The Best 71 Saving Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Saving jokes. There are some saving saved jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these saving icons puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Saving Jokes and Puns

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg...

I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man.
That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!

I've been seeing this narcoleptic girl lately, it's going really well.


I'm saving a fortune on Rohypnol.

Saving joke, I've been seeing this narcoleptic girl lately, it's going really well.

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"

Barry says "make it $1000".

My dad is so cheap.

He scolded me for running home behind the bus once, and saving the *fare. He said I should have run behind a taxi, and saved a lot more.


I'm saving up my money for a sex change operation...

...and I don't care how much my wife protests it.

I wanted a boy, dammit.

Gays in the military

If gay men were allowed in the army, Saving Private Ryan will be a lot shorter, because it wouldn't take them 3 hours to find Matt Damon.

Saving joke, Gays in the military

A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...

Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".

The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"

"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.

"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.

"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.

The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"

The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."

Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...

And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.

"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."

"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.

"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"

She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."

"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"

"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"

I've been saving up for a sex change, I don't care what my wife says.

SHE'S GOING TO HAVE IT!

What is Walter White's favourite band?

Well it's not Saving Jane, that's for sure.

You can explore saving thrifty reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean saving geico dad jokes. There are also saving puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Dear student loan,

Thank you for saving my life. I can't think of how I can ever repay you.

If a woman has to choose...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.

-Dave Barry

I made a game where you play a soldier saving people in the Middle East.

Qatar Hero.

They should make another Taken film about how unappreciative Neesons' family is for saving them every other day

Taken 4: Granted.

What do floppy disks and Jesus have in common?

They both had to die to become the icon of saving.

Saving joke, What do floppy disks and Jesus have in common?

An engineer, a doctor and a priest are playing golf

There is an old joke about an engineer, a priest, and a doctor enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. That's a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.

The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.

The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.

And the engineer says, Why can't they play at night?"

A mugger approaches an Irish man

He points his gun and says, "Your money or your life!"

The Irishman replies, "Take me life. I'm saving me money for me old age."

I haven't been sexually active because I'm saving myself...

Some money.


I bought myself a new umbrella

Saving it for a rainy day..

If you elected me president, I would implement a masturbation tax...

Talk about saving the economy single-handedly.

Jesus and floppy discs are very similar

They both died to become the image of saving

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

A police officer walked into a mental asylum and spoked to one of the patients.

"I'd like to thank you for saving that man who almost drowned by that river last night. But unfortunately, he hanged himself this morning."

To which the patient replied

"Oh I know! I hang him up to dry him!"

My dad works as a banker at Wells Fargo. I asked him to open a checking account for me

A checking account? What do you need two checking accounts for? Are you sure you want three checking accounts and a saving account? Fine, I'll open four checking accounts, two savings accounts and a line of credit for you.

A Rabbi had been saving foreskin

He wanted to make something nice out of his collection so he brought them to leather tanner. When he goes to pick up his product he's surprised that all his foreskin collection only produced a coin purse. The leather tanner explained that if you rub the coin purse it turns into a duffel bag.

If you could choose between having a light saber or saving a child.....

Which color light saber would you choose?

I don't always tell Dad jokes...

But I've been saving the best ones for twenty years, and we're going have such a laugh when he comes back with those smokes!

Tomorrow you should turn back our clocks one hour. for Daylight Saving Time

Unless you're Arabic, in which case you should set it forward 14 centuries.

Daylight Saving Time ends today. So I have to remind myself,

that the clock on my microwave will be wrong for the next several months.

Thanks to Daylight Saving Time

My girlfriend totally thinks I lasted an hour and two minutes!

I'm not saying my wife is fat...

But I put an energy saving bulb in the refrigerator.

Jesus Christ was featured on a recent episode of Hoarders

Apparently, his saving really got out of control!

My parents have been saving embarrassing videos and stories of me for my entire life, hoping to one day show the person that chooses to marry me.

Jokes on them.

There is a hero that is a Llama

He is the best at fighting crimes, solving crimes and saving the day. However, a villain outsmarted him. He was faced with saving either Marley Dank or the Llama chick that he liked, he could only choose one to save. I guess you can say that he was having a dillama

Floppy disks are like Jesus

They died to become the icon of saving

I play a little guitar

But I'm saving up for a big one.

More NFL news

NFL CUTS ONE TEAM

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons they had to eliminate one team from the league.

They've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs.

They will be known as the TAMPACKS.

Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string.

Just went to the store and bought a pack of energy saving light bulbs...

As the woman scanned them, she asked, "Will you be putting these up yourself, sir?"

"'Erm, no." I replied. "What kind of sicko do you think I am?"

After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account!

$ -1,250

My lesbian GF and I suck at saving

Guess we need to stop eating out

Santa's sack

Why is Santa's sack so big?

'cause he's been saving his load all year

Surprisingly, Doug Jones isn't the best thing to come out of Alabama

I-65 North has been saving people from Alabama since 1959

If gay men were allowed in the army back in WWII, Saving Private Ryan would be a lot shorter...

Because there is no way it would take 3 hours for a group of gay men to find Matt Damon.

What did the former German chancellor's wife say to him to remind him to change his watch for Daylight Saving Time?

Konrad, add an hour!

So I heard Jessica Jones is directed by only Females

Well thats one way of saving 20% on production costs

One for $1, three for $4

A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.

I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.

He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.

Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?

To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.

What did the salmon say to the sperm whale after saving his life?

You're whalecum.

There is a terrible head-on collision on a winding Russian road

Both cars, a brand new Mercedes and an old Zhiguli, are absolutely totaled, but fortunately both drivers are relatively unscathed.

The owner of the Mercedes looks sadly at the wreckage and moans, "My brand new car! I was saving money all year to buy it, and here it is, destroyed barely a month later."

The owner of the Zhiguli nods sadly and sighs, "Yeah. I had to save money for 15 years to buy mine."

Ig the Knight

Once upon a time, there was a soldier named Ig. In a recent battle, Ig showed courage and bravery, saving 20 men by himself!

To honour Ig's heroic act, the Queen of the kingdom was to knight him. Ig knelt before Her Majesty, as she tapped each shoulder of his with a sword. As she finished, Ig the Knight burst into flames! The Queen, astonished by what happened, asked her squire why he lit on fire.

Stunned, the squire spoke, "Ig...Knighted..."

Saving money is easy. I'm working on my second million right now.

Gave up on the first million a long time ago.

My friend from a poverty-stricken country is really good at saving loose change.

Makes cents.

Me: "I just saw a video of a shark saving a toddler from drowning"

Friend: "Wha- how is that even possible?"

Me: "Well.. by eating the toddler"

A woman walks into a bar with a pig and orders them both a drink.

"Why are you with a pig?" the bartender asks. "Just saving time," she says. "Pigs don't turn into men when they drink."

A pig with a wooden leg and his owner walk into a bar.

His owner orders a beer and begins bragging to the bartender about his pig. "See that scar on his head? He got that rescuing me from a fire," says the guy. "And see that he's only got one eye? He lost the other one saving 17 people from dying in a bus crash." "So what heroic act was he doing when he lost his hind leg?" the bartender asks. "Dang it man," the guy says. "With a pig this good, you don't eat it all at once!"

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?

Because they can't stop saving their work.

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"

Why Jesus and the 3.5" floppy are the same?

They both died to become the icon of saving.

After rounds of extensive life saving operations, I asked my nurse if she'd visit me when I finally get out.

She told me she doesn't like cemeteries.

After saving the universe from Thanos, Thor spent the night with a beautiful woman.

The next morning, Thor says, "Fair maiden, I must confess: I am Thor."

She replies, "*You're* Thor? I can hardly walk."

More saving, more doing

That's the power of not having a wife

I know understand why Americans spell aluminium, aeroplane and colour different to the British...

They were saving up to give the WHO an I.O.U

My mom said I would never be anything laying on the couch all day

Look at me now, I'm saving the world

What horror villain is best at saving money?

Pennywise

After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means...

...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50

I'm saving a bunch of money on pizza delivery.

When the doorbell rings I answer it completely naked. So far, nobody's stayed long enough to take my tip.

Two guys are in a meeting at work

The first guy says "Hey I think we should stop testing our products on animals."

The second guy tells him "look, I know it sucks but animal testing is an unfortunate necessity in saving human lives - look at the pharmaceutical industry.

The first guy goes "yeah, but we make hammers."

Christian man said to his married friend that he is saving himself so he can have all the sex he can when he is married

Married man : "lol"

If the characters were gay, Saving Private Ryan would have been a way shorter film.

There is no way a group of gay men would have taken 3 hours to find Matt Damon

I am rebranding computers' energy saving mode

It's a power nap.

Floppy disk is like Jesus

They died to become the image of saving

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the saving frugal jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working saving upgrade piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes