santa Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious santa stories

What are the best santa puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Santa? Well here is a complete list of the top santa jokes:

When I was 5 years old, I got a coal from Santa...

The next year I decided to make him pay for it and poisoned his cookies. Somehow, the bastard found out and killed my dad

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How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house?

There's a parking meter on the roof.

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lost wife

Santa & Banta both lost their wives and were searching for them when they bumped into each other "Where are you hurrying to?" asked Banta

"I lost my wife!"

"Really? Even mine. How did yours look like?"

"hmm... She was tall, slim, had huge tits, sexy soft and sweet ass, she was wearing a mini skirt at last, What about you?"

"Forget mine lets search for yours!" replied Banta.

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Please notify if repost. (first)

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor, asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

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Why is Santa so jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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A cop on horse says to little girl on bike...

"Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
Then the cop says "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and he fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

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Why has Santa Claus such a big sack?

Because he only comes once a year.

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Why is santa always so happy?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

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What country does Santa visit first?

China, to stock up on the presents for the rest of them.

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Little girl Christmas Joke.

Little girl sits on Santa's lap.

Santa: What would you like for Christmas?

Little Girl: I want a Barbie and a G.I.Joe.

Santa: Little girl don't you know Barbie comes with Ken?

Little Girl: No Santa, Barbie fakes it with Ken, she cums with G.I.Joe.

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Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road

I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"

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Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?

Because he only comes once a year, and when he does it's down the chimney.

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Indian On The Road

I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".

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What did Santa get the day after Christmas?

Diabetes

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From my handwriting identification skills.

I have carefully deduced that Santa is my secret Valentine every year.

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What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.

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last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever for Christmas....

I woke up in a box.

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What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

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Osama, Ghaddafi, and Kim Jong Il?

Santa must be taking his naughty list a tad seriously this year.

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As a child my parents used to tell me about the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa

I dont believe in those stories anymore, thank GOD

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three ho's.

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Barbie and G.I. Joe.

A little girl sits on Santa's lap. In a jolly manner, Santa asks "What would you like for Christmas?"

The girl replies without hesitation:"I would like a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa sits for a moment, thinking about the request. Caught off guard, he says "But little girl, Barbie comes with Ken."

The girl looks at Santa and with incredible confidence, states: "No Santa, Barbie only fakes it with Ken."

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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper ?

He sold his soul to Santa.

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Why doesn't Santa have any children?

Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney.

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at three Ho's.

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Why does Santa always have a smile on his face?

'Cause He knows where all the naughty girls live

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What do you do when you come across Santa on New Years Eve?

You wipe it off and apologize.

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?

Santa goes down the chimney.

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He is coming!!!!

When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.

Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

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A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said....

"Anyone wanna buy any presents?"

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?

Santa stops at three ho's.

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How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?

Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.

>You know **Dasher** and **Dancer** and **Prancer** and **Vixen**,
**Comet** and **Cupid** and **Donner** and **Blitzen**,
but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?
**Rudolph** the Red-Nosed Reindeer, had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows.
**Olof** the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names

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What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks.

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Why does Mrs. Claus not have any kids?

Because Santa only comes once a year and that's down a chimney.

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at three hoes.
(sorry if repost)

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Did you hear about the dyslexic who sold his soul to Santa?

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Santa Claus came early!

Mrs. Claus wasn't too happy.

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Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?

Because he only comes once a year and it is always down the chimney.

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Mall Santa

A Mall Santa is asking kids what they want for Christmas.

A little girl says, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa replies, "Doesn't Barbie come with Ken?"

"No silly. Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She's only faking it with Ken."

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Why doesn't Santa have any kids?

He only comes once a year, and its own the chimney.


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Why did santa and Mrs. Claus go to marriage counseling?

Santa only cums once a year.

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Did you know that Santa Claus is both an arborist and a geologist?

He's gonna find out what's knotty or gneiss.

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Why is Santa so jolly?

...Because he knows where all the bad girls live!

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What's the difference between Santa Claus & Michael Jackson?

one comes when children dream & the other dreams of children coming*.

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What is the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?

Santa goes down the chimney.

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Why doesn't Santa have any kids?

Because he only comes once a year.

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Why Doesn't Santa Have Any Kids?

Because he comes down the chimney.

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Whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at 3 Ho's

(sorry if it's a re-post)

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Chimney

Whats the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?

Santa Claus goes down the chimney

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best santa jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about santa. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty santa gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these santa jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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