Sandwich Jokes
165 sandwich jokes and hilarious sandwich puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sandwich that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best sandwich jokes out there, from the deli, pastrami, hamburger, and more! Surprise your friends with laughs from a classic sandwich shop, sandwich board, sandwich maker, sandwich love, and even a special sandwich for Halloween.
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Funniest Sandwich Short Jokes
Short sandwich jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sandwich humour may include short slice of bread jokes also.
- Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes. But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.
- The kid that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
- If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one... What type of sandwich would you make?
- My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it." Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.
- Mommy, could you please make me a sandwich? Don't call me mommy just because I slept with your father!
So what am I supposed to call you?
Just call me Steve, like everybody else. - Adding a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence For example:
Jeffrey ate John's sandwich.
Jeffrey ate John's colon. - airport security asked me if I've seen anything unusual ...I just paid $18 for a coke & a ham sandwich...Let's start with that.
- If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then... ... you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily.
- Did you hear about the chemist who died of lead poisoning? He tried to make himself a Pb&J sandwich
- I remember 30 years ago with a dollar you went to the supermarket and went out with 2 sandwiches, 1 box of 6 beers and a pack of cigars. Today, unfortunately, there are cameras everywhere.
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Sandwich One Liners
Which sandwich one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sandwich? I can suggest the ones about sliced bread and grilled cheese.
- TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway Whoops, wrong sub.
- What does the highest paid wnba player make? Sandwiches.
- Why was the feminist picnic cancelled? because nobody made sandwiches
- How do you confuse a feminist? Tell her you refuse to allow her to make you a sandwich.
- How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ? Diagon alley
- TIFU by eating my coworkers sandwich instead of mine. oops wrong sub.
- Why are subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition
- TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich. Whoops, wrong sub.
- What's the deal with airline food these days... nothing but knuckle sandwiches.
- What is the preferred sandwich of the working class? A plebian-J.
- I no longer eat club sandwiches I quit cold turkey.
- why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world? Because everything is inbread
- What did the caveman order at the cafeteria? A Club Sandwich
- A cheese sandwich walks into a pub. The landlord says, "Sorry, we don't serve food"
- I specifically asked for no mayo on my sandwich. What the Hellman
Making A Sandwich Jokes
Here is a list of funny making a sandwich jokes and even better making a sandwich puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to subway with my wife and asked the girl to make me a sandwich. She said "no problem"
I turned to my wife and said "now, how hard was that?" - If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?
- I saw my ex working at subway the other day So I stopped in and had her make me a sandwich, for old times sake.
- I bought a chicken to make sandwiches... Turns out it doesn't, it just make a lot of noise and poops on the floor.
- My doctor told me not to make sandwiches myself any more ... ... so I hired a sub contractor.
- How do you confuse a feminist? Tell her that she is not allowed to make you a sandwich.
- A woman says to her cat "Go and make me a sandwich" The cat says "Me? how?"
- Why did the feminist get fired from Subway? Because she refused to make a sandwich
- Which English town makes the worst sandwiches? Oldham
- A period in a sentence can make a huge difference Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her sandwich
Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her period
Subway Sandwich Jokes
Here is a list of funny subway sandwich jokes and even better subway sandwich puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a Subway manager who spends too much time helping make sandwiches up front and not enough time back in the office attending to business matters? Counter productive.
- What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich? *Make me one with everything*
- I am a sandwich maker at subway, but i'm not very good at my job. AMA! Wrong sub, my bad
- [TIFU] I picked up somebody else's sandwich at Subway Ooops, wrong sub!
- I once asked a feminist to make me sandwich and she got offended Last time I ever go to Subway
- A hen walks into Subway The sandwich artist says, "Sorry, we don't serve chicken."
- I'm celebrating international women's day by not having my wife make me a sandwich today. I'm going to Subway and having Rachel make it instead.
- I walked into a Subway copycat joint earlier to see how their sandwiches compare. They claimed to be Sub standard... but i thought they were below par.
- Subway makes all their sandwiches with love. Now if they would actually put some meat in them...
- TIFU by eating my brother's extra hot Subway sandwich! Whoops, wrong sub.
Sandwich Shop Jokes
Here is a list of funny sandwich shop jokes and even better sandwich shop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What was built after the Indian sandwich maker's shop burned down? A New Delhi
- What do you call it when you linger too often at a Tibetan sandwich shop? A daily dilli-dallie at the Dalai Deli.
I'll show myself out now. - What did the Indian man name his sandwich shop? New Delhi
:D - Did you hear about that new heavy metal themed sandwich shop? It's called Pantera Bread
- The server at the sandwich shop said that every sandwich comes with a free pickle. I said, That's a really good dill.
- What did Adele name her sandwich shop? A deli
- What do they do when I'm being disruptive at the Vietnamese sandwich shop? Banh mi.
- Did ya'll hear about the guy from India whose sandwich shop burnt down!? He'll be alright. He got a loan to open a New Delhi.
- What does a sandwich shop and an adult film casting agency have in common? Both offer 6 and 12 inches in many varieties.
- I'm so crazy about those Vietnamese sandwiches... My local shop had to ban mi.
Deli Sandwich Jokes
Here is a list of funny deli sandwich jokes and even better deli sandwich puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIFU by giving someone the wrong sandwich at a deli Whoops, wrong sub
- I've been dating this lady who is gluten free... Problem is, we go to a deli, she asks, "do you want to split a sandwich." I say, "sure" and then I'm just left with the bread.
- Everyone mourns our fallen heroes... But I'm the only one who cried when I dropped my deli sandwich
- People in India must really enjoy sandwiches. I heard there were almost 250,000 people in a new deli.
- Trump got a sandwich named after him at his favorite deli. Commander in Cheese Meltdown.
They put it on the kid's menu. - What did the DJ order from the deli? A club sandwich with extra beets.
- How do you know a deli is halal? They sell a *salaam*-i sandwich
- What do you call a person who makes surrealist sandwiches? Salvador Deli.
- I'm flying to India to try their famous sandwiches. Everyone keeps raving about their new deli...
- Noah's son walks into a kosher deli and orders a sandwich. "Sorry," said the owner. "We don't serve Ham."
Sandwich Maker Jokes
Here is a list of funny sandwich maker jokes and even better sandwich maker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is a Vietnamese sandwich maker's favorite pick up line? Banh mi.
- Bill Clinton was surprised to find his old sandwich maker is ahead 12 points in the polls.
- Why can't Bill Clinton find his sandwich maker? She's in Florida.
- I ordered a brand-new sandwich maker online. Her name is Svetlana.
- Do you know what March 8 is? International sandwich makers day.
- What did the card player say to the sandwich maker? One two? Nah, [go] fish!
Rib-Tickling Sandwich Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about sandwich you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lunch box jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sandwich pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the s**... bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you confuse a feminist
Tell her you won't let her make a sandwich for you because she is female
BOSS: What's going on here?
BOSS: What's going on here?
JAMES: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally-
DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!!
JAMES: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do r**... love sandwiches?
Because they're i**... too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:
- Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
-
- - Jane ate her friend's colon.
Two men sit down at a restaurant.
A waitress comes to their table and takes their drink order. When she returns a few minutes later with their beverages, she finds them both eating sandwiches out of paper bags. "Hey!" she says, "you can't eat your own food here!" So they trade sandwiches.
Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant...
Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant and open their briefcases, take out sandwiches, and start eating. A waitress comes up and says, "Excuse me, sirs, you can't eat your own food here." The lawyers shrug and exchange sandwiches.
I didn't feel like cooking tonight, so I made a sandwich for dinner
It wasn't so much as a sandwich as much as it was just bread.
I guess more just grain.
Fermented grain.
Distilled, fermented grain.
I had whisky for dinner tonight.
A Ham Sandwich Walks Into A Bar ...
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender yells out, "Hey! We don't serve ham sandwiches here." To which the ham sandwich replies, "That's okay, I just wanted a drink."
Priest and Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were having lunch and the priest asked, "Have you ever strayed from not eating pork?" The rabbi said, "Well, once, but there was absolutely nothing else to eat, so I had a ham sandwich."
Then the rabbi asked the priest, "Did you ever stray from your vow of celibacy?" The priest said, "Yes, just once."
And the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
Businessman
Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich.
The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kindest, skinniest, kinkiest girl and a steak dinner with all the trimmings.
The man replys ma'am you don't understand me...I'm homesick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why doesn't Chick-fil-a have a double chicken sandwich?
2 chicks together isn't really their thing.
A man walks up to a counter and says . . .
A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."
Strange trend at my office...
People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".
Three older ladies are discussing the trials of getting older.
One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. The third one responds, Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood. She raps her knuckles on the table, then says, That must be the door, I'll get it.
Wife and husband are in the living room.
She's doing stuff in her computer, while he's sitting on the couch typing on his phone.
At one point, wife's cellphone receives a message.
Her phone is charging in the kitchen, so she stands up from her desk and goes to the kitchen.
At the kitchen, she looks up her phone and see's a text message from her husband.
"Well, since you're in the kitchen, might as well make me a sandwich."
Willpower
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris walked into a feminist convention
Walked out with a sandwich and his shirt ironed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
90% of dogs in Korea are i**......
I'm assuming that means like in a sandwich or something.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crusty old biker walls into a bar..
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All sandwiches are r**......
...because they are i**....
I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.
I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.
I wondered for a second, then I remembered,
"Beggars can't be choosers"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call someone from Alabama stuck in a sandwich?
Inbread.
A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew
It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.
He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He's at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.
"Of course!" the boss exclaims, "he's the subcontractor!"
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking.
It was so disgusting I nearly couldn't finish my sandwich.
I think i just wrote a joke out of my pathetic love life while fixing supper and here it goes. What does a bachelor eat the most?
Balonely sandwiches.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this guy's in bed with a married woman when her husband's car gets home
She brings the guy, completely n**..., into the living room and tells him to stand completely still as she covers him in white powder.
Honey, what's that? , said her husband.
Well, it's a statue. I saw the Robinsons down the street got one and I wanted one! , said the woman.
The husband bought it, and the day went on and eventually the couple went to bed.
At about 2 a.m., the husband gets up, goes down to the kitchen, makes a sandwich and grabs a beer. He goes into the living room, and tells the statue : Here you go; I spent two whole days like that at the Robinsons and nobody even offered me a d**... glass of water!
When I...
A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, and yells "When I drink, everybody drinks!". Everybody rushes to the counter and orders a drink.
After that, he orders another drink and yells "When I get another drink, everybody gets another drink!". Everybody rushes to the counter and orders another drink.
After finishing the drink, the man orders a sandwich and yells "When I eat, everybody eats!". Everybody rushes to the counter and orders food.
After eating the sandwich, the man buys a cigarette and yells "When I get a smoke, everybody gets a smoke!". Everybody rushes to the counter and gets a cigarette.
After smoking, the man pays $25 and yells "When I pay, everybody pays!"
You may think i'm odd for eating ham and pineapple sandwiches..
But hey..
That's just Hawaii roll.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?
12
One to make the sandwich,
One to excoriate men for creating hunger,
One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,
One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "r**...-like",
One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being p**...,
One to blame men for not making the sandwich,
One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,
One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,
One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,
One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,
One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,
And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear the one about the armless man and the tuna sandwich?
**He didn't make it.**
(This is a popular joke where I'm from). A boy boards a bus with a sandwich in his hand.
The bus driver says: " hey, this ain't a restaurant, kid!"
The boy replies: "I know. That's why I brought my own food."
A cheese sandwich is better than complete happiness
Because nothing is better than complete happiness, and a cheese sandwich is better than nothing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Took my dad shopping for some new shoes
He's 86 and found it quite tiring so we stopped for a coffee and a sandwich. While sitting there some teenagers sat at the table next to us.
One of them had a Mohican hairdo that was dyed all the colours of the rainbow and my dad wouldn't stop staring at him.
Eventually the boy got fed up of this and asked my dad sarcastically 'what is your problem old man haven't you ever done anything wild just for fun'
My dad, without missing a beat, replied
'I got drunk once in my 20's and had s**... with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son'
As I went to reach for the largest cucumber....
As I went to reach for the largest cucumber in the supermarket a woman also went to grab it.
"Oh yeah, I bet I know why you want the biggest one," I winked.
"You've got me," she giggled, "do you fancy coming back to mine and watching?"
"No thanks," I replied, "I've got better things to do with my time than stand watching a woman make sandwiches."
A woman and her lover were in bed, when the woman heard her husband getting back.
The woman said Quick! Rub baby powder on you and pretend to be a statue. The lover did that.
The husband walked into the room.
Honey, what's this statue doing here? He asked.
I saw that the Smiths got one, so I decided to get one as well. She replied.
The husband got into bed, and the woman fell asleep. A few hours later, after checking his wife was asleep, he quietly got up, walked into kitchen, made a sandwich and got a glass of milk, came back, and went to the statue.
Here, have something to eat and drink. I stood like an idiot for 3 days at the Smiths, and no one offered me anything to eat!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between sandwich meat and people from Alabama?
Nothing, they're both i**....
My mum keeps moaning about the cost of things these days. £2.50 for a sandwich, £1.50 for coffee, £12.50 for a Sunday lunch....
So I say to her, look Mum, my house, my prices!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Five Hundred Bucks
A trucker who has been on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!" The madam is astonished. "But, sir, for that kind of money, you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't h**..., I'm homesick."
The difference between being Involved vs. Committed
Take a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese sandwich. The chicken and the cow are involved, but the pig is committed.
I downloaded an app that I thought would help me find great sandwiches...
Turns out that's not what Grinder is for. I still got a footlong, though.
A guy was in a Subway sandwich shop
and ordered a coke and a sandwich. They asked him if he wanted his sandwich toasted. He said he sure did. He raised his coke and said, "The best of everything to you, sandwich".
How do you send a sandwich to someone on a computer?
in bytes
There was a magical young lady, eating lunch in the desert
It was a sandwich
