Saves Jokes
90 saves jokes and hilarious saves puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about saves that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Saves Short Jokes
Short saves jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The saves humour may include short saving jokes also.
- My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
- I want my 11780 dollars. Dear Bank of America, I just want to find 11780 more dollars in my savings account.Everyone at your bank counted wrong.
- Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends, This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg. - A Republican Senator and a Democratic Senator are drowning and you can only save one. Do you... A: Have lunch.
B: Browse reddit. - Fox News actually saved my life. I was in a coma for 7 years, but one day one of the nurses changed the channel on my TV to fox and I had to get up to turn it off.
- I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching To reverse and leaving the scene
- After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means... ...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
- Made love to my girlfriend for an hour and 15 seconds last night Thanks, Daylight Savings Time. I couldn't have done it without you.
- If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one... What type of sandwich would you make?
- BREAKING: The US Senate has unanimously approved a bill that would make Daylight Savings Time permanent! If you ask me, it's about time!
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Saves One Liners
Which saves one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with saves? I can suggest the ones about saved and savings time.
- I got banned from laser tag today. Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
- Coronavirus ruining your plan for 2020? Save them for 2022! Cause 2022 is 2020 too.
- If Christ were alive today, he'd have a huge retirement account because Jesus saves.
- Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!
- My gun saved my life today. It misfired.
- Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy? He was too far-out.
- Floppy disks are like Jesus They died to become the icon of saving
- Just lasted over an hour in bed... Thank you day light savings
- Black Friday sale on star wars Battlefront 2 Save up to $2160 by not buying it
- Jesus and floppy discs are very similar They both died to become the image of saving
- Why couldn't the life guard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out, man.
- A guy with the nickname E saved my life, so now when I see him I say- -A E I O U
- Why Jesus and the 3.5" floppy are the same? They both died to become the icon of saving.
- Dating a girl that has a child... ... it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".
- I grew up so poor... That I had to eat cereal with a fork to save milk.
Amusing Saves Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about saves you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean saving money jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make saves pranks.
Jesus saves!
Because he shops at Walmart
Jesus Saves....
Moses invests.
A man goes to a fortune teller...
..., where she, in horrified voice, tells him that he'll make the world miserable in the near future. The man, down as f**k, starts walking home, where he sees a small boy standing on the edge of a bridge. He quickly runs to him and saves him from s**.... Happy that he did something good for humanity asks the boy what's his name. Adolf h**..., the boy replies.
A man saves up enough money to take his kids to Disneyland...
...when he goes to tell them about it, his son says "Thank you so much, daddy! When are we going?"
"Well, whenever we save up enough to come back."
Three kids are bragging about what their fathers do
The first says proudly, "My father is a policeman and he protects people."
The second says equally proudly, "My father is a fireman and he saves people."
The third looks triumphant when he exclaims, "My father eats lightbulbs."
The other two look at him doubtfully, but he continues, "I swear, because last night I walked by his bedroom door and I heard him tell my mother that if she put out the light, then he'd eat it."
Jesus saves...
...everyone else takes full damage.
What does Jesus do with all the money he gets from church tithings?
Jesus saves.
A snail decides to buy a car...
There's this snail. All his life, all he's ever wanted was a little red corvette, convertible, with a b**... "S" painted on the hood. He saves and saves and finally buys his life-long dream. He pulls out of the dealership and his driving down the street, proud as can be. Two guys, waiting at a crosswalk, spot the snail in his new car, and one says to the other, "hey man, look at that S car go!!!"
Jesus saves, but only Buddha makes incremental backups.
More grandfather jokes.
I've seen a few people posting their grandfather's jokes here recently. Mine is in the hospital right now recovering from heart surgery, so I figured I'd share a few he told me.
There was a Mexican man who was a huge baseball fan. It was his dream in life just to be in the stands at a World Series game. So, he saves up for years, travels to the US, but when he gets there he finds that the game is sold out. He tells his story to a ticket agent, who is sympathetic.
"Here's what I can do for you. I can sneak you in, but the only place you'll be able to sit is on top of the flag pole. I have to warn you, though, the view is awful." The Mexican man agrees, excited at the opportunity to even see the game.
After it ends, the Mexican man goes and finds the ticket agent, and thanks him profusely.
"This has been the best day of my life! Everyone in the stadium was so friendly! Right before the game started, everyone turned to me and asked, Jose, can you see?"
What do you call a brass instrument that saves its money?
A frugal horn. Sorry in advance.
Did you hear the rumor about the new save system for the ff7 remake?
Cloud Saves
Bill Cosby runs into a bar one day.
He saves it for later.
Jesus Saves ...
and Esposito scores on the rebound!
God had asked Jesus and the Devil to type out their quarterly reviews...
They are almost finished when suddenly, the power goes out. When it comes back on and they reboot their desktops, the Devil's screen is blank while Jesus's reviews stayed intact. Frustrated, the Devil asks Jesus why he still has his reviews. Jesus's response, "Jesus saves."
Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?
Because Jesus saves.
Islamic joke I saw somewhere
A man walking in New York's Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.
A passing Fox News reporter says: You're a hero. Tonight's TV news bulletin will say: 'Brave New Yorker Saves Child.
The man replies: I'm a tourist from Saudi Arabia.
That night the news on Fox TV says: Islamic extremist kills New York dog.
What's the difference between a bike and a car?
A bike runs on fat and saves you money. A car runs on money and makes you fat.
What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement?
A 401(K-9).
God is a sock
He saves your sole
What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate?
The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.
Why God's credit score is so low?
Because only Jesus saves
Why are churches never broke?
Because Jesus saves.
A poor farmer wants a vacation.
So he saves up money, then goes to a luxury hotel. The waiter gave him his key to his room, then told him where to go next. So the farmer did what he was told, but then a few minutes later, he stomped to the waiter, complaining:" THAT IS A ROOM? YOU CAN'T EVEN PUT A CHAIR THERE! I'M OUT!"
The waiter laughed, then told the farmer: "Sir, that's the elavator."
Why is Jesus so rich?
Because Jesus saves.
Who holds the record for most saves at Yankee Stadium?
Billy Graham
You know who never looses their work when their computer shuts off abruptly?
Jesus. Jesus saves.
Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ?
It saves so much time.
What superhero should you never have dinner with?
Spider-Man. He never saves any Uncle Ben's.
Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?
Because Jesus saves.
Local Hero saves lady from Dog
A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl! He kicks the dog, it dies!
Newspapers report: "Local Hero saves lady from Dog"
Man says I'm not American
Report changed: "Foreign Hero Saves girl from Dog"
Man says: Actually I'm Pakistani
Breaking News: "t**... killed Innocent Dog which was playing with a girl"
Jesus Saves
And He always gets the rebound
My girlfriend is really tight.
She saves lots of money but spends it on nothing.
Jesus saves...
...passes to Moses. He shoots -- AND SCORES!
A story about how one man overthrows the government and saves his people...
By Joesph Stalin
Jesus saves
15% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico!
"Why do Jewish men wear yamakas?"
"Half a hat, saves money."
#OldWhiteManSays
Why Jesus never loses his files?
Because Jesus saves...
Why does the Lord's son never lose his progress in Photoshop?
Because Jesus saves.
Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...
One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.
The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".
The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"
James Bond is supposed to protect people, but he kills more people than he saves.
That makes him an ironic bond.
Why does Jesus shop at the discount store?
Because Jesus saves
A schoolboy rescues President Trump
A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.
The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.
"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.
A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.
Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.
*(
[Year = 2000] What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the Russian Navy?
Monica Lewinsky saves her Se[a]men.
7 tries to eat 9 but fails...
Because a stitch in time saves 9.
Did you hear about the Mexican hockey goalie?
Jesus saves... A lot.
I found a DVD yesterday of Manchester City saves between 2006-2016. Weirdly it had a Bonnie Tyler sound track.
It was called Totally Clips of Joe Hart.
Pitbull saves family from house fire, pulls 7-month-old girl by her diaper
Good to know he's doing more than just music these days.
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.
Why does Nintendo require an online subscription to finish Final Fantasy VII?
Cloud saves.
Jesus Saves
... before every checkpoint, or else he has to start all over.
If Jesus was a Football/Soccer player, what position would he play in?
Goalkeeper.
Jesus saves.
Wow this sentence doesn't contain any punctuation at all it's so cool I should write like this more often heck it saves ink too
Healthcare is the least communist this possible
Because communism kills people and healthcare saves people.
Why is Jesus such a good goalie?
Christ saves all
I had ten puns all ready to go for the joke contest, but I won with the first joke.
A pun in time saves nine.
Did you know that Jesus is the wealthiest divinity?
Jesus saves.
Peter and the Messiah were out for walk...
when Peter asks, Master, why do you and your disciples not have nice things? You are the son of God. A king. Why don't you buy something like a new boat, or a palace? The Master stops, puts his hand on Peter's shoulder and says, Jesus saves.
What do you call it when a cow saves your life?
Bovine intervention.
Jesus and Satan are having a competition on who can finish an essay first
Jesus and Satan are having a competition on who can finish an essay first. 1, 2, 3, GO. Jesus starts and takes his time while Satan is typing up a storm. Satan is typing so fast that the power goes out and both computers are shut off. They start back up, and Jesus states that he is done with the essay. Riddled, Satan asks how he wrote that fast.
Jesus turns to him and simply says, "Jesus saves."
News: Trump saves lives
Of immigrants. By quarantining the USA.
(Just a satirical joke folks, not a political comment.)
Science joke
What song does a gas molecule sing when it is attracted to another gas molecule?
"Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my Van Der Waal"
What's the difference between bad luck and extreme bad luck?
Bad luck is when your mother-in-law falls into a river.
Extreme bad luck is when someone saves her.
Jesus and Satan are having a contest
They want to see who is the best programmer.
So the first challenge is screens. It's a tie.
Then Assembly. Tie again.
Web Design. Tie again.
Challenge after challenge nobody is winning. So after like five days the power fails. So they wait for it to come back on. Then when the power come back on Jesus is the clear winner.
Because Jesus saves.
What do you call a clown that saves money by being homeless?
Penny wise
Why do Germans believe in procrastinating?
Because a stitch in time saves nein.
Please put on your mask. It saves lives.
Yesterday a friend of mine went out with his girlfriend and on the way to the mall he passed by his wife and she did not recognize him. The mask really saved his life.
Punctuations saves lives
Lets eat Grandpa!
Lets eat , Grandpa!
Boris saves Christmas .....
Driver shortages will soon be a thing of the past as Boris has personally ordered 50000 fridge magnets from Amazon today. A reporter asked how that will help to which trolley replies "well we know there are two poles in a magnet..."
Punctuation saves lives.
For example, there is a big difference in:
Let's eat Grandma!
and
Let's eat punctuation!
Jesus and the Devil have challenged each other to a typing battle on MS Word
It's a close battle and they're down to the last word, when boom! Power outage!
When the power outage is resolved, all of the Devil's progress was lost, but Jesus only had one word to type!
Moral of the story: Jesus saves, and so should you.
People always get mad when someone thanks god instead of the doctor, after the doctor saves their life in some complicated procedure...
But if I knew I was going to have 10 years of medical debt, I wouldn't thank the person that saved me either.
Two cowboys walk into a bar and sit down for a drink.
A woman sitting next to them drinking her martin starts choking on her olive.
One cowboy says to the other cowboy, "I'm going to help that there woman." He looks at her and says, "Are you choking?" And she nods yes. "Do you want me to help you?" Again she nods yes.
With that, the cowboy lifts up her dress, pulls down her p**..., and licks her bare b**.... She gets so flustered she spits out the olive and he saves her life.
As the cowboy sits down next to his friend he says, "That there hind lick maneuver works every time."
