sayswell Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious sayswell puns

a duck and a skunk(offensive)

a mother duck and her baby are walking along with a mother skunk and her baby. they come upon a road and the mothers cross first, to make sure its safe. a car comes and the mothers are killed. the baby duck turns to the baby skunk and says"my mother is gone and I haven't learned anything from her, I don't even know what I am" the skunk says"you have a bill, feathers, and webbed feet. you must be a duck... but then what am I?" the duck says"well, you aren't quite black, and you aren't quite white, and you stink, you must be a mexican"


3 men die and go to heaven. (different joke)

They arrive at the gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "To determine whether you get to enter heaven or hell, you must state how you died.
The first man steps forward and says,"Well, I was on my balcony of my 32nd story apartment. I was leaning on the railing, and it snapped off. I fell down, and lucky grabbed hold of the railing of the apartment below me. Then, some crazy guy came out of the apartment and pushed me off, and I fell to the concrete below. I was barely alive, but still holding on. However, the maniac threw his refrigerator down at me, and it crushed me.
"Wow, what a story. Well, go on then." says St. Peter. The man walks into the gates.
Then the second man steps up. "Okay, so my buddy from work told me that he heard that my wife was cheating on me. So instead of heading to my night shift, I snuck into my 31st story apartment. After a while, I heard some movement on my balcony. On the balcony, the man who I assumed was cheating with my wife was hanging off the railing.So, I pushed him off to the concrete below. Surprisingly, he was alive! The rage got to me, so i took my fridge, and dumped it over the rail, and crushed him. Unfortunately, the stress was to much, and I had a heart attack and died."
"How sad," St. Peter said. " Ok, in." So the 2nd man walks into the gates.
"Well, what's your story?" asked St. Peter.
"Okay, Imagine this. You're hiding in a refrigerator."


Three guys called Mick, Pat and Tat were in a pub. The bartender asks them, "Are you all related?" Mick says "Yeah, we are triplets."

Bartender says,"Well how come two of you are 6 ft tall and one is only 4 ft tall?"
"Well" says Mick,"Me and Pat were always breast fed so there was no tit for Tat."


Grand pa and Grand son go fishing.

One weekend Grand pa decides to take his 10yr old grand son out fishing with him. As they sit in the boat casting their lines about a half hour goes by and Grand pa decided to open himself a beer. the Grand son sees this and asks his Grand pa if he can have one. Grand pa replies,"well boy can you reach your dick to your ass?" the boy looks down embarrassed and says, "No." So Grand pa says,"Well then no you can't have one." the next weekend they go fishing together once more this time as they are casting their lines the boy notices his Grand pa smoking on a cigar. He asks,"hey Grand pa can i try your cigar?" the old man looks to him and asks,"Can you reach your dick to your ass?" the boy looks off angrily and replies,"No i can't," So Grand pa says,"then no you cant try boy." Another week goes by and Grand pa decides to take the boy out fishing again. About an hour goes by and Grand pa hears some rustling on the boat he looks over and notices his grand son opening a bag and taking a bit from a sandwich. He says to the boy,"would ya look at that, hey im gettin a little hungry would ya mind if i had a bite?" the boy looks off on the lake and asks, "can you reach your dick to your ass?" the Grand pa almost falls back laughing,"haha well boy indeed i can." he replies. the Grand son looks to his grand pa and say,"well then you can go fuck yourself, Grand ma made this sandwich for me."


A little girl is painting a picture and her mom asks what she's painting...

The girl says,"I'm painting a picture of God."
The mom says,"Nobody knows what God looks like."
The girl says,"Well, if you'll let me finish..."


A man visits the doctor...

And the doctor asks,"What seems to be the problem?", and the man says,"well, it's turns out that my penis has turned orange." So the doctor takes a look, and he cannot figure out what it could be. The doctor says,"I'm not sure what what the problem is. What have you been doing for the past 48 hours? The man replies,"Just looking at porn and eating Cheetos."


A couple mountainsclimbers where walking on a glacier.

One says too the other:"look my tour guide fell in that ravine last time I was up here". The other mountainclimber looks perplexed. "Why do you mention that so casually"? The first mountainclimber shrugs and says:"well it was already missing a couple pages".


A woman walks up to her husband one day

She says,"Honey, my boobs are too small. I'm thinking of getting breast implants." The husband says,"Just rub toilet paper on them. They'll grow bigger." The woman asks," How the hell is rubbing toilet paper on my boobs suppose to make them grow bigger?" The husband says."Well isn't that what happened to your ass?"


A man sees a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down a jail from a rope...

...he looks at him for a second, and says,"Well, that's a little condescending."


Old man goes to the doctor...

The old man says,"Doc, I got a problem..." The doctor replies,"What's wrong with you, today?" The old man says,"Well, it's not me... It's my wife. She either has AIDS or Dementia. What do I do?" The doctor says,"Okay... Here's what you do: drop her off at the mall, and if she comes home don't fuck her."


What are the most funny Sayswell jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sayswell? Well, here are the best Sayswell dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sayswell pick up lines to share with friends.


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