Sang Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I've never liked the guy who sang Take On Me...

He always seemed kinda sketchy.

A Mongolian man tells his friend a story

When I came home late last night, I found my wife with another man. I was furious, and to hold myself back, I sat down and drank from a bottle that was left on the table. Then, I sang a song to cheer myself up. When I felt a little better, I looked around, and said to myself, 'Shit, this isn't my house,'.

A famous singer sang for patients in a hospital.

He finished with a cheerful greeting:
-Bye-bye , and hope you get better!
-Thanks, you too! replied the patients.

True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.

Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.

What was the song that Vlad the Impaler's victims sang before they were killed?

Vladislav...Baby don't hurt me...don't hurt me....no more...

An old joke, I hadn't thought of in years.

A group of scientists wanted to do some experiments on how brains function.



They got a volunteer and taught him the row-row-your-boat song, and had him practice until he knew the whole song perfectly. They asked him to sing it and he did so without a problem.



They put him under and removed 1/4 of his brain. Once he woke up, they asked him to sing the song and he sang it but left out every 4th word.



This is amazing, they thought. So they put him under and removed another 1/4 of his brain. When he woke up, he managed to sing the song but only with 1/2 the words.



They decided to try again and removed another 1/4 of his brain. To their amazement, he managed to sing the song but only one in four words.



They decided to go all of the way and remove the last part of his brain. When he woke up, they excitedly prodded him to sing the song. He stared at them and then slowly....


began

......


to

......


sing

.......


"Be all that you can be! In the ARRRMYY!"


.



.



Joke was told to me by a US Marine.

A few years ago, I used to live next door to both Dwayne Johnson and the pop group that sang 'Take On Me'.

I was stuck between a Rock and A-ha's place.

I said to this Blonde Girl, I bet you a blow job I can sing a song with your name in it, she said OK you are on, my name is Susan.

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Susan, Happy Birthday to You. You're the 14th Blonde I have sang to this week.

How did the goth kid break up with his girlfriend?

He sang her You Are My Sunshine.

I went to a disco last night (variation)

The DJ said, "Sing with me". I sang with him.
The DJ said, "Put your hands together". I put my hands together while singing along.

The DJ said, "Come on everyone". I was thrown out of the Disco.

Early One Morning

Woke early one morning, the earth lay cool and still.
When suddenly a tiny bird, perched on my window sill.
It sang a song so lovely, so carefree and gay.
That slowly all my troubles, began to slip away.
It sang of far off places, of laughter and of fun.
It seemed his very song, brought out the morning sun.
I pulled back the covers, and crept slowly out of bed,
and gently shut the window, and crushed his head.
I'm not a morning person

My wife sang, "What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?"

I replied, "Evidently not."

I love you just the way you are, I passionately sang to my ex-grilfriend

Then I lay the flowers on her grave.

Lorraine and Clearly

A guy had an abusive girlfriend named Lorraine. Lorraine didn't know her boyfriend was cheating on her with a lovely girl named Clearly. In August Lorraine died. At the funeral, People wondered why the guy wasn't sad,and why he was so happy.
When they asked him why he was so happy at the funeral he sang....
" I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone !"

I sang Danny Boy at the nursing home the other day

There wasn't a dry seat in the house.

A girl had taken singing lessons from a famous teacher.

He was present at her recital, and after it was over she was anxious to know his reaction.

He didn't come back to congratulate her, and so she asked a friend, "What did he say?"

Her loyal friend answered, "He said that you sang heavenly."

She couldn't quite believe that her teacher had said that, so she probed, "Is that *exactly* what he said?"

"Well, no, but that is what he meant."

The girl insisted, "Tell me the exact words he used."

"Well, his exact words were, 'That was an unearthly noise!' "

A pastor was giving a sermon on the evils of alcohol.

After endless anecdotes about its evils and dozens of bible passages regarding its sinfulness he concludes quite passionately that if it were up to him he'd dump all the town's booze into the river.

Following this display the organist leads the congregation in a hymn. They sang Shall we gather at the river?

Fergie sang that anthem so bad

Kaepernick stood up and told her not to disrespect the anthem like that

All Pedro wanted was weeweechu

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's lo ok at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang..... "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year." MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! In advanceπŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

Today I saw a rock group, but none of the 4 members sang

Mount Rushmore was kinda disappointing

A co-worker invited me to her home for my 10th company anniversary.

She asked me to wait and went into her bedroom. When she called me in, the entire department was there and sang "He's a jolly good fellow." Boy, I'd have been totally off my socks if that wasn't the only thing I still had on.

I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...

Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.

After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He said, "Don't worry mate, I'm pro Bono."

The first time I sang in the church choir...

Two hundred people changed their religion.

Hillary, Donald Trump, and Barack Obama were waiting in the green room before a banquet with the movers and shakers of DC...

Suddenly a heavenly chorus of angels sang, and God appeared to the trio.

In a booming voice God said, Each of you may ask one question, and I will answer it.

Obama asked, Will there ever be another black president?

God replied, Yes. But not during your lifetime.

Trump asked, Will liberals ever think I was a good president?

God said, Yes. But not during your lifetime.

Hillary asked, Will I ever be president of the United States?

God answered, Yes. But not during MY lifetime.

Growing up in Canada, Taco Bell commercials were surprisingly different.

At the end of each ad, they sang: "Make a run...for the border. And then the next border."

Asked my ex-husband once for song requests. He said he wanted to hear the sound of silence.

So I sang, "Hello darkness, my old friend...."

A man cheats on his wife Lorraine with a girl called Clearly

Suddenly Lorraine dies.

At her funeral the man stood up and sang "I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone..."

My doctor sang this to me at my birthday

"Happy birthday to you. You live in a zoo. You have terminal cancer. Your family'll miss you"

A cyber security conference hired CΓ©line Dion to perform at their opening ceremony.

She sang her new song... "Can beauty come out of hashes"

We know what Pink Panther sang when he saw a dead ant. What did he sing when he saw a live ant?

He stepped on it and sang

Dead ant

Dead ant

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant.

My mum said she would ground me if I sang any more Shrek songs. At first, I thought she was joking...

...but then I saw her face

A local candle shop burned down...

it didnt help that everyone stood outside and sang happy birthday

JosΓ© goes to his first baseball game..

JosΓ© is from Mexico and is touring America. He had just come home from his first baseball game.

Friend: So, JosΓ©, how was your first baseball game?

JosΓ©: Oh, it was wonderful! Right before the game, they sang to me!

What are the funniest sang jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Sang? Well, here are the best Sang puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Sang pick up lines to share with friends.

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