Saving Money Jokes
124 saving money jokes and hilarious saving money puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about saving money that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Saving Money Short Jokes
Short saving money jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The saving money humour may include short spending money jokes also.
- I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching To reverse and leaving the scene
- What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
- I spent too much money on video games this month. All of my savings have gone up in steam.
- My ex just called and asked if she can sleep at my place because a stalker has been coming to her house at night. So nice of her to save me the gas money.
- I finally saved up enough money that I could afford to listen to my heart. It turns out that's just a metaphor.
Anyway, I have a stethoscope for sale. - I just saved a ton of money on my Christmas shopping by expressing my political views on facebook.
- If you want to save money this Christmas. Now is the perfect time to tell the kids.
Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.. - This year, I'm going to save money on Christmas gifts by bringing up politics during Thanksgiving dinner.
- What's the difference between a musician and a savings account? One eventually matures and starts to make money...
- I filled my car with gas the other week and it cost me $175.00 So I drove off without paying.
They took me to court and I got fined $75.00
I will be back next week with more money saving tips...
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Saving Money One Liners
Which saving money one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with saving money? I can suggest the ones about making money and saving energy.
- How do dating sites in Alabama save money? They link to Ancestry.com
- Why does the Catholic Church have so much money? Because Jesus saves.
- I'm saving up some money to plant bushes for my backyard. That's…my hedge fund.
- Since they don't get their hair cut, guys with dreads must save a lot of money on dates.
- If you're trying to save money you should buy more pasta... it's worth every penne!
- What horror villain is best at saving money? Pennywise
- How does Gordan Ramsey save money? Swear Jar
- What does Jesus do with all the money he gets from church tithings? Jesus saves.
- My girlfriend is really tight. She saves lots of money but spends it on nothing.
- What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement? A 401(K-9).
- Why do astronauts like to save money? To get more Tang for their buck
- The best part about being depressed is that I save a lot of money on groceries.
- Usain Bolt's net worth is $60 million. How did he get so rich? By saving the gas money!
- I've saved loads of money this Christmas. I walked out on the wife and kids.
- money savings the best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from
Saving Money Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about saving money you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean finding money jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make saving money pranks.
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news:
“Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.”
“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly.
“No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
While inspecting their honeymoon suite, the bride discovers a little box attached to the bed.
"What's this for?" she asks her husband.
"If you put a quarter in," he says, reaching into his pocket, "the bed starts vibrating."
"Save your money," she says. "When you're a quarter in, I start vibrating."
Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.
A man smokes a pack a day for 30 years
His wife, sick of it: do you realize that if you had saved all this cigaret money you could have bought a ferrari by now ?
The man answers: well where's your ferrari ?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly man was lying on his death bed
and in his bank account had 300,000 dollars. Being a man that didn't trust wills and didn't want the government to get their hands on the money, he decides to call over his three most trusted people. He calls over his priest, his lawyer, and his doctor and gives them each 100,000 dollars. He then informs them that he wishes to be buried with his wealth and at the f**... they should each drop the 100,000 into his coffin. After the burial the priest announces that he must confess he donated some of the money to the orphanage. The doctor chimes in and says he has to admit that he bought a new MRI machine for the hospital. "I felt guilty but it will save many lives" he proclaims. The lawyer takes a step back and looks at both of them with disdain. "Shame on you for dishonoring a dying man's last wish. I'll have you know I enclosed a check for the full 100,000."
Painting a Church: My favourite joke
Bill, an unscrupulous painter, would often thin down his paint when hired to do a job, and pocket the money he'd save.
One day, the local church decided to do some long-awaited maintenance, and hired Bill for the job.
Bill gets to work, and after a good few hours, he's nearly done - as he stands on his scaffolding to finish off the steeple, he smiles to himself: the paint job looks pretty good, he's scammed the church out of a few hundred bucks, and he'll be done before dinner.
Suddenly, thunder ensues, a huge bolt of lightning knocks Bill right off his scaffolding, and the skies open up - and all of Bill's newly-applied paint washes right off the church.
Bill, a religious man despite his thievery, knows it's a sign from God. He falls to his knees in a puddle of rainwater and paint, and cries, "Oh God, forgive me! What should I do?"
And amongst the thunder, a booming voice: "REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!"
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
A man saves up enough money to take his kids to Disneyland...
...when he goes to tell them about it, his son says "Thank you so much, daddy! When are we going?"
"Well, whenever we save up enough to come back."
Save your money
...you never know when your friends will need it.
Ferrari
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20
years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dan has a secret s**... fantasy.
All his life he was turned on by the thought of being bitten hard all over his body by multiple women. So, he saved up his money until he could afford to hire several prostitutes at once to fulfill his fantasy. He didn't want to scare them off so he waited until they were underway before asking for the extra service. Unfortunately, none of the ladies were comfortable with the request. Dan didn't like it at all. Not one bit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you save up enough money for a bidet?
You put it in your b**...-jet.
I GOT MONEY IN THA BANK!
But I'm not really trying to take it out right now because I have it in a high-yield savings account with 1.05% daily compounded interest
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There once was a man named Dave
Dave dug up a chick from the grave.
She looked kinda gritty...
Was missing a t**......
But think of the money he saved!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jamaican man's wife dies in Jerusalem
A Jamaican man and his nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The f**... company told the man that it could cost $500, 000 to ship her home to Jamaica or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said, "ship her home" shocked, the undertaker asked, but sir why don't you bury her in holy land and save the money? To which the husband replied. A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead.......I can't take that chance.
What do you call a brass instrument that saves its money?
A frugal horn. Sorry in advance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mugger approaches an Irish man
He points his gun and says, "Your money or your life!"
The Irishman replies, "Take me life. I'm saving me money for me old age."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I haven't been s**... active because I'm saving myself...
Some money.
Did you hear about the electrician who bought a Camaro using money he got from scrap wire?
He really crimped and saved
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?
'Cause all their pants are half-off
What's the difference between a bike and a car?
A bike runs on fat and saves you money. A car runs on money and makes you fat.
An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..
...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife wants me to get my coffee at home to save money. If she really wants me to save money she should give me s**... at home.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... Hotline
Did you hear the government moved the s**...-hotline call center to the middle east to save money?
I called to talk to someone and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.
Friendship. (A bit of a dark humour)
Friend: I need to save money...
Me: Get a life vest
Me: And some rope.
Friend: Why do I need the life vest?
Me: If you have to ask, you might not need one.
Where do racists save their money?
a 401kkk.
What did Cthulhu do to save money?
Cut Hulu
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 men go on a trip.....
They decided to just book just 1 room with 1 bed to save money.
After the first night, the man who slept on the right said, "I dreamed I was getting a h**... last night."
The man on the left said, " I dreamed about getting a h**... too! What a coincidence! "
The man in the middle said, "I dreamed I was skiing."
I started microfinancing my money to get better savings.
It just made a lot of cents to me.
A men goes to a priest...
-Father, I am a sinner...-
-So, what you've dove?-
-I hid a jew in my basement during the second world war.-
-But this one isn't a sin, it's a very honorable thing.-
-I made him pay 300 pounds a month-
-Well, those are a lot of money but you saved him so you can go and may God be with you.-
-Ok then but... should i tell him that the war is over?-
A poor farmer wants a vacation.
So he saves up money, then goes to a luxury hotel. The waiter gave him his key to his room, then told him where to go next. So the farmer did what he was told, but then a few minutes later, he stomped to the waiter, complaining:" THAT IS A ROOM? YOU CAN'T EVEN PUT A CHAIR THERE! I'M OUT!"
The waiter laughed, then told the farmer: "Sir, that's the elavator."
My uncle once said "if you put your mind to it anything is possible!"
I was confused and asked him what he meant
"You see my date over there?"
"Yeah, the pretty one?"
Pretty women don't usually go for men like me, but if you put your mind to it, you can save up the money for borrowing them for a night.
After the operation I say to the doctor...
"Look, I'm gonna try to save some money and stitch myself back up."
"Are you sure?" He says, "alright, suture self."
My wife was wondering if we should wash dishes by hand, in order to save a little money.
I figure that using the dishwasher uses more electricity, but less water. So overall it's a wash.
2017 has been great so far! I've lost about 105 pounds!
I mean, I missed her at first but I've saved a ton of money
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Why do Jewish men wear yamakas?"
"Half a hat, saves money."
#OldWhiteManSays
What's the best thing a man can buy for his woman to save money in the future?
A tombstone.
How did the church save money on their electric bill?
They switched to souler power from the son.
My friend told me to save my money for the orphanage every time i want to buy a cigarette...
So i saved 300$ to buy cigarettes for these poor kids.
Apple products are actually worth the extra cost
If you consider all the money saved in doctor bills
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Save Money on phone s**... lines
...by texting filth to your landline and have the BT woman read it to you at a fraction of the cost.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... is like...
DIY s**... and can save you money from hiring a professional.
My manager asked me if I had prepared my report on how to cut costs at our cookie factory...
Thinking quickly, I told him that we could save money by not fully cooking all our cookies.
It was a half-baked idea, but it turned out to save us a lot of dough.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Interview
**Interviewer**: What do you do to save money?
**Me**: Sir, I wake up at 12 so that I don't need to spend money on breakfast.
**Interviewer**: You're hired.
There is a terrible head-on collision on a winding Russian road
Both cars, a brand new Mercedes and an old Zhiguli, are absolutely totaled, but fortunately both drivers are relatively unscathed.
The owner of the Mercedes looks sadly at the wreckage and moans, "My brand new car! I was saving money all year to buy it, and here it is, destroyed barely a month later."
The owner of the Zhiguli nods sadly and sighs, "Yeah. I had to save money for 15 years to buy mine."
After living on paycheck to paycheck and almost no savings...
I turned my life around by saving enough money to upgrade my data plan and being able to post this
Saving money is easy. I'm working on my second million right now.
Gave up on the first million a long time ago.
Save money instantly
by turning your sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wedding anniversary.
A Jewish kid tells his father he saved some money...
Kid: "Dad I saved $3 by running behind the bus after school today"
Dad: "Next time run behind a taxi, you'll save more"
I'm going to save a lot of money by not having children!
And even more money because it's not like I need a vasectomy
So many people complain about how much money it is to fill up their car with gas.
I save money by filling up just the tank.
I bought a book on "How to save money". There is only one sentence in it
"You shouldn't have bought this book"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a homosexual accountant save money?
With a 401-Gay!
All about money
Heard a man say to his wife;
.
You will take to your grave the entire balance of your savings account. I on the other hand will die earnestly hoping my last check bounces.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Scots does it take to change a light bulb?
**Scot:** (*sigh*)"Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark and save some money!"
What does a pirate say when you kick him in the nuts
Hint: save big money at _______
Menards
I got fined $50 for sneaking popcorn and a drink into the movie theater.
It's ok though, it still saved me money.
Prices are going up
Two housewives met in the local supermarket. One had filled her shopping cart with Vaseline. She explained, They are going to raise the price so, I'm stocking up.
The other woman replied, I'd never go to such extremes to save money. I'm not that tight.
An elderly couple were on vacation in Israel
While they were there the wife suddenly dies of a heart attack.
A local mortitian explains the husband that it would cost him 100$ to bury her in Israel but it would cost him 3.000$ to have her transported to America tp have her buried at home.
The husband thinks about it for a while and then says to the mortitian that he would like to have her transported home.
The mortitian asks the why he wouldn't let her be buried in Israel when he could save a lot of money!
The husband then says "well I've heard of a guy who died and was buried here many years ago and he came back after three days. I'm not gonna risk that!"
This pandemic has exposed how unrealistic the movie The Martian is.
Not because of the space travel to Mars, but there is no way the US government would spend so much money and gather the resources to save just one life.
I've started to get in touch with my inner self lately
This is the last time i save money on toilet paper!
My therapist told me that it's important to spread positivity.
Which has saved me a bunch of money on condoms.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm saving a bunch of money on pizza delivery.
When the doorbell rings I answer it completely n**.... So far, nobody's stayed long enough to take my tip.