The Best 60 Scare Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Scare jokes. There are some scare willies jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these scare netherland puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Scare Jokes and Puns

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived

Impact of a job change.

A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something

Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop

The driver said: "Don't ever do that again man! You scared me!"

Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"

Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault
Its my 1st day as a Cab driver...I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure.

He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out.

The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."

The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion."

The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions.

The man said "I would like a million dollars."

The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars.

Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."

Scare joke, A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure.

A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...

...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology.

He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in.

"Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"

Why was 10 scared?

... because he was in the middle of 9-11!

Better phrasing recommendations appreciated :-)


Why did the scarecrow win an award........

....because it stood out in it's field.

A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...

They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"

"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."

"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."

"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."

**Poof**

He became a maxi pad.

Scare joke, A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...

Why did the scarecrow get the Nobel prize?

He was out standing in his field.

A man would come home very late and very drunk every night.

His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.

When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon.

He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"

Mafia florists

Some Italian mafia members own a florist shop in a city. Theirs is the only florist is the area, and so they control most of the flower business in the area.

One day, however, another florist shop opens up across the street. Afraid for their business, the mafia send one of theirs to rustle the place up, maybe scare them off. But he comes back to report that the florists are all friars! Being devout Catholics, they can't mess with the good friars.

The mafia boss has a solution. He turns to a guy named Hugh.

"Hey Hugh, you're atheist, right?"

"Yes."

"You you'll have no qualms about shaking up that flower shop?"

"I don't see why I would, boss."

Then he puts his hand on Hugh's shoulder, turns to the rest of the group, and says,

"Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

You can explore scare terror reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean scare spook dad jokes. There are also scare puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

The job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in his jeans.

if I'm ever trying to murder someone...

If I'm ever trying to murder someone and they're getting away, I'm just gonna yell "WAIT! YOU'RE ON SCARE TACTICS!"
and as they come back laughing I'll stab them 47 times in the chest.

Scared of eating genetically modified fruit?

Grow a pear.

There was a farmer who grew watermelons...

He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his water melon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!!!"

Why did the scarecrow win so many awards?

Because he was out standing in his field.

Scare joke, Why did the scarecrow win so many awards?

I'm really scared that the Fine Bros are going to sue me

because I just had an allergic reaction.

Why should you be scared of a white man in prison?

Because you know he is actually guilty.

Credit to /u/Ser_Rodrick_Cassel for the joke!

You're scared of pedophiles?

Grow up.


I used to be scared of pretty girls,

So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.

Apparently I snore so loudly that

I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.

The scarecrow won employee of the month again...

He's outstanding in his field.

A man is riding in the back of a taxi...

and the taxi driver is silent and concentrated on the road. Wanting to ask a question, the man taps the driver on the shoulder and says "Hey, buddy!" The driver screams and loses control of the taxi and crashes into a pole. The man says "Wow I didn't know me tapping you would scare you so much!" The driver replies, "It's not you're fault. This is my first day driving a taxi... last 20 years I drove a hearse!"

A man goes to the Doctor

*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?

*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.

"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.

One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.

A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!

*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!

"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"

*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .

Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before

I'd be very scared if I swallowed a cup of cement

I'd be shittin' bricks

How scared was the dinosaur?

Petrified.

See your report card

Johnny's father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don't have it.
Johnny's father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet.

How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!

I scared my mailman by showing up at the door completely naked

I'm not sure what scared him more; me being naked or me knowing where he lives.

As a scarecrow, people say I'm outstanding in my field.

But hay, it's in my jeans.

Why is 10 scared?

Because it's in the middle of 9/11

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because the sound of zippers scare the sheep away.

Why should you be scared of the white man in prison?

Because he actually did something wrong.

Two scared dads

Two kids are arguing over whose father was the biggest scaredy cat. Tommy says, My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bead.

Peter replies, Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.

Why does a cow say "moo" when you scare it?

Because it's a cow-word.

Why was 10 scared?

He was in the middle of 9-11

Don't be scared of dying. People die all the time.

You don't hear them complaining about it.

If you're scared of Paedophiles....

....then grow up

I'll never get laid with this username because..

I'll always scare the chicks away....

I scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked...

I'm not sure what him scared him more, the fact I was naked or that I knew where he lived.

What do you say to someone too scared to plant apples ?

Grow a pear.

I scared the mailman today by coming to the door naked.

I don't know what terrified him more, the fact that I was naked or that I knew where he lived.

I'm scared of 5G

It will only allow idiots to spread their conspiracy theories faster.

Last night my wife asked me if I wanted to dress up as a clown, hide in the drains and scare her

but I didn't really feel like It.

For Halloween I was going to dress up as the rising Covid cases

But that doesn't seem to scare anyone

My grandma had a scare when she felt a lump under her breast

Turns out it was just her knee cap

How do you scare a non-binary person?

01100010 01101111 01101111

You're not scared of being alone in the dark.

You're scared of not being alone in the dark.

Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted.

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Two drunk people are sitting at a bar having an argument about Coronavirus.

The first one says "You're just trying to scare people. You don't know anything."

The second replies, clearly fed up with the first, "I'm a doctor! I'm paid to know these things, I have a PhD and everything!"

The first one slurs back, "Well ***I*** have a ***DhD.***"

The second says, exasperated, "What the hell is a DhD??"

The first cackles, "You're some doc if you don't know what ADHD is!"

I am really scared of encountering cougars when I go on a run

If I ever saw one , I'd Puma Pants .

Why was France not allowed to join AUKUS?

Because FAUKUS wouldn't sound right to scare China.

Why are scarecrows the best in anything they do?

They are out standing in their field.

I'm scared of Elevators.

I take steps to avoid them.

I used to be scared of pedophiles

Then I grew up.

Pregnant girlfriend

Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.

Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.

I'm scared to death of elevators

For years I've taken steps to avoid them

Me: I'm scared of The Backstreet Boys

Therapist: Tell me why

Me: ***screams

what did the grumpy British man use to scare kids off his lawn?

A "sod off" shotgun

How does a scarecrow brag?

"Hay, it's in my jeans."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the scare shitless jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working scare halloweenie piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes