The Best 75 Save Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Save jokes. There are some save sacrifice jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these save saviour puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Save Jokes and Puns
My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching...
...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.
Mental Hospital
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
An atheist in the forest...
stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
Will carrying a torch save you from an attacking bear?
Depends on how fast you can carry it.
Horror at the zoo
A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says
*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*
The man responds, *What happened?*
*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*
Why couldn't they save the shipwrecked hippies?
They were too far out, man.
George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.
The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"
impress your children by showing them a floppy disk and telling them it's a 3D model of a save icon.
You can explore save drowing reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean save abandon dad jokes. There are also save puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What bounces and makes kids cry?
The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.
If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?
Hilary Clinton will make the best president
She will save us 25% in salary right from the start.
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy?
He was too far-out.
I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching
To reverse and leaving the scene
I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.
I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.
I showed my 12 year old son an old floppy disk..
He said "Wow.. Cool! You 3D printed the save icon!"
How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?
They push Two twins together to make a King
I saved 15% on car insurance by switching....
The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident
My wife wants me to get my coffee at home to save money. If she really wants me to save money she should give me sex at home.
A good looking girl waved at me today…
but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.
Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest
Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.
3 men go on a trip.....
They decided to just book just 1 room with 1 bed to save money.
After the first night, the man who slept on the right said, "I dreamed I was getting a handjob last night."
The man on the left said, " I dreamed about getting a handjob too! What a coincidence! "
The man in the middle said, "I dreamed I was skiing."
Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah.
He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.
How do you save a pirate's life?
C P Arrr!
If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one...
What type of sandwich would you make?
Parents save more by not vaccinating their children
Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.
two foreigners in america are applying for citizenship
They're lined up outside the Citizenship and immigration office, along with many others, not wanting to risk deportation now that Trump is in office.
>Guy #1: I've had enough of this waiting, save my place, I'm going to shoot Donald Trump myself.
several hours later he returns.
>Guy #2: well? did you get him?
>Guy #1: no, The line for that was even longer than the one here.
My wife doesn't know it,
but every time we have sex I put $1 in an envelope. I save that money, and plan on getting her something special for our anniversary.
So far she's getting a McChicken
I got banned from laser tag today.
Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
Me : God save me...
God : as jpg or png???
We should start calling the planet "unborn baby"
maybe then republicans would want to save it.
Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,
the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.
I asked a prostitute
"How Much For A Hand Job?"
Lady: "50..Do You Want One Honey?"
I: "No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self"
I got banned from laser tag today....
I guess they didn't like it when i used a knife to save ammo.
I just saved a ton on car insurance....
By fleeing the scene.
If you login to Amazon
and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........
But if you don't login, you'll save 100%
Black Friday sale on Star Wars Battlefront 2
Save up to $2160 by not buying it
Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student?
Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
Why couldn't the life guard save the drowning hippie?
He was too far out, man.
Do you know what Elon Musk could've called his submarines if they were built in time to save those children?
Thai Pods.
A traffic cop in a small town stopped a motorist for speeding.
"but Officer," said the driver, "I can explain-"
Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in jail till the chief gets back."
"But Officer..."
"Quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going to jail the chief will deal with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looks in at the prisoner. "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."
Dating a girl that has a child...
... it's like "Continuing" another dude's "Save File".
An elderly couple were on vacation in Israel
While they were there the wife suddenly dies of a heart attack.
A local mortitian explains the husband that it would cost him 100$ to bury her in Israel but it would cost him 3.000$ to have her transported to America tp have her buried at home.
The husband thinks about it for a while and then says to the mortitian that he would like to have her transported home.
The mortitian asks the why he wouldn't let her be buried in Israel when he could save a lot of money!
The husband then says "well I've heard of a guy who died and was buried here many years ago and he came back after three days. I'm not gonna risk that!"
I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.
So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.
A lawyer, a priest and a doctor are all on a ship filled with children and it begins to sink.
They all jump into the life boats, but due to the weight, the life boats start sinking as well.
The doctor exclaims Save the children! And begins to jump out of the lifeboat.
The lawyer grabs the doctor and pulls him back stating Screw the children!
The priest says Do we have time?
Coronavirus ruining your plans for 2020? Save them for 2022!
Cause 2022 is 2020 too.
Why couldn't the lifeguard at the beach save the hippie?
He was too far out
My ex just called and asked if she can sleep at my place because a stalker has been coming to her house at night.
So nice of her to save me the gas money.
An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.
The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss Wow that's an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!
The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really hard, and you do your overtime, and you save your pennies, and you do your absolute best then maybe...
The employee, mystified and excited for what comes next, says yes...
The boss looks into the employees eyes and says then maybe... I'll have another one next year.
My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.
His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."
I forgot to save my new book, 1000 Ways to Cure an Itch before my computer died.
Guess I'm starting again from scratch.
What do a ring, a baby, and a threesome have in common?
None of them are going to save your relationship.
Saved her contact as "Heaven on earth".
Realized it was too long so I abbreviated it.
I did it! I followed my goal to save $20 from each paycheck in 2020.
I have $60.
A German and an Englishman are having a conversation in the park when suddenly a young girl falls into the lake.
They both rush in to save her, but when they emerge she's unconscious.
The Englishman asks the German if they know the number for emergency services.
999.
The Englishman replies, fine, I'll call them myself.
The worst thing about this pandemic is all the restaurants apparently using lower quality ingredients to save money.
I'll keep eating out every day, but I haven't been able to taste anything for weeks.
my nagging wife died suddenly on a trip in Jeruselum
Funeral director: "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem"
Me: "ship her home"
Funeral director: "But sir, why don't you bury her here in the Holy Land and you can save money"
Me: "A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead, I can't take that chance"
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy from drowning?
Because he was too far out, man.
Me: You know, since it doesn't have a tail, I'm pretty sure it is actually a hamster.
IT: Okay sir. Please right-click your hamster, and save the file.
A Russian worker standing in a liquor line says: I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev.
Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line.
His friends ask, Did you get him?
No, the line there was even longer than the line here.
My wife asked me if there are any ways to save our marriage
I said yes, there are threeways
Two Blondes.
Blonde 1: I found a way of saving money.
Blonde 2: How?
Blonde 1: I run behind the bus to work everyday and save £1.50.
Blonde 2: Why don't you run behind a Taxi you would save £10.00.
I grew up so poor...
That I had to eat cereal with a fork to save milk.
I told Mom she might be a hoarder.
She said, "Let's save this conversation for another time."
How do pirates save lives?
CP Arrrrrr
My son found a 5 year old tin of mints
I told him we mint to save them. He fired right back that they are in mint condition. (I'm so proud!)
During a water shortage, the government encouraged us to piss in the shower to save the water from flushing
I now have to shower 3-4 times a day and it's not clear to me how this is helping with the water shortage…
Fyodor Dostoyevsky wrote Beauty Will Save the World ...
So I'm just gonna relax because this obviously doesn't concern me.
When I was young I used to sniff gasoline to get high…
These days we switched to cocaine to save some money.
How did the one armed man save the world?
Single handedly!
My wife came home from the store tonight with deer food
She was trying to save a few bucks
I was so proud of my son
He's 18 and he got a job sandblasting for the summer to save for school. The manager was talking to him during safety orientation and said so sandblasting? That should be fun . He responded yeah it should be a blast He said he got a groan and an eye roll then told me off for being contagious.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the save spare jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working save preserver piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.