santa is a woman Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious santa is a woman puns

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

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Why is Santa Claus always a man?

Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.

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A Christmas Sex Joke

Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe.

She says, Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you'd like to come into my bedroom.

Santa responds, Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know.

The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee. Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says, I've got something special for you Santa. Can't you stay for just a little while? I know you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgetable.

Santa responds, Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know.

Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add. And she says, Santa, this is your last chance. This body is your gift.

Santa responds Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta stay. Gotta Stay. Can't get up the chimney with my cock this way!!!

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Indian On The Road

I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".

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A 40 year old couple are hiking in the woods

... They eventually stumble upon Santa Claus. "I will grant you one wish each!" Santa told them. "I want a new car!" The man said, "I want a new TV!" the woman said. Santa Claus, with a smile on his face ".. But on one condition". "and what's that?" the man said, already confused with the encounter. "you'll allow me to have good time with your wife". The couple was shocked and appealed, but eventually they agreed on the condition. Santa and the woman walked into the woods leaving the man behind waiting. After a while, both of them came back. "How old are you?" Santa asked the man, "forty three" the man answered. Santa Claus replied "And you still believe in Santa?"

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This joke has never failed me. EVER. (NSFW)

On the night of Christmas Eve, Santa is busy delivering presents. He comes down the chimney of a house to a beautiful girl (who just turned 18) in a gorgeous nightgown, laying on the couch waiting for him. They talk as he eats cookies and places presents under the tree.

As he leaves for the night, the young woman stands up and asks him, "Santa, can you stay here with me tonight?"
Santa replied, "ho ho ho, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta give presents to people I know"

Hearing this the girl removes her nightgown, now in just her bra and panties, and asks "Santa, won't you please stay with me tonight?"
Santa replied, "ho ho ho, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta give presents to people I know"

Hearing this, she takes off her undergarments and faces Santa in the nude, asking "Santa please will you stay?"
Santa replied, "hey hey hey, gotta stay gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

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Santa's got lot's of things to do, you know.

Santa's placing presents under a Christmas tree when he hears a soft voice behind him, "Santa…"

He turns around and sees a gorgeous woman peeking out of a bedroom doorway.

"Come to bed, Santa"

"Ho! Ho! Ho, gotta go, got lots of things to do, you know"

She opens the door the rest of the way, revealing a sheer nightie.

"Oh Santa, come to bed!"

"Ho! Ho! Ho, gotta go, got lots of things to do, you know"

With the slightest of movements she slips out of her nightie. As it floats gracefully towards the floor, her absolutely perfect body is revealed.

"Santa… Oh Santa… Come to bed Santa."

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta Stay! Can't get up the chimney this way."

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What is proof that Santa is a man?

No woman would ever wear the same outfit every year.

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Christmas Eve and Santa was out delivering presents...

He arrived at a set of three houses, he went down the first chimney, and there was a woman stood their in her bra and knickers, she said "Shag me Santa Clause" he replied with "Ho, Ho, Ho, Santa's gotta go, gotta deliver presents to the people I know"

So up the chimney he shot, and straight down the seconds, to be greeted by a woman in only her knickers she said "Shag me Santa Clause" he replied with "Ho, Ho, Ho, Santa's gotta go, gotta deliver presents to the people I know"

So once again he goes up the chimney and down the third, only to find a Completely naked woman, to which she said "Shag me Santa Clause" he replied with "Hey, Hey, Hey, Santa's gotta stay, can't go up the chimney with a Stiffy on the way!"

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A little out of season but it still makes me giggle.

It's Christmas Eve and the snow is falling. Santa is in his sleigh going house to house with presents for all the good boys and girls. He stops at one house, descends down the chimney and standing there is a woman.

Santa: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to you my dear!
Woman: Hello Santa.

Santa goes about his business putting the presents under the tree. He takes a nibble from the plate of cookies and goes back to the chimney.

Woman: Oh Santa, can't you stay?
Santa: Ho ho ho! Santas got to go. Got to get these presents to the children you know!

The woman takes off her shirt. She is quite attractive.
Woman: What about now Santa?

Santa takes a look.
Santa: Ho ho ho! Santas got to go. Got to get these presents to the children you know!

The woman takes off her skirt.
Woman: What about now Santa?

Santa takes two looks.
Santa: Ho ho ho! Santas got to go. Got to get these presents to the children you know!

The woman takes everything off and stands naked.
Woman: And now Santa?

Santa takes three looks.
Santa: Ho ho ho! Santas go to stay. Can't get up the chimney with my pecker in the way!

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A woman is suicidal on Chrismas Eve...

A woman, about to jump off a bridge because her husband has divorced her and has complete custody of the children. She had also lost her job and was addicted to heroin. Before she could end her miserable life a skittering old, jolly-filled fatman made his way to her and inquired why she wanted to end her life. The woman told him the story and the man stated he can cure all of her problems.
"When you go home your husband will love you again with all of the kids welcoming you, your boss will give you your job back and you will never crave heroin for the rest of your life." The only condition was that the woman had to give Jolly ol Santa' a mind-blowing blowjob. The woman quickly went down to her knees and gave him the best blowjob he had ever received and before he left the old man states "how old are you"

"42" the woman replies

"42?...42 and you still believe in Santa?!"

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Dirty Santa cheats on Mrs. Claus.

There's a woman waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve night. It's cold in the house and she's wearing an overcoat. Pretty soon she hears a rumble coming from the fireplace and down comes Santa. Santa puts all the presents under the tree, turns around and sees this woman standing by the window, the moon light highlighting her curvy features.

Santa, she says, please stay.

Ho Ho Ho, Santa gotta go, gotta deliver these presents you know.

So the woman takes off her overcoat.

Santa, she says, please stay.

Santa says, Ho Ho Ho, Santa gotta go, gotta deliver these presents you know.

So the woman takes off her nightgown.

Santa, she says, please stay.

Ho Ho Ho, Santa gotta go, gotta deliver these presents you know.

So the woman takes off her bra.

Santa, please stay.

Santa obviously shaken at this point and wobbly voiced, says
Ho Ho Ho, Santa gotta go, gotta deliver these presents you know.

So the woman takes off her panties.

Santa, please stay.

Ho Ho Ho, Santa gotta stay, can't go up the chimney with my dick this way.

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A woman was telling Santa what she wanted from christmas...

She said "Santa, this year for Christmas I'd only like two things. The first a slim body, and the second a big fat bank account....

"Please don't mix them up like last year."

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Perfect Man, Perfect Woman, and Santa Claus are in a car.

The car goes out of control and crashes into the side of a building, only one survives, who is it?

The Perfect woman survived because the perfect man and Santa Claus aren't real.

Still, just goes to show that even the perfect woman can't drive.

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A Blonde woman had a christmas fantasy

She had a dream of doing santa claus, and so in the 24th she got all dressed up with lingerie, and put some perfume as well, by the time Santa was there, she asked if he wanted something "special", he replied "thank you, but I must deliever other presents".Not convinced, she took off her panties and repeated the question, he declined. Then she decided to take off her full clothing and grabbing santa claus. She repeated the question, santa claus though for a while and said:

"Well, now if we don't do it, I won't be able to fit the chimney"

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How do you know that Santa is a man? No woman wears the same attire every year.

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On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question.


One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize.
"To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied,Β "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

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What happens when there's a hot woman named "Town" during the holiday season?

Santa Claus is coming to town.

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What are the most funny Santa Is A Woman jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Santa Is A Woman? Well, here are the best Santa Is A Woman dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Santa Is A Woman pick up lines to share with friends.

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