Following is our collection of funniest Santa jokes. There are some santa snowmen jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these santa santa is a woman puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
I woke up in a box.
I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"
Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."
They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.
Diabetes
I have carefully deduced that Santa is my secret Valentine every year.
China, to stock up on the presents for the rest of them.
I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".
There's a parking meter on the roof.
Sold his soul to Santa.
Because he only comes once a year!
You can explore santa soots reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean santa yule dad jokes. There are also santa puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
North Poleish
He sold his soul to Santa.
"Well little girl, you can certainly have that, but doesn't Barbie usually come with Ken?"
"Oh no, Santa, Barbie fakes it with Ken, she comes with GI Joe."
Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have sex, I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"
Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,
"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe; she fakes it with Ken."
50 bucks
Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Please send me a sister." Santa Claus wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Because it's on the house.
Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, its down the chimney.
...because Santa comes but once a year
They both only come when your sleeping
He knows where all the naughty girls live.
Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.
It exists thanks to gullible six year olds
The next day he got a letter from santa saying: Ok send me your mother
The way they traveled through the chimney.
so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They're great for separating independent Clauses.
I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
Then crying myself to sleep as he put his clothes back on and left.
Claustrophobic!
1. You believe in Santa
2. You donΒ΄t believe in Santa
3. You are Santa
4. You look like Santa
Because he only comes once a year
He knows where all the naughty girls live.
I can sense his presents
Dear santa, this year, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in daddy's computer.
because Santa didn't come.
There's more milk in the glass than when you left it.
Santa wrote back: "Alright, send me your mother".
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
They both only come when you're sleeping
He sold hisβ soul to santa.
The Semi colon. They're good at separating independent clauses.
"Why so? It seems like a lot of work." said the teacher.
"Because Santa knows where all the naughty girls live."
They don't come until you're asleep.
A rebel without a Claus
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
He knows where all the naughty girls live
...is he knows where all the bad girls live.
North Polish to be exact
I've never met the real one...
God knows what Santa Claus thought of him.
If I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I'll definitely be on the naughty list.
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas dinner with their parents
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas tree in their house
This is not a message from the Salvation Army or unicef for you to donate
One in every 5 kids in London is a Muslim and they don't celebrate Christmas
He breaks into my house, drinks all the milk and snacks.. Then, he unloads his sack all over the living room.
I'm a Hohosexual.
It turns out that Santa knew I would do this and killed my dad.
I also remember the awkward silence while waiting for him to get dressed and leave.
However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.
...and they saw a Β£20 note. Who picked it up?
Santa. The other two don't exist.
Mrs. clause told him he'd never be allowed to come in the back Door.
Come to think of it, actually, I've never seen my Dad.
I can't wait for Santa to come now!!
Did Santa get you that bike?
Yes, replies the little girl.
Well next year tell him to put a reflector light on it! and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says Nice horse, did Santa bring you that?
The cop chuckles and replies He sure did!
Well, says the little girl, Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!
What do periods and Santa have in common?
Neither comes if you have been naughty.
He left the reigns down in Africa.
Nothing! It's on the house!
If you're not careful, you could end up selling your soul to Santa
Thank you Jesus!
Somehow he found out and killed my dad!
"Because they make the toys."
1. You believe in Santa.
2. You don't believe in Santa.
3. You are Santa.
4. You look like Santa.
One is a childish fantasy about getting what you want. The other has flying reindeer.
Not only did I lose my parents, but Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny all forgot about me that year too.
He has spent the last year in the North Pole in Ice-olation
When I do it I get arrested for trespassing and being a child predator
I was almost kidnapped three times today.
That fella has tried to kidnap me 4 times this week
Most of you are getting dictionaries.
Cause they're the ones who make the toys
Nothing- It's on the house
It was a partridge on a par 3.
Who would ever be scared of Santa Claus?
Rudolph and Olive, the other reindeer.
By choosing the one that's the best bang for the buck.
"You're a few weeks late aren't you Santa?" the girl behind the counter joked, smiling.
"Ho, ho, ho!" I fired back at her, in an uncharacteristic misogynistic outburst.
She found out about his other two hos.
Neither will come unless you're asleep
Cos he only comes once a year and that's down the chimney
Me: of course he is!
Son: β’sniffleβ’ but I stayed up all night and he didn't come
Me: aw, buddy, β’kneels downβ’ he must really hate you then
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the santa christmas jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working santa elves piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.