Santa Clause Jokes
81 santa clause jokes and hilarious santa clause puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about santa clause that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Santa Clause Short Jokes
Short santa clause jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The santa clause humour may include short santa claus jokes also.
- There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They're great for separating independent Clauses. - Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, its down the chimney.
- I took my son to see Santa Claus yesterday and he stank of booze and cigarettes. God knows what Santa Claus thought of him.
- What's the first thing Mrs Clause did when Santa got home on Christmas morning ? Emptied his sack.
- What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The way they traveled through the chimney.
- 4 stages of life.... 1) You believe in Santa.
2) You don't believe in Santa.
3) You are Santa.
4) You look like Santa. - One Christmas, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus saying, Please send me a sister. Santa Claus wrote him back, OK, please send me your mother.
- When I was a kid, I used to believe in such nonsense as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the easter Bunny. Now that I've grown older, I don't believe in that rubbish anymore, thank God.
- Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents. - You know, I've never seen my Dad and Santa Claus in the same room Come to think of it, actually, I've never seen my Dad.
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Santa Clause One Liners
Which santa clause one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with santa clause? I can suggest the ones about santa christmas and mall santa.
- My love life is like Santa Claus. It exists thanks to gullible six year olds
- Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live.
- What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They don't come until you're asleep.
- I would like to be Santa Claus He knows where all the naughty girls live.
- What is another name for Santa's elves? Subordinate Clauses!
- Why do Santa and Mrs. Claus not have any children? ...because Santa comes but once a year
- What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus
- How are Bill Cosby and Santa Claus similar They both only come when your sleeping
- What do Santa Claus and my dad have in common? I've never met the real one...
- TIL Santa Claus is European.. North Polish to be exact
- Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids? He only comes once a year
- Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
- Why is Santa Claus the happiest man? Because he knows the adress of every bad girl.
- A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said.... "Anyone wanna buy any presents?"
- Who corrects Santa's grammar? A subordinate Clause.
Comical Santa Clause Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about santa clause you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean santa helper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make santa clause pranks.
Amazon is a lot like Santa Clause
It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around christmas and is very eager for our cookies.
The four stages of life, in Santa Clause terms.
1) You believe in Santa.
2) You don't believe in Santa.
3) You pretend to be Santa.
4) You look like Santa.
What does the Egyptian Santa Clause say when he enters a child's house?
I come bearing glyphs
Why does Santa Clause have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
I punched the mall Santa Clause in the face
He called my daughter a h**...'. 3 times!
TIL that there is a federal law that mandates more jail time be given for breaking and entering a home on a holiday.
It's called the Santa Clause
What is the legal loop hole in breaking and entering laws?
The Santa Clause
I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause...
Daddy did too. Now they're getting a divorce. Merry Christmas my a**....
Have You Heard of the Arabic Santa Clause?
No? Me either. It's because he's on the No-Fly list.
What's the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?
One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!
Who gets the money?
In a room there is a poor Nigerian man, a rich Nigerian man, Santa Clause, and the Tooth Fairy. In the middle of the room there is a million dollars. Out of the 4 who gets the millions dollars?
Obviously the poor Nigerian man because the other 3 do not exist.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Santa Clause?
Santa stops after 3 h**...'s.
What's the difference between Santa Clause and a p**...?
Nothing, they both like to unload their sacks while pleasuring children.
The U.S. instituted a new law after a man dressed as Santa committed a felony.
It was called the Santa Clause.
h**..., h**..., h**..., Merry Christmas!
This is what Santa Clause says when he sees your wife, mother and sister together in the same room.
Do you know why is Santa Clause is jolly all the time?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls are.
Which is a good thing because he only comes once a year.
*Heard this from an old white guy in the sauna today lol.*
Why can Saint Nicolas never be prosecuted?
Because of the Santa Clause
Do you know why santa clause is always so happy?
Cause of all his h**...'s
"♪ ♫ He sees you when you're sleeping He knows when you're awake... ♪, ♫"
Which is why Santa Clause was arrested and convicted for aggravated stalking and unlawful breaking and entering by a jury of his peers in a court of law.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Why did the lawyer have to dress as Santa on his company's christmas party?
Because he didn't read the Santa Clause.
How does father Christmas get away with suing everyone?
The Santa Clause
What contract does Mall-Santa sign?
A Santa Clause
Santa Clause doesn't watch you sleep but Chuck Norris does.
What do you call Santa Clause's reindeer wranglers?
Jolly Ranchers
What do you call an incomplete Christmas sentence?
A santa clause.
I'm trying to remember this one
I saw a lady Santa Clause a standing on the street, she asked me what I wanted....
My case comes up next week!
What part of the contract must parents follow while buying Christmas presents?
The Santa Clause.
What's the difference between Santa Clause, Kim Jong Un, and 34 ounces of printer ink?
One's a deer leader, one is a Dear Leader, and the other is a dear liter.
What happened to Santa Clause when he took an English class to write his own letters?
He became an independent clause.
I just found out that Santa Clause raises livestock in between Christmas...
I guess you could call him a Jolly Rancher
What is the linguistic description of sentences like h**... h**... h**...' and 'merry Christmas'?
They are both santa clauses.
Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck.
There can only be 1 living legend.
Why does Santa Clause land on the top of houses?
Because he likes being on top.
Why don't lawyers celebrate Christmas?
Because of the Santa clause.
It's Christmas. TIL Santa Clause really hate gay people.
Ever since I told my family I'm gay, I haven't have any christmas gifts.
2 call girls are discussing Christmas
"So what are you going to ask Santa Clause?"
"Oh, I think my normal price!"
What do you call a part of a contract to allow Christmas presents to be delivered?
The Santa Clause
What's a similarity and difference between Santa Clause and Jews?
A similarity is going through the chimney.
The difference is direction.
What do you call Santa Clause after he gets divorced?
An independent clause.
Downloaded a new app, forced to wear a Santa costume now for the next two months
Turns out I didn't read the Santa clause.
What's the similarities between Micheal Jackson and Santa Clause?
They both leave children's houses with their sacks empty.
If Santa Clause was into chanting he would sing hoooooooooooouuummm
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?
Santa Clause knows to stop on the third h**...
What do you call the people who are scared of Santa Clause?
Clausterophobic
What do you think of Santa Clause?
He sleighs.
:)
Saint Nick got off scot-free from years of accumulated speeding charges.
He cited the Santa clause.
What kind of women does Santa clause like?
h**..., h**..., h**....
What's the best part of Christmas for Santa Clause?
He knows where all the naughty girls live
#*( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)*
Lawyers have drafted a new law regarding breaking-and-entering.
They're calling it the Santa clause
A dumb blonde a smart blonde and santa clause all jump off of a building at the same time. Who lands first?
The dumb blonde the other two dont exist
What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?
With Santa it is only three h**... and he's done.
Why is the Grinch seeking out a contract lawyer?
To help get rid of the Santa Clauses
Why did Santa Clause break it off with Mrs. Clause?
Because she was a h**... h**... h**...!
"h**... h**... h**..."
What Santa Clause says when he sees your mother, aunt and sister in the same room.
Why did Mommy have s**... with Santa Clause?
She likes to go down on his chimney.
Not safe for kids
Your parents are Santa clause AND the tooth fairy.
It turns out Santa Clause is from Danzig...
Makes sense since he's North Polish
Santa Clause for Halloween.
Axe m**... for Christmas.
Aw man, Santa Clause isn't here...
Guess he's not Present.
What's does Santa Clause and my wife have in common?
They both come once every year.
Is Santa Clause real?
Because the zero's on my bank statement are.
What is red and white and red and white and red and ....?
Santa Clause rolling down a hill
What does Michael Jackson and Santa Clause have in common?
They both like to come down your shoot.
Did you hear about the gay elf?
He came out of the Santa Clauset.
What did Santa Clause get for Christmas?
Six billion counts of 'breaking and entering'
