Scale Jokes

157 scale jokes and hilarious scale puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scale that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the funniest jokes ever told about the various scales out there, from the scientific pH scale to a bathroom scale you might use to weigh yourself. Learn why logarithms and fish scales always seem to dumbfound the dumbasses, and why a Richter scale isn't just used to measure earthquakes. Urinate while laughing, your sides might get sore.

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Short Scale Jokes
Scale One Liners
Weighing Scale Jokes
Bathroom Scale Jokes
Weight Scale Jokes
On A Scale From 1 To 10 Jokes
Ph Scale Jokes
More Scale Jokes

Best Short Scale Jokes

Short scale puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scale humour may include short sizes jokes also.

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back. And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 - 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary... I bought her a scale. We're still not speaking.
I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month. I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.
Judaism is a lot like the pH scale. On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic.
My wife was hinting at what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0-100 in 3 seconds." I got her a weighing scale.
I told my mate I'd built a model of the Himalayas. He said "To scale?"
I said "No, just to look at"
My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny items It's a small scale operation
My wife asked me to get her something that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds for her birthday. So I got her a bathroom scale.
My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds... ...so I bought her a bathroom scale.

Scale joke, My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about scale can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of scale puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Scale One Liners

Which scale one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scale? I can suggest the ones about magnitude and dimension.

Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10 Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.
Just watched a pirated movie On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14
Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale? Only a Sith deals in absolutes.
Girl, you're a 10? On the pH scale, maybe, cuz you basic.
How do you draw the most realistic fish? It must be drawn to scale.
Why are Fish easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Why is it easy to weigh fish? Because they have Thier own scales
I recently watched a pirated film. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it a 3.14.
What do you call a Mexican that won't get on a scale? A no weigh Jose.
On a scale of 1 to 10 How old is your girlfriend?
When in comes to peeing, on a scale of one to ten... You're an eight!
On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I? 9 3/4
On a scale from one to ten is a bad way to spend nine hours.
Why did the snake want to learn the accordion? To charm the ladies with its scales.
Pickup Line! on a scale of 1 to 10, you are a 9 and I'm the 1 you need.

Weighing Scale Jokes

Here is a list of funny weighing scale jokes and even better weighing scale puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My friends and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects. It's a small scale operation.
Did you know most reptiles can tell exactly what you weigh just by looking at you? They have built in scales
My best friend and I just started a business where we weigh microscopic objects. It's ..a small scale operation.
What part of a fish weighs the most? The scales.
What weighs more? an elephant or a human? The human.
elephants dont know how to use scales and thus, are incapable of weighing anything.
I was hungry and low on potassium, He needed a device to help him weigh things, it seemed like a fair trade... Banana for scale
The machine we use to weigh heavy machinery broke today and we had to call in specialists from all over the world to fix it It was a large scale operation
Does anybody have a scale I could borrow? I just bought a bag of red hot chili peppers and I need to give it a weigh! Give it a weigh! Give it a weigh nowww!
I've just started a business where I weigh tiny objects. It's a small scale operation
Your mama's so fat When she stepped on the weighing scale the number that was displayed exceeded the 64-bit limit and went back to zero!
^^^^I'm ^^^^sorry..

Bathroom Scale Jokes

Here is a list of funny bathroom scale jokes and even better bathroom scale puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I'm going to go buy a bathroom scale and some glasses tomorrow. My plans after that? Weight and see.
My wife said she wanted me to buy her something that will go from 0 to 160 in just a few seconds. "That sounds expensive, what did you buy her?"
"A set of bathroom scales."
I got one of those talking bathroom scales that is supposed to read your weight to you But when I step on it, it says "One at a time, please!"
Before I rush off to the bathroom to pee, I just wanted to tell you what a good friend you are to me. on a scale from 1 to 10...
*urinate*
For our 25 year anniversary, my wife asked me for a present that goes from 0-200 in seconds. I got her a bathroom scale.
For my birthday I wanted something that could go 0-200 in 5 seconds or less. My wife said she had the perfect gift idea A bathroom scale wasn't what I had in mind
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
Someone stole my broken bathroom scales... ...but I'm confident they won't get a weigh with it.
You've been warned TO WHOEVER STOLE MY BROKEN BATHROOM SCALE.
YOU WON'T GET A WEIGH WITH THIS!
Hey darling, what would you like for Christmas? "Oh... I don't know... maybe something that gets from 0 to 100 in seconds when I step on it?"
"So... bathroom scales?"

Weight Scale Jokes

Here is a list of funny weight scale jokes and even better weight scale puns that will make you laugh with friends.

A merchant told another "I'll trade you a barium atom and two sodiums for that weight measuring device." "BaNaNa for scale?"
Only been going to the gym a week And already hitting the max weight on one of the machines.
Shame it's the scales
Why do reptiles have so many scales? Because they're paranoid about their weight.
I tried to use a talking weight scale today... And it said, "One at a time please."
How do you calculate the weight of a dragon? Depends on the scales.
when she got on the scale Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number.
"Honey, I think I lost weight!" "Get on the scale, I bet you'll find it."
My iguana just lost a LOT of weight! He shed the whole scale!
Are your scales working? We'll have to weight and see...
What did the broken scale say? Wait weight don't tell me.

On A Scale From 1 To 10 Jokes

Here is a list of funny on a scale from 1 to 10 jokes and even better on a scale from 1 to 10 puns that will make you laugh with friends.

- In a scale 1 to 10, how much do you like to argue? \- Would it be possible to make the scale from 1 to 20?
\- No
\- Why not?!
Doctor, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is this tumor? Doctor: "I'd say it's be-nine."
Patient: "Hahaha"
Doctor: "Hahahaha"
Patient: "Haha"
Doctor: "You have a month to live."
Today a girl stopped me on the sidewalk and says, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how pretty do you think I am?" "I'd say you're about the average but I don't want to make this a mean joke."
On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Obsessed am I with Harry Potter? 9 3/4
*Credit goes to a tee shirt I saw. I'm not that witty.*
On a scale of 1 to 10… How would you rate binary code?
On a scale from 1 to 10 on how bad you need to use the restroom... I'd say urinate.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely are you to be rebellious? 11
So, a female friend asked me for my honest, unbiased opinion of her... ...on a scale from 1 to 10. I looked her up and down and said, quickly, "You're an eight." I think she peed a little.
On a scale from 1 to 10 I'm actually pretty underweight
If I had to decide how much I love you on a scale from 1 to 10... ...I'd say a German nein.
-Courtesy of my boyfriend-

Ph Scale Jokes

Here is a list of funny ph scale jokes and even better ph scale puns that will make you laugh with friends.

You're a 10? On the pH scale maybe, cause you're basic
My sister is a 13 on the pH scale. She's basic but can't even.
Why is Starbuck's coffee so high on the pH scale? It's the most basic drink there is.
On a pH scale, I give this joke a 10 Because it's pretty basic
So, today I found out that Starbucks coffee is an 8 on the ph scale I guess that you could say all of those white girls are basic.
You think you're a 10? Maybe of the Ph scale, because OH−, girl you are BASIC.
I aced my chemistry test on the pH scale... It was really basic.
Girl you are the one... on the pH scale cuz you are toxic af.
Your a ten babe On the PH scale maybe, cause you basic
You're a 10... You're a 10...on the pH scale cause you're basic.

Heartwarming Scale Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about scale you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean measure jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make scale prank.

Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds...

...so I bought her a scale.

On a scale of Casey Anthony to j**... Sandusky

...how much do you love your children?

Joe took his blind date, Kim, to the carnival...

"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim, and so they ambled over to the 'guess-the-weight' stand. The owner guessed 121 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. And back to the 'guess-the-weight' stand they went. Since they had been here before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

My wife said that for Christmas, she wanted something that went from 0-200 in 6 seconds;

so I got her a scale.

A woman gets up in the morning.

She enters the bathroom, brushes her teeth, gets dressed and finally steps onto the weighing scale.
She looks down to see the results, and suddenly starts screaming happily.
"HONEY, I've lost 6kg since yesterday!", she yells.
The husband looks up from his newspaper and answers:
"Don't be so surprised, you haven't put on your make up yet!"

The Carnival Date

Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.
"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.
By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"
Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."

On a scale of 1 to o**......

How good was the hiding spot?

A graphic designer is working on a website...

...and his client says, "Could you make this banner a little more green?"
So he makes the color a little bit more green.
But his client says, "No, that's too green. Make it a little less so."
So he makes it a little less green.
The client says, "No, it's still a bit off."
So the artist, losing his patience, shouts, "On a scale of 0 to 255, how green do you want it!?"

On a scale from one to one hundred, how mature are you?

69.

A husband was in big trouble...

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
f**... arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

I enjoy rating countries on a 0-10 scale

I give Nepal a solid 7.8. The score is so high, it's ground breaking

I'd have to say, on a scale from 1 to Pee...

urinate

My girlfriend just asked how mature I was on a scale of 1 to 100..

..apparently 69 was not the correct answer.

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary....

His wife was mad. She said "Tomorrow morning there better be a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds!" The next morning there was a box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob's been missing since Friday.

My wife said "If we ever win the lottery, I want you to buy me something compact, shiny, and can go from 0 to 200 in three seconds. I figured why wait, so surprised her that night.....

... with a shiny new bathroom scale.

The Voice Coach

Voice Coach: "Let's start with a scale."
Student: "Do, re, muuuhh, fa, so, la, t**..., doooh!"
Voice Coach: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't take that tone with mi!"

On a scale from Casey Anthony to j**... Sandusky... how much do you like kids?...

Somewhere around a Ronald McDonald, I pretend to like them but slowly kill them with diabetes

As a child I was absolutely terrified of weather forecasters

..until I realised they weren't to scale.

What's a p**...'s favourite musical scale?

A minor

Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas

It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"
"What is it?" The others ask.
"A brand new Mercedes!"
"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.
"What is it?" The first guy asks.
"A brand new Porsche!"
"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"
"A scale."

A husband was checking his weight on the scale and started s**... his gut in when his wife says "you know that doesn't change anything, right?" He replies "It does too!"

"Now I can see the numbers..."

Dave was trying to figure out what he would get his wife for her birthday...

Tired of racking his brain, he flat out asked her what she wanted. She replied "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds." So he bought her a bathroom scale.
Dave hasn't been heard from or seen since Thursday.

Two s**... workers enter Trump's Russian hotel room.

s**... worker: "On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate us?"
Trump: "Urinate"

Your mother is a 10

On the Richter scale
When she walks

A girl is on a date at the town fair with a good looking guy.

He asks what do you want to do first. She replies "Get weighed". He says OK and they proceed to go to the scale. When they're done, he says "What do you want to do next?" She says "Get weighed". Once again she hops on the scale. Getting frustrated, the guy says one more time "What do you want to do next?" She replied "Get weighed" again. At this, the guy skips the rest of the fair and drops the girl off at her house. Her mom comes out and says "How was your date?" The girl replies "Wousy".

Laughing scale

Ha – Mildly amusing
Haha – Funny
Hahaha – Sarcastic laugh
Hahahaha – Stayin alive

A woman noticed her husband standing on the weighing scale s**... his stomach

Ha! That's not going to help, she said.
Sure, it does, he said. It's the only way I can see the numbers.

A wife's birthday was the next

day and she said to her husband, "Honey, for my birthday I want something that goes from 0-230 in 6 seconds to be in our driveway."
"I'll see what I can do" replied the husband suggestively.
The next morning she ran outside and found a scale in the driveway.

my friend has a model fish collection

they are all to scale

My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds

I gave her a scale.

Yo mama so fat

The last time she saw 2017 was on the scale

Everyone in Texas thinks Texas is great...

But on a scale from awful to great Texas is just below OK.

Some inmates were complaining about the prison they're in

The walls aren't built to scale

A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...

The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"
"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."
*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job.*

When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, s**... in my stomach, she laughed, Ha! That's not going to help!

Sure, it does. I said. It's the only way I can see the numbers.

A wife finds her husband standing on the bathroom scale s**... in his gut

Wife laughing :you know that's not going to help.
Husband: yes it does. It's the only way I can see the numbers.

A snake tells her son, "Go out and get me some scale cream!"

"Why?"
"Because I shed so!"

A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, s**... in his stomach.

"Joe, you know that's not going to help you," she said
"Oh it helps a lot," he replies. It's the only way I can see the numbers!

My sister has two kids, 7 and 9

Those aren't their ages but how much I hate them on a scale from 1-10

I took our body weight scale out to weigh myself

And after stepping on the scale I pulled in my stomach, to which my girlfriend reacted: "you know that doesn't help at all". I told her "sure it does, now I can see the numbers"

My wife saw me standing on the scale pulling in my stomach

"Pulling in your stomach wont make you any lighter" she said
"I know", I said, "but if I don't, I cant see what it says on the dial"

I asked my wife..

I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said,
"You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton..

A man ask a pretty women: if there is a scale of a person's looking, on the left is ugly, and on the right is pretty, so what do you think of me?

I think you are in the middle, says the women.
So my looking is just okay, says the man, a bit disappointed.
No, you are pretty ugly, says the women.

A guy says to his wife: "Thanks to that new scale you bought, I always know how much I p**...!"

Wife: "So you step on the scale before you p**..., go to the toilet, step on the scale again and the difference is the weight of your p**...?
He: Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...

A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, s**... in his stomach

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it will," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers..

I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest and a friend asked, "Is it to scale?"

"No," I said.
"It's to look at."

Doctor: How old are you on a scale of 1 to 8?

Kid: It stops at 8?
Doctor: It does for you.

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary

His wife was mad. She told him tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!
The next morning she saw a big gift wrapped box in the driveway. She rushed out, opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Why is a timer like a scale?

They both measure wait.

My wife hates to step on a scale

Because everytime she does, we have to replace it

Why did the man use π for a pain scale from 1-10?

Because it was low level, but never ending!

l asked my wife to rate my listening skills…

l asked my wife to rate my listening
skills and she said, "You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to
urinate on a skeleton.

My 7 year old is a dad

Me: I need to go get something from the car
Son: I want to come!
Me: no, just wait for me please
I come back inside to a digital scale sitting on the floor in front of the door
Son: okay, I *weighted* for you
I'm such a proud grampa

Why was my dog afraid to step on the scale?

He didn't want to see another dog pound!

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these scale jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.