The Best 81 Sausage Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Sausage jokes. There are some sausage wurst jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sausage salami puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Sausage Jokes and Puns

This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..

.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."

A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...

The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"

The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"

The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously licking it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"

An American woman is hiking through Germany...

She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, gross!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schΓΆn"

Sausage joke, An American woman is hiking through Germany...

Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

Wanna hear a pun about a sausage?

It's the Wurst.


For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

Here's an update for you:

Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage.

Why?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage...

What do you call it when you rotate a sausage?

A turn for the wurst!

Sausage joke, What do you call it when you rotate a sausage?

I heard there was a website to find missing sausage....

But I couldn't find the link

What do you call a really bad sausage?

The Wurst.

Why are men great cooks....

because with 1 sausage, a pair of nuts and some milk it can fill up a woman for nine months.

Let's talk about sausage....

Isn't it the wurst?

You can explore sausage brats reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sausage hotdog dad jokes. There are also sausage puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I have fond memories of the sausage factory.

It was the best of times, it was the wurst of times.

Ugh. Sausage puns.

They're the wurst.

I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...

There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.

The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.

You know why I quit working at the sausage factory?

It was the wurst.

Why are men better cooks than women?

Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.

Sausage joke, Why are men better cooks than women?

Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage?

They say he fears the wurst

What is the female equivalent of a sausage fest?

A clam bake

How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?

12

One to make the sandwich,

One to excoriate men for creating hunger,

One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,

One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "rape-like",

One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being phallic,

One to blame men for not making the sandwich,

One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,

One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,

One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,

One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,

One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,

And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.


A Family of Moles

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

3 women in a bar are comparing how loose they are...

One claimed they could fit a sausage, another claimed they can fit a cucumber and the other slid down the bar stool.

I saw a sausage fly by my window

I must be going insane it was actually a bird.
I think I've taken a Tern for the Wurst

Men are better cooks

With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.

I thought I might try my hand at telling a German sausage joke

I mean, what's the wurst that could happen?

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you take out the sausage.

A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole

A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole lived in a hole outside of a farmhouse in the country.One day, the papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmmm, I smell sausage!" The momma mole poked her head outside of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell pancakes!" The baby mole tried to poke his head out of the hole but couldn't get passed the two bigger moles.Finally giving up, he said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."

My boyfriend is the best cook

With only two nuts, a sausage and some milk he can fill my stomach for 9 months.

Men are the best cooks...

With 2 eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, we can fill a womans belly for 9 months!

Why are men the best chefs?

Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.

Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...

Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."

Don't eat royal sausage in Vietnamese noodle soup

Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst

A cook I work with spent all day making sausage puns

It was the wurst

Three girls sit at a bar bragging about how loose they are.

The first says she can fit a sausage. The second says a cucumber. The third starts to slide down the bar stool

Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?

He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.

Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar.

The bartender says,Β  Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here.

A tempting offer

I was tempted by an offer which read, Sausage Biscuits 2 for $1.00".
"How much is it for one? I asked.
"75 cents , she replied.
"Ok, I'll have the other one".

A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.

The whole event was pretty terrible.

It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

I have some sausage and cheese for emergencies...

But I will only use them in a wurst kΓ€se scenario

I invented a new drink today; basically you start with a Shirley Temple and put a really old cocktail sausage in it.

I call it the "Judge Roy Moore".

Out of all the ways to lose an arm,

losing it in a sausage machine has got to be the wurst.

I have a phobia of German sausage

Yes, I fear the wurst

Did you hear about the Italian Chef?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. He was a real pizza work. You never sausage a guy. Sad about his brother, the broadway actor, in jail because he tried to rigatoni. His friend, the french chef, didn't make it to work- he couldn't make the escargot.

I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it turns out it was a seabird.

I took a tern for the wurst.

I used to know an Italian chef.

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.

it was a farfalle from grace.

A man walks into a buffet...

He puts a sausage on his plate, and his German friend says "now you're speaking my language!".

Then, he adds a slice of pizza to his plate, and his Italian friend says "now you're speaking my language!".

Then, the man has an incredible urge to sneeze. He reaches for a napkin and raises it up, and his French friend says "now you're speaking my language!".

A German sausage was found dead this morning with 27 stab wounds covering its body

Police say it is the wurst murder they've ever seen

I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".

"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".

A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese.

It was a Wurst-KΓ€se scenario.

I once babysat a sausage.

It was really poorly behaved, though.

A total *brat*.

Just the *wurst*.

My friend traded a sausage for a seabird.

He's taken a tern for the wurst.

Why men are the best cooks

Because with 2 eggs, a sausage, and a little bit of milk they can fill a girl's tummy for 9 months

Did I ever tell you about the time I traded my German sausage for a seabird?

I took a tern for the wurst.

Do you want to hear my German sausage joke?

It's the wurst.

I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.

The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.

Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .

The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.

The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .

A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.

The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?

The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .

I recently went on holiday to Europe after studying languages when I was younger...

It's turns out my German has gone from Bath to Sausage

Today I saw the wurst thing happen to a pig

I wish I never sausage a thing

What do you call an expired sausage?

A spoiled brat.

Jokes

Vegan hot dogs are basically the strap on of food .

You want the sausage but not the meat

My vegetarianism is the same as my heterosexuality

I'll stick by it until I'm shown a good enough sausage

A weiner is talking to his girlfriend...

She says, "Why is it that when we're around my friends you say you're a sausage, and around your friends you act like a hot dog?"

He replies, "Well, I'll have to be frank with you."

A man wins big...

*pardon if this is a repost*

A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.

When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."

"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."

My Muslim friend doesn't eat Italian sausage

It's not a religious thing, Isalamiphobia

My German friend really hates sausage

He thinks its the wurst

No one laughs at my sausage jokes.

Probably because the're the wurst

My incompetent uncle Hans worked at a sausage shop in Frankfurt. One day he fell into the mixer.

Hans is literally the wurst.

Did you hear about the guy who went around the corner for a sausage?

He took a turn for the wurst.

I have a sausage addiction....

.....and it's getting Wurst.

I hate jokes about German sausage

They're the WURST!

They're closing sausage factories in Germany

They're calling it the wurst case scenario.

My friend has just fed German sausage to a bird.

He's taken a tern for the wurst.

My dad just decided to invest in a sausage company.

It was the wurst decision of his life

Dracula

Dracula is walking down the street one fine evening when a speeding lorry carrying mini sausage rolls, sandwiches, a variety of salads, dressed salmon, quiches and cold meats loses control, overturns and spills all that food. All this wreckage hits Dracula and with his dying breath he curses buffet the vampire slayer

I was invited to a banquet in Germany, but all they served was sausage and cheese.

And that felt like the wurst kΓ€se scenario...

A man walked into the doctor's surgery

He had half a bun on his head, a sausage behind his ear, several pickles in his shirt and an ice cream cone on his foot.

The doctor took one look and said
"Im afraid you're not eating properly."

You usually don't get British Breakfast in Thailand..

but you will ocassionaly find two eggs and a sausage in places, where you were not even hoping for it.

What do you call a pig that's falling down a hill?

A sausage roll.

I was in a pub and I ordered a large cup of beer and a German sausage. It took them 20 minutes just to get me the cup of beer.

I am afraid the wurst has yet to come.

Polish guy goes into a store

"I'd like a pound of Kielbasa"

Clerk: you must be a Polack

Pole: why do you say that? If I asked for bratwurst, would you call me a Kraut?

Clerk: No

Pole: If I asked for Italian Sausage, would you call me a Dago?

Clerk: No

Pole: then why are you calling me a Polack when I ask for kielbasa?

Clerk: this is a hardware store

Apparently, due to COVID Germany is running low on sausage and cheese.

The government considers this to be the Wurst KΓ€se scenario

German food is terrible. Sausage here, sausage there, sausage everywhere.

German food is die Wurst.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sausage andouille jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sausage three sausages piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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