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Saw Jokes

131 saw jokes and hilarious saw puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about saw that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Saw Jokes

Short saw jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The saw humour may include short jokes also.

  1. I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
  2. I just saw my chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.
  3. As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back. And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
  4. My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
  5. My girlfriend broke up with me for being too un-American I saw it coming from a kilometre away
  6. Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full." I thought, "I can't turn that down."
  7. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity
  8. I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It's laundry day.
  9. My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
  10. What did the Tibetan monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine? "I can't believe it's not Buddha."

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about saw can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of saw puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Saw One Liners

Which saw one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with saw? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI
  2. What did Charizard say when he saw Pikachu Charizard
  3. I saw 2 men in matching outfits I asked them if they were gay They arrested me
  4. What did Raichu say when it saw Pikachu Raichu
  5. I can cut down a tree just by looking at it It's true, I saw it with my own eyes
  6. I saw 2 guys wearing matching outfits and asked if they were gay. They arrested me.
  7. What did master yoda say when he saw himself on a 4k tv? HDMI
  8. I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full" Couldn't turn it down.
  9. What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed? An iWitness.
  10. I dreamed I saw a color I never saw before It was just a pigment of my imagination.
  11. I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried Onions was a good dog
  12. I saw a homeless dude and gave him 1$ I saw a homeless woman and gave her 0.77$
  13. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.
  14. It's so cold outside I saw a politican with his hands in his own pockets.
  15. I just saw that Chuck Yeager has died ...and then I heard it a few seconds later

Saw Movie Jokes

Here is a list of funny saw movie jokes and even better saw movie puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I saw Black Panther 2 without knowing anything about it. I had no idea Wakanda movie it was.
  • My friend asked me what the biggest fish I ever caught was. "Have you ever saw the movie jaws? I asked. "Well it was about the same size as the box the dvd came in."
  • Just saw the Black Panther movie 3/5 would recommend.
  • I recently saw a movie about nuts and bolts..... The plot was riveting!
  • I saw the saddest movie ever. A man ended up jacking off to his dead wife's photo and crying. It was absolutely tear jerking.
  • Movies are always more fun if you dress up like the characters. Like the time I didn't eat for 3 weeks and then saw Schindler's List.
  • I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners... Apparently Jared from subway had a stash...
    (I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)
  • I ask my brother if he wanted to watch any war movies. He said he was tired of watching people getting shot. I said "you never saw anyone get shot, you graduated HS 12 years ago."
  • I saw a movie about a farmer who went out of business The plot wasn't very good
  • Just saw Pixar's latest movie. Not only was it great... ... it was incredible, too.

Saw Con Jokes

Here is a list of funny saw con jokes and even better saw con puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was walking past a prison the other day, and I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.
    I thought to myself, now that's a little con descending.
  • During a prison break, I saw a midget climb the fence of the prison yard. As he jumped down, he sneered at me... I thought to myself, "well, that was a little con-descending."
  • I saw a midget escaping from jail the other day He was looking down on me as he climbed down a rope.
    I though to myself, that's a little con descending
  • Yesterday I saw a midget escaping prison. As he went down its walls with a rope, he noticed me staring at him, so he looked at me with disgust.
    "That's a little con descending" I thought
  • Who is going to Saw Con this year ?
  • I saw a business group's website praising a felon for finishing his studies. I never thought I'd see a conglomerate congratulating a con graduating.
    ----------
    I know, it's horrible, but I like it.
  • what did the man say when he saw the chilli that he was about to cut up for his chilli con carne dancing? "My chilli's gone barmy!!!"
  • A lumberjack has s**... with a witch, gets his soul trapped inside a jigsaw, and seeks revenge by ruining her cheese company *I Came. I Saw. I Con Curd.*

Circular Saw Jokes

Here is a list of funny circular saw jokes and even better circular saw puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man was asked if he would rather have a new circular saw or a ladder... He chose the latter.
  • My First Dad Joke.. Family member asked if anyone knows where's their circular saw. Have you looked a-round?

Saw Dust Jokes

Here is a list of funny saw dust jokes and even better saw dust puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • To show off how wealthy he was, I saw a guy inhale a line of 24K gold dust It was really Au inspiring.

Saw Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about saw you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make saw prank.

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

You can't imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his p**... back in his pocket.

Judge: How could you kill 24 people? What the h**... was wrong with you?

Driver:I was driving at 50mph when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a restaurant with outside seating. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realised they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the restaurant.
Judge: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran inside the restaurant so l followed him.

I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little b**... didn't stand a chance…

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.
The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.
The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!

Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.

People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked o**..., who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?"
The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now."

I saw a crying kid and asked him where his parents were.

And that's how I lost my job at the orphanage.

A racist man called me a t**... for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.

Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.

Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.
EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

It was so cold in D.C. today...

that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

Looked down and saw $80 on the sidewalk. Being the good Christian that I am, I thought, what would Jesus do?

So I went to the liquor store and turned it into wine

Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.

I saw a documentary about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage

But I think this sub is doing even better!

I was shopping with my wife and I couldn't find her, until I saw a beautiful women.

I ask her: I have lost my wife, can I talk to you?
She replies: Why?
I say: You will see in 20 seconds.

I saw my ex girlfriend at the other end of the museum hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello.

There was too much history between us.

I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so…

I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, "You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!"
She didn't hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, "You dropped your purse on the floor outside McDonald's."
"Thank you so much" she said, "Where is it?"
I said, "I've just told you, on the floor outside McDonald's."

I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage.


I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."
I asked what happens when they do.
"We get another sheep."

My dad told me never to go to a cheap, s**..., dirty, raunchy s**... club, because you'll see something you really shouldn't.

So I went.
And I saw my dad.

I was walking around town the other day...

I was walking around town the other day when I saw these two j**...-offs wearing matching outfits, I mean, down to the *belt* same outfits, so I yelled to over to them "Hey faggots did you plan that?"
Anyways, they arrested me.

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

My wife threatened to leave me because I wouldnt stop singing "I'm a believer". I thought she was joking

And then I saw her face...

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, "Morning."

He replied, "No, just having a s**...."

Police pulls over a car driving 15 mph in a 70 mph speed zone

It was an older woman driving. He asks her why she was driving slow.
She says - "I saw a sign that said I-15, so I thought the speed limit was 15 mph"
Officer - "That is the sign for the Interstate 15. The speed limit is 70 mph on this road"
Then he notices 3 other older ladies in the back seat whose faces were white as a sheet.
He asks the driver whats wrong.
Her - "Oh, we just came off I-215"

Yesterday I saw two teenagers making out in the park, reminds me of my teenage days….

reminds me of my teenage days when I used to see other teenagers make out in the park

My wife threatened to leave me due to my obsession with 'The Monkees'. I didn't think she was serious.

And then I saw her face...

I can cut a piece of wood in half by only looking at it

It's true, I saw it with my own eyes

Saw a h**... on the street who said she'd do anything for $50.

Guess who got the front porch repainted.

Everyone told me smoking kills, I had no idea how fast.

My dad went to get his first pack of cigarettes ever and I never saw him again.

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey.

I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".
"Is that your real name?", she asked.
I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."

Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb

I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"?
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents."

My dad said 'Son, stay out of s**... clubs or you might see something you shouldn't.

So i went in and he was right.


I saw my dad.

My girlfriend just broke up with me for being too unamerican..

..but honestly I saw it coming from a kilometer away.

I saw a TV for sale for 1$

I saw that the TV was in very good condition.
"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller
"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied
"So everything else works?" I asked
He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume
"So you're gonna buy it?"
"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"

I saw 2 guys with matching clothes and asked them if they are gay...

They promptly arrested me.

I saw two blind men fighting

And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"
Then they both ran away

Just saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out.

He said he'll be fine, he's just going through a rough patch.

t**... holding dad at gunpoint-

t**...: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
t**...: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
t**...: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
t**...: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
t**...: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"

I saw a 4 year old girl crying, all alone

"Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"
"No" she sobbed
I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage

3 men were waiting in line to enter heaven

The angel at the gate asks the first man
"how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "10 times" the man answers. The angel gives him the keys to a 2010 Toyota Camry "this is how you will drive around heaven".
The second man says he cheated on his wife 5 times, the angel gives him a 2018 Lexus and let's him in.
The third man says he never cheated on his wife, he gets a 2021 Rolls Royce.

A few days later the 3 men meet and the man in the Rolls Royce is very sad, the men ask him what's wrong, he replys "I just saw my wife riding around on a scooter.

I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat

So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland

Saw a guy walking with a n**... woman on his back. "You OK?" I asked.

"Sure. I'm headed to a fancy dress as a tortoise."
"And her?"
"Oh, that's Michelle."

Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly last night.

Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.

Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.

So a man dies and goes to heaven...

When he got there, he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates.
St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?"
"Uh, well, I saw some huge bikers harassing an old lady outside a bar once, so I went up to the biggest, baddest guy and ripped out his nose ring."
Impressed, St. Peter asked, "Well, when was all this?"
"Uh, about 5 minutes ago."

I met my wife at the zoo.

The moment I saw her there, dressed head to toe in khaki and covered in animal s**..., I knew she was a keeper.

Saw "IT" last night

Far less "computer networking" and so much more "murderous clowning" than anticipated

I can cut a piece of wood in two pieces just by looking at it.

It may seem impossible, but I saw it with my own two eyes

A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"

"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.
"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."
When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you will not be able to make anything even remotely resembling a rooster."
This makes the blonde furious. "Calm down," says the brunette. "Once you are relaxed, we can start putting the corn flakes back into the box."

I saw an advert that read: Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.

I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.

I have the memory of an elephant.

I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.

But these are just miner details.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these saw jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.