Sausage Making Jokes
49 sausage making jokes and hilarious sausage making puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sausage making that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Sausage Making Short Jokes
Short sausage making jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sausage making humour may include short sausage jokes also.
- My company was recently bought out. Now, instead of making baseball equipment we're making German sausages... ...things have gone from bat to wurst.
- My butcher has started making sausages from seabirds.... Today he has taken a tern for the wurst.
- Did you hear about the mean woman who died after falling into a sausage making machine in Germany? She was the wurst...
- What do you call someone who's constantly making jokes about their sausage? Someone with the wurst sense of humor.
- Why did the German woman have to stop spoiling her son with sausages? Because she was making the brat worse.
- Sausage Joke During the depression, why did they only put breadcrumbs on one side of a sausage?
....cos during the depression it was hard to make both ends meat - My wife is a terrible cook. Tonight she's making German sausage. I'll hope for the best, and prepare for the wurst
- I know a guy who is really good at making sausage. You would say he is well wurst.
He also puns a lot, he is the wurst. - Marvel is making a "Winter Soldier" standalone film and I get to play his roly poly sidekick. They call me...the "Summer Sausage"
- If you are planning a robbery on a place that makes m**... sausage... Are you casing the joint casing joint?
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Sausage Making One Liners
Which sausage making one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sausage making? I can suggest the ones about sausage dog and sausage pizza.
- A cook I work with spent all day making sausage puns It was the wurst
- I hate it when people can't make a good sausage its the wurst
- How do you make a sausage roll? You push it down a hill.
- My friend entered a sausage making competition His entry was the wurst
- I found a good website for sausage making... I'll be sure to send you the link
- I had a job tying sausages together, but I couldn't make ends meet.
- Frying pans and blondes, what do they have in common? They both make the sausages squirt
- I want to make a music playlist titled: "Sausages" Cause every song on it is a b**...
- How do you make Polish sausage ? First you gotta find a r**... pig...
Sausage Making Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about sausage making you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean german sausage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sausage making pranks.
One day Little Johnny asks his Mum, "How come when I come in to your room you and you're on top of Daddy, you say you're making a sandwich, but after a while I come in again, you're eating a sausage?!"
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out.
I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home.
She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.”
I said, “Well, then why are you crying?”
He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.”
I said, “Well, why are you crying?”
He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours”
I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?”
He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”
An Englishman, An American and A Korean are on a ship...
The ship is in stormy waters, when suddenly a genie appears from the waves and tells them "I'm sorry, but you men will die in this storm. I have no power to prevent your death, but as some recompense I can grant you all one wish before you perish"
The three great friends begin to think before answering the genie.
The American answers first "I want the chance to sing the great national anthem of America one last time in full, and please genie allow the storm to quieten so that my friends may hear this wonderful tune and enjoy it"
The genie replies that he can grant this wish
The Korean next asks "It would make my last moments on this earth perfect if I could one last time eat the traditional food of my country, some sour and spicy cabbage soup, along with salted blood sausage and ice noodles - but I want enough so that I can share the last meal with my friends.
"It will be done" answers the genie
Finally the British man speaks up.
"Please kill me before the song and the food:"
This guy goes to the zoo one day...
While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.
When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "F**k you! " in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge.
The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage.
Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.
Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat.
The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half.
The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own c**..., looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.
My Chinese friend's jokes about Socialism and Capitalism
* A Russian, an American, and a Chinese person are walking down a path. Suddenly, they come to a fork in the road. One path has the sign "Capitalism," and it's brightly lit and beautiful. The other is labeled "Socialism," and it's dark and frightening. The American chooses first, marching confidently down the brightly lit path. The Russian is next. Determined, he starts to go down the dark path, but then turns back halfway and runs toward the bright path. The Chinese person is last. After thinking a moment, he chooses the bright path - but first he changes the signs.
* Stalin, on his deathbed, is talking with his successor-to-be, Khrushchev. Stalin, with his dying breath, says "But what if the people won't go with you, comrade?" Khrushchev replies, "Don't worry! If they don't go with *me*, I'll make sure that they're going with *you*."
* An American and a Russian are waiting for their friend, a Chinese guy. The Chinese guy finally arrives twenty minutes late. "Sorry," he says, "I was standing in line to buy some sausage." The American says, "What's a line?" and the Russian says, "What's a sausage?"
Little Johnny had a bad day.
He stomped home from school to the family farm. Being an annoying little kid, he saw the farm animals and decided to take out a little frustration on them, so he yelled at the pig, chased the chickens around, and kicked in a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. Finally, he made it to the house. His mom was waiting and furious.
"Johnny, I saw you just did and you're in big trouble! For abusing the poor pig and chickens, you don't get sausage or wings tonight. And no pumpkin pie, either!"
Just then, the two of them saw Johnny's dad came back from a day in the fields. He walked to the porch, where the cat is sleeping peacefully in the sun. He irritably kicked the cat out of the way to make it to the door. Johnny turns to his mom with a big grin and says,
"Shall you tell him, or shall I?"
Dad take his son to work.
Man who works at a sausage processing plant brings his ungrateful son to work to try and bond with him. The father shows his son around the factory trying to impress him in the hopes the boy will turn around and appreciate his father more.
After relentless failure the father tell his son, "I'm going to show you the coolest machine in the factory, and I'm the one who uses it." The son isn't phased one bit so off they go to the machine.
The father says "Behold son the linkPro 3000, All you do is throw a whole pig in this end and out comes freshly linked sausage! pretty cool aye?"
The boy replies "meh not really, why don't you have a machine that can make whole pigs when you put the sausage in first?"
The father replies "We do, its at home and you call her mom."
Italian guy meets a rabbi on a train...
They chat for a while, and soon the Italian pulls some sausage out of his pack and offers some to the rabbi.
"Is it made of pork?", he asks.
"Yes", replies the Italian.
"Well then I can't eat it. It's not kosher. God's law."
A little while later, the Italian cracks a bottle of wine and offers the rabbi some.
Rabbi looks at the bottle. "Thanks, but it's not kosher. God's law"
Italian says, "Your god is very strict. What would happen if there was nothing kosher to eat or drink?"
"God makes exceptions in cases of life and death", replies the rabbi.
At this, the Italian pulls out a p**..., points it at the rabbi's head and says, "Drink the wine!" The rabbi, with a very annoyed expression, complies, taking a nice long sip.
The Italian apologizes. "I just wanted you to have a taste of the wine."
Rabbi glares at him and replies, "Where was the gun when you had some sausage left?"
Italian and a Rabbi are riding on a train together...
They get acquainted, and at one point the Italian takes some sausage out of his bag and offers some to his companion.
Rabbi asks, "Is it made from pork?"
"Yes", replies the Italian.
"Well then, I can't eat it. It's not kosher. God's law."
The Italian shrugs and eats the sausage, then pulls out a bottle of wine, offering some.
Rabbi looks at the bottle and says, "It's not kosher, I can't drink it. God's law."
Italian says, "Wow your god is strict. What if there was nothing kosher around to eat or drink?"
Rabbi replies, "Well, he makes exceptions in situations of life and death."
With that, the Italian points a gun at the rabbi and says, "Drink the wine or I'll blow your head off!!"
Rabbi grabs the bottle, and with a very annoyed look on his face, downs the rest of it.
"Please don't be upset with me. I just wanted you to have some wine", says the Italian.
Rabbi says, "Of course I'm upset! Where was the gun when you had some sausage left?!?"
I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...
There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.
The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.
Haven't done that in a year..
A Dad wakes up and starts making breakfast on New Years Day. The son comes down to the kitchen and as the Dad serves him eggs he goes:
"Morning son, it looks like you haven't eaten all year."
The son scowls at the terrible Dad joke and digs into his eggs. The daughter comes down to the breakfast table and the Dad pours her a glass of orange juice:
"Good morning Daughter, you must be thirsty. It looks like you haven't had anything all year. "
both children scowl and continue their breakfast. The wife finally comes down to the table and as she sits down the father rolls some sausages on to her plate.
"Good morning Wif--"
The son interupts:
"OKAY DAD WE GET IT. TAKE A DAILY ACTIVITY, SAY YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT IN A YEAR- NOT FUNNY"
The Dad calmly keeps serving breakfast and says:
"Son, I was just telling your Mother to enjoy her sausages. The joke wouldn't work since this would be her second serving today."
How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?
12
One to make the sandwich,
One to excoriate men for creating hunger,
One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,
One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "r**...-like",
One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being p**...,
One to blame men for not making the sandwich,
One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,
One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,
One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,
One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,
One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,
And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.
Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...
Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."
A woman goes to the butcher shop to buy some sausages
When she gets them, she notices that they're half pork and half cornmeal. Bringing this up to the butcher, she says, "it's cornmeal on the left and pork on the right!" He tells her "It's to cut costs, ma'am. In this economy, it's so hard to make all ends meat."
I was checking out at Tesco...
I was checking out at Tesco today when I noticed the man in front of me put one item on the conveyor belt... a box of condoms. Not only did he notice me staring, but decided to make super uncomfortable eye contact. So, to lighten the mood I put my bottle of ketchup on and said, "Looks like we've both bought something to put on our sausages!".
Did you hear about the Italian Chef?
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. He was a real pizza work. You never sausage a guy. Sad about his brother, the broadway actor, in jail because he tried to rigatoni. His friend, the french chef, didn't make it to work- he couldn't make the escargot.
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .
A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.
The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?
The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .
A woman walks into a butcher shop...
"Excuse me," she says. "But I bought these sausages here yesterday and, well, the middle is fine, but both ends are made of sawdust."
The butcher shrugs. "Sometimes it's hard to make ends meat."
\----------------------
The very next day, the butcher is feeling overwhelmed. He accidentally backs into his meat grinder.
He got a little behind in his work.
I learned German sausage-making from a guy who was really into Eastern philosophy.
He was always going on and on about how in order to make great sausage, you had to understand the sausage. You had to BE the sausage.
That guy was the *wurst*.
A German butcher and a Polish butcher started a competition...
...to see who could make the longest continuous chain of sausage links in one hour.
It was a tight competitions; both men take pride in their craft and in their sausage-slinging heritage. The two were neck-in-neck up until the 59th minute, wherein the Polish butcher had a slip of the hand and split his last sausage asunder. When the scraps finally settled, the Polish butcher had managed 120 links and the German managed 121.
Naturally, the German butcher won, because he went a frank further.
Biden, Macron, and Putin make a bet who is going to successfully feed mustard to dog
Biden takes the mustard bottle, shoves it in dogs mouth, then squeezes. "That's animal cruelty!" the other two protest.
Macron takes a sausage, puts the mustard inside it, then give it to the dog. "That's cheating!" the other two protest.
Putin takes the mustard, then squeezes it all on the dog's b**.... The dog howls in pain, l**... off the mustard from his b**..., whining the whole time. Putin, with a victorious smile on his face: "That's how we do things in Russia: voluntarily, and with a song!"