Santa Christmas Jokes
143 santa christmas jokes and hilarious santa christmas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about santa christmas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Santa Christmas Short Jokes
Short santa christmas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The santa christmas humour may include short santa claus jokes also.
- What's the difference between jelly and jam? Santa doesn't jelly himself down the chimney on Christmas Eve.
- My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come.
- What's the first thing Mrs Clause did when Santa got home on Christmas morning ? Emptied his sack.
- I am faced with a Christmas dilemma If I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I'll definitely be on the naughty list.
- Santa played a round of golf on Christmas day to relax and hit a birdie.... It was a partridge on a par 3.
- When I Was A Child Santa Gave Me coal One Year For Christmas, So I Poisoned His Cookies And Milk Somehow he found out and killed my dad!
- How much does it cost to run Santa's sleigh every Christmas? Eight bucks
Nine bucks if the weather is bad. - Amazon is a lot like Santa Clause It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around christmas and is very eager for our cookies.
- last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever for Christmas.... I woke up in a box.
- If you want to save money this Christmas. Now is the perfect time to tell the kids.
Santa didn't make it through the pandemic..
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Santa Christmas One Liners
Which santa christmas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with santa christmas? I can suggest the ones about mall santa and santa reindeer.
- What is another name for Santa's elves? Subordinate Clauses!
- What did Santa get the day after Christmas? Diabetes
- What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop? WRAP MUSIC!
- Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
- Christmas is canceled I told Santa you were good this year and he died laughing.
- Last christmas Santa got me a sweater. This year I've asked for a screamer instead.
- Finding love on valentine's day Is the equivalent to finding santa at Christmas
- Why does the dyslexic guy have to work every Christmas? He sold his soul to Santa!
- Why didn't Santa get any mince pies on Christmas? Because it was stollen.
- What did the racist ask Santa for? A white Christmas.
- What do you call a cat you get for Christmas? Santa Claws
- All I want for Christmas Boy: I want a brother for Christmas.
Santa: Send me your mother. - The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
- Who delivers presents to sharks on Christmas? Santa Jaws
- Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
Comical Santa Christmas Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about santa christmas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dressed santa jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make santa christmas pranks.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple kool-aid.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those n**... girls in papa's computer."
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles?
A: Mr. XMass
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know that Santa is a man? No woman wears the same attire every year.
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
Santa's lap isn't the only place wishes come true.
What's black and white and red all over? Santa covered with chimney soot.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.
Wanna meet Santa's little helper?
I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.
Two brothers on Christmas day
So there are two brothers, Jimmy and Timmy
They both run down stairs to see what Santa had brought them
The presents are divided into two piles, with Jimmy's pile being larger
Jimmy say, " Haha, my pile is bigger!"
Then Timmy says," Well, atleast I don't have cancer."
Latvian Christmas
Christmas Eve father ask son what want christmas. Son say potato. Father say "Ok. Santa bring potato." Next day boy is learn Santa no exist.
Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?
Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,
"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"
A Man Asks Santa...
Man: "Can I have a dragon for Christmas?"
Santa: "Let's be realistic son."
Man: "How about a loyal girlfriend?"
Santa: "What color dragon do you want again?"
A Christmas Wish
Little Johnny wrote a letter to Santa,
Dear Santa Claus
Please send me a sister for Christmas
Santa wrote back,
Dear Little Johnny
Please send me your mother
Santa is visiting the local mall...
And an eight year old girl is sitting on his lap when he asks: "What do you want for christmas little girl?"
"All the girls in my class have hair down there, I want it too! Can you give me some hair santa? I want to be like the rest of the girls"
On which he replies: "How about a beard?"
Santa was having a really bad day....
Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, what will I do with the tree ?
And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why Santa got involved with Christmas
Mrs. Clause overheard Santa on the phone:
Santa: Have you been naughty? ….That actually sounds nice. You can sit on my lap and tell me what you want while those wet stockings dry ….. I want to (come) down your chimney and eat your (cookie). What kind of (toys) should I bring?…. Yes, I'd love to see how you trimmed your (fir) … I just want to unload my (sack) when I see an angel on top.
Now, every year he has to keep doing the b**... lie he told.
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Santa and his reindeer c**... and land in the mountains, they are starting to starve and decide they have to resort to cannibalism.
Who do they eat first?
Answer: Donner!
A little girl writes a Christmas letter to Santa
"Dear Santa, I want a fur coat and a scarf for Christmas." She goes to the post office and sends the letter. Next day the postman reads the letter and decides to give the girl a scarf for christmas. After christmas the postman gets another letter: " Santa, thanks for the scarf, but i bet the mailman took the coat!"
How did the Santa Lawn Ornament feel the day after Christmas?
He was de-lighted.
Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?
Elf and safety
Why was Santa upset he got a sweater for Christmas?
Because he wanted a screamer of a moaner.
What will Tesla build this christmas to help santa deliver presents?
An elf driving car
How does father Christmas get away with suing everyone?
The Santa Clause
Why are steam trains naughty around Christmas?
They're hoping Santa will give them a lump of coal.
I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with...
He brought me a pair of trousers with holes in the pockets.
Merry Christmas everyone!
How did the urologist ruin his Christmas?
He looked inside Santa's sack.
A man with a phobia of old men files a complaint about Santa...
He didn't like his Christmas presence...
A boy is asking santa for a heavy sweater for christmas present
so santa send him a sumo wrestler
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Christmas always s**... when I was a kid...
I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
How to get out of buying your kids Christmas presents
Explain to them that due to Global Warming that the North Pole melted and that Santa and the reindeer drowned.
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An Australian Christmas
Australian Santa: What would you like for Christmas little girl?
Girl: A Barbie
**girl wakes up to find a Broil King bbq under the tree**
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What I want for Christmas!
All I want for Christmas is Santas' list. So I know who all the naughty women are.
Santa: What do you want for Christmas?
Me: a dragon!
Santa: noo, be realistic
Me: a girlfriend
Santa: * cough * what color do you want your girlfriend?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy opens up his presents under the Christmas tree
With disappointment he exclaims, "Santa s**... he didn't get me the Xbox I wanted instead he got me a s**... sweater."
Father:"Now, now son, you should feel lucky to have that sweater. There are kids around the world who need that sweater more than they need than the Xbox I accidentally sent out."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Santa want for Christmas?
h**...! h**...! h**...!
How does Santa navigate on Christmas?
He uses a snowglobe!
If you wake up on Christmas morning with a bad taste in your mouth
Remember, Santa only comes around once a year to empty his sack.
Don't worry if a fat guy comes to kidnap you...
I told Santa all I want for Christmas is you.
What's the best part of Christmas for Santa Clause?
He knows where all the naughty girls live
#*( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)*
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Santa is not the only one receiving letters this christmas; Satan gets letters too...
...but only from dyslexic children
What do you call an incomplete Christmas sentence?
A santa clause.
For Christmas this year, I decided to go all out and ask Santa for something black and shiny and will go 0 to 300 in 2 seconds.
I got a scale.
Santa was late delivering presents on Christmas because his reindeer needed so many coffee breaks
They were all star bucks
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What is the linguistic description of sentences like h**... h**... h**...' and 'merry Christmas'?
They are both santa clauses.
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h**..., h**..., h**..., Merry Christmas!
This is what Santa Clause says when he sees your wife, mother and sister together in the same room.
I just found out that Santa Clause raises livestock in between Christmas...
I guess you could call him a Jolly Rancher
Why does Santa always get sick on Christmas?
Because he's always coming down with something
Santa-Barbara. Santa Barbara. Santa, Barbara...
its not a matter of pronounciation
its the reason i filed for divorce on christmas morning.
What do you call a raven that delivers Christmas Presents?
Santa Claws
I remember the Christmas I found out Santa wasn't real
I wish my parents has warned me because my kids were really disappointed christmas morning
A child writes a letter to Santa...
A child writes a letter to Santa. He writes " Dear Santa, I want a little sister for Christmas." Santa writes back to the child "Dear Billy send me your mom."
Why did the lawyer have to dress as Santa on his company's christmas party?
Because he didn't read the Santa Clause.
What do Santa and Mrs Santa get up to on night before Christmas Eve?
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My childhood memories of Christmas are dominated by the time I sneaked downstairs one Christmas Eve and heard my mother telling Father Christmas that he was a fat, lazy, good for nothing drunken slob...
I saw mommy dissing Santa Claus...
Why is Christmas dinner at Santa's always a buffet?
Because it is elf-service
Santa comes to the White House....
Santa arrives at the White House and hands Donald Trump his Christmas present. Trump excitedly tears open his gift then looks up at Santa in shock. "What?", Santa exclaims. "I thought you LOVED coal.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is Santa so happy on Christmas?
Because he gets to call all the h**....
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set.
If you get your train, I told him, your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?
The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, What else would you like Santa to bring you?
He promptly replied, Another train.
What part of the contract must parents follow while buying Christmas presents?
The Santa Clause.
I tried to sue Santa for skipping our house on Christmas
...but he had a clause in his contract that allowed it
What did the heavily bearded guy ask Santa for Christmas?
A Chinchilla!
Christmas!!!
Q: Why dont Chinese people believe in Santa Claus.
A: Cuz they make the gifts....
