Say Spell Say Jokes
105 say spell say jokes and hilarious say spell say puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about say spell say that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Say Spell Say Short Jokes
Short say spell say jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The say spell say humour may include short spell jokes also.
- A woman on a dating site sent me a message saying, "Wow! Your gorgeous, how come your still single?" "It's spelled 'you're'," I replied.
- I bought a bunch of oranges and spelled "hi" with them. I was then told that was *not* how you say "HI" in Mandarin....
- A kid goes up to his father and asks for a bicycle. His dad says, "If you can spell it out correctly, I'll get you one."
The kid thinks for a bit, then says, "Can I get a car instead?" - Childish immature jokes are the best * Step 1: say "eye"
* Step 2: spell the word "map"
* Step 3: say "nus"
* Now say that all together... - They say that a good thing to do when you're going down on a woman is to spell your name. But I don't want her to know it.
- How to spell "me" A man walks up to a woman and asks her to spell the word "ME" for him. She says, "M-E". The man says, "But you forgot the D!" "But there's no "D" in "ME"!" He says, "Not yet.."
- So there's this witch that owns a motel and she'll give you a discount room if you consent to her experimenting on you... The sign outside says, Come on in and rest for a spell .
- My wife says she doesn't understand why people say adulting is so hard. Sure, she spells it adultering but she is always going out to do that with her friends.
- Friend: How do you spell "SHOP"? Me: S-H-O-P
Friend: How do you say it?
Me: "Shop"
Friend: What do you do when you get to a green light? - Jared Fogle says, "Spell 'Tuna Sub' backwards and that's what I'll do in your kid's face"
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Say Spell Say One Liners
Which say spell say one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with say spell say? I can suggest the ones about spell check and magic spell.
- People often say icy is the easiest word to spell and looking at it now... I see why
- They say "icy" is one of the easiest words to spell; i c y
- Lol Spell IHOP then say NESS.
- You are Spell imap then say ness
- Say: Eye Spell: map
Say: ness - So you say you can't spell very well..... ...they're, there, their, don't cry.
- I make spelling mistakes alot and when I say alot I mean a lot.
- What did the spelling bee contestant say when he stubbed his toe "O-U-C-H!"
- (1) Say "Eye" (2) Spell the word "Map" (3) Say "Ness". Yes you are.
- Boy: You can't spell sugar with u :) Chubby girl: ARE YOU SAYING I HAVE DIABETES
- Why do people say "congrats"? Because they can't spell "kongrajlashions".
- Say fort, Say fort 3 times, now spell it, and say for again Now what do you eat soup with
- My wife texted me saying how important spelling was in life ....
- Dyslexic, you say? How do you spell that?
- What did the army recruiter say to the gay wizard? "Don't ask don't spell."
Entertaining Say Spell Say Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about say spell say you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean casting spell jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make say spell say pranks.
The Little Rascal's class were having a spelling test.
The teacher asks if anyone can use the word "admire" in a sentence. Spanky raises his hand and says, "I admire my dog." "Good job," the teacher replies, "Now, who can use 'respect' in a sentence?" Alfalfa raises his hand and says, "I respect Spanky for admiring his dog." "Ok, " replies the teacher, "now who can use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?" There is silence in the class, then all of a sudden Buckwheat says, "Darla how did my dictate !?!"
The Little Rascal's class were having a spelling test.
The teacher asks if anyone can use the word "admire" in a sentence. Spanky raises his hand and says, "I admire my dog." "Good job," the teacher replies, "Now, who can use 'respect' in a sentence?" Alfalfa raises his hand and says, "I respect Spanky for admiring his dog." "Ok, " replies the teacher, "now who can use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?" There is silence in the class, then all of a sudden Buckwheat says, "Darla how did my dictate !?!"
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "
Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"
There was this girl I liked in kindergarten..
One day it was nap time and I gained enough nerve to sleep next to her. She didn't do anything. The next day at nap time I decided to kiss her on the forehead and sleep under her blanket. Again, she didn't do anything The next day at nap time I put my b**... on her face. Let's just say that's the end of my teaching career.
A jew just won the nobel prize. what do you say to him?
congrajulations
A 2nd grade class just gets in from recess...
The teacher tells the class they're going to do a spelling assignment that relates to what they did for recess. "If you can come up to the board and write the word I give you, you'll get a gold star for the day," the teacher explains. "Tommy, what'd you do for recess?" she asks the first student. "Well," Tommy begins, "I played in the sand box with Suzy!" "Okay great. If you can come to the board and spell the word 'sand' I'll give you a gold star." So Tommy goes up to the board, spells 'sand' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks Suzy, "Suzy, what'd you do for recess today?" So Suzy answers, "like Tommy said, we played in the sand box together." "Okay," the teacher thinks, "if you can come up to the board and spell 'box' I'll give you a gold star. So Suzy spells 'box' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks the third student, "Tyrone, what'd you do for recess today?" "Well I wanted to play in the sand box with Tommy and Suzy but they wouldn't let me," Tyrone answers. "Oh no!" says the teacher, "That's terrible! Do you know what that's called? That's called 'racial discrimination.' If you can come up to the board and spell 'racial discrimination' I'll give you a gold star."
So God's getting ready to go on vaction...
And he's packing his bag and an angel comes up and asks, "So, where are you going to go for your vacation?" And God says, "Huh, not Earth again, last time I went there I got this Jewish girl pregnant and they haven't stopped talking about it since!'
Young man goes off to university
A young man goes off to university in a town several hours drive from where his parents live. Two months later, he write to his folks. The letter reads, "Dear Mom and Dad, I'm having a great time! I've enclosed a picture, as you can see I've grown a nice goatee! Don't I look like a Count?"
The father says to his wife, "Well that's upsetting. We spend all this money sending him to school, and he can't even spell."
Chicken for Supper
So this kid gets home around 6 and his dad asks "where were you?" The kid replies "at my girlfriends studying." The dad says "ok come sit down supper is ready." After a few minutes the kid says "This is great fish dad." The dad replies "Go wash your hands, it's chicken."
Spelling bee in heaven.
A married woman named Harriet was very ill and passed away. When she ascended into heaven, an angel was waiting for her. The angel said, "You can be allowed into heaven, if you spell a word for me." Harriet replies, "OK, what's the word?"
"The word is love."
"L-O-V-E, love." Harriet spells.
"Welcome to heaven, but before you go in, can you watch the gate for me? I have to go do something. If someone comes up you know what to do" the angel asks.
"Okay," and the angel flies away. A couple minutes later her husband, Harry, comes to Heaven. Harriet asks him,
"What are you doing here," and he replies,
"I got so lonely back at home, that I decided to kill myself to come here with you." Harriet then says,
"Well, you have to spell a word to pass to heaven." Harry says,
"Okay, what's the word." Harriet says,
"Czechoslovakia."
You are?
Follow instructions.
Say - Eye
Spell-map
Say-ness
A woman walks into an ice cream shop
A woman walks into an ice cream shop.
She looks at the selection and says "umm... I'll have a pint of chocolate ice cream please."
The guy working there says "I'm sorry ma'am, but we are out of chocolate."
She nods and looks back at the flavors, "Ok...well in that case... I'll have a quart of chocolate, please."
The guy looks back at her a bit confused, "No, I'm sorry. It's not the quantity, we are completely out of chocolate right now."
The woman says, "Oh ok... well then I suppose I'll have a gallon of chocolate ice cream, please."
The guy is bewildered. He responds, "Lady, can you spell the 'straw' in strawberry?"
"Umm... Of course, S-T-R-A-W"
"Very good. Now can you spell the 'van' in vanilla?"
She responds, "Well, yes... V-A-N"
He smiles and says, "Perfect. But now can you spell the f**...' in chocolate?"
She furrows her brow, "But there is no f**...' in chocolate!"
He goes, "I know, lady that's what I've been trying to tell you!"
The cursed Prince. This summer's best love story.
Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch.
The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year.
However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words (this was before the time of letter writing or sign language).
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love.
With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say, "my darling,"
But, at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).
But, at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So, he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.
Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.
Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily,
"My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"
And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said,
"Pardon?"
I Made It To Heaven.
A woman dies and goes to heaven, she approaches the pearly gates and says "I finally made it to heaven" St. Peter says "Not yet, first..you have to spell a word" She says "What word?" St. Peter says "Any word" so the woman says "Love and spells it L-O-V-E..St Peter says "Welcome to heaven" he then says" I have something I have to do, would you watch the gate?" the woman says what do I have to do" St. Peter says "Just do what I've been doing" so she says "OK"...a few minutes later she sees her ex-husband walking up, she says "What are you doing here?" the ex-husband replies "I just had a heart attack, I can't believe I made it to heaven" the ex-wife says "Not yet, you have to spell a word to get in" The ex-husband says "What word?" the wife replies "Czechoslovakia"
So a man walks into a psychiatrists office...
wearing nothing by saran wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says, "well, I can clearly see you're nuts!"
edited for spelling, thanks for edfitz83 keen eye ;)
A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store...
A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.
"Quiero calcetines" said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines." insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality." the salesgirl probed.
"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.
"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sí que es!".
"Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.
Lil' Rascals
read aloud for best effect ...
Teacher stands in front of the class full of the Lil' Rascals.
She asks Darla to spell dictate.
Darla, "dictate: d-i-k-t-a-t. Dictate."
Sorry Darla that is incorrect.
Teacher asks Buckwheat.
Buckwheat says, "dictate: d-i-c-t-a-t-e. Dictate."
"very good Buckwheat," says the teacher. "now can you use it in a sentence?"
"Sure," says Buckwheat, "Darla says my dictate good"
A schoolteacher quits his job to become a pirate...
In 18th century America, a schoolteacher decides that he's sick and tired of teaching spelling and grammar to children all day. So he quits his job, sells his house, and plans to become a pirate. He goes down the harbor to buy a boat and hire a crew. Once his crew is ready, they head out onto the high seas, with the captain/former teacher at the helm.
As they sail, they spy a merchant ship on the horizon and start chasing it. As they catch up, the captain tells the first mate to command the crew to start priming the cannons. The first mate sends the message down and the crew readies the cannonballs, prepares the gunpowder, and takes aim at the merchant ship. The first mate runs back up to the helm and says "captain, the cannons be ready!"
The captain turns to the first mate and says "are!"
Broccoli joke
So a woman walks into a grocery store and asks "do you have any broccoli" no says the guy stocking shelves. So the woman leaves. So the woman came back the next day and asked the same question, again the guy said no. So again the woman came back and asked again, so the guy finally said can you spell cat as in catostophe so she spells c-a-t. And can you spell dog as in dogborne? So she says d-o-g. Now can you spell freak as in broccoli? Then the woman says " there is no freak in broccoli, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!
An American, an Australian and an Irishman are all on a quiz show...
The host asks; "Old MacDonald had a what, and then spell it for me."
The American says; "Old MacDonald had a ranch, R-A-N-C-H," he was incorrect.
The Australian buzzes in and answers; "Old MacDonald had a property, P-R-O-P-E-R-T-Y," he was incorrect.
The Irishman thinks for a a little and finally answers, "Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O,"
What did Eminem say when his label spelled his name wrong?
It doesn't Mather.
Jamaican Nudest Tattoo
A white guy takes a vacation at a Jamaican nudest resort. He sits at the bar next to a local. The Jamaican notices the white guy has the letters "WY" tattooed on his junk. He asks, "What does that mean." The white guy responds, "My wife's name is Wendy so when I get hard it spells it out." The white guy then notices his new friend has the same thing tattooed on his junk. The white guy asks, "Oh is your wife named Wendy too?" The Jamaican laughs and says, "No man, when I get hard it say 'Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day'!"
Three men - one blind, one deaf, one dumb - participate in a game show...
The blind man is shown a map with a marker and asked to name the exact place it is pointing to. Being blind though, he is well versed in Braille, so he begins feeling the map with his hands and after a few seconds says "Grenoble, France".
"Correct! 50 points for Mr. Blind", says the host.
The deaf man is played a particular song and asked to identify its singer. Being deaf though, he is a keen observer and lip-reader. He notices one of the people in the audience singing along with the song, reads their lip, and says, "Stand Tall, by Burton Cummings."
"Correct! 50 points for Mr. Deaf", says the host.
Finally, the dumb man is asked to spell "Mississippi". After thinking for a few seconds, he says, "M-R-S. S-I-P-P-Y".
Little Billy and Sarah are two finalists at the spelling bee...
Sarah is up first.
Prompter: Sarah, your word is dumb. Please spell it and use it in a sentence.
Sarah: D-U-M-B dumb. Billy is dumb.
Prompter: Good, now spell s**...
Sarah: S-T-U-P-I-D s**.... Billy is s**....
Prompter: Correct, now Billy, spell dictate
Billy: D-I-C-T-A-T-E dictate. Sarah might say I'm dumb and s**..., but she also say my dic-tate good.
Mike Tyson is hosting a spelling bee
A contestant approaches the stage and Mike says, "the word is dictate"
The contestant thinks for a second, clearly pondering the spelling of the word. "Dictate... Mike, could you please use that in a sentence?"
Mike smoothly replies, "Well of course. When I was in prison, Maurice told me that my dictate good"
The little rascals are having a spelling test.
The teacher calls on Buckwheat and gives him the word "dictate" buckwheat replies " dictate, d.i.c.t.a.t.e." The teacher says very good now use it in a sentence please. He thinks about it for a second then says "Hey Darla how did my dic tate last night".
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
An old man with bad memory...
(Edit- spelling)
An old man with bad memory is with his friends, and they're talking about their memory issues.
"My wife and I have been going to this great memory clinic," says the man, "they teach us all sorts of mnemonic devices and other ways to help us remember things."
"That's amazing!" says his friend, "what's the name of the place?"
Taking a moment, the man sits, thinking, and then asks, "okay, what's the name of that flower, its beautiful and red and romantic, but has some thorns?"
"Oh! A rose?"
"That's it!! Hey Rose, what's the name of our memory clinic?"
The Little Rascals do some spelling
The Little Rascals are sitting in class one day when the teacher decides it's time to do some spelling. She says "okay students it's time to spell our word of the day. Today's word is DICTATE. Who thinks they can spell it?"
Spanky, being the leader that he is, raises his hand first "I can teacher!"
-"Ok spanky, go ahead"
-"Dictate. D-y-c.."
The teacher interrupts him and says "sorry Spanky but that's incorrect. Anyone else?"
-"I think I can!" proclaims Alfalfa.
-"Alright Alfalfa, go ahead" says teacher.
-"Dictate. D-i-t-c.."
Again, teacher interrupts Alfalfa "sorry Alfalfa but that's also incorrect. "Anybody else?"
-"I'll try" says Buckwheat.
-"Alright Buckwheat go ahead" says the teacher
-Buckwheat starts "Dictate. D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."
-"Good job Buckwheat!" says the teacher. "Now can you use it in a sentence?"
Buckwheat thinks for a moment then looks over at Darla and says
"HEY DARLA! HOW MY DICTATE LAST NIGHT???"
A blonde woman finds a dead body...
Immediately, she calls the police.
She says, "Hello, I have found a dead body"
The 911 operator replies, "Ok. Thank you for letting us know. Can you tell me the street on which you found it?"
She looks around and says, "Eucalyptus Street"
The operator asks, "Can you spell it for me?"
The blonde women thinks, and tells the operator, "Don't worry, I'll just move it to Smith Street"
Why is does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it'd be called a chicken sedan.
(better if saying it out loud because of the spelling of coop/coupe) ;-;
What did Princess Diana say when she reached the ball?
***gagging noises***
PS: I don't know how to spell that out.
A girlfriend and boyfriend are talking...
The girl says, "hey John, how do you spell p**...?'" He responds, "gosh honey, why do you need to know? That's an awfully big word for an 8 year old."
What did God say to the alcoholic spelling bee judge?
"Define intervention."
Came up with this today at work.
A Man Looking for a Job
There's a man desperately looking for a job, but he doesn't know how to spell. No one will hire him. One boss says ''Look I'll hire you if you learn how to spell properly. The man goes away, he spends weeks and weeks learning how to spell.
Finally he comes back. The boss says ''Okay, you have three attempts, spell c**...''. The man says ''K-L-I-T-O''. ''No, no, no, you have two more attempts. The man tries again ''K-L-I-''. No, no you have one more go, now come on. The man thinks for a while okay ''I think I have it , K-'' No. no. no. The man says ''Ah Jaysus and I had it on the tip of my tongue there last night.
Little Timmy is asked by his teacher " Timmy how do you spell school?"
Timmy responds " S K O O L ".....
The teacher says " that is not correct . It's spelled S C H O O L ". ......
Little Timmy replies " Well , you asked how I spelled it"
Donald Trump ask Hillary Clinton to spell his name.
Hillary replies with 'D O N A L D'
Donald says, 'No Hillary, its Donad, cuz you took the L!
There are two types of woman
Those that want to sleep with me, I guess you could say they were under my spell and those who refused. They are under my porch.
A teacher calls up her first grade class from recess
She she says to little Sally
-"Sally, what did you do at recess?"
-"I played in the sand box"
-"If you can spell the word "sand" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
So she spells it and enjoys a cookie
Then comes in Jimmy so the teacher says
-"Jimmy, what did you do at recess?"
-"I played in the sandbox with Sally"
-"If you can spell "box" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
So he spells it and enjoys a cookie
Then Tyrone comes in
-"Tyrone, what did you do at recess"
-"Sally and Jimmy threw rocks at me!"
-"wow that sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can spell "blatant racial discrimination" I'll give you a fresh baked cookie"
I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
Pigeons are cool. Or I guess you can say they are pretty...fly
You can't spell cool without coo
Wife hanging from a rope.
I found my wife hanging from a rope in the attic. There was a note saying, "I really can't stand your criticsm any longer!" I quickly cut the rope and reanimated her. Thankfully I could bring her back to life. As she lay in my arms I could see her eyes slowly open and I said, "Come on, that's not how you spell criticism."
The little boy just wants chocolate ice cream...
A little boy walks into an ice cream shop...
"I want chocolate ice cream!" the boy exclaimed.
"I'm sorry we don't have chocolate", the clerk sighs "but I have this delicious strawberry and vanilla!"
"No! I want chocolate!" the boy cried.
"Tell you what" ,the clerk adds "can you spell 'VAN' as in vanilla?"
"Yeah! V-A-N", the boy proudly says.
"What about 'STRAW' as in strawberry?"
"Yeah! S-T-R-A-W", the boys says as he is getting annoyed.
"Now, what about f**...' is an chocolate???"
The boys screams, "There is no f**...' in chocolate!!"
"That's what I'm trying to tell you, boy!!!!!"
A Woman Walks Into A Cafe
A woman goes to a cafe and takes a seat outside. While she's eating, she overhears a group of men at the next table.
"Look, let's go with the simple option. It's spelled W-O-O-M."
"No, I'm sure there's an R in there. W-O-O-M-R."
"I thought it was longer than that, and had a B. W-O-O-M-M-B-R-R."
Finally the woman has had enough. She walks over to the table and says, "Gentleman, the word you're looking for is W-O-M-B, w**...." With that she walks off, the men staring after her.
Finally, one of the men turns back to the others. "Do you think she's right?"
"Of course not. A slip of a girl like that, I don't suppose she's ever heard an elephant f**...."
"You dirty-mouth pigs! In this country we dont talk about our dirty s**... lives in public"
Two men with strong accents are having a conversation on the bus and a lady behind then eavesdrops.
"Emma comma first. Den I come. Den two esses acomma together. I come once-a-more. Two esses, dey comma together again. I comma again and pee twice. Den I comma one last time."
"You dirty-mouth pigs! In this country we dont talk about our dirty s**... lives in public" says the lady.
"hey what´sa matter for you" says the man. "Ima justa tellin ma frienda how to spell "Mississippi."
Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car
The operator asks for his location.
Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .
The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"
There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.
Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street
A Spanish guy is shopping in London...
A Spanish man went into a clothing store where the salesperson only spoke English. Walking up to the nearest sales clerk, the man said, Quiero calcetines, por favor. The clerk shook his head and said, I don't speak Spanish.
The sales clerk and the man walked around the store, the clerk pointing at jackets, sweaters, pants, and shoes, hoping to find what the Spanish man needed. Finally, the clerk pointed at a table of socks, and the Spanish man exclaimed, Eso, si que es! Wide-eyed, the sales clerk said, If you could spell it, why didn't you say so before!
A kid gets out of his seat to leave class
"I'll be right back."
He's known for being a bit of a troublemaker, but the teacher can't deny him if he needs the restroom. The teacher says, "Alright, you can go. But first, spell today's vocabulary word, 'pterodactyl'."
He spells out, "T-E-R-O-D-A-C-T-Y-L."
She says to him, "Good job. However, you left out the P. Because it's silent?"
"Yeah," he goes, "and it's dripping down my pants."
I saw biggish girl at the pub last night,
Her t shirt said "watch out I'm a man eater!"
I went up to her and said " excuse me, love ... About your t shirt slogan."
She interrupted me and angrily snapped " oh let me guess: you want to know how many man I've eaten? Well, you know what, I can't help my size."
I said "Actually, no, I wasn't going to say that at all. "
She looks happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you what to say then?"
"That's not how you spell manatee."
A class comes in from recess and is given a spelling test.
"Jimmy, what did you do during recess" asks the teacher. "I played in the sandbox with Sally" says Jimmy. "That's great! If you can spell 'sand' on the board, you get a cookie!" Jimmy does and gets his reward.
"Sally, what did you do during recess?" "I played in the sand box with Jimmy!" "Wow! If you can spell 'box' on the board, you get a cookie!" Sally does and gets a cookie.
"Jamal, what did you do during recess?" "I tried to play with Sally and Jimmy but they just threw rocks at me." "Oh my! That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' on the board, you get a cookie!"
So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater".
I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"
She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."
I looked at her, confused and said; "That's actually not what I was going to say at all."
"Oh.." she replied as a smile started to come across her face. "What were you going to say?"
"That's not how you spell manatee."
An American and Australian are arguing over the spelling of 'jail'
Aussie says, 'Look mate, it's spelt G-A-O-L, that's the original correct spelling used by the English.'
The American looks over to their British buddy, 'Sort this out for us will ya, how did you learn to spell it?'
'A-U-S-T-R-A-L-I-A'.
A mean spelling teacher walked in and saw "U R e**..." written on the board.
She didn't say anything but she did give them an evil i.
We all know that elementary school kids try to make each other spell 'icup', but what do kids in the hood say?
Icug.
Hogwarts' Spells
Two kids are fighting in Hogwarts, Dumbledore comes to seperate them and says loudly «You guys are Ex-spelled»
A man is locked in a room with no doors or windows...
The only thing in there with him is a red marble and a blue marble.
He says, well, I have a red marble and I have a blue marble, and two haves make whole. And so he uses that whole to climb out.
You say, That's s**.... It's two *halves* that make a whole, not two 'haves.' And anyway a 'whole' isn't spelled the way he's using it.
Now that you pointed out the hole in his reasoning, he climbs out through that.
An Irish man and his Canadian friend walk into a bar
The two get quite drunk. The Canadian friend says "hey, in English (Canadian) Canada is called CND, but while repeating the name to an englishman, we spell it out saying -CND, C, eh, N, eh, D, eh". The irish man laughs, so the Friend continues," what is your country's name in its native language." The name is Éire." " Éire, eh," but the friend doesn't catch his mistake. A car explodes outside. The man says to the friend," Tiocfaidh ár lá, comrade!" before leaving while putting on a Balaclava. The friend never sees him again.
Sycamore street joke
This is a call that came into the 911 emergency line:
911 operator: 911 what is your emergency?
Man: Hey dude, I need an ambulance.
(static in the phone line interrupts call)
911 operator: A what?
Man: I need an ambulance. A dude just got hit by a car.
911 operator: Okay, where are you?
Man: I'm down here on Sycamore Street.
(static in the phone line becomes worse)
911 operator: Where are you? Say it again. This staic makes it hard to
understand you.
Man: I'm at Sycamore Street!
(static still continues)
911 operator: Maybe it would be easier to understand you if you spell
where you're at.
Man: All right. S-y-c-k...no, no that ain't right.
S-i-c-k...no...S-e...S-y. I'll tell you what, I'll take the dude over to
Lee Street; you can pick him up there.
An engineer is walking beside a pond...
..when a frog hops out onto the path and says "Please, sir, I am a beautiful princess. A kiss from you will release me from the evil spell that turned me into a frog!"
The engineer smiles, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket.
A commotion ensues in his pocket, and he takes the frog out.
"Please, sir. I am a princess! Kiss me and I will reward you with my hand in marriage!"
"Look," he says. "I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a wife. But a talking frog, that's cool!"
Back when I was in elementary school one of my teachers would have a letter of the day and then pick one of the students to say something about the letter of the day.
One day I got picked and the letter of that day was N so I got asked, "Jeff, why don't you use the letter of the day, N, and tell us something that you're not very good at that starts with the letter N." I stood up next to my desk and said... Spelling
Dead funny
Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetary. Hearing a tapping sound, he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
"Thank goodness!" Jack says to the man.
"You gave me a fright of my life! Why are you working so late?"
"The spelled my name wrong."
