Sawing Jokes
28 sawing jokes and hilarious sawing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sawing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sawing Short Jokes
Short sawing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sawing humour may include short cutting jokes also.
- I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
- I just saw my chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.
- As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back. And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
- My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
- My girlfriend broke up with me for being too un-American I saw it coming from a kilometre away
- Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full." I thought, "I can't turn that down."
- I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity
- I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It's laundry day.
- My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
- What did the Tibetan monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine? "I can't believe it's not Buddha."
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Sawing One Liners
Which sawing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sawing? I can suggest the ones about chopping and cutting wood.
- What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI
- What did Charizard say when he saw Pikachu Charizard
- I saw 2 men in matching outfits I asked them if they were gay They arrested me
- What did Raichu say when it saw Pikachu Raichu
- I can cut down a tree just by looking at it It's true, I saw it with my own eyes
- I saw 2 guys wearing matching outfits and asked if they were gay. They arrested me.
- What did master yoda say when he saw himself on a 4k tv? HDMI
- I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full" Couldn't turn it down.
- What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed? An iWitness.
- I dreamed I saw a color I never saw before It was just a pigment of my imagination.
- I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried Onions was a good dog
- I saw a homeless dude and gave him 1$ I saw a homeless woman and gave her 0.77$
- Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.
- It's so cold outside I saw a politican with his hands in his own pockets.
- I just saw that Chuck Yeager has died ...and then I heard it a few seconds later
Cheeky Sawing Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about sawing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mowing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sawing pranks.
An elementary school teacher was meeting her new class
She pointed to one student and asked "What does your father do for a living?"
The boy said "My father's a magician! He has a new act that ends with sawing people in half."
"That's wonderful!" said the teacher. "And do you have any siblings?"
"Yes," said the boy- "I have a half brother and a half sister."
Whats you father's occupation?
Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. "He's a magician," said the small boy. "How interesting! What's his favorite trick? "Sawing people in half." "Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?' "Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters."
A drunk Minnesotan decides to go ice fishing
He starts sawing a hole in the ice, but just then a booming voice says, "You will find no fish there."
The drunk ignores it and continues sawing. The voice repeats, "You will find no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?"
The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."
My dad's a magician
Bob: What does your father do for a living?
Joe: He's a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Bob: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Joe: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
My Dad was a professional magician who performed all the classic illusions. He used to practice the well-known, "Sawing a person in two" trick using us kids.
He always loved to halve his family in the act.
What's the similarity between my dad and a magician.
They both like sawing people in half for fun
Magicians are celebrating 100 years of sawing people in half
I'm split in two about it.
I love to build things...
I love hammering, I love sawing, and I love sanding.
But drilling is just plain boring.
So, did you hear about the teacher ...
... who was discussing different jobs held by parents.
When she called on Little Johnny, she asked, And what does your father do?
Oh, he's a magician, replied Johnny.
Really? What's his best trick?
His best trick is sawing people in half.
Wonderful! exclaimed the teacher. Tell me, are there any more children in your family?
Yes ma'am, I have a half brother and two half sisters.
How will we know when we've reached gender equality?
Magicians will be sawing men in half, too.
A psychiatrist is being shown around a mental hospital.
After being shown around the corridors he walks into a room with two patients, one hanging from the roof upside down, and the other in the middle of the room cutting a piece of wood with a saw.
Doctor: Umm... What is it your doing?
First patient: What do you mean, what am I doing... Im sawing this piece of wood... What are you s**...?
Doctor: Okay... sorry... Well what about your friend over there?
First patient: Oh him... Don't worry about him... Hes a few sandwiches short of a picnic.... he thinks he's a light bulb....
Doctor: He's your friend... Why don't you get him down?
First patient: What, and work in the dark???
A billionaire decides to build a palace
A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60's together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It's perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billionaire sends out his invitations. A few weeks later he sees Jefferson Airplane, The Beetles, Jimmy Hendrix and a hoard of 60's luminaries standing in the grass, but none are coming inside. Paul McCartney is playing cards with m**... Jagger.
The billionaire is stunned. I've spent a year building this palace, making it perfect in every detail for the best musicians the 60's has ever known. Why won't you come inside?
John Lennon adjusts his glasses and calls out: You forgot The Doors.
Two mental health patients in a room...
A doctor is passing by his patients' rooms when he notices one patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of cardboard with his hand. The doctor steps in and notices another patient hanging by his feet from the ceiling. He asks, "What are you two doing?"
The sitting patient says, "I'm sawing this wood in half. Up there? That's my friend, he's a bit crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Shouldn't you help him down before he hurts himself?"
The patient stares at him incredulously. "And work in the DARK?"
