Saud Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?

In both countries, it's legal to get stoned.

Saudi Arabian seems really behind on the times.

It's like they're living under Iraq or something.

A Saudi woman in a doctor's clinic.

Doctor: Mrs Saud there's a good news for you.
Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
Doctor: Miss Saud there's a bad news for you.

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

Reasons are:

1. The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. The Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England

He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"

A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker ....

A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker are walking down the street.

A reporter comes up to them and says,
Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?

The Saudi says, excuse me , what is this word shortage?

The Russian says, excuse me, what's meat?

The North Korean says, excuse me, what's an opinion?

The New Yorker says, excuse me, what's excuse me?

Saudi TV Mistake

Saudi Arabia TV reported the Brussels attack 15 minutes earlier than it actually happened. Saudi TV sincerely apologizes for this innocent mistake.

When the Saudi police tackled me after I stole something from the market…

…I instantly realised my mistake when I shouted, "Unhand me!"

Saudi Arabia is banning chess, calling it Haram. Reasons are :

1. Queen doesn't wear burkha.
2. Queen roams freely wherever it wants .
3. Queen is more powerful than King
4. Queen alone goes to other army's side
5. And.... Most importantly there's only one queen..

A Saudi prince has come forward saying that they should end the ban placed on women driving in the kingdom.

Interesting, just in time when all global tech giants are in the final stage of trials of their self-driving cars.

So a Saudi guy says to his American friend, "In my country women can't drive". The American says,

"I'm not surprised. They can't drive in my country either."

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech

and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Obama. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Obama says "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do."

The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."

President Obama laughs and leans toward the Saudi. "It's because it takes place in the future..."

A Saudi Arabian Oil Baron sends his son to study abroad...

To help his son in his life and studies abroad, he gives his son a good deal of money and more importantly, a Ferrari sportscar, as he though it might be a good idea to flaunt some wealth.

Despite this, a few weeks later his son calls him and laments Dad, every time I go to lectures, I drive there with my Ferrari, but everyone else there takes the train, its really awkward as I'm the only guy with a car!

Incensed, the Oil Baron practically yells into the phone Son, I'm depositing 10 million Euros into your account now, stop embarrassing your family and buy yourself a train!

Said the Saudi to his American friend, "My culture is somewhat different than yours. Women in my country cannot drive."

"Here either," said the American.

Saudi Arabia don't air the Flintstones anymore...

But don't worry, Abu Dhabi Doo.

Saudi Arabia

Where you can get caught with marijuana and still get stoned.

Saudi men are still not letting their wives drive

I mean, that's ridiculous. You can't let an 8 year old drive!

A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source.

I was charged with a Sultan battery.

Many Saudi women are fans of the Second Amendment.

They would like a right to bare arms.

What Saudi funded event ended in a massive collapse on 9/11?

Hillary Clinton's campaign.

Saudi Arabia... on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

Saudi Arabia lost to Uruguay yesterday

They beheading home soon

I really don't like Saudi Arabia's human rights record.

I won't beheading there anytime soon.

Why does Saudi Arabia have so much oil?

Because the women are not allowed to drive.

Why are Saudi Arabians out of the loop?

Because they live under Iraq!

Saudi Arabia won against Egypt in a Soccer match.

Egyptians had a better plan but Saudis had better execution.

A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome.

Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.

The saudi king was walking in the streets, dressed as a commoner to check up on his subjects

He found a destitute man, whose toes were coming out of his shoes.

The king was surprised by what he saw, and walked to the man and asked ''why are your toes coming out of your shoes?''

The man replied '' my feet have out grown my shoes, and i don't have any money to buy a new pair.''

The king's eyes teard up, till his beard became soaking wet

And he quickly ran his bone saw and cut the man toes, and told him now they fit the shoes.

Saudi Arabia just lost 5-0 to Russia!

Looks like they'll beheading out of the World Cup soon.

Why can't Saudi woman drive?

There's no road from the kitchen to the bedroom.

Why is Saudi Arabia so late to givng rights to women?

Because they have been living under Iraq.

Saudi Arabia bans chess, calling it a dangerous game


1. Queen doesn't wear a burkha.

2. Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.

3. Queen is more powerful than the King.

4. Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.

5. And....there's only one Queen

Saudi Arabia hates Scooby Doo...

But Abu Dhabi Doo!

What does the H in Saudi Arabia stand for?

Human rights

I must be from Saudi Arabia.

I didn't even know about the royal wedding.

Apparently, I spent my whole life living under Iraq.

Saudi Arabia just invested $1 billion in Virgin Galactic...

...1 down, only 71 to go!

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

In Saudi Arabia, why don't they teach Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on the same day

The camel would get too tired

Why are Saudis so behind on current events?

Because they live under Iraq.

Saudi Arabia now supports euthanasia

Just proclaim you are homosexual

Saudi Arabia banned chess,

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game....

Reasons are:

1. Queen doesn't wear a burkha.

2. Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.

3. Queen is more powerful than the King.

4. Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.

5. And....Most importantly, there's only one Queen

What does the Saudi Paralympics team consist of?


What's a Saudis favourite drink?

Milk sheikh

A Saudi Arabian man walks into a bar.


Why do Saudi Arabians give their women marijuana for free?

They like to get their women stoned.

If Saudi Arabia want to win their next game,

They need to beheading the ball less.

The Saudi Arabian gay pride anthem.

We will! We will! Rock you!

It seems Like Saudi Arabia

will surely beheading out of the World Cup

Saudi Arabia couldn't beat Russia

The only thing they can beat is their women.

A Saudi Arabian asks an Egyptian all you guys eat is foul (fava beans) what separates you from animals?

The Egyptian responds: the Red Sea .

Who did Saudis beat to secure a place for the World Cup ?

Their Wives.

In Saudi Arabia it is unlawful to hang a man with a beard.

They must use rope instead.

Looks like Saudi Arabia won't be making it past the Group Stages

Guess they will beheading home early

What does a Saudi YouTuber have ?

views or if you put it differently, wives.

Why do Saudi Arabians never catch up on the latest news?

They all live under Iraq.

Saudi Arabia

Saudi Arabia has the worlds lost car accidents, and is the only country in the world where women driving is illegal

Why does Saudi Arabia import so many camels from Australia?

They've got to get their 72 virgins *somewhere*

What are the funniest saud jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Saud? Well, here are the best Saud puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Saud pick up lines to share with friends.

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