Sandpaper Jokes
61 sandpaper jokes and hilarious sandpaper puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sandpaper that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These sandpaper jokes may just make you laugh.. or feel a little uneasy! This collection of jokes and puns related to the recent Australian Cricket scandal will leave you with a quick grin,as well as a reminder to stick to adhesive and hone licks instead of sandpapers for success.
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Funniest Sandpaper Short Jokes
Short sandpaper jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sandpaper humour may include short shoe polish jokes also.
- When I was a kid, my family was very poor. My dad had to get a second job in the sandpaper factory. Those were rough times.
^(Made that myself. I'm rather proud.) - The police are saying I "assaulted" some guy with a sheet of sandpaper. But I only roughed him up a bit.
- What does a blind person say when you give them sandpaper? "Well that's really tiny writing!"
- How do you entertain a blind kid? Give them a sheet of sandpaper and tell them it's a find a word game
- We were so poor when I was growing up, that my mother made us clothes out of the offcuts my dad would bring from home from work at the sandpaper factory. It was rough.
- When I was a kid the school bully used to rub my head against some sandpaper I was no match for him
- sand paper walks into a bar A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar. "What'll it be?" the bartender asks. "Oh, just something to take the edge off," the sandpaper replies.
- What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby? The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.
- What did the 80 grit sandpaper say to the 36 grit sandpaper? You're a little rougher than I'm used to, but I'll grit and bear it.
I'm sorry, that joke was a little rough ;D - My dvd got a scratch... so i used sandpaper to smooth it out
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Sandpaper One Liners
Which sandpaper one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sandpaper? I can suggest the ones about toilet paper and grinder.
- What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Syria? A map.
- Yesterday I lost 100 sheets of sandpaper... But I have a rough idea where they are
- What do you call sandpaper in Iraq? A map.
- My dad was addicted to sandpaper He always said it helped take the edge off
- What did the dog say when it sat on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!
- I didn't make it at the sandpaper factory boss said I didn't have enough Grit
- I got fired from the sandpaper factory They said I was too abrasive
- What did the dog say when he rubbed sandpaper on his tail? Rough, rough!
- What does sandpaper say when it agrees with something? Ofcoarse!
- What do you call sandpaper on fire? Bernie Sanders
- What did the dog say when he bit the sandpaper? Nothing. He just grit his teeth.
- What are sandpaper and ice's favorite genres to read? Friction and non-friction
- Have you heard the story about sandpaper? It's rough.
- I hate sandpaper Just coarse
- Why do all Afghans carry a piece of sandpaper? Because they need a map
Cheerful Sandpaper Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about sandpaper you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean toothpaste jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sandpaper pranks.
Chuck Norris can scratch sandpaper.
Why did every tool in the workshop want to get with the sandpaper?
...because it was super-fine!
Pinocchio has been getting complaints from his girlfriend....
Pinnochio had been getting complaints from his girlfriend. "Every time we make love," she said, "I get splinters. "
So
Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the carpenter, for advice.
"Sandpaper," said the carpenter. "That's what you need. " So
Pinocchio took some sheets of sandpaper and went home. A few weeks later the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. "How are you getting on with the girls now? " he asked. "Who needs girls? " said
Pinocchio."
A man goes into a casting agents office
with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"
The agent says "Show me."
The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"
The Dog says "Rough!"
The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"
The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)
The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.
The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"
Sandpaper and Tissue
A sheet of sandpaper and a tissue were talking. The sheet of sandpaper says, "I'm very jealous of you." The tissue replies, "Why?" The sandpaper explains, " Because I've had it rough all my life."
I handed a blind guy a sheet of sandpaper.
He said he couldn't read the fine print.
My dog can speak English.
My dog can speak English.
When I ask him how his day was, he says "rough!"
When I ask him what sandpaper feels like he says "rough!"
When I ask him where my golf ball went he says "rough!"
And when I ask him how aggressively he likes to play he says "I prefer to minimize the chance of injury"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Michael Jackson joke
What do you get if you cross a convict with sandpaper?
A smooth criminal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call people who use sandpaper to remove any evidence that Ernie and Bert are gay lovers?
Bernie Sanders.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sandpaper
I've been charged with m**... for killing a man with sandpaper.
Gosh, I only intended to rough him up a bit.
A man and his dog walk into a bar...
...The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."
Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."
Man: "What covers a house?"
Dog: "Roof!"
Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"
Dog: "Rough!"
Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"
Dog: "Ruth!"
Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"
Aleppo
When interviewers asked presidential candidate Gary ("Aleppo") Johnson to find Syria on a map, he showed them a piece of sandpaper.
Public Bathrooms Don't Bother Me
But where do they all find such a great deal on all the 2000grit white rolls of sandpaper.
Pinocchio is having issues in bed.
He goes to his doctor, and says his girlfriend is complaining about splinters. The doctor tells him to apply some sandpaper to his junk and see if that helps.
A week later the doc sees Pinocchio skipping down the street and asks how his girlfriend is doing.
"Who needs a girlfriend?"
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
I'm not saying that the street I live on is rough, but...
there are so many windows boarded up that the local window cleaner carries sandpaper with him!
A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!
The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .
In Tribute
Boy: I'll bet you a dollar my dog can talk
Man: you're on
Boy: how does sandpaper feel?
Dog: Ruff!
Boy: what's on top of a house?
Dog: Roof!
Boy: who's the greatest ballplayer ever?
Dog: Ruth!
Man: come on! I ain't payin' for that, get out of here!
* Boy and dog walk away *
Dog to boy: should I have said Hank Aaron?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the guy who mixed up sandpaper and toilet paper?
His woodworking looked like s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been charged with murdering a man with sandpaper.
But, to be honest, I just intended to rough him up a bit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been charged with killing a man with sandpaper
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit
