Sawing Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A drunk Minnesotan decides to go ice fishing

He starts sawing a hole in the ice, but just then a booming voice says, "You will find no fish there."

The drunk ignores it and continues sawing. The voice repeats, "You will find no fish under the ice."

The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?"

The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."

My dad's a magician

Bob: What does your father do for a living?

Joe: He's a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.

Bob: Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Joe: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.

Starving Men On An Island

There are two starving men stranded on an island with only a rusty old knife. The first man says, Well, I think our only choice is to eat each other's legs. We're not walking around, anyway. And we need food . The other man agrees. So the first man begins sawing and crudely cutting the other man's legs off. I after about an hour of excruciating pain, the second man's legs are completely off of his body, so he says, Okay, your turn. Give me the knife . So the first jumps up and runs away with the second man's legs, saying, You'll have to catch me first!

A billionaire decides to build a palace

A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60's together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It's perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billionaire sends out his invitations. A few weeks later he sees Jefferson Airplane, The Beetles, Jimmy Hendrix and a hoard of 60's luminaries standing in the grass, but none are coming inside. Paul McCartney is playing cards with Mick Jagger.

The billionaire is stunned. I've spent a year building this palace, making it perfect in every detail for the best musicians the 60's has ever known. Why won't you come inside?

John Lennon adjusts his glasses and calls out: You forgot The Doors.

Two Construction Workers...

are building a tower. One of them, being 15 stories up, needs a hand saw. Because the other man can't hear him, he uses sign language. He points to himself, "I," points at his knee, "need," and makes a sawing motion. To his surprise, the man at the bottom of the tower looks at him, nods, and starts masturbating. The man at the top, getting very angry, comes down all 15 stories, and yells, "I asked for a hand saw! Why would you just start jacking off?!" The other man said, "I was trying to tell you - I'm Coming!"

What's the similarity between my dad and a magician.

They both like sawing people in half for fun

A psychiatrist is being shown around a mental hospital.

After being shown around the corridors he walks into a room with two patients, one hanging from the roof upside down, and the other in the middle of the room cutting a piece of wood with a saw.

Doctor: Umm... What is it your doing?

First patient: What do you mean, what am I doing... Im sawing this piece of wood... What are you stupid?

Doctor: Okay... sorry... Well what about your friend over there?

First patient: Oh him... Don't worry about him... Hes a few sandwiches short of a picnic.... he thinks he's a light bulb....

Doctor: He's your friend... Why don't you get him down?

First patient: What, and work in the dark???

Sawing Wood

So a gentleman walks into a Sears store to buy a saw. The store employee recommends to the customer a smal entry level chainsaw insisting that it will make the man's job much easier. The customer is reluctant at first but upon being assured that anyone can use a chainsaw he decides to make the purchase. So he took his new saw home and started cutting wood. But it took forever and was much slower than his trusty old hand saw. Irate, the man took his saw back to the store to complain to the employee about how bad it was. The employee checks the saw out briefly, sets it down and starts it right up. The customer was flabbergasted. "You mean it turns on and makes noise!"

So, did you hear about the teacher ...

... who was discussing different jobs held by parents.

When she called on Little Johnny, she asked, And what does your father do?
Oh, he's a magician, replied Johnny.
Really? What's his best trick?
His best trick is sawing people in half.
Wonderful! exclaimed the teacher. Tell me, are there any more children in your family?
Yes ma'am, I have a half brother and two half sisters.

I love to build things...

I love hammering, I love sawing, and I love sanding.

But drilling is just plain boring.

How will we know when we've reached gender equality?

Magicians will be sawing men in half, too.

Two mental health patients in a room...

A doctor is passing by his patients' rooms when he notices one patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of cardboard with his hand. The doctor steps in and notices another patient hanging by his feet from the ceiling. He asks, "What are you two doing?"

The sitting patient says, "I'm sawing this wood in half. Up there? That's my friend, he's a bit crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."

"Shouldn't you help him down before he hurts himself?"

The patient stares at him incredulously. "And work in the DARK?"

What are the funniest sawing jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Sawing? Well, here are the best Sawing puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Sawing pick up lines to share with friends.


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