Saving Jokes

152 saving jokes and hilarious saving puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about saving that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for ways to be more thrifty but fear that it might mean giving up your sense of humor? Learn how to save money, energy, water, and time while still enjoying good-natured jokes as you go through your day. In this article, you'll find advice on how to conserve and devote yourself to a balanced approach to life. Let's explore the idea of saving jokes!

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Short Saving Jokes
Saving One Liners
Time Saving Jokes
Life Saving Jokes
Saving Money Jokes
Saving Water Jokes
Saving Private Ryan Jokes
More Saving Jokes

Funniest Saving Short Jokes

Short saving jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The saving humour may include short saved jokes also.

My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
I want my 11780 dollars. Dear Bank of America, I just want to find 11780 more dollars in my savings account.Everyone at your bank counted wrong.
Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends, This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg.
A Republican Senator and a Democratic Senator are drowning and you can only save one. Do you... A: Have lunch.
B: Browse reddit.
Fox News actually saved my life. I was in a coma for 7 years, but one day one of the nurses changed the channel on my TV to fox and I had to get up to turn it off.
I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching To reverse and leaving the scene
After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means... ...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
Made love to my girlfriend for an hour and 15 seconds last night Thanks, Daylight Savings Time. I couldn't have done it without you.
If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one... What type of sandwich would you make?
BREAKING: The US Senate has unanimously approved a bill that would make Daylight Savings Time permanent! If you ask me, it's about time!

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Saving One Liners

Which saving one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with saving? I can suggest the ones about save water and losing.

I got banned from laser tag today. Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
Coronavirus ruining your plan for 2020? Save them for 2022! Cause 2022 is 2020 too.
If Christ were alive today, he'd have a huge retirement account because Jesus saves.
Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!
My gun saved my life today. It misfired.
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy? He was too far-out.
Floppy disks are like Jesus They died to become the icon of saving
Just lasted over an hour in bed... Thank you day light savings
Black Friday sale on star wars Battlefront 2 Save up to $2160 by not buying it
Jesus and floppy discs are very similar They both died to become the image of saving
Why couldn't the life guard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out, man.
A guy with the nickname E saved my life, so now when I see him I say- -A E I O U
Why Jesus and the 3.5" floppy are the same? They both died to become the icon of saving.
Dating a girl that has a child... ... it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".
I grew up so poor... That I had to eat cereal with a fork to save milk.

Time Saving Jokes

Here is a list of funny time saving jokes and even better time saving puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I told Mom she might be a hoarder. She said, "Let's save this conversation for another time."
Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day. Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much.
Liam Neeson struggles with being unappreciated after saving his family several times. His next film is going to be "Taken 4 Granted."
Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah. He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.
I hate daylight saving time so much That I lost sleep over it last night.
Do you know what Elon Musk could've called his submarines if they were built in time to save those children? Thai Pods.
I think "Scarborough Fair" is Simon & Garfunkel's most haunting song To this day, I still wonder, "*Did* Parsley save Rosemary in time?"
Why do people take instant dislike to accordion players? It saves time in the long run.
If a tiger was attacking your wife and mother in law at the same time and you could save one, who would it be? The tiger of course. There are only a few left 🐯
So apparently the Senate just passed a bill to make Daylight Savings Time permanent Most people are excited about the change, but I think if it passes the House it'll be hour loss.

Life Saving Jokes

Here is a list of funny life saving jokes and even better life saving puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I took a massive gamble and just sunk all my life savings into a Butcher shop on a blimp. The steaks have never been higher!
Dear student loan, Thank you for saving my life. I can't think of how I can ever repay you.
A soldier in WWII was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet. It was his life savings.
Me and my French girlfriend started a bakery in Paris with our life savings. It didn't take off. I went bankrupt. She left me. Now all I have is pain.
How do you save a pirate's life? C P Arrr!
I have enough money saved up to last me for the rest of my life! all I have to do now is die before thursday.
Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter? He couldn't remove three nails to save his life
There I was, risking my life to save my girlfriend from a fire-breathing dragon!! And all she had to say was.. "You have a drug problem."
Last week a young boy saved a priests life in the United States... ... he discovered the priest had early stage testicular cancer...
Jesus saved my life... And before I could thank him he got in the car with Miguel and drove away.

Saving Money Jokes

Here is a list of funny saving money jokes and even better saving money puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
I spent too much money on video games this month. All of my savings have gone up in Steam.
My ex just called and asked if she can sleep at my place because a stalker has been coming to her house at night. So nice of her to save me the gas money.
How do the Lannisters save money on new beds? They push Two twins together to make a King
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching... ...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.
How do dating sites in Alabama save money? They link to Ancestry.com
I finally saved up enough money that I could afford to listen to my heart. It turns out that's just a metaphor.
Anyway, I have a stethoscope for sale.
What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub? Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.
I just saved a ton of money on my Christmas shopping by expressing my political views on facebook.
If you want to save money this Christmas. Now is the perfect time to tell the kids.
Santa didn't make it through the pandemic..

Saving Water Jokes

Here is a list of funny saving water jokes and even better saving water puns that will make you laugh with friends.

A German tourist jumped in freezing water to save my precious little dog from drowning.
What's your hobby ? Boy : What's your hobby ?
Blonde : Fishing.
Boy : Wow, why do you like fishing ?
Blonde : Because I save fishes from drowning in water.
Inocent question! 'Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water?'

'Honey, if I say yes, will you jump?'
A cruise ship with a Gay Pride party on board... ran into a storm and began to take on water quickly but by some miracle did not sink.
What saved the ship?
"flambuoyancy"
My wife was wondering if we should wash dishes by hand, in order to save a little money. I figure that using the dishwasher uses more electricity, but less water. So overall it's a wash.
Ireland has just declared a drought! In response to this the Irish government have decided to close 2 lanes in every swimming pool in an effort to save water.
Life saving home remedies: if you ever find yourself choking on an ice cube....... Quick drink a cup of boiling water
Environmentalist Dilemma Biggest dilemma for an environmentalist in Washroom:
'Should I save water or save paper?'
I hate people who do not understand the looming threat of water shortage. Like my neighbour. She refused when I offered to bath together to save water.
My son and daughter aee showering together Its so nice to see them save water

Saving Private Ryan Jokes

Here is a list of funny saving private ryan jokes and even better saving private ryan puns that will make you laugh with friends.

If the characters were gay, Saving Private Ryan would have been a way shorter film. There is no way a group of gay men would have taken 3 hours to find Matt Damon
If gay men were allowed in the army back in WWII, Saving Private Ryan would be a lot shorter... Because there is no way it would take 3 hours for a group of gay men to find Matt Damon.
I saw a really good movie recently about a military man in control of a top-secret bank account It's called "Ryan's Private Savings"
Adapt Popular Movie Titles to Make Them Pornographic Saving Ryan's Privates
Goofellas
Supersize Me
I had no money to watch Dunkirk when it came out. Watched reversed Saving Private Ryan.
g**... in the military If gay men were allowed in the army, Saving Private Ryan will be a lot shorter, because it wouldn't take them 3 hours to find Matt Damon.

Quirky and Hilarious Saving Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about saving you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean keeping jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make saving pranks.

A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg...

I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man.
That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!

Bait and switch comparison

Whats the difference between The Lord of the Rings and the Bible? One's a fantasy novel written about a man saving all of humanity from an omniscient evil presence and the other has hobbits.

I've been seeing this narcoleptic girl lately, it's going really well.

I'm saving a fortune on Rohypnol.

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".

My dad is so cheap.

He scolded me for running home behind the bus once, and saving the *fare. He said I should have run behind a taxi, and saved a lot more.

I'm saving up my money for a s**... change operation...

...and I don't care how much my wife protests it.
I wanted a boy, d**....

A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...

Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."

Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...

And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.
"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."
"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.
"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"
She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."
"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"
"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"

I've been saving up for a s**... change, I don't care what my wife says.

SHE'S GOING TO HAVE IT!

What is Walter White's favourite band?

Well it's not Saving Jane, that's for sure.

If a woman has to choose...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.
-Dave Barry

I made a game where you play a soldier saving people in the Middle East.

Qatar Hero.

They should make another Taken film about how unappreciative Neesons' family is for saving them every other day

Taken 4: Granted.

What do floppy disks and Jesus have in common?

They both had to die to become the icon of saving.

An engineer, a doctor and a priest are playing golf

There is an old joke about an engineer, a priest, and a doctor enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. That's a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why can't they play at night?"

A mugger approaches an Irish man

He points his gun and says, "Your money or your life!"
The Irishman replies, "Take me life. I'm saving me money for me old age."

I haven't been s**... active because I'm saving myself...

Some money.

I bought myself a new umbrella

Saving it for a rainy day..

If you elected me president, I would implement a m**... tax...

Talk about saving the economy single-handedly.

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

A police officer walked into a mental asylum and spoked to one of the patients.

"I'd like to thank you for saving that man who almost drowned by that river last night. But unfortunately, he hanged himself this morning."
To which the patient replied
"Oh I know! I hang him up to dry him!"

My dad works as a banker at Wells Fargo. I asked him to open a checking account for me

A checking account? What do you need two checking accounts for? Are you sure you want three checking accounts and a saving account? Fine, I'll open four checking accounts, two savings accounts and a line of credit for you.

A Rabbi had been saving f**...

He wanted to make something nice out of his collection so he brought them to leather tanner. When he goes to pick up his product he's surprised that all his f**... collection only produced a coin purse. The leather tanner explained that if you rub the coin purse it turns into a duffel bag.

If you could choose between having a light saber or saving a child.....

Which color light saber would you choose?

I don't always tell Dad jokes...

But I've been saving the best ones for twenty years, and we're going have such a laugh when he comes back with those smokes!

Tomorrow you should turn back our clocks one hour. for Daylight Saving Time

Unless you're Arabic, in which case you should set it forward 14 centuries.

Daylight Saving Time ends today. So I have to remind myself,

that the clock on my microwave will be wrong for the next several months.

Hanukkah is a truly Jewish holiday.

What other group of people would celebrate saving on oil?

Thanks to Daylight Saving Time

My girlfriend totally thinks I lasted an hour and two minutes!

I'm not saying my wife is fat...

But I put an energy saving bulb in the refrigerator.

Jesus Christ was featured on a recent episode of Hoarders

Apparently, his saving really got out of control!

My parents have been saving embarrassing videos and stories of me for my entire life, hoping to one day show the person that chooses to marry me.

Jokes on them.

There is a hero that is a Llama

He is the best at fighting crimes, solving crimes and saving the day. However, a villain outsmarted him. He was faced with saving either Marley Dank or the Llama chick that he liked, he could only choose one to save. I guess you can say that he was having a dillama

I play a little guitar

But I'm saving up for a big one.

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs...

As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"
"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account!

$ -1,250

My lesbian GF and I s**... at saving

Guess we need to stop eating out

Santa's sack

Why is Santa's sack so big?
'cause he's been saving his load all year

Surprisingly, Doug Jones isn't the best thing to come out of Alabama

I-65 North has been saving people from Alabama since 1959

What did the former German chancellor's wife say to him to remind him to change his watch for Daylight Saving Time?

Konrad, add an hour!

So I heard Jessica Jones is directed by only Females

Well thats one way of saving 20% on production costs

One for $1, three for $4

A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.

What did the salmon say to the s**... whale after saving his life?

You're whalecum.

The disciples are saving Jesus, taking him off the cross...

Rowing with his arms, Jesus screams: First the feet, first the feet!

There is a terrible head-on collision on a winding Russian road

Both cars, a brand new Mercedes and an old Zhiguli, are absolutely totaled, but fortunately both drivers are relatively unscathed.
The owner of the Mercedes looks sadly at the wreckage and moans, "My brand new car! I was saving money all year to buy it, and here it is, destroyed barely a month later."
The owner of the Zhiguli nods sadly and sighs, "Yeah. I had to save money for 15 years to buy mine."

On the 11th of March I had the longest s**... of my life, 1 hour and 30 seconds.

Thank god for Daylight Saving Time

Ig the Knight

Once upon a time, there was a soldier named Ig. In a recent battle, Ig showed courage and bravery, saving 20 men by himself!
To honour Ig's heroic act, the Queen of the kingdom was to knight him. Ig knelt before Her Majesty, as she tapped each shoulder of his with a sword. As she finished, Ig the Knight burst into flames! The Queen, astonished by what happened, asked her squire why he lit on fire.
Stunned, the squire spoke, "Ig...Knighted..."

Saving money is easy. I'm working on my second million right now.

Gave up on the first million a long time ago.

My friend from a poverty-stricken country is really good at saving loose change.

Makes cents.

Me: "I just saw a video of a shark saving a toddler from drowning"

Friend: "Wha- how is that even possible?"
Me: "Well.. by eating the toddler"

A woman walks into a bar with a pig and orders them both a drink.

"Why are you with a pig?" the bartender asks. "Just saving time," she says. "Pigs don't turn into men when they drink."

A pig with a wooden leg and his owner walk into a bar.

His owner orders a beer and begins bragging to the bartender about his pig. "See that scar on his head? He got that rescuing me from a fire," says the guy. "And see that he's only got one eye? He lost the other one saving 17 people from dying in a bus c**...." "So what heroic act was he doing when he lost his hind leg?" the bartender asks. "Dang it man," the guy says. "With a pig this good, you don't eat it all at once!"

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?

Because they can't stop saving their work.

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.
The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.
"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"
"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"

After rounds of extensive life saving operations, I asked my nurse if she'd visit me when I finally get out.

She told me she doesn't like cemeteries.

After saving the universe from Thanos, Thor spent the night with a beautiful woman.

The next morning, Thor says, "Fair maiden, I must confess: I am Thor."
She replies, "*You're* Thor? I can hardly walk."

More saving, more doing

That's the power of not having a wife

I know understand why Americans spell aluminium, aeroplane and colour different to the British...

They were saving up to give the WHO an I.O.U

My mom said I would never be anything laying on the couch all day

Look at me now, I'm saving the world

What horror villain is best at saving money?

Pennywise

I'm saving a bunch of money on pizza delivery.

When the doorbell rings I answer it completely n**.... So far, nobody's stayed long enough to take my tip.

Two guys are in a meeting at work

The first guy says "Hey I think we should stop testing our products on animals."
The second guy tells him "look, I know it s**... but animal testing is an unfortunate necessity in saving human lives - look at the pharmaceutical industry.
The first guy goes "yeah, but we make hammers."

Christian man said to his married friend that he is saving himself so he can have all the s**... he can when he is married

Married man : "lol"

I am rebranding computers' energy saving mode

It's a power nap.

Floppy disk is like Jesus

They died to become the image of saving

Two Blondes.

Blonde 1: I found a way of saving money.
Blonde 2: How?
Blonde 1: I run behind the bus to work everyday and save £1.50.
Blonde 2: Why don't you run behind a Taxi you would save £10.00.

I asked my 7 year old, "Why do you have chocolate all over your face?"

He said, "Saving it for leftovers."
That boy cracks me up.

b**... Job

Wife says to her husband, "I've been saving up and I can finally afford that b**... job I've been wanting for years."
Husband: Why spend all that money on surgery? Just take toilet paper and rub it between your b**....
Wife: How will that make my b**... bigger?
Husband: I don't know but it has sure worked for your a**...!

A guy's wife is stuck in a toilet.

He tries getting her out - nothing, she's still stuck, unable to get out. So guy calls the plumbing company to come to rescue. They say that they'll be there in half an hour. While waiting, the guy covers his wife's private parts with a sombrero, so she doesn't get embarrassed any further.
Half an hour later plumbers come, look at the situation and the more experienced looking one says "We'll get the lady out - no problem. As for the Mexican - I'm sorry, but we think he's beyond saving..."

Simba tried saving his dad

But he didn't Mufasanough

Everybody really thought that daylight saving would be a good idea.

I give it six months.