Save Jokes
160 save jokes and hilarious save puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about save that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Not sure how to save the planet or the ocean? Looking for a way to bring some humor into the current state of the world? This article provides funny "save the date" jokes to add a smile to the conversation.
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Funniest Save Short Jokes
Short save jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The save humour may include short protect jokes also.
- My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
- I want my 11780 dollars. Dear Bank of America, I just want to find 11780 more dollars in my savings account.Everyone at your bank counted wrong.
- Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends, This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg. - A Republican Senator and a Democratic Senator are drowning and you can only save one. Do you... A: Have lunch.
B: Browse reddit. - Fox News actually saved my life. I was in a coma for 7 years, but one day one of the nurses changed the channel on my TV to fox and I had to get up to turn it off.
- I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching To reverse and leaving the scene
- After 37 years I'm finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I've accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means... ...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
- If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one... What type of sandwich would you make?
- BREAKING: The US Senate has unanimously approved a bill that would make Daylight Savings Time permanent! If you ask me, it's about time!
- What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
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Save One Liners
Which save one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with save? I can suggest the ones about backup and edit.
- I got banned from laser tag today. Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
- Coronavirus ruining your plan for 2020? Save them for 2022! Cause 2022 is 2020 too.
- If Christ were alive today, he'd have a huge retirement account because Jesus saves.
- My gun saved my life today. It misfired.
- Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy? He was too far-out.
- Floppy disks are like Jesus They died to become the icon of saving
- Just lasted over an hour in bed... Thank you day light savings
- Black Friday sale on star wars Battlefront 2 Save up to $2160 by not buying it
- A guy with the nickname E saved my life, so now when I see him I say- -A E I O U
- Dating a girl that has a child... ... it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".
- I grew up so poor... That I had to eat cereal with a fork to save milk.
- How do pirates save lives? CP Arrrrrr
- Me : God save me... God : as jpg or png???
- Saved her contact as "Heaven on earth". Realized it was too long so I abbreviated it.
- I did it! I followed my goal to save $20 from each paycheck in 2020. I have $60.
Save Water Jokes
Here is a list of funny save water jokes and even better save water puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A German tourist jumped in freezing water to save my precious little dog from drowning.
- What's your hobby ? Boy : What's your hobby ?
Blonde : Fishing.
Boy : Wow, why do you like fishing ?
Blonde : Because I save fishes from drowning in water. - Inocent question! 'Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water?'
'Honey, if I say yes, will you jump?' - A cruise ship with a Gay Pride party on board... ran into a storm and began to take on water quickly but by some miracle did not sink.
What saved the ship?
"flambuoyancy" - My wife was wondering if we should wash dishes by hand, in order to save a little money. I figure that using the dishwasher uses more electricity, but less water. So overall it's a wash.
- Ireland has just declared a drought! In response to this the Irish government have decided to close 2 lanes in every swimming pool in an effort to save water.
- Life saving home remedies: if you ever find yourself choking on an ice cube....... Quick drink a cup of boiling water
- Environmentalist Dilemma Biggest dilemma for an environmentalist in Washroom:
'Should I save water or save paper?' - I hate people who do not understand the looming threat of water shortage. Like my neighbour. She refused when I offered to bath together to save water.
- My son and daughter aee showering together Its so nice to see them save water
Save The Ocean Jokes
Here is a list of funny save the ocean jokes and even better save the ocean puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm in Ocean Beach and a homeless man just told me this joke. Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
He was too far out. - You're in the middle of the ocean and you see Trump and Hillary drowning but you only have room in your boat to save one. Who do you save? America. Keep right on going and don't stop.
- Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would get saved? A: America !
Save The Date Jokes
Here is a list of funny save the date jokes and even better save the date puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do dating sites in Alabama save money? They link to Ancestry.com
- Since they don't get their hair cut, guys with dreads must save a lot of money on dates.
- What did the wedding invitation say to the fruit superhero? Save the date!
- Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.
- Why did the firefighter remove the calendar from a burning house? To save the date!
- What does my savings accound and my date both have in common? The both have 0% interest
- My friend told me to save the date So I asked her in what format?
- Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.
Save The Planet Jokes
Here is a list of funny save the planet jokes and even better save the planet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Google has decided to heavily push a save the planet program. They're making Al-Gore-ithms to help speed things along.
- Somebody asked me to sign his petition to save the planet It was to reinstate Pluto.
- I heard about global warming... So now I leave my air conditioner on all the time. I know just one individual can't save the planet, but I do my best.
- I saw a documentry on saving the planet They had some garbage facts
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Save Jokes
What funny jokes about save you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean storage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make save pranks.
Mental Hospital
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
Who would you save first?
Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!
An atheist in the forest...
stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"
A Lawyer and an IRS Agent
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you: (1) go to lunch or (2) read the paper?
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
Will carrying a torch save you from an attacking bear?
Depends on how fast you can carry it.
Horror at the zoo
A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says
*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*
The man responds, *What happened?*
*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nun, a priest and a politician...
are on a plane with a group of children. The pilot announces over the loudspeaker that the plane is going down and they only have a few minutes. The nun, priest and politician run to the back of the plane to grab their parachutes and notice there's not enough for everybody. The nun says "we need to save the children!" The politician yells back "SCREW THE CHILDREN!" The priest looks at the politician and says "Do we have time?"
A man saves up enough money to take his kids to Disneyland...
...when he goes to tell them about it, his son says "Thank you so much, daddy! When are we going?"
"Well, whenever we save up enough to come back."
Why couldn't they save the shipwrecked hippies?
They were too far out, man.
Afraid to speak Russian in Ukraine.
"Yefim, you know, I try to speak Russian as little as possible."
"Why? What happened? Are you afraid that Ukrainians will beat you up?"
"No, I am scared that Russians will come to save me."
help me
help me, I am trapped
in a haiku factory
save me before they
George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.
The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"
I'm sorry about your parents, but no spell can reawaken the dead, Harry!
Except for the time turner. We'll use that to save Buckbeak.
impress your children by showing them a floppy disk and telling them it's a 3D model of a save icon.
My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall.
And I plan on sticking to it.
If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?
Hilary Clinton will make the best president
She will save us 25% in salary right from the start.
I just saved 15% or more on my Calculus test...
by switching to radians.
Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?
He couldn't remove three nails to save his life
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.
I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.
Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?
Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!
I showed my 12 year old son an old floppy disk..
He said "Wow.. Cool! You 3D printed the save icon!"
If a tiger was attacking your wife and mother in law at the same time and you could save one, who would it be?
The tiger of course. There are only a few left 🐯
I just saved a ton of money on my Christmas shopping by expressing my political views on facebook.
I saved 15% on car insurance by switching....
The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident
A boy is looking over a tall cliff...
A young boy is peering down a high cliff when an old man walks over. The old man says "Hey its dangerous up here, where are your parents?". The boy tearfully replies "my mom just fell off the cliff". The old man horrified asks "Where is your father?". This time the boy falls to his knees and cries "He fell trying to save her". The old man unzips his pants and says "Sorry kid, today just isn't your day".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife wants me to get my coffee at home to save money. If she really wants me to save money she should give me s**... at home.
LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...
You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.
There I was, risking my life to save my girlfriend from a fire-breathing dragon!! And all she had to say was..
"You have a drug problem."
Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest
Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 men go on a trip.....
They decided to just book just 1 room with 1 bed to save money.
After the first night, the man who slept on the right said, "I dreamed I was getting a h**... last night."
The man on the left said, " I dreamed about getting a h**... too! What a coincidence! "
The man in the middle said, "I dreamed I was skiing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why would I donate £2 to save a kid's life?
I'd rather spend that £2 on a c**... to prevent a kid's life.
Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged.
I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters.
(H/T Demetri Martin)
Wife was in ICU
Doctor: She is in a coma.
Husband: Please save her. She's just 30.
*Just then, ECG starts beeping. Fingers move. Her lips mumbled...
And she spoke:
I'm 29
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake.
It had some chunks, but it was delicious.
Parents save more by not vaccinating their children
Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.
What did bugs bunny save his word processing as?
Whats up.doc
I'm starting to feel that the united airlines memes are like beating a dead horse.
so to save everyone some energy I bought the horse a ticket to fly United.
Why do fish go to church?
To save their shoals.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We should start calling the planet "unborn baby"
maybe then republicans would want to save it.
Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,
the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a p**...
"How Much For A h**...?"
Lady: "50..Do You Want One Honey?"
I: "No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self"
I got banned from laser tag today....
I guess they didn't like it when i used a knife to save ammo.
I found a way to save 27 million tons of paper per year
I signed up for e-mail receipts at CVS
If you login to Amazon
and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........
But if you don't login, you'll save 100%
URGENT: HOW TO SAVE NET NEUTRALITY (PLEASE READ)
Page loading...
California hasn't fallen into the sea, so apparently it worked.
Back in the 1970's there was a cult in California who believed that they could save California by appeasing the San Andreas. There were parts of San Andreas that literally gaped open wide, and members of the cult were noted for throwing all their earthly possessions down into the amazingly deep cracks in the Earth's crust. Of course, skeptics accused the cult of being merely generous to a fault.
God Will Save Me
There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"
Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student?
Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
There is a plane of children along with a priest, a rabbi, and a rapper is flying to New York
Suddenly, the engine catches fire. The rabbi says, "We must save the children." The rapper yells back, "Screw the children!" The Priest responds, "Do you think we have enough time?"
I always save my eBay shopping for after I come back from 4/20
That way I'm always the highest bidder
Yeah I would blow Chris Pratt for a million dollars
Its just gonna take me a while to save up that much
If Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau were drowning
If Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau were drowning and you could only save one of them, where would you and Justin Trudeau go for lunch?
If Donald Trump and Kim-Jong Un were drowning and you could only save one of them, where would you and Justin Trudeau go for lunch?
Do you know what Elon Musk could've called his submarines if they were built in time to save those children?
Thai Pods.
A traffic cop in a small town stopped a motorist for speeding.
"but Officer," said the driver, "I can explain-"
Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in jail till the chief gets back."
"But Officer..."
"Quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going to jail the chief will deal with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looks in at the prisoner. "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."
My wife said she thinks I like my friends more than her and if she was stuck in a burning building with my best friend that I would probably save my friend and she would die.
I told her if she was alone with my best friend in a building I probably started the fire.
I saved a fortune by not vaccinating my child.
Which was fortunate, because kids funerals don't come cheap.
There once was a man who looked especially ugly
Feeling depressed about being the ugliest person in the world, he tried to kill himself, only for a slightly less ugly person to save him at the last minute.
Thank you, kind sir! Why did you save me?
I don't want first place.
What Africa Really needs
If only Africa had more mosquito nets
Then every year we could save millions
Of mosquitos from dying needless from aids
\- Jimmy Carr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a man was in his car when he spotted a p**..., he asked her the cost of a h**..., she replied, "10$, wanna get one?"
He said, "Nah, I just wanted to know how much I save if I do it myself."
An elderly couple were on vacation in Israel
While they were there the wife suddenly dies of a heart attack.
A local mortitian explains the husband that it would cost him 100$ to bury her in Israel but it would cost him 3.000$ to have her transported to America tp have her buried at home.
The husband thinks about it for a while and then says to the mortitian that he would like to have her transported home.
The mortitian asks the why he wouldn't let her be buried in Israel when he could save a lot of money!
The husband then says "well I've heard of a guy who died and was buried here many years ago and he came back after three days. I'm not gonna risk that!"
A lawyer, a priest and a doctor are all on a ship filled with children and it begins to sink.
They all jump into the life boats, but due to the weight, the life boats start sinking as well.
The doctor exclaims Save the children! And begins to jump out of the lifeboat.
The lawyer grabs the doctor and pulls him back stating Screw the children!
The priest says Do we have time?
Trump recommends injections with disinfectant to save thousands
True if he does it first.
Want to save 15% or more on car insurance?
Just leave the scene of the accident
If you want to save money this Christmas.
Now is the perfect time to tell the kids.
Santa didn't make it through the pandemic..
What message does a quantum computer have when you view an image?
"Do you want to save changes?"
My ex just called and asked if she can sleep at my place because a stalker has been coming to her house at night.
So nice of her to save me the gas money.
