Sandpaper Jokes
61 sandpaper jokes and hilarious sandpaper puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sandpaper that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These sandpaper jokes may just make you laugh.. or feel a little uneasy! This collection of jokes and puns related to the recent Australian Cricket scandal will leave you with a quick grin,as well as a reminder to stick to adhesive and hone licks instead of sandpapers for success.
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Funniest Sandpaper Short Jokes
Short sandpaper jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sandpaper humour may include short shoe polish jokes also.
- I've been charged with killing a man with sandpaper To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit
- When I was a kid, my family was very poor. My dad had to get a second job in the sandpaper factory. Those were rough times.
^(Made that myself. I'm rather proud.) - The police are saying I "assaulted" some guy with a sheet of sandpaper. But I only roughed him up a bit.
- What does a blind person say when you give them sandpaper? "Well that's really tiny writing!"
- I've been charged with murdering a man with sandpaper. But, to be honest, I just intended to rough him up a bit.
- How do you entertain a blind kid? Give them a sheet of sandpaper and tell them it's a find a word game
- We were so poor when I was growing up, that my mother made us clothes out of the offcuts my dad would bring from home from work at the sandpaper factory. It was rough.
- When I was a kid the school bully used to rub my head against some sandpaper I was no match for him
- sand paper walks into a bar A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar. "What'll it be?" the bartender asks. "Oh, just something to take the edge off," the sandpaper replies.
- What are sandpaper and ice's favorite genres to read? Friction and non-friction
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Sandpaper One Liners
Which sandpaper one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sandpaper? I can suggest the ones about rubbing and toilet paper.
- What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Syria? A map.
- Yesterday I lost 100 sheets of sandpaper... But I have a rough idea where they are
- Why do Arabs carry sandpaper everywhere? Because they need a map.
- What do you call sandpaper in Iraq? A map.
- Woman are like sandpaper Only useful when rubbed on my wood
- My dad was addicted to sandpaper He always said it helped take the edge off
- What did the dog say when it sat on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!
- What did the dog say when he sat on the sandpaper? Ruff ruff
- I didn't make it at the sandpaper factory boss said I didn't have enough Grit
- What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? Rough
- I got fired from the sandpaper factory They said I was too abrasive
- What did the dog say when he rubbed sandpaper on his tail? Rough, rough!
- What does sandpaper say when it agrees with something? Ofcoarse!
- What do you call sandpaper on fire? Bernie Sanders
- What did the dog say when he bit the sandpaper? Nothing. He just grit his teeth.
Cheerful Sandpaper Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about sandpaper you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grinder jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sandpaper pranks.
Why did every tool in the workshop want to get with the sandpaper?
...because it was super-fine!
Pinocchio has been getting complaints from his girlfriend....
Pinnochio had been getting complaints from his girlfriend. "Every time we make love," she said, "I get splinters. "
So
Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the carpenter, for advice.
"Sandpaper," said the carpenter. "That's what you need. " So
Pinocchio took some sheets of sandpaper and went home. A few weeks later the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. "How are you getting on with the girls now? " he asked. "Who needs girls? " said
Pinocchio."
A man goes into a casting agents office
with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"
The agent says "Show me."
The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"
The Dog says "Rough!"
The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"
The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)
The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.
The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"
Have you heard the story about sandpaper?
It's rough.
Sandpaper and Tissue
A sheet of sandpaper and a tissue were talking. The sheet of sandpaper says, "I'm very jealous of you." The tissue replies, "Why?" The sandpaper explains, " Because I've had it rough all my life."
My dog can speak English.
My dog can speak English.
When I ask him how his day was, he says "rough!"
When I ask him what sandpaper feels like he says "rough!"
When I ask him where my golf ball went he says "rough!"
And when I ask him how aggressively he likes to play he says "I prefer to minimize the chance of injury"
Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems.
Every time they would have s**..., she would complain about splinters. Eventually, Pinocchio went to Gepetto for help.
Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had s**... with his girlfriend.
A week later, Gepetto asked Pinocchio, "So how's it going with your girlfriend?"
"Who needs a girlfriend?," said Pinnochio.
What do you call people who use sandpaper to remove any evidence that Ernie and Bert are gay lovers?
Bernie Sanders.
What did the 80 grit sandpaper say to the 36 grit sandpaper?
You're a little rougher than I'm used to, but I'll grit and bear it.
I'm sorry, that joke was a little rough ;D
What did the puppy say when it sat on sandpaper?
Ruff
Sandpaper
I've been charged with m**... for killing a man with sandpaper.
Gosh, I only intended to rough him up a bit.
My dvd got a scratch...
so i used sandpaper to smooth it out
What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?
The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.
Pinocchio is having issues in bed.
He goes to his doctor, and says his girlfriend is complaining about splinters. The doctor tells him to apply some sandpaper to his junk and see if that helps.
A week later the doc sees Pinocchio skipping down the street and asks how his girlfriend is doing.
"Who needs a girlfriend?"
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
Why do all Afghans carry a piece of sandpaper?
Because they need a map
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend...
....who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having s**.... Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!
The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .
I hate sandpaper
Just coarse
In Tribute
Boy: I'll bet you a dollar my dog can talk
Man: you're on
Boy: how does sandpaper feel?
Dog: Ruff!
Boy: what's on top of a house?
Dog: Roof!
Boy: who's the greatest ballplayer ever?
Dog: Ruth!
Man: come on! I ain't payin' for that, get out of here!
* Boy and dog walk away *
Dog to boy: should I have said Hank Aaron?
Did you hear about the guy who mixed up sandpaper and toilet paper?
His woodworking looked like s**....
