The Best 73 Scared Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Scared jokes. There are some scared timid jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these scared fear puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Scared Jokes and Puns

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived

Impact of a job change.

A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something

Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop

The driver said: "Don't ever do that again man! You scared me!"

Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"

Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault
Its my 1st day as a Cab driver...I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs

A little boy and a clown are walking into the woods together holding hands

It's night time and everything is very dark.

The little boy turns to the clown and says "I'm scared"

To which the clown turns to him and replies "You're scared! I'm the one that's gotta walk out of here alone"

Scared joke, A little boy and a clown are walking into the woods together holding hands

I came up with this when I was three years old.

What do you call an egg that's scared?

A chicken egg.

A man stumbles across an old lamp.....

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"


Why didn't the dog want to go into outer space?

Because he was scared of vacuums!

Scariest thing ever

The scariest thing in the world is waking up with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. I was so scared I almost swerved off the road!

Scared joke, Scariest thing ever

Tom Jones Syndrome

A woman goes to a doctor's office to get results back from a test she took a few weeks ago. The doctor sits her down and tells her "You have TJS, Tom Jones Syndrome." The woman, scared, asks "Is it rare?" and the doctor replies "It's not unusual"

Do these jeans make me look fat?

wife : Do these jeans make me look fat?
Me totally scared: Would you get mad if i tell you the truth?
Wife : No, i won't! Tell me.
Me : I slept with your sister

I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!"

They must be scared of the dark or something.

A Card

Man, am I scared! confided Paddy to Seamus, looking furtively around the pub. I just got a card from a guy saying that he would shoot me if I did not stay away from his wife.

Well, stay away from his wife, advised Seamus, and you have got no problem.

How can I? moaned Paddy, he did not sign his name.

You can explore scared ominous reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean scared roar dad jokes. There are also scared puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A clown and a little girl walk through a dark forest.

The girl says, "I'm scared!"

The clown replies, "you think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"

A bearded guy

A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."

Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad masturbating in the living room...

As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."

Scared of eating genetically modified fruit?

Grow a pear.

A little boy and a clown go walking into the woods.

As they get deeper and deeper into the woods, the little boy starts looking around, apprehensive.

"Boy, it sure is getting scary in here." the little boy says.

"YOU'RE scared?" the clown replies, "I still have to walk back out of here by myself!"

Scared joke, A little boy and a clown go walking into the woods.

In Iran, everyone's scared of spiders..

But in Iraq, no phobia.

A clown is walking through the woods with a kid

The kid looks up at the clown, "It's getting late, and I'm getting scared."

Clown says, "YOU'RE scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

An old lady next to me on the airplane was scared by me being a muslim

I laughed so hard my grenades almost fell out of my pocket.


You're scared of pedophiles?

Grow up.

Kinda scared for 2017

Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 8 more

A pedophile and a child go into the woods

It's dark and raining. The boy looks up to the man and says, "I'm scared!"

The man replies, "You're scared? I'm gonna have to walk out of here alone!"

Apple farmers who are too scared to diversify

should just grow a pear.

A pedophile and a little boy...

A pedophile and a little boy walk into the woods.

The little boy says *"Gee mister, it's dark out here. I'm scared!"*

The pedophile replies *"You're scared?! I have to walk out of here alone!"*

My father has a dark sense of humor..

I used to be scared of pretty girls,

So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.

The Lion with Christian feelings

Once upon a time... there was a missionary walking along the savannah when he suddenly encountered himself with a very hungry lion.

Scared to death, the missionary went down on knees and prayed "Oh dear Lord, please come down and give christian feelings to this poor criature".

After one second, the miracle occurred: the lion knelt down and prayed "Oh dear lord, bless this food you have provided me".

It confuses me why people feel comfortable with government surveillance as they have nothing to hide, so nothing to fear ....

….but get really scared when I ask them to take their clothes off.

This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.

I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

I'd be very scared if I swallowed a cup of cement

I'd be shittin' bricks

I was walking behind a woman at 3 o'clock in the morning after a night out.

She gave a slight glance towards me and She started walking faster, so I walked faster.

She started running, so I started running.

She started screaming, so I started screaming.

I was too scared to look behind and never did find out what we were running away from.

Soon after my girlfriend got pregnant, I got scared. She then got angry and shouted! Then I got high and vanished.

Then we both got bored of Scrabble and had sex.

A guy in a plane stood up and shouted, HIJACK!

All passengers got scared.

From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back, HI JOHN!

I scared my mailman by showing up at the door completely naked

I'm not sure what scared him more; me being naked or me knowing where he lives.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

I once got yelled at for peeing in a pool

Scared me so much I almost fell in.

I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey

But I am scared my inbox will be flooded

An idiot has a mirror in his closet

He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops

"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"

A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can

"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"

A little boy and a clown are walking through the woods at night...

"Golly!" the boy says, "It sure is scary out here!"

"You think you're scared!" the clown replies. "I'm the one who has to walk home all alone."

I asked an old man, "Even after 60 years of being married, how can you still call your wife 'Honey', 'Darling' and 'Sweetheart'?"

He replied, "Well I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask her!"

I asked my grandpa..

I asked my grandpa: After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What's the secret?

Grandpa: I forgot her name 5 years ago and I'm scared to ask her.

Two cows got in a fight..

One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.

One was cowrageous.

The other was a coward.

A father and a daughter are walking in a dark forest

The daughter says: Dad, I'm scared .
The father replies: Imagine how scared I'll be walking back all by myself

The Biggest Coward

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.

The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."

The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."

Why was 10 scared?

He was in the middle of 9-11

Why was Yoda scared of 7?

Because 6 7 8.

A boy calls 9-11.

"9-11 what is your emergency?"

The boy replied, "My parents are fighting and I'm scared.."

"Well who's your father?"

"Well that's what they're fighting about."

Don't be scared of dying. People die all the time.

You don't hear them complaining about it.

I was walking home last night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery

3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them I understand, I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.

I scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked...

I'm not sure what him scared him more, the fact I was naked or that I knew where he lived.

Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted.

For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.

I scared the mailman today by coming to the door naked.

I don't know what terrified him more, the fact that I was naked or that I knew where he lived.

I'm scared of 5G

It will only allow idiots to spread their conspiracy theories faster.

Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that's just being hippocritical...

A man is driving down a country road...

... and his car suddenly breaks down. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind.

"Looks like your timing chain broke"

He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around.

The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down.

A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke.

"What?" The farmer asks "wait, was it a brown horse with a white spot on his face?"

"Yes! That's the one!" The man replies.

Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars"

A taxi passenger

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me?"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, its not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat

Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.

Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"

Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"

"Boy, I'm scared," a man said to one of his friends,

"I got a
letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop
seeing his wife." "Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll
have to stop seeing his wife." "Easy for you to say," the first
guy said. "You like her that much?" the friend asked. "It's not
that," declared the man, "He didn't sign his name."

I was installing a light in the attic today, when I slipped off a joist and put my foot right through the bedroom ceiling. It scared the shit out of my girlfriend.

I'm not surprised though, she kicked me out last August.

I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings

Apparently it's an Apartment Complex

I asked my grandpa, after 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful, and honey. What's your secret?

Grandpa, I forgot her name 5 years ago, I'm too scared to ask her.

This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said "I need to pass through the cemetery but I'm scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?"

I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too."

I asked an old man, "Even after 95 years, you still call your wife 'Darling', 'Honey', 'Love'. What's the secret?".

OLD MAN: "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask her"

two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night

Two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night.
One of them says: "I gotta admit I'm scared out here."
The other replies: "You're scared... I gotta walk back alone!"

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up onto the sidewalk, and stopped inches away from a lady with a baby stroller. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Hey, don't ever do that again. You scared the crap out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied, "I'm sorry. It's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

I am really scared of encountering cougars when I go on a run

If I ever saw one , I'd Puma Pants .

Q: Why aren't cosmetics students scared of missing their exams?

A: Because they like to take makeup tests!

Why was ten scared?

They were in the middle of 9/11

Dead funny

Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetary. Hearing a tapping sound, he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
"Thank goodness!" Jack says to the man.
"You gave me a fright of my life! Why are you working so late?"
"The spelled my name wrong."

My wife told me to stop teasing our neighbor about his infertility after he threatened me with gun.

But I'm not scared because he's shooting blanks.

Why are skeletons always scared?

Because they have no guts!

Driver

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, and nearly hit a bus. The shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, I'm sorry, it's my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

A statistician gets on a plane.

A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says "I'm scared of flying." The statistician says "I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists." The guy asks "How'd you stop being scared?" The statistician says "I bought a bomb on the plane." Panicked, the guy yells "What!?"

Statistician goes "Calm down, you see, I'm not gonna blow myself up, and what are the odds there are two bombs on one plane?"

What is a difference between a sexy woman and a beautiful woman?

How would I know, I am scared to talk to either.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the scared panicky jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working scared frighten piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes