Sarah Jokes

Lighten up your day with these hilarious jokes from Sarah Millican, Sarah Silverman and other comedians! Read through the best jokes from these iconic female comedians and get ready to laugh out loud! These jokes include Sarah Millican's muckiest one-liners, Sarah Silverman's classic Britney Spears and Jenn Im impressions, and more.

The Funniest Sarah Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

Acceptance in Rainbowland has come at a high cost.

Sarah recently came out to her parents as gray.

It just occurred to me that we have to make all the jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker while she's still alive..

Because after she dies it'll be like beating a dead horse...

Three nuns at the pearly gates with St. Peter.

St. Peter tells the nuns, "since you've all dedicated your lives to God, we will let you go back and live as anyone you'd like to."

The first nun says, "I'd like to be Mother Theresa", and Peter says, "No problem."

The second nun says, "I'd like to return as Princess Diana", and Peter says, "Sure thing."

The third nun says, "I'd like to be Sarah Pippilini." St. Peter says, "I'm sorry sister but I don't know who that is." The nun holds up a newspaper and points to the headline.

St. Peter laughs and says, "No, no sister that doesn't say 'Sarah Pippilini'; it says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days'."

So a horse walks into a bar...

...and the bartender asks, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"

The horse looks up and responds, "I'm out of the job! Sarah Jessica Parker started doing her own stunts."

jokes about sarah

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar

The bartender asked, "why the long face?"

Morris Schwartz is dying and on his deathbed.

He is surrounded by his nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them:

"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."

"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."

Sarah replies, "Property shmoperty...the schmuck had a newspaper route."

Morning Jew

Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons. "So", he says to them:

"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."

"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Centre."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says , "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property".

Sarah replies, "Property? The schmuck had a paper round!"

Sarah joke, Morning Jew

A Jew is on his deathbed.

Summoning his last strength, he says: "Is my wife Sarah here with me?" And she says "Yes, I am here." He then says :"Are my children here with me?" And they reply "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last." And he smiles and says:"Is my father and siblings here with me?" And they too tell him that they are here. So the Jew lays quietly for a while and replies "Then who is the light on for in the kitchen?"

Little Billy and Sarah are two finalists at the spelling bee...

Sarah is up first.

Prompter: Sarah, your word is dumb. Please spell it and use it in a sentence.

Sarah: D-U-M-B dumb. Billy is dumb.

Prompter: Good, now spell stupid

Sarah: S-T-U-P-I-D stupid. Billy is stupid.

Prompter: Correct, now Billy, spell dictate

Billy: D-I-C-T-A-T-E dictate. Sarah might say I'm dumb and stupid, but she also say my dic-tate good.

How did Sarah Palin see Russia from her house?

She didn't, it was just an Aleutian.

Why did Sarah name her pet Fawn 99 Cents?

Because it wasn't big enough to be a Buck.

You can explore sarah sara reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sarah residential dad jokes. There are also sarah puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do Iron man and Sarah Palin have in common?

They both had a little Downey inside of them.

Where did little Sarah go after the bombings?

Everywhere

Sarah Palin bought up all of Alaska's pancake mix

She's trying to keep her son from battering women

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally

because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts

What do you call a horse who goes freerunning?

Sarah Jessica Parkour

Sarah joke, What do you call a horse who goes freerunning?

A woman called up St. John's hospital and asked "I want to know if the patient Sarah James in Room No 1438 is getting better"

The nurse replied, "She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving she might even be sent home in a couple of days."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful news!"

Nurse: I take it you must be a family member or a close friend!

Woman: No I am Sarah James. No one tells me anything here.

Who invented the North America?

TEACHER: Sarah, go to the map and find North America.
SARAH: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class,
who discovered America?CLASS: Sarah!

A horse walks into a bar. ..

A horse walks into a bar and sits down.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Sarah Jessica Parker responds, "I'm a person you know? I have feelings!"

Jim and Sarah were driving around the countryside

when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Sarah. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, the skunk will get used to it."

What's Sarah Palin's favorite thing to do in the summertime?

Parah Salin.

I have two tickets to the Euro's final..

problem is it's on the same day as my wedding... So if anyones interested it's at St.Peters church in Brighton and her name is Sarah.

Two nuns are walking down an alley late at night...

When they get approached by 2 men who begin assaulting them. After minutes of the altercation, Sister Mary Sue screams, "Oh dear Lord! Forgive this man for he knows not what he is doing!" Sister Sarah looks up and says, "....Mine does".

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"

Sarah Jessica Parker was asked if she supported the company that manufactures the Epi-pen.

She replied: "Nay"

Teacher: "OK Sarah, what's your sentence with contagious?"

Student: "Our neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my dad said it will take the contagious."

Sarah joke, Teacher: "OK Sarah, what's your sentence with contagious?"

Trump should appoint Sarah Palin as the Administrator of NASA.

I know, I know, I could've stopped it there, but here's the punchline:

I mean, we must be fair and give her some consideration, because she does make a good argument: she can see the moon from her house.

"Dmytry! I take my hat off to you!"

"You and Sarah have been married for 50 years, whenever I see you walking around town you are still holding hands!
Well." Dmytry began

"If I let her go she will surely buy something!"

Translated from Russian, sorry if I made mistakes.

Rob Lowe, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Robert Downey Jr. Walk up to the bar at the Governors Ball....

The bartender looks at Sarah Jessica Parker and says "Why the long face?"

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender asks, "why the long face?"

The horse starts crying. In between the sobs, he says "it's not my fault I look like Sarah Jessica Parker!"

An old Jewish man is dying at home in bed.

His entire family is gathered around him.

Sarah, the man calls for his wife...

Im here dear.

And the kids?

We are all here too dad.

And the grandchildren?

We are all here.

Well, if you are all here then why is the light in the kitchen turned on?

My wife called me at work today.

"Honey, do you want to come home at lunch for a quickie?"

"Sarah, it's pronounced Quiche."

What's Sarah Palins favorite water sport?

Parah Salin.

HR pulled me into the office today for a disciplinary.

"We need to talk to you about your inappropriate sexual remarks made to Sarah."

"Why, what level of inappropriateness did she say I done?"

"Harass..."

"Yes, it is cute and I would eat my dinner off it. But what level of inappropriateness did she say I done?"

Why did the FBI go to question Sarah Palin while investigating Trump's collusion?

Because she can see Russia from her house.

Sarah Jessica Parker on the cancelation of the new Sex and the City movie

"Will there be a Sex and the City 3?"

"Nay." -Sarah Jessica Parker

White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders' kids must be failing out of school...

Cause they're probably taught to avoid answering every question.

- Hey teacher, can a boy like me have a son?

-- Of courst not, Johnny! You're just 10 years old!

-- Can a a girl like Sarah have a son?

-- She can't either! She's just 9!

-- I told you Sarah, we are safe!

My friend told ne he was sleeping with twins.

Me: But how do you tell them apart?
Friend: Sarah has got a great rack and Tom has a moustache.

Girlfriend: Love you babe, xx…

*-I love you too!*
I'd be *so* happy if u put x's in when u SMS me...
*-Ok! Rachel, Sarah, Monica.*

I'd like to have sex with Sarah Huckabee Sanders . . .

no matter how bad it was she would tell everyone it was great.

A kid asks the Sunday school teacher which part of the body goes to Heaven first. The teacher decides to make it a lesson and asks the kids what they think.

Sarah says 'it's your brain, because that's what controls everything'

Tina says 'it's your heart, because that's where Jesus lives'

Johnny yells out 'your feet!'

The teacher asks why the feet.

Johnny replies 'because I looked in Mrs Brown's bedroom window this morning and she had her feet in the air screaming 'Jesus! I'm coming!'

I am a big fan of Sarah Palin.

Oops, I meant Parasailin'. All these dyslexic jokes are confusing me.

I asked a scientist what the darkest material on earth was...

He said, Sarah Silverman's monologue.

A young girl wet herself during class......

The teacher said "SARAH! Why didn't you put your hand up"?

Sarah replies "I did Miss, but it kept running through my fingers".

If Sarah Jessica Parker Dies...

And people continue making jokes about her, are they beating a dead horse?

My mate has two tickets for the England vs Croatia game on Wednesday

He didn't realise that it's going to be on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Andrew's Church in Cambridge and her name is Sarah

I'm going to make a game about free running horses

And I'll call it "sarah jessica parkour".

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?

She didn't have any arms.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

I just heard that Budweiser is suing Stella Artois for casting Sarah Jessica Parker in their Super Bowl LIII ad.

Apparently they have a trademark on beer advertisements starring a horse.

It can take years to build a great relationship but only seconds to destroy it with the wrong words.

e.g. "Sarah, I'm gay"

if I were Sarah Connor

I would simply defeat the robots by asking them to identify which of the following pictures has a pedestrian crossing in it

Whenever she was asked her name, a little girl told people, I'm Mr. Anderson's daughter.

Her mother told her this was wrong. Instead, she must say, "I'm Sarah Anderson."

At the grocery store she was approached by a friend of her fathers. He asked, "Aren't you Mr. Anderson's daughter?"

Sarah replied, "I thought I was, but my mother says I'm not."

A guy walks into a brothel...

I'd like to have a girl.

The madame gets on the loudspeaker:

Harry- lube up Sarah!

That'll be $40.

I don't have that much.

Harry- forget it! Lube up Tonya!

That'll be $20.

I don't have that much either.

Harry- forget it! Lube up Edna!

That'll be $10.

I'm afraid I don't have that much either.

Good God, man! How much DO you have?

$3.46.

Harry- lube up!

If Sarah Connor needed pest control...

She can call an Ex-Terminator

Dad cooks dinner.

He gives his kids deer meat, but doesn't tell them but gives them a clue.

Dad: What kind of meat is this, it's something mom calls me every day.

Sarah: OMG Billy, It's an asshole don't eat it.

An old Jew is on his deathbed.

A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here."

He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last."

And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here.

So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"

Why was Sarah smiling at the gym?

Because Sarah tonin

I was having my induction at the gym

I noticed a woman working with heavy weights with a big smile on her face. I said to my instructor, 'Wow, she looks so happy'.

The instructor replied, 'Yeah, that's Sarah Tonin'"

What did the Terminator say when Sarah Connor asked him why he hadn't updated to Windows 10?

"I still love Vista, baby."

Tonight is my wedding to this super wealthy lady

I'm so excited thinking about the Sarah money

Season ticket

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.

"Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."

"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"

"Absolutely not," he said.

"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."

"Season's more than half over," he said.

Must be hard being a vampire

Me: hey Dracula you got something in your teeth?

Dracula: Where? Here?

Me: No not there

Dracula: Here?

Me: No, just look in the m..

Dracula: look in the WHAT Sarah? Look in the WHAT?

Sarah watches as her mother tries on an expensive fur coat

in a high-end department store. Do you realize, Sarah says, that some poor, dumb animal had to suffer just for you to wear that coat? Sarah's mother turns to her and snaps, Think about how much I've suffered! And don't call your father an animal.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sarah evan puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sarah sarah jessica parker piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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