Sausage Jokes
165 sausage jokes and hilarious sausage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sausage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this hilarious collection of clever sausage jokes! From classic sausage dog puns to cheeky sausage innuendos, there are plenty of chuckles to be found with these wacky jokes. Plus, find out all about the different types of sausages from seabird to prosciutto and brats, and learn how to make your own sausages for your next sausage party or pizza night.
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Funniest Sausage Short Jokes
Short sausage jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sausage humour may include short salami jokes also.
- Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese. This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.
- My boyfriend is the best cook With only two nuts, a sausage and some milk he can fill my stomach for 9 months.
- Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
- I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it turns out it was a seabird. I took a tern for the wurst.
- I have some sausage and cheese for emergencies... But I will only use them in a wurst käse scenario
- Never trust German butchers! They said they had the best sausages in the world
But they kept showing me their wurst. - Men are better cooks With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.
- What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages? They both fear the wurst
- 3 women in a bar are comparing how loose they are... One claimed they could fit a sausage, another claimed they can fit a cucumber and the other slid down the bar stool.
- With everything so expensive this year, it could be just German sausage and cheese for Christmas dinner. But that's a Wurst-Käse scenario.
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Sausage One Liners
Which sausage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sausage? I can suggest the ones about wurst and bratwurst.
- Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage? They say he fears the wurst
- My five year old's joke: What do you call a sausage in a room with a hungry wolf? A wolf.
- I have a phobia of German sausage Yes, I fear the wurst
- I like my puns like I like my sausages... the wurst ones are the best.
- I am developing a fear of German sausage... I fear the wurst
- Ugh. Sausage puns. They're the wurst.
- My friend traded a sausage for a seabird. He's taken a tern for the wurst.
- I think I've developed a phobia of German sausages I keep on fearing the wurst
- Don't eat royal sausage in vietnamese noodle soup Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst
- What do you call a pig that's falling down a hill? A sausage roll.
- My dad just decided to invest in a sausage company. It was the wurst decision of his life
- What do you call a really bad sausage? The Wurst.
- What do you call it when you rotate a sausage? A turn for the wurst!
- They're closing sausage factories in Germany They're calling it the wurst case scenario.
- Do you want to hear my German sausage joke? It's the wurst.
German Sausage Jokes
Here is a list of funny german sausage jokes and even better german sausage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My company was recently bought out. Now, instead of making baseball equipment we're making German sausages... ...things have gone from bat to wurst.
- I thought I might try my hand at telling a German sausage joke I mean, what's the wurst that could happen?
- German food is terrible. Sausage here, sausage there, sausage everywhere. German food is die Wurst.
- My friend has just fed German sausage to a bird. He's taken a tern for the wurst.
- I often worry about German sausages Basically I fear the wurst.
- I recently went on holiday to Europe after studying languages when I was younger... It's turns out my German has gone from Bath to Sausage
- Did I ever tell you about the time I traded my German sausage for a seabird? I took a tern for the wurst.
- I was in a pub and I ordered a large cup of beer and a German sausage. It took them 20 minutes just to get me the cup of beer. I am afraid the wurst has yet to come.
- I hate German sausages They are die Wurst I've ever tasted.
- I hate jokes about German sausage They're the WURST!
Sausage Making Jokes
Here is a list of funny sausage making jokes and even better sausage making puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My butcher has started making sausages from seabirds.... Today he has taken a tern for the wurst.
- A cook I work with spent all day making sausage puns It was the wurst
- I hate it when people can't make a good sausage its the wurst
- Did you hear about the mean woman who died after falling into a sausage making machine in Germany? She was the wurst...
- What do you call someone who's constantly making jokes about their sausage? Someone with the wurst sense of humor.
- How do you make a sausage roll? You push it down a hill.
- Why did the German woman have to stop spoiling her son with sausages? Because she was making the brat worse.
- Sausage Joke During the depression, why did they only put breadcrumbs on one side of a sausage?
....cos during the depression it was hard to make both ends meat - My friend entered a sausage making competition His entry was the wurst
- I found a good website for sausage making... I'll be sure to send you the link
Sausage Dog Jokes
Here is a list of funny sausage dog jokes and even better sausage dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do all sausage dogs look the same? Because they're in bread
- I went to the local hot dog guy and said, Can I get a jumbo sausage? He said, Sure. It shouldn't be long.
Me: In that case, can I get two? - It really stinks when you bite into what you expect to be a hot dog but it's actually a sausage That's the wurst
- I got my sausage dog neutered yesterday. Now it's just a dog.
- What kind of dog would a Muslim never own? A sausage dog
- What's the difference between a sausage dog and a market trader? One bawls his wares out on the street...
- What do you call a corgi crossed with a sausage dog? A corsage
- Jokes Vegan hot dogs are basically the s**... of food .
You want the sausage but not the meat
Sausage Pizza Jokes
Here is a list of funny sausage pizza jokes and even better sausage pizza puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Groaner Running out of sausage is a busy pizza maker's wurst nightmare.
- What did the pepperoni pizza say to the sausage pizza? Nice to meat you.
- I like my woman like I like my pizza filled with sausage, cut into slices, and still warm!!
- I ordered a Pizza the other day, When she read the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else? I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
- Why was the Jew afraid to eat the pizza? Because it had pork sausage toppings.
- I like my men like I like my pizza With extra sausage ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- j**...'s is naming a pizza after Andrew Tate The small sausage
Sausage Roll Jokes
Here is a list of funny sausage roll jokes and even better sausage roll puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are AC/DC always so hungry? Cause it's a long way to the shop if you want a sausage roll
- What do you call a sausage that can't walk? A sausage roll.
- I like my women like I like my sausage rolls Thick and with a sausage in the middle.
- I was arrested for stealing a sausage roll... They charged me for Grand Theft Porko.
Uproarious Sausage Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about sausage you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean salmon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sausage pranks.
What's the difference between a dead h**... and a meaty sausage?
*I don't grind up sausages.*
This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..
.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."
A German, an American, and a Russian are arguing who can feed a spoonful of mustard to a cat more easily...
The German just grabs the cat and forces the spoon with mustard into its mouth. The other two protest: "This is violence!"
The American hides the mustard between two slices of sausage. The other two protest: "This is deception!"
The Russian spreads the mustard under the cat's tail. The cat starts furiously l**... it off, meowing loudly. "See - he does it voluntarily and with songs!"
An American woman is hiking through Germany...
She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, g**...!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"
Sausages...
They're the wurst.
Willpower
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
Wanna hear a pun about a sausage?
It's the Wurst.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Here's an update for you:
Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage...
I heard there was a website to find missing sausage....
But I couldn't find the link
Why are men great cooks....
because with 1 sausage, a pair of nuts and some milk it can fill up a woman for nine months.
Let's talk about sausage....
Isn't it the wurst?
I have fond memories of the sausage factory.
It was the best of times, it was the wurst of times.
I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...
There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.
The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.
You know why I quit working at the sausage factory?
It was the wurst.
Why are men better cooks than women?
Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.
What is the female equivalent of a sausage fest?
A clam bake
How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?
12
One to make the sandwich,
One to excoriate men for creating hunger,
One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,
One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "r**...-like",
One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being p**...,
One to blame men for not making the sandwich,
One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,
One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,
One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,
One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,
One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,
And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.
A Family of Moles
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
I saw a sausage fly by my window
I must be going insane it was actually a bird.
I think I've taken a Tern for the Wurst
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't f**... when you take out the sausage.
A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole
A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole lived in a hole outside of a farmhouse in the country.One day, the papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmmm, I smell sausage!" The momma mole poked her head outside of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell pancakes!" The baby mole tried to poke his head out of the hole but couldn't get passed the two bigger moles.Finally giving up, he said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."
My sausage-addicted friend died in a car c**....
Apparently, he took a turn for the wurst.
Men are the best cooks...
With 2 eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, we can fill a womans belly for 9 months!
Why are men better cooks?
They only need 2 eggs n 1 sausage to keep a girl full for 9 months
Why are men the best chefs?
Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.
Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...
Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."
Three girls sit at a bar bragging about how loose they are.
The first says she can fit a sausage. The second says a cucumber. The third starts to slide down the bar stool
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.
Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar.
The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here.
A tempting offer
I was tempted by an offer which read, Sausage Biscuits 2 for $1.00".
"How much is it for one? I asked.
"75 cents , she replied.
"Ok, I'll have the other one".
"God, that kid is such a brat." One sausage said to another.
"I dunno," said the other sausage, "I've mettwurst."
Sausage puns...
We all know they're the wurst.
What kind of Sausage does Zelda like?
Link
A man tried smuggling sausage and v**... out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.
The whole event was pretty terrible.
It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.
Where were the first sausages cooked?
In *Greece*.
I invented a new drink today; basically you start with a Shirley Temple and put a really old cocktail sausage in it.
I call it the "Judge Roy Moore".
Out of all the ways to lose an arm,
losing it in a sausage machine has got to be the wurst.
Did you hear about the Italian Chef?
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. He was a real pizza work. You never sausage a guy. Sad about his brother, the broadway actor, in jail because he tried to rigatoni. His friend, the french chef, didn't make it to work- he couldn't make the escargot.
I used to know an Italian chef.
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.
I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.
it was a farfalle from grace.
A man walks into a buffet...
He puts a sausage on his plate, and his German friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Then, he adds a slice of pizza to his plate, and his Italian friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Then, the man has an incredible urge to sneeze. He reaches for a napkin and raises it up, and his French friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Someone told me Chorizo is the best kind of sausage...
... but that's baloney!
A German sausage was found dead this morning with 27 stab wounds covering its body
Police say it is the wurst m**... they've ever seen
I found my first grey p**... hair this morning.
Normally things like this don't bother me, but I found it in my sausage and egg McMuffin.
I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".
"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".
A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese.
It was a Wurst-Käse scenario.
I once babysat a sausage.
It was really poorly behaved, though.
A total *brat*.
Just the *wurst*.
Why men are the best cooks
Because with 2 eggs, a sausage, and a little bit of milk they can fill a girl's tummy for 9 months
I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.
The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.
Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .
A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.
The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?
The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .
Today I saw the wurst thing happen to a pig
I wish I never sausage a thing
What do you call an expired sausage?
A spoiled brat.
My vegetarianism is the same as my heterosexuality
I'll stick by it until I'm shown a good enough sausage
A man goes to the doctor with a carrot sticking out of his ear..
a banana in his other ear, spaghetti on his head and a sausage sticking out of his nose.
He says "Doctor, I'm not feeling very well".
Doctor replies "Hmmm, I don't think your eating properly".
A w**... is talking to his girlfriend...
She says, "Why is it that when we're around my friends you say you're a sausage, and around your friends you act like a hot dog?"
He replies, "Well, I'll have to be frank with you."
A man wins big...
*pardon if this is a repost*
A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.
When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."
"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."
My Muslim friend doesn't eat Italian sausage
It's not a religious thing, Isalamiphobia
My German friend really hates sausage
He thinks its the wurst
No one laughs at my sausage jokes.
Probably because the're the wurst
My incompetent uncle Hans worked at a sausage shop in Frankfurt. One day he fell into the mixer.
Hans is literally the wurst.
Did you hear about the guy who went around the corner for a sausage?
He took a turn for the wurst.
I have a sausage addiction....
.....and it's getting Wurst.
What if you were stuck in a sausage skin?
That would really be a wurst case scenario.
