Satisfied Jokes
108 satisfied jokes and hilarious satisfied puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about satisfied that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Satisfied Short Jokes
Short satisfied jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The satisfied humour may include short satisfactory jokes also.
- Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that has ever served me. With just the tip.
- Why does an elephant have four feet? Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.
- A man broke the Guinness World Record by playing the same piano key 1,000 times in 1 minute He then went home and broke the world record for most satisfied girlfriend.
- "I'm hungry. I just need something small to satisfy, any suggestions?" "...Maybe the chicken strips for $6?"
"Maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger." - A woman named Bechdel talked to her female friend How's it going? she asked. I'm good. her friend replied. And Bechdel was satisfied.
- I'm sick and tired of beating around the bush, so I have to ask... Are there any other ways to satisfy my girlfriend?
- On my way home, an acorn fell on my car and cracked my windshield. It was the least satisfying nut busting I've ever experienced.
- How did the farmer find his sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying ;)
(Sorry if this has been here but it was new to me) - I went to the doctor and told him that I'm having trouble 'satisfying' the wife. He told me I should do what he does, so I asked, What's that, then? He chuckled, Earn 100k a year!"
- Why did the tech CEO's wife leave him? She wasn't satisfied when his performance dipped by 5-30%.
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Satisfied One Liners
Which satisfied one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with satisfied? I can suggest the ones about fulfilled and delighted.
- How did Kevin Spacey find the little boy in all the Tall grass? Satisfying.
- I call my wife "Happy Meal"... She's not enough to satisfy me but she comes with a toy...
- How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.
- How did the Muslim find the goat in the field? Very Satisfying.
- How does an arab farmer find his goat in the sand dunes? Very satisfying.
- How did the blind priest find the choir boys? Satisfying.
- I'm never satisfied with my haircuts at first... ...but then they grow on me.
- My favorite mythical creature is a satisfied woman
- What do you call a satisfied video editor? Content creator.
- Who satisfies earth the most? Sun. Because the sun goes down every night.
- I've satisfied every waitress I've met... With just the tip
- How do you know you've satisfied a redhead? She unlocks the handcuffs.
- Two marines are flying into an unfamiliar airport The put the flaps up and descend lower, lower, lower and finally touch down. The brakes of the plane screeches and howl unlike anything you've ever heard. The plane comes to a stop just inches from the terminal. The pilot exlaims "that's the shortest d**... runway I've ever seen". The co-pilot looks to the left, then looks to the right and says "Yea, but it sure is wide"
- I love jokes about sheep dogs.. I won't be satisfied until I've herd them all.
- I was finally able to satisfy my wife last night. I let her choose the new kitchen design
Amusing Satisfied Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about satisfied you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thrilled jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make satisfied pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man walks into Bar with a Dog ...
Man walks into Bar with a Dog and orders 2 Glasses of Whiskey.
He & his Dog empty the Glasses.
Girl behind the Bar is surprised and asks - Can your Dog perform any other tricks?
Man-Yes, He can fully satisfy a Woman.
Girl is too curious.. Deciding that she'll test the dog, she undresses and lies in full expectation.
Dog looks at her and does nothing....
Man to Dog: It's always the same with you, now this is the last time I am showing you how to do it..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hutterite Jokes
How did the Hutterite man find his daughter in the woods?
Quite satisfying
What do you call the sweat between two hutterites having s**...?
relative humidity
The Longest Memory in the World
One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the world. So the man decides to go visit the Chief and asks: "So I hear you have the greatest memory in the world." The Chief answers "I do. I can remember every single detail of my entire life." The man figures he should test this, and asks the Chief "What did you have for breakfast on April the 27th, 1959?" After stopping to think for a second, the chief answers "two eggs." Satisfied, the man says goodbye to the Chief and eventually leaves the village.
Twenty years later, the man takes another trip out West and comes across the same village. He's amazed when he notices the Chief, still alive after all these years. The man, stops and says hello, so he raises his hand and says, "How" and the Chief replies "fried."
A genie in a bottle grants a man all his wishes
"But", says the genie, "of all the things you wish, your wife gets double."
"I wish for a hundred million dollars!", orders the man.
"So it shall be. Your wife gets $200 million", replies the genie.
"I wish for a Ferrari!"
"A Ferrari for you, two Ferraris for your wife."
The man is not satisfied, so after a minute of thinking, he wishes:
"Beat me half dead!"
The 4 rules of marriage.
A father was explaining to his son the secrets of marriage,
"Son you there are only a few things you need in a marriage:
A woman who can cook, a woman who can clean, a woman who can satisfy you in the bedroom, and lastly you need to make sure none of these women ever meet."
Trying to date someone that doesn't like you is like going to the DMV...
...you get the run-around all day, get frustrated, and when they finally do call your number, you don't feel satisfied, you're just glad its over.
A man walks into a bar......
An Irishman man walks into a bar in New York City. He orders three whiskeys. The bartender pours him one and says, "Lemme know when you want the next one." But the man says, "I think you've misunderstood me. I'd like all three at once." The bartender pours two more drinks. The man drinks down the three drinks, pays, and leaves.
This goes on almost every night for a couple of weeks. Finally the bartender asks the man why he orders three drinks at a time, since there's no real advantage to it. So the man tells him, "When I left the auld sod I promised my two brothers that whenever I sat down to take a taste of the creature, I'd order one for me and one for each of them. That's why I order three at once." It makes sense to the bartender, so he's satisfied.
The man keeps coming back almost every night for more than a year. He and the bartender get to know each other pretty well. Then one day, the man orders only two drinks. This goes on for a couple weeks, but the bartender is afraid to ask if anything happened to one of the brothers. Finally, the man comes into the bar and only orders two drinks, again. The bartender figures he has to ask, and summons up the courage to say, "I noticed you've been ordering only two drinks for the last few weeks. Is everything allright with your brothers?" The man looks at the bartender, puzzled, then realizes what he is implying. He smiles and says, "Yes! My brothers are fine, but I've given up drinking for Lent."
Marylou
One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" cried the husband.
"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"
"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.
Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.
"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.
"Your horse called."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That's some solid advice!
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is Kim never satisfied with s**...?
Because Kanye never lets her finish.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...
When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.
When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.
The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**
"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman
Looking puzzled, his business partner replied
"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy and his wife are going at it...
Lost in the moment, she says "None of my other lovers have been able to satisfy me like you do."
The husband thinks for a second. "Didn't you say you were a v**... before we were married?"
The wife says "I was."
A Chicken and an Egg are sitting in bed. The Egg looks depressed; the Chicken satisfied.
Not much of a joke, but it solves which came first.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An escaped prisoner enters a house...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
The Whale was uneasy.
"I'm afraid Jonah is not satisfied with his accommodations" said the whale.
"What gave you that idea?" queried the octopus.
"Oh, I have inside information" said the whale.
"Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. "
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. She doesn't seem to hear what ever I tell her."
The doctor replies, "Oh, is that so? Well, let me try to help you. Just try this method when you get home today. Stand around 50 feet from her and ask her something. If she doesn't hear it, reduce the gap by 10 feet and so on till she can hear what you say."
The man satisfied with the reply, hurries home to try this little technique. He stands around 50 feet away from her, and shouts, "Hey honey, what's for dinner today?" He gets no response, so he moves closer and repeats the same question four more times till he's right next to her.
He asks the same question again and she says, "For heaven's sake, this is the fifth time I'm telling you, it's just fruit salad tonight!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A widow puts out an ad for a man...
She put out an ad for a man that would not beat her, not run away, and could satisfy her s**.... A few days later the doorbell rings. And in the doorway is a man with no arms or legs. He told her he was there to answer her ad, and she asked him why he thought he fit the criteria.
"Well, I have no arms so I will never beat you. I have no legs so I can't run from you."
"How do you suppose that you can satisfy me s**...," she asked with a puzzled face.
"Well, I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
How many black Oscar nominees would it take (compared to white nominees) to satisfy the boycotters?
Three-fifths as many seems like a generous offer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
dirty minds
Hey s**... shut the door, drop your pants, climb on top of me, and satisfy your needs. love always your Toilet.
A poor man asked a rich man, "How much money do you have to earn before you're satisfied?"
The rich man replied, "More."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"
"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."
Satisfied, the child goes away.
Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"
"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a feather floated down and landed on your head."
The little girl smiles and goes on her way.
A few moments later the youngest child runs into the room and says: "WARGLBARGLAAHRGLB?"
The mother says: "Shut up, Refrigerator."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr. Larkin isn't satisfied with the performance of his class
So on day, he says with an odious smile:
'Please, whoever thinks they're an idiot: stand up!'
Big silence, everyone remains seated. Suddenly, a young man stands up carefully.
'So, you think the appellation of "idiot" applies to you, do you?' asks Mr. Larkin in a derisory tone.
'Honestly? Not really. I just couldn't bear to see you stand alone, sir.'
I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...
Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave
I once knew a vampire who refused to drink blood
He would satisfy his cravings with fake blood, which his body rejected and he ended up dying from it.
I asked him on his death bed how the fake blood tasted and he said "a little irony"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am satisfied with my life choices. I no longer pay for rent, food, electricity and blow jobs...
not until my jail term ends...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you want to satisfy your h**... food f**...?
Buy my new book: 50 Shades of Grey Poupon
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a mathematician look at a church...
They watch as two people enter the church. Later, three people exit.
"A wonder!", shouts the philosopher.
The physicist just says: "Nah, there must be a b**... somewhere."
The philosopher nods, satisfied with the explanation.
Suddenly, the mathematician says: "Hey! If one of us goes in there, then there's no one inside!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to Japan on business and hires a p**....
He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What animal satisfies it's females until they are so pleased they can take no more?
Macaque
Cutting down personal expenses
The business man was worried about his personal finances after a few sloppy years and thought to himself that he'd better start cutting down on private expenses.
Therefore he turned to his wife and said:
"Honey, if you could learn to cook and clean, we wouldn't need our household services."
The wife replied: "Sure. And if you could learn to satisfy me, we wouldn't need the gardener either."
A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."
A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."
She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"
He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"
What's the difference between your beard and your ex?
Your beard always comes back (inspired by an oddly satisfying post)
A girl asks her father a question.
"Daddy, where did I get my name from?"
"Well, Daisy, when you were born, a daisy fell on your head."
Satisfied, she walks away.
His second daughter walks up to him and asks him the same question.
"Daddy, where did I get my name from?"
"Well, Rose, when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
Satisfied, she walks away.
"HMDJKGYGD".
"Oh, hi, Brick."
What's the difference between a paratrooper and a paragraph?
One paratrooper is enough to satisfy your English teacher
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the r**... find his sister in the tall grass?
Quite satisfying
Who Came First
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face.
The egg, looking very hacked off, grabs the quilt, rolls over and says, "Well, we finally answered THAT question!"
A man wakes up late one night to find his wife eating candy.
The man says "Honey, why are you eating that this late at night?"
and his wife replies with "Because unlike you, Snickers satisfies me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like to a**... drugs.
Nothing more satisfying than tying up the bottle, smacking it around a bit, and calling it a very naughty pill.
I wrote this joke
Veterans day Bowe Bergdahl walks into an Applebees in his uniform.
Eats a hearty dinner, and is satisfied with it. Afterwards, the waitress comes over and asks. "Dessert sir?"
Bergdahl replies: "Already did"
Literally the guy you asked for
A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.
Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.
That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?
His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?
What do you call someone that had potential to be great in highschool, but now has no friends, no career aspirations, and is satisfied with a menial job?
Idk what others would say, but I know my dad is refusing to call me "son"
Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.
A genie appears and grants them one wish each.
The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.
Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower of meat all over the place."
Again the genie clicks his finger and it begins showering small chunks of meat which the second T-Rex begins snatching up.
The third T-Rex, not satisfied, roars
"Make the same as the last one, but make it a MEATIER SHOWER!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After years of marriage, I've finally learned the ultimate secret to keep a woman satisfied in bed...
Let her keep sleeping.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does Michael Myers satisfy his gambling addiction?
He plays the slaughtery.
Why was the protein powder maker never satisfied with his work?
He always kept looking for new wheys to improve
A man is smoking two cigarettes at a park
Another man walks up to him and asks, "Why are you smoking two cigarettes?"
He replies: "I'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother, he is in a no-smoking prison."
Satisfied with the answer, the man walks away.
A few days pass and he sees the same man at the park, but he's only smoking one cigarette.
Excited, he goes up to the man and asks, "Did your brother get out of prison? You are only smoking one cigarette."
He replies: "No, I quit smoking."
Why was the female scarecrow unhappy with her husband?
She was not satisfied with the results of his straw pole.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just broke my personal m**... record today
I know for certain every one of those guys left satisfied!
Chad wants to divorce his wife.
He files a court case and during the hearing, the judge asks him why.
He respond by saying - she doesn't satisfy me anymore.
The wife quickly replies - Your honor, the entire neighborhood is satisfied with me, he is the only one who's never happy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Days ago, i learned how to crack neck. The sound and feeling are really satisfying.
Although the bodies are starting to pile up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know what people sing in the shower after having satisfied their partner s**...?
I didn't think so.
A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the pervert find the sheep in the tall grass?
Very satisfying.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Be Strong
A burglar entered a bedroom, t**... the husband and wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the bathroom..
The husband said to the wife "Satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love you"
Wife said "He didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear that he is gay, he needs vaseline and i told him it's in the bathroom. So be strong, I love you too."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child walks up to their parents and asks
A child walks up to their parents and asks hey, mom and dad. Why did you name me Petal?
The parents smile and reply, When we got you home, a petal from a flower in the garden fell on your forehead . The child satisfied with the answer walked away.
The younger sibling came up and asked the same question.
Darling, we named you Droplet because when you got you out of a hospital, a rain drop fell on you head. Hence, Droplet , the parents replied.
Gharwaalalalaajahaha!!!! said the youngest child.
Oh shut up Refrigerator, don't be mean! the father yelled
A guy was buying mangoes at a junction from a street vendor and while waiting for his change he saw an old woman and a little girl.
The little girl was walking a bit faster than the old woman which made the old woman shouting; " Degree wait for me". The guy was astonished after hearing such an unusual name. So to satisfy his curiosity he walked closer to the old woman and asked; "Mam, why do you call your granddaughter Degree?"
The old woman laughed and said; " I sent her mother to university for education and this is what she brought home."
Wife asks her man a serious question one day...
It was a beautiful morning, however wife had a serious question to ask her husband.
"Babe", she reckoned. "If I die tomorrow, how will you be affected by my death?"
Husband did not question the intent behind asking such a question, indeed he was smart.
"Babe, if I lose you, I'll become a madman, I'd drive myself CRAZY !", he reckoned.
Feeling satisfied with his response, she further questioned, "So you wouldn't marry someone else once I'm gone is it?"
"I don't know babe, a CRAZY man could do anything", he replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was taken to court by several people for spreading scandalous rumors about their s**... lives
The judge asked the man, "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"
"Well your honor," responded the man. "I grew up on a very small land mass in the ocean and its just a part of our culture."
Not satisfied, the judge asked, "What culture could you possibly belong to that would lead you to besmirch these good people's reputations?"
The man shrugged and responded, "Islander."
(this just came to me)
Kevin and Jake had fallen on bad days. Finally, they resorted to theft.
They decided to break into a millionaire's house the following night. Inside the house, Jake accidentally dropped a goblet, which shattered. The noise woke someone up. "Who's there?" the voice demanded. Jake had the presence of mind to reply "meow." After grabbing his fill, Jake slipped out into the darkness, but Kevin was not satisfied. He wanted more. As Kevin searches for more loot, he accidentally knocks a chair over. The voice demanded once again, "Who's there?" "This is another cat," replied Kevin.
A married couple walks into a bar and the husband asks for whatever is on tap and cheap...
...the bartender reaches for the cheap stuff and pours them Busch. They drink a little bit and seem satisfied as the wife asks her husband,
"What beer is this? Who makes it?"
The husband, unsure due to his vague order asks the bartender "Hey, who makes this beer? My wife is curious."
The bartender replies, "Anheuser-Busch."
The husband looks at the bartender with a stern confusion and shouts,
"She waxes, but that's not any of your business! But seriously, who makes this beer?"
