Sawing Jokes
8 sawing jokes and hilarious sawing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sawing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Cheeky Sawing Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What is a good sawing joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
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An elementary school teacher was meeting her new class
She pointed to one student and asked "What does your father do for a living?"
The boy said "My father's a magician! He has a new act that ends with sawing people in half."
"That's wonderful!" said the teacher. "And do you have any siblings?"
"Yes," said the boy- "I have a half brother and a half sister."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Dad was a professional magician who performed all the classic illusions. He used to practice the well-known, "Sawing a person in two" trick using us kids.
He always loved to halve his family in the act.
I love to build things...
I love hammering, I love sawing, and I love sanding.
But drilling is just plain boring.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A psychiatrist is being shown around a mental hospital.
After being shown around the corridors he walks into a room with two patients, one hanging from the roof upside down, and the other in the middle of the room cutting a piece of wood with a saw.
Doctor: Umm... What is it your doing?
First patient: What do you mean, what am I doing... Im sawing this piece of wood... What are you s**...?
Doctor: Okay... sorry... Well what about your friend over there?
First patient: Oh him... Don't worry about him... Hes a few sandwiches short of a picnic.... he thinks he's a light bulb....
Doctor: He's your friend... Why don't you get him down?
First patient: What, and work in the dark???
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A billionaire decides to build a palace
A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60's together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It's perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billionaire sends out his invitations. A few weeks later he sees Jefferson Airplane, The Beetles, Jimmy Hendrix and a hoard of 60's luminaries standing in the grass, but none are coming inside. Paul McCartney is playing cards with m**... Jagger.
The billionaire is stunned. I've spent a year building this palace, making it perfect in every detail for the best musicians the 60's has ever known. Why won't you come inside?
John Lennon adjusts his glasses and calls out: You forgot The Doors.
Two mental health patients in a room...
A doctor is passing by his patients' rooms when he notices one patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of cardboard with his hand. The doctor steps in and notices another patient hanging by his feet from the ceiling. He asks, "What are you two doing?"
The sitting patient says, "I'm sawing this wood in half. Up there? That's my friend, he's a bit crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Shouldn't you help him down before he hurts himself?"
The patient stares at him incredulously. "And work in the DARK?"
Sawing Wood
So a gentleman walks into a Sears store to buy a saw. The store employee recommends to the customer a smal entry level chainsaw insisting that it will make the man's job much easier. The customer is reluctant at first but upon being assured that anyone can use a chainsaw he decides to make the purchase. So he took his new saw home and started cutting wood. But it took forever and was much slower than his trusty old hand saw. Irate, the man took his saw back to the store to complain to the employee about how bad it was. The employee checks the saw out briefly, sets it down and starts it right up. The customer was flabbergasted. "You mean it turns on and makes noise!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Construction Workers...
are building a tower. One of them, being 15 stories up, needs a hand saw. Because the other man can't hear him, he uses sign language. He points to himself, "I," points at his knee, "need," and makes a sawing motion. To his surprise, the man at the bottom of the tower looks at him, nods, and starts m**.... The man at the top, getting very angry, comes down all 15 stories, and yells, "I asked for a hand saw! Why would you just start jacking off?!" The other man said, "I was trying to tell you - I'm Coming!"
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