saysmy Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious saysmy puns

Catholic

Three old Catholic men and one old Catholic woman were sitting a a table one morning. The first old man said, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room people say Father." The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." Third old man says, my son is the Pope, when he walks into a room people say Your Holiness." The old woman says,"My daughter has a 42 inch chest and a 24 inch waist, when she walks into a room people say 'JESUS'."

👍🏼

Two families make a bet on who can be more american

Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.

A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.

How about you?"

The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, towel head"

👍🏼

2 kids arguing.

2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."

👍🏼

A man saw a stunning woman at a party..

He went up to her and said,"Will you sleep with me if I gave you a million dollars? "
She was a little taken aback but after considering the amount she thought why not and informed the man that they had a deal. The man then says,"Will you sleep with me for 100$?"
The woman gets furious and says,"What the hell do you think I am?"
The man says,"My dear, I think we have already established what you are, now we are simply negotiating the price."

👍🏼

a duck and a skunk(offensive)

a mother duck and her baby are walking along with a mother skunk and her baby. they come upon a road and the mothers cross first, to make sure its safe. a car comes and the mothers are killed. the baby duck turns to the baby skunk and says"my mother is gone and I haven't learned anything from her, I don't even know what I am" the skunk says"you have a bill, feathers, and webbed feet. you must be a duck... but then what am I?" the duck says"well, you aren't quite black, and you aren't quite white, and you stink, you must be a mexican"

👍🏼

Only Oral can Save Her

Courtesy of the great Norm Macdonald......

A man's wife goes into a coma.

The doctor says "Theres only one way of reviving your wife but it's a little unconventional. You go in there and have oral sex with her"

The man says"my god...."

Doctor says "I know I know, but I've seen it work"

The man says "ok doc, I'll try anything, I'm desperate"

He goes into his wifes room, closes the door behind him. He comes out five minutes later and says"Doc, I dont think it's working....she's choking"

👍🏼

A pregnant woman is hit by a car....

She is sent into a coma for 1 year. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!"

The doctor replies, "Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital."

She says,"My brother? That guy is a moron! Why would you do that?"

"I am sorry ma'am, we had no choice. There was nobody else. He even took the liberty of naming them."

"What??", she says. "What did he name my daughter?"

"He named her 'Denise' " says the doctor.

"Oh, well that's not so bad. What did he name my son?"

To which the doctor replies, "He named him 'Denephew' "

👍🏼

3 women were discussing their sex lives..

The first one said-"My husband is like a Hummer; big, strong and rock hard."

The second says-"My husband is like a Porsche; smooth, sleek and fast."



They look at the third one to speak up. She pauses for a second, and then says-"Mine's like an old Chevy.. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while its still going."

👍🏼

The Boss calls his secretary..

The boss calls his female secretary & says:"Get ready for the weekend, We are going on a business trip."

The secretary calls husband & says:"Me & my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so takecare of urself"

The husband calls his girlfriend & says:"My wife is going on a business trip, come home we can have fun"

The girlfriend calls the boy to whom she gives tuition: "No tuition this weekend."

The boy calls his father:"Dad, at last we can spend this weekend together."

Dad (The boss) calls his secretary & says:"Business trip is cancelled. I'm going to spend weekend with my son"

The secretary calls husband:"I won't be going"

The husband calls his girlfriend:"I am sorry My wife is not going "

The girlfriend calls boy:"You have tuition"

Boy calls his father & says:"Sorry Dad, I've classes"

The Dad calls his secretary.....

The theory of infinite loop.

👍🏼

A blonde and a brunette were talking..

The brunette says-"My boyfriend is so good- last night, I had 3 orgasms"

The blonde says-"That's nothing. I had over 100!"

"Wow, really? I didn't know he was *that* good."

"Oh, you mean by the same guy?"

👍🏼

A pregnant woman is hit by a private car....!

She is sent into a coma for 2 years. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!"

The doctor replies, "Calm down, Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital."

She says,"My brother? That guy is a moron! Why would you do that?"

"I am sorry ma'am, we had no choice. There was nobody else. He even took the liberty of naming them."

"What??", she says. "What did he name my daughter?"

"He named her 'Denise' " says the doctor.

"Oh, well that's not so bad. What did he name my son?"

To which the doctor replies, "He named him 'Denephew' "

👍🏼

What are the most funny Saysmy jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Saysmy? Well, here are the best Saysmy dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Saysmy pick up lines to share with friends.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Joko Jokes