Scans Jokes
38 scans jokes and hilarious scans puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scans that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Scans Short Jokes
Short scans jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scans humour may include short scanning jokes also.
- I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate - I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a customer with her barcode reader for being rude. The look on his face was priceless.
- TIL: The Norwegian Navy have started to put barcodes on their ships. So they can Scan da navy in
- I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions ! 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate - Why do all swedish military ships have bar codes on them? So when the come to port, they can just Scan da navy in!
- I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face... when she scanned the packet of bird seed, and I asked her if she knew how long it took for the birds to grow once the seeds have been planted.
- I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless.
- Why can't the scanned document go 50 feet near a school? Because it's a registered PDF file.
- I've written a poem about the sounds made by dogs... It can only be read if you scan it first.
It's a bark ode. - Scandinavia has a bar code on all of their battleships to keep track of them..... When the ships enter the harbor, they scan-da-navy-in.
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Scans One Liners
Which scans one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scans? I can suggest the ones about scanned and scars.
- Cashier: Scans Condoms Do you need a bag sir?
Me: Jesus, she's not that ugly - What happens when a norwegian robot scans a bird? It Scandanavian
- Did you know that Norway puts barcodes on their ships?? It's so they can scan da navy in
- Why does rhe Norwegian navy have barcodes on their ships So they can scan-da-navy-in...
- Why did the Norwegian navy put barcodes on their ships? So they could scan da Navy in.
- Emo girls be like- how much am I worth... Girl scan the code on your wrist
- Dogs cant operate an MRI machine but cat scan
- Why do Norwegian ships have barcodes on the side of them… So they can Scan-da-navi-in
- Dogs operating XRays cannot detect brain tumours. But CAT scan!
- They say dogs can detect cancer by scent.. Wondering if CAT scan too..
- Undomesticated animals can't operate computed axial tomography scans But PET scan.
- I was checking out a Jewish girl the other day. Her barcode wouldn't scan.
- What nationality puts barcodes on birds in pet stores? Scanned-an-avian
- What did the doctor discover on his Catholic patient's CAT scan? A mass.
- When does a racist joke begin? When a white guy starts turning his back to scan the area.
Silly Scans Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about scans you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spots jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scans pranks.
A female nudist calls for a taxi
The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.
At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a n**... girl before?
Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..
This is my dad's (a math major) favourite joke. What's the difference between an Engineer and a Mathematician?
A mathematician and an engineer are living together in a dorm when a fire starts in their room.
The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He quickly scans the room and sees a fire extinguisher and goes back to bed, happy knowing a solution exists.
The engineer wakes up, sees the fire and uses the extinguisher to put it out.
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
A woman walks onto a bus
A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby. As she scans her card, the bus driver looks up to her and says, "Have a sea... Whoa, that is an ugly baby!!".
The lady is shocked and shields the baby with her hand and takes a seat. She just sits there getting more and more angry. The man sitting next to her asks what's wrong.
She says, "That bus driver insulted me the moment I stepped onto this bus. He's a government employee!"
"You don't have to put up with that," the man said.
"You know what, you're right! I'm going to go up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"Good for you! I'll hold your monkey."
A q**...!
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."
A man goes to the grocery store and buys a banana, three peaches, and two pears.
As the cashier scans his food, she looks at it all and says "You must be single."
The man smiles and says "Yeah, how did you know?"
"Oh," she says, "Because you're ugly."
A dinosaur goes to a supermarket
A dinosaur goes to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping. He gets to the register and the worker scans all his items. When all the scanning is done, and the dinosaur has to pay, the worker asks:
'So how are you paying today?'
The dinosaur replies:
'With tyrannosaurus checks.'
Courtesy of an 8 year old: A man goes to the supermarket
A man goes to the supermarket and puts a miniature milk bottle into his cart. Next he grabs a miniature loaf of bread and one miniature apple. At check out the cute cashier takes his miniature groceries and scans them one by one. Between the *beeps* she takes a good look at him and finally asks.
Cashier: Are you single?
Man: Yes I am, how did you know? Was it because of the miniature groceries?
Cashier: No, it's because you are ugly.
TIL that comparative brain scans of elephants reveal that they find humans to be "adorable".
I mean, your mom told me I was s**..., but I didn't realize that it was a biological reaction.
A man named Theodore
A man named Theodore works in a hospital and scans people for broken bones. Despite being the only person at the hospital who does this, he has never scanned anyone under the age of 18. He wonders why this is, and suddenly it hits him.
He's x-ray Ted.
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? "
A couple members of the audience raised their hands. "Ok, thank you. You may put your hands down; I needed to check the accuracy of my CT scans."
Speaking of PET scans, did you guys hear about the new law they passed in Oregon where dogs can no longer operate MRI machines?
Apparently cats can.
A Mexican guy and his pet otter go to a restaurant . . .
A Mexican guy and his pet otter go to a restaurant, sit down at a table, and place their order. They are in for an early dinner and are the only customers. The chef looks down at the order slip and says incredulously: who comes to a restaurant and orders a whole raw fish? . His sous chef scans the restaurant, sees his only two customers, and replies: it's either Juan or the otter .
Scans of a newly discovered sarcophagus have revealed that the mummy inside was coated in nuts and chocolate
It's believed to have been body of Pharaoh Roche.
So an emo teenager went to grocery store.
He went up to the cashier and said, pointing to his scarred arm
"Hey, can you scan this?"
The cashier then scans the arm, only to say,
"I'm sorry sir, but this item is worthless"
A White Horse Walks Into A Bar (long)
The bartender asks "What'll it be?" - The horse says "I feel like a whiskey but I can't make up my mind as to which one." - The bartender scans the shelf full of whiskey bottles and sees a bottle of White Horse Whiskey. He says "I know! I've got a whiskey named after you!" - The horse looks surprised and asks "You have a whiskey called Eric?"
Who's going the wrong way?
A man is listening to the radio in his car when the broadcast is interrupted: Attention! Attention! A driver is heading down the highway in the wrong direction
The man scans the road, clogged with oncoming traffic, and nutters to himself, What do you mean *a* driver? I see hundreds of them!
A lady goes to the supermarket
She brings all her items to the cashier who looks at everything closely as he scans them: 6 eggs, two tomatoes, two cucumbers, one onion, and one carton of milk. After the last item he looks to her and says "you're single aren't you?"
She looks from her items back at him incredulously "Yes! How did you know?"
"Because you're ugly"
a little tidbit i found in starbound
human: \*scans stock
\*if i told this stock a funny joke it would be a laughing stock
Cashier: Scans Condoms
Cashier: Do you need a bag sir?
Me: No, I'll be turning off the lights.
