- I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
- What's a scary costume for Halloween? College tuition
Scary Stories Jokes
Here is a list of funny scary stories jokes and even better scary stories puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear the scary story about a piercing gone wrong? It was eerie.
- What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing? He writes scary stories.
Scary Ghost Jokes
Here is a list of funny scary ghost jokes and even better scary ghost puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why Is The Letter G Scary? It Turns A Host Into A Ghost!
- Do you wanna hear my impression of a ghost? Scary.
- The Guest Q: Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?
A: Any old friend he could dig up! - What's a ghosts favourite amusement park ride? The scary-go-round!
- What kind of ghost walks through walls? A scary one.
Amusing & Witty Scary Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about scary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean terrified jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scary pranks.
You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Did you hear the one about the old man and the little boy in a dark forest?
The little boy says to the old man, "Mr. it's real scary way out here." The old man replies, "you're telling me, I have to walk out of here alone."
A man and a boy are walking through the woods..
The boy turns to the man and says, "these woods sure are scary."
The man turns to him and says, "you're telling me, I have to walk back alone."
What do you call a scary bee?
A boo bee.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey did you hear the punchline about the scary cow?
It was t**... bull.
Two men get into a car wreck...
Both men are all right and meet to exchange information. The older man offers the younger man a drink to calm his nerves while they wait for the insurance investigator to arrive.
"Thanks for that drink, sir," the younger man says, emptying the little bit left in the bottle. "That was pretty scary."
"Don't thank me," the older man replies, casually tossing the empty bottle into the woods. "I'm a lawyer."
How to make a strawberry shake?
Take it to a scary movie
A man rolls thru a STOP sign and a cop pulls him over
"I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign. You only slowed down."
"Slow down... stop... what's the difference?"
The cop pulls the man out of his car and begins beating him with his nightstick.
"Now you tell me whether you want me to stop... or slow down."
*This joke was told to me by a police officer, which made it kinda scary.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been hearing a lot about mass murderers lately....
It must be a scary time to be catholic.
Scientists have discovered a new planet made entirely out of scary monsters!
they named it Tera-Fy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a scary p**...?
Horrifying.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pennywise the clown to Ronald
"you disgust me Ronald, you're not even scary."
Ronald McDonald: "I've killed more people than you."
So I had this dream of eating a large marshmallow
The scary part was when I woke up I found my pillow missing.
*Took this off an essay example thing we were given in English, thought it'd be pretty funny to post on here
Election Day was the perfect day to go see Doctor Strange...
I got to experience a scary bizarro world were sanity was cast aside and the laws of nature were twisted to the breaking point, and I also went to a movie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A homicidal r**... is holding hands with a little girl.
They are walking through a dense and eerie forest at night. Sounds of owls, wolves and other animals echos around. "This place is really scary sir" says the girl. The man looks around. The sound of wolves send chills down he's spine. He looks at the girl and says: "Yeah. Imagine me that I have to return by myself".
Love is like a roller-coaster
It'll seem scary at first, it's happens fast, it has its ups, it has its downs, but what's most important is that you meet it's size restrictions.
I had a scary dream about a horse last night
Man what a nightmare
The internet is a scary place. It's dangerous to go alone! Take this
.
(It's a grain of salt)
I was talking to Luke Skywalker the other day...
And he asked me why 7 was such a scary number
I told him that 789
But Yoda insists
It was 678
Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...
"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"
"Wow! That must have been scary!"
"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you seen the scary movie about the s**... paddle?
It was a w**...-oar.
Ten horses walk out of a bar. They see another horse getting mugged by a big scary dude in an alleyway. The horses are unsure if they should intervene. One brave horse says, "Let's put it to a vote! If you want to help him, say aye!"
They don't help him.
It looks like Sean "Spicy" Spicer has been replaced with Anthony "Scary" Scaramucci
I wonder who the next replacement will be "Sporty", "Baby", "Ginger" or "Posh"
some think haunted houses are on the scariest level.
I think haunted skyscrapers are scary on multiple levels.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
North Korea now has a missle that can reach New York City, and I think that's really scary.
If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a performance artist. My next show involves peeing on a scary clown....
And now, u**... on It.
What makes IT so scary?
The fact the government can spy on you.
So Roy Moore and a little girl walking through a scary Forest
The little girl turns to him and says, "Geese mister I'm really scared!".
And he says " How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Little Timothy comes from school...
"How was school?" Asked the mom
"It was a blast! We got to make huge fires!"
"Oh that sounds scary! Are you going to do that again tomorrow at school?"
"Well there's no more school, so I can't say mom."
"Well why not?"
"It got pretty lit in there."
"You kids must've been all fired up!"
"It was blazing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a scary dinosaur with a c**... pulled over its head?
A Du-Rex!
A man is walking with a kid into the woods at night
-This is scary - says the kid.
-Tell me about it, that I have to go back alone.
My great grandfather and grandfather both have Alzheimer's
My dad is starting to show early signs of the disease as well and it's scary because I know that sooner or later I will also get Alzheimer's as well because my great grandfather and grandfather both have Alzheimer's and my dad is starting to show early signs of the disease......
A man and woman are walking at night through a cold, dark forest.
I don't like this place. It's scary and I'm cold, declares the woman.
You're scared?! the man replies, you're not the one who has to walk back all alone!
Dinosaurs are scary, quakers are pretty calm
But together they make great oatmeal.
I hate driving through tunnels
They're always so dark and scary. My hands always start shaking whenever I'm driving through one with my mates.
I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome
Why is Cheese Frankenstein so scary?
He's a Muenster.
What do you call a scary alcohol?
Mali-boo
What has four legs, two mouths, is very scary and has the power to make a man suffer indescribable torment?
My pregnant wife.
What did the package say to the scary 18 wheeler?
I'm not a freight.
I always hear about how scary deep sea fish are...
But just think of all the pressure they're under!
I live in a rough neighborhood
There are lots of gangs here, so it's pretty scary at times.
In fact, my neighbor used to be a blood.
Then he fell off the roof. Now he's a crip.
Alone
if y'all dont want to be alone, watch a scary movie at night and you wont feel alone.
BE CAREFUL IN SUPERMARKETS!!!
My wife and I went to grocery. Of course, we had face mask and goggles to be safe.
When we got there, wow, there are still too many people. Scary !
I decided, and I pulled my wife to go home cos we might even catch Covid there.
But, contradicting me, she wants to let go and doesn't want to go home!
Oh my goodness! I really dragged her back to the car.
In the car, she ignores me and is angry.
When we arrived home, when we remove face mask.
She is not my wife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As the world can communicate freely online directly to anyone, we find ourselves in virtual information abundance, spoiled for choice!
You can now choose between funny p**..., serious p**..., dramatic p**..., scary p**..., or sad p**...!
I'm not sure which is more scary during this pandemic quarantine...
...the Coronavirus itself, or the fact that I just ate the last of my wife's period chocolate.
What do scary pandas eat?
BamBOO!
What did the scary old lady say when she found a gold cauldron?
I'm gonna be witch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It must be scary dating an adult film star
So many jealous step brothers
You know what's a scary thought?
Bear in mind...
My uncle's favorite joke.
A man with a wooden eye was always nervous asking girls to dance. He was always scared they would find his wooden eye too scary and say no. But he saw a pretty girl with a harelip across the dance floor and mustered up the courage to ask her to dance. Once he asked, she was ecstatic and couldn't believe someone asked her. She said, "Would I?! Would I?!". The man gets angry and says, "Harelip! Harelip!"
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Jason Voorhees?
Both are scary people but Jason knows how to wear a mask!
It would be really scary if politicians worked shiftwork
There would be so many night mayors
What do you get if you build a carousel inside a haunted house?
A scary go round.
I always said that I would never ever go walking dark scary tunnels in the earth.
But eventually I caved.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a homeless clown and a scary clown?
One is penniless and the other is Pennywise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That "Born to Be Wild" song is actually pretty scary.
Especially the part where they find a head out on the highway.
What do you call a really scary horse that only appears after the sun has set?
A nightMARE!
