JokoJokes

Scare Jokes

131 scare jokes and hilarious scare puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scare that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Popular Scare Short Jokes

Short scare jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scare humour may include short scaring jokes also.

  1. Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted. For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.
  2. Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today... And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
     
     
     
     
  3. A guy in a plane stood up and shouted, HIJACK! All passengers got scared.
    From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back, HI JOHN!
  4. Everyone knows why 6 was afraid of 7, but do you know why 10 was scared? 10 was in the middle of 9 11.
  5. Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year... ...so that's just being hippocritical...
  6. I used to be scared of pretty girls, So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
  7. I asked my grandpa.. I asked my grandpa: After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What's the secret?
    Grandpa: I forgot her name 5 years ago and I'm scared to ask her.
  8. Nobody was scared when the clown invasion started at the beach I mean, it's just one boat they said. How bad can it be? .
  9. I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!" They must be scared of the dark or something.
  10. I am really scared of encountering cougars when I go on a run If I ever saw one , I'd Puma Pants .

Share These Scare Jokes With Friends




Scare One Liners

Which scare one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scare? I can suggest the ones about fright and spook.

  1. Why was 10 scared? He was in the middle of 9-11
  2. Scaring men is easy I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is..
  3. I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey But I am scared my inbox will be flooded
  4. Apparently I snore so loudly that I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.
  5. I once got yelled at for peeing in a pool Scared me so much I almost fell in.
  6. I told my neighbor I was too scared to grow an apple tree. He said grow a pear.
  7. Apple farmers who are too scared to diversify should just grow a pear.
  8. In Iran, everyone's scared of spiders.. But in Iraq, no phobia.
  9. Scared of eating genetically modified fruit? Grow a pear.
  10. Why was Yoda scared of 7? Because 6 7 8.
  11. I'm scared of 5G It will only allow idiots to spread their conspiracy theories faster.
  12. Why didn't the dog want to go into outer space? Because he was scared of vacuums!
  13. I'd be very scared if I swallowed a cup of cement I'd be shittin' brick
  14. Why don't blind people like to skydive? It scares their dog
  15. How scared was the dinosaur? Petrified.

Red Scare Jokes

Here is a list of funny red scare jokes and even better red scare puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm scared to go to the Red Light District. It's a hard part of town.
  • What happened to Harry Truman when his wife was on her period? He got a Red Scare.
  • What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies? No, seriously. This thing is scaring the h**... out me.
  • As I watched the gorilla b**... against the glass I started to become mildly scared. Standards have really dropped at the Red Light District.
  • What's red and black and scares women worldwide? Me in my red and black r**... cape.
Scare joke, What's red and black and scares women worldwide?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about scare can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of scare puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Scare Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about scare you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean scary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make scare prank.

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely n**....

I'm not sure what scared him more. My n**... body or the fact I knew where he lived

Impact of a job change.

A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something
Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop
The driver said: "Don't ever do that again man! You scared me!"
Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"
Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault
Its my 1st day as a Cab driver...I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs

Watermelon Farmer.

This is the best joke I know so I thought I would share, as far as I know it's original.
A successful watermelon farmer is having some trouble. Some kids keep stealing his crops at night while he sleeping.
To scare them away he makes a sign saying "Caution: One of these watermelons are poisoned".
The next morning, he wakes up to this sign: "Caution: Now two of these watermelons are poisoned".

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure.

He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out.
The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."
The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion."
The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions.
The man said "I would like a million dollars."
The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars.
Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."

I'm scared Mister

So a r**.../m**... is walking into a deep dark wooded area with a 6 year old boy. They are pretty far into the woods when the young boy says: "Mister, I'm scared." The old man turns to the boy and says: "You're scared? I'm the one who has to walk out of these woods alone."

A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...

...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology.
He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in.
"Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"

An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.

The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.
The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."
The instructor feinted.

What do you get when you scare a tree?

Petrified wood.

Why was 10 scared?

... because he was in the middle of 9-11!
Better phrasing recommendations appreciated :-)

What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him in for dinner?

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Why did the scarecrow win an award........

....because it stood out in it's field.

A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...

They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"
"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."
"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."
"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."
**p**...**
He became a m**... pad.

Why did the scarecrow get the Nobel prize?

He was out standing in his field.

Why did the scare crow win the award?

He was out standing in his field.
This has Always been my favourite pun.

Conversation between a 911 operator and a hunter

"911, what's your emergency?"
"My friend and I went hunting and he got attacked by a bear, I managed to scare it away, but I think my friend is dead"
"OK, stay calm. First, make sure he is dead"
*Gun shot*
"He is. Now what?"

A man would come home very late and very drunk every night.

His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.
When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a d**....
He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"

Mafia florists

Some Italian mafia members own a florist shop in a city. Theirs is the only florist is the area, and so they control most of the flower business in the area.
One day, however, another florist shop opens up across the street. Afraid for their business, the mafia send one of theirs to rustle the place up, maybe scare them off. But he comes back to report that the florists are all friars! Being devout Catholics, they can't mess with the good friars.
The mafia boss has a solution. He turns to a guy named Hugh.
"Hey Hugh, you're atheist, right?"
"Yes."
"You you'll have no qualms about shaking up that flower shop?"
"I don't see why I would, boss."
Then he puts his hand on Hugh's shoulder, turns to the rest of the group, and says,
"Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!
The job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in his jeans.

if I'm ever trying to m**... someone...

If I'm ever trying to m**... someone and they're getting away, I'm just gonna yell "WAIT! YOU'RE ON SCARE TACTICS!"
and as they come back laughing I'll stab them 47 times in the chest.

There was a farmer who grew watermelons...

He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"

I approached the grieving widow at the f**....

"Tell me my dear, what were his final words?"
She sniffled and feebly replied.
"You don't scare me with that gun Martha, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"

Why did the scarecrow win so many awards?

Because he was out standing in his field.

I'm really scared that the Fine Bros are going to sue me

because I just had an allergic reaction.

Why am I scared of french pastry chefs?

They give me the crepes.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist

Why should you be scared of a white man in prison?

Because you know he is actually guilty.
Credit to /u/Ser_Rodrick_Cassel for the joke!

What's with everyone being scared of clowns recently?

Americas already got two running for president.

The scarecrow won employee of the month again...

He's outstanding in his field.

A man is riding in the back of a taxi...

and the taxi driver is silent and concentrated on the road. Wanting to ask a question, the man taps the driver on the shoulder and says "Hey, buddy!" The driver screams and loses control of the taxi and crashes into a pole. The man says "Wow I didn't know me tapping you would scare you so much!" The driver replies, "It's not you're fault. This is my first day driving a taxi... last 20 years I drove a hearse!"

Why do the Scottish wear kilts?

So they don't scare the sheep with the sound of a zipper.

A man goes to the Doctor

*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before

Why are scarecrows so special?

They are outstanding in their field.

Being a scarecrow isn't easy...

but hay, it's in my jeans

See your report card

Johnny's father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don't have it.
Johnny's father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet.

How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!

I scared my mailman by showing up at the door completely n**...

I'm not sure what scared him more; me being n**... or me knowing where he lives.

How do you peel a banana?

1. Get banana sunburned. Banana will soon begin to peel.
2. Scare banana. Grab skin when it jumps out of it.
3. Hypnotize banana. Tell banana it is a snake. Banana will shed skin.
4. Call banana yellow. Banana will want to fight. Will remove jacket.

As a scarecrow, people say I'm outstanding in my field.

But hay, it's in my jeans.

Why is 10 scared?

Because it's in the middle of 9/11

How do you scare bees?

"Boo-bees!"
Gold from my local preacher

I scared the postman when i went to the door completely n**... .

I don't know if it was that I was n**... or because I knew where he lived.

It should be a safety hazard for cars being towed to face traffic behind them...

Every time I look up from my phone while driving and see one they scare the *s#!t* out of me!

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Because the sound of zippers scare the sheep away.

What scares a caterpillar?

A dog-erpillar! (From a 3rd grader at dismissal yesterday!)

Why should you be scared of the white man in prison?

Because he actually did something wrong.

Two scared dads

Two kids are arguing over whose father was the biggest scaredy cat. Tommy says, My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bead.
Peter replies, Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.

Why does a cow say "moo" when you scare it?

Because it's a cow-word.

There was a scared Spanish man at a club

Hispanic at the disco.

I was scared of the dark when i was a kid...

Now im afraid of the lights because of the electricity bills.

Why can't you scare a chemist?

...because they always lack the element of surprise...

Don't be scared of dying. People die all the time.

You don't hear them complaining about it.

People call me an idiot because I like to sneak up behind horses just to scare them.

But I get a kick out of it.

Why was the scarecrow nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize?

Because he was out standing in his field

If you're scared of Paedophiles....

....then grow up

I'll never get laid with this username because..

I'll always scare the chicks away....

Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz is by far the greatest character of all time.

No one could hold a candle to him.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

I scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely n**......

I'm not sure what him scared him more, the fact I was n**... or that I knew where he lived.

What do you say to someone too scared to plant apples ?

Grow a pear.

I scared the mailman today by coming to the door n**....

I don't know what terrified him more, the fact that I was n**... or that I knew where he lived.

Last night my wife asked me if I wanted to dress up as a clown, hide in the drains and scare her

but I didn't really feel like It.

What sea creature likes to scare you?

A shocktopus.

I scared the mailman by going up to the door completely n**...

I dont know what shocked him more, the fact that I was n**... or that I knew where he lived

Top 20 shocking facts you need to know about Triskaidekaphobia!!!

Number 13 will scare you!

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school

One day he surprised his teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"

Why was the scarecrow promoted?

He was outstanding in his field.

For Halloween I was going to dress up as the rising Covid cases

But that doesn't seem to scare anyone

Why does the man decorate his house Christmas themed for Halloween?

To scare people who are claustrophobic

Why is everybody so scared of germs nowadays?

We kicked their a**... in WW2 we can do it again

When know why 6 was scared of 7, but why did 10 have PTSD?

He was stuck in the middle of 9/11

My grandma had a scare when she felt a lump under her breast

Turns out it was just her knee cap

Why is 10 always scared?

Because he's always in the middle of 9/11

How do you scare a non-binary person?

01100010 01101111 01101111

You're not scared of being alone in the dark.

You're scared of not being alone in the dark.

Scare joke, You're not scared of being alone in the dark.

jokes about scare

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these scare jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.