The Best 75 Scale Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Scale jokes. There are some scale libra jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these scale on a scale from 1 to 10 puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Scale Jokes and Puns
Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds...
...so I bought her a scale.
On a scale of Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky
...how much do you love your children?
Joe took his blind date, Kim, to the carnival...
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim, and so they ambled over to the 'guess-the-weight' stand. The owner guessed 121 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. And back to the 'guess-the-weight' stand they went. Since they had been here before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
What do you call a Mexican that won't get on a scale?
A no weigh Jose.
A woman gets up in the morning.
She enters the bathroom, brushes her teeth, gets dressed and finally steps onto the weighing scale.
She looks down to see the results, and suddenly starts screaming happily.
"HONEY, I've lost 6kg since yesterday!", she yells.
The husband looks up from his newspaper and answers:
"Don't be so surprised, you haven't put on your make up yet!"
The Carnival Date
Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.
"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.
By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"
Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."
Pickup Line!
on a scale of 1 to 10, you are a 9 and I'm the 1 you need.
A graphic designer is working on a website...
...and his client says, "Could you make this banner a little more green?"
So he makes the color a little bit more green.
But his client says, "No, that's too green. Make it a little less so."
So he makes it a little less green.
The client says, "No, it's still a bit off."
So the artist, losing his patience, shouts, "On a scale of 0 to 255, how green do you want it!?"
Just watched a pirated movie
On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14
A husband was in big trouble...
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
I enjoy rating countries on a 0-10 scale
I give Nepal a solid 7.8. The score is so high, it's ground breaking
You can explore scale logarithm reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean scale celsius dad jokes. There are also scale puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?
Only a Sith deals in absolutes.
I'd have to say, on a scale from 1 to Pee...
urinate
My sister is a 13 on the pH scale.
She's basic but can't even.
My girlfriend just asked how mature I was on a scale of 1 to 100..
..apparently 69 was not the correct answer.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary....
His wife was mad. She said "Tomorrow morning there better be a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds!" The next morning there was a box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob's been missing since Friday.
My wife said "If we ever win the lottery, I want you to buy me something compact, shiny, and can go from 0 to 200 in three seconds. I figured why wait, so surprised her that night.....
... with a shiny new bathroom scale.
The Voice Coach
Voice Coach: "Let's start with a scale."
Student: "Do, re, muuuhh, fa, so, la, ti, doooh!"
Voice Coach: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't take that tone with mi!"
Today a girl stopped me on the sidewalk and says, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how pretty do you think I am?"
"I'd say you're about the average but I don't want to make this a mean joke."
On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky... how much do you like kids?...
Somewhere around a Ronald McDonald, I pretend to like them but slowly kill them with diabetes
As a child I was absolutely terrified of weather forecasters
..until I realised they weren't to scale.
Why is Starbuck's coffee so high on the pH scale?
It's the most basic drink there is.
On a scale of 1 to 10
How old is your girlfriend?
Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas
It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"
"What is it?" The others ask.
"A brand new Mercedes!"
"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.
"What is it?" The first guy asks.
"A brand new Porsche!"
"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"
"A scale."
My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds...
...so I bought her a bathroom scale.
A husband was checking his weight on the scale and started sucking his gut in when his wife says "you know that doesn't change anything, right?" He replies "It does too!"
"Now I can see the numbers..."
Dave was trying to figure out what he would get his wife for her birthday...
Tired of racking his brain, he flat out asked her what she wanted. She replied "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds." So he bought her a bathroom scale.
Dave hasn't been heard from or seen since Thursday.
A girl is on a date at the town fair with a good looking guy.
He asks what do you want to do first. She replies "Get weighed". He says OK and they proceed to go to the scale. When they're done, he says "What do you want to do next?" She says "Get weighed". Once again she hops on the scale. Getting frustrated, the guy says one more time "What do you want to do next?" She replied "Get weighed" again. At this, the guy skips the rest of the fair and drops the girl off at her house. Her mom comes out and says "How was your date?" The girl replies "Wousy".
On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I?
9 3/4
Judaism is a lot like the pH scale.
On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic.
Laughing scale
Ha – Mildly amusing
Haha – Funny
Hahaha – Sarcastic laugh
Hahahaha – Stayin alive
A woman noticed her husband standing on the weighing scale sucking his stomach
Ha! That's not going to help, she said.
Sure, it does, he said. It's the only way I can see the numbers.
My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny items
It's a small scale operation
A wife's birthday was the next
day and she said to her husband, "Honey, for my birthday I want something that goes from 0-230 in 6 seconds to be in our driveway."
"I'll see what I can do" replied the husband suggestively.
The next morning she ran outside and found a scale in the driveway.
My wife asked me to get her something that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds for her birthday.
So I got her a bathroom scale.
On a scale from one to ten
is a bad way to spend nine hours.
my friend has a model fish collection
they are all to scale
How do you draw the most realistic fish?
It must be drawn to scale.
My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds
I gave her a scale.
Yo mama so fat
The last time she saw 2017 was on the scale
My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 - 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary...
I bought her a scale. We're still not speaking.
Everyone in Texas thinks Texas is great...
But on a scale from awful to great Texas is just below OK.
I recently watched a pirated film.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it a 3.14.
Some inmates were complaining about the prison they're in
The walls aren't built to scale
A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...
The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"
"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."
*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job.*
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, Ha! That's not going to help!
Sure, it does. I said. It's the only way I can see the numbers.
A wife finds her husband standing on the bathroom scale sucking in his gut
Wife laughing :you know that's not going to help.
Husband: yes it does. It's the only way I can see the numbers.
A snake tells her son, "Go out and get me some scale cream!"
"Why?"
"Because I shed so!"
A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.
"Joe, you know that's not going to help you," she said
"Oh it helps a lot," he replies. It's the only way I can see the numbers!
Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10
Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.
Doctor, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is this tumor?
Doctor: "I'd say it's be-nine."
Patient: "Hahaha"
Doctor: "Hahahaha"
Patient: "Haha"
Doctor: "You have a month to live."
Girl, you're a 10?
On the pH scale, maybe, cuz you basic.
I took our body weight scale out to weigh myself
And after stepping on the scale I pulled in my stomach, to which my girlfriend reacted: "you know that doesn't help at all". I told her "sure it does, now I can see the numbers"
I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day
She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
My friends and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects.
It's a small scale operation.
My wife saw me standing on the scale pulling in my stomach
"Pulling in your stomach wont make you any lighter" she said
"I know", I said, "but if I don't, I cant see what it says on the dial"
I asked my wife..
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said,
"You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
I still don't get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton..
A man ask a pretty women: if there is a scale of a person's looking, on the left is ugly, and on the right is pretty, so what do you think of me?
I think you are in the middle, says the women.
So my looking is just okay, says the man, a bit disappointed.
No, you are pretty ugly, says the women.
A guy says to his wife: "Thanks to that new scale you bought, I always know how much I poop!"
Wife: "So you step on the scale before you poop, go to the toilet, step on the scale again and the difference is the weight of your poop?
He: Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...
A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it will," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers..
I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest and a friend asked, "Is it to scale?"
"No," I said.
"It's to look at."
You're a 10?
On the pH scale maybe, cause you're basic
Doctor: How old are you on a scale of 1 to 8?
Kid: It stops at 8?
Doctor: It does for you.
My wife was hinting at what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0-100 in 3 seconds."
I got her a weighing scale.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary
His wife was mad. She told him tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!
The next morning she saw a big gift wrapped box in the driveway. She rushed out, opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Why is a timer like a scale?
They both measure wait.
- In a scale 1 to 10, how much do you like to argue?
\- Would it be possible to make the scale from 1 to 20?
\- No
\- Why not?!
On a scale from 1-10 my pain seems to always be Pi
It may be a low level but it goes on forever
A boxing match is about to start..
A boxing match is about to start.
An ex-criminal steps on the scale and weighs in at 90kg.
Next up.. a professional athlete weighing in at 85kg.
Gotta weigh the pros and cons
Edit but not actually an edit : it's dumb, I'm aware
In 'Dungeons and Dragons' because bards are musicians...
Surely they can only use scale mail?
My 7 year old is a dad
Me: I need to go get something from the car
Son: I want to come!
Me: no, just wait for me please
I come back inside to a digital scale sitting on the floor in front of the door
Son: okay, I *weighted* for you
I'm such a proud grampa
I told my mate I'd built a model of the Himalayas.
He said "To scale?"
I said "No, just to look at"
What did the weighing scale say when someone broke its limit
-32768
Why was my dog afraid to step on the scale?
He didn't want to see another dog pound!
I saw a guy tuning a piano, and said "Betcha can't tune a fish!" Without missing a beat, he replied...
"Sure I can, just gotta use the C scale!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the scale weigh jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working scale revolutions piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.