Sanders Jokes
127 sanders jokes and hilarious sanders puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sanders that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article dives deep into the world of Thomas Sanders, and his often overlooked comedic side. Read to find out why his creative writing and brand of humor have landed him in the likes of Bernie Wright and Moore.
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Funniest Sanders Short Jokes
Short sanders jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sanders humour may include short senator jokes also.
- Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa? I thought he didn't care about the 1%
- Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie? Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.
- The only similarity between Bernie Sanders's speeches and Hillary's speeches is ......both inspire you to vote against Hillary.
- Bernie Sanders is a true socialist He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own.
- If Donald Trump wants Bernie Sanders supporters to stop crashing his rallies, he should just call them "job fairs."
- If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office... And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.
- I was talking to my parents over dinner, my Mom said she was getting tired of the Bernie Sanders memes. I looked over to her and said "Don't worry, this trend will Bern out soon."
- Bernie Sanders was asked why he is still in the race and he responded "there are still some states left for me." Those states are Denial, Anger, Grief, Bargaining and Acceptance.
- Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates. Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates. - CNN Poll: 50% of Bernie Sanders supporters drink whole milk, 35% drink 2% milk, and 15% drink skim milk They all hate the 1% though
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Sanders One Liners
Which sanders one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sanders? I can suggest the ones about bernie madoff and warren.
- What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates? Mom & Dad
- Why does Bernie Sanders hate icebergs? Because only the top 1% can stay above water.
- Bernie Sanders is finally deciding to cut the BS He will now go by: Ernie Anders.
- What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut? Remove only the top 1% please.
- What should Bernie Sanders' next presidential campaign be called? Hindsight is 2020
- I went to buy a book about Bernie Sanders ...but it was sold out.
- I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad.
- How does Bernie Sanders stay so slim? Inter-mitten fasting.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? Colonel Sanders wanted to show him a secret...
- How do you know someone is a Bernie Sanders supporter? Don't worry they'll tell you
- Bernie Sanders may be old, but he loves modern technologies such as. . . Socialist Media.
- Why did aliens vote for Bernie Sanders? Universal Healthcare
- What happens when you get a sunburn at the beach? You become Bernie Sanders.
- What do you call sandpaper on fire? Bernie Sanders
- What do you call things used to smooth corn kernels? Kernel Sanders.
Bernie Sanders Jokes
Here is a list of funny bernie sanders jokes and even better bernie sanders puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Bernie Sanders running for president and me arguing with my wife have in common? We never stood a chance but we just wanted to get our ideas out there.
- When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders... When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?
- What's Bernie Sanders's favorite insurance company? Progressive
*this just popped up in my head while in the shower. If already posted I apologize in advance* - Why does Donald Trump dislike Bernie Sanders? Chickens tend to avoid anything with the last name "Sanders".
- Was there a good turnout at the Bernie Sanders rally? There were a lot of people, but I wouldn't say it was super pac'd.
- Bernie Sanders got twice the votes as Hillary Clinton, but less delegates. This should help him in South Carolina as he officially now understands the struggle of being black in America.
- Libertarian Presidential Candidate's new Campaign, inspired by Bernie Sanders. "Feel the Johnson"
- I told my Dad I was voting for Bernie Sanders... He responded, "So you want to see America be destroyed?"
I said, "No, I want to watch it Bern." - Bernie Sanders is like the wizard of oz... ...because he took Kansas by storm.
- Can Bernie Sanders recover? From his devastating win in Michigan?
Colonel Sanders Jokes
Here is a list of funny colonel sanders jokes and even better colonel sanders puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why haven't they cremated Colonel Sanders yet? They haven't decided on regular or extra crispy.
- Why was Bernie Sanders rejected from the army? There can on be one Colonel Sanders
- What do you get when you cross bernie madoff with Colonel Sanders? Bernie Sanders
- Why did Colonel Sanders keep his eleven herbs and spices a secret? Because he was ashamed of them
- How did colonel Sanders take over the chicken market? A coup.
Laughable Sanders Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about sanders you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hurricane sandy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sanders pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Either way, the results are not good
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for h**.... We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
In 2016, Democrats will have to choose between a 70 year-old socialist...
...and Bernie Sanders.
If Bernie Sanders is elected president, I want to spend a weekend at the White House and film it.
I'll call it "Weekend at Bernie's"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New drinking game:
Every time Senator Bernie Sanders proposes something free, c**... someone else's beer.
Why are Swiss people big fans of Bernie Sanders?
Because they feel the Bern!
Did you hear about the new Bernie Sanders drinking game?
Every time he mentions a new free government program you drink someone else's beer.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call people who use sandpaper to remove any evidence that Ernie and Bert are gay lovers?
Bernie Sanders.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your momma's so s**......
...she asked what army Colonel Sanders was in.
Bernie Sanders fans say "Feel the Bern." Gary Johnson fans say
Feel the Johnson.
What do you call a politician in a house fire?
Burning Sanders!
I heard Bernie Sanders lost a delegate to the millionaire in a coin toss.
The difference was a Quarter of 1%.
Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...
and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"
Which insurance company does Bernie Sanders use?
Progressive.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bernie Sanders is such a socialist...
...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.
What's the one type of unsafe tool that most unions are OK with?
Burny sanders
What would you call the easter egg roll if Bernie Sanders became president?
Weekend at Bernie's.
Bernie Sanders walks into a bar.
The bartender looks over and says "Mr. Sanders! Drinks on me. I really hope you win. Imagine another Clinton in the White House? It would be a circus!"
Bernie replies "Bill didn't run a circus, he ran affaire!"
After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...
...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Sanders supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
Trick question, they can't change anything.
A dyslexic Sanders supporter was kicked out of the botanical gardens
He kept trying to peel the ferns.
In 1987 Bernie Sanders wrote a folk album titled "we will overcome"
At the same time Donald Trump wrote an album called "we will over-comb"
You didn't lose an hour of sleep last night.
Bernie Sanders just gave it to someone that needs it more than you.
I've Noticed Bernie Sanders is Wearing a Ballcap Now at his Rallies.
If he wants to invigorate his base shouldn't he be wearing a trilby?
What do Bernie Sanders and Santa Claus have in common? (Dark)
They both have difficulties regarding chimneys!
What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?
The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance
What do Trump and Sanders have in common?
They both have an equal chance of winning the Democratic nomination.
I heard that Bill Clinton threw his support behind Bernie Sanders
He misheard. He thought the campaign slogan was *Feel the Intern*.
What type of milk does Bernie Sanders drink?
Whole milk because he cares about all the milk and not just the top 1% milk!
If Bernie Sanders has more delegates but still gets denied by the DNC...
...that would be unpresidented.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a Bernie Sanders supporter, a Cross-Fitter, and a person with h**... have in common?
They all "Feel The Burn!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Jew who is terrible with money?
Bernie Sanders.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Always ask "are you voting for Sanders?" before s**....
If they say "yes" you know they are too young.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A jew called Bernie ran the biggest ponzi schema ever , he took millions from gullible low information people promising them unrealistic returns .
I was talking about Bernie Madoff not Bernie Sanders you a**holes
Donate 27 $ and we can still win the Presidency !!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...
"Who's a Trump fan?"
Not wanting to look s**... for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.
"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.
"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.
"And why are you a Sanders fan?"
"Because mommy and daddy are"
"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked
"A Trump fan"
Why isn't Bernie Sanders campaigning in OKC?
They're both eliminated and finished second in their conference.
What do you call a fire on the beach?
Bernie Sanders
A Trump supporter, a Sanders supporter and a Clinton supporter are being interviewed.
The question asked was 'what do you think of morals in politics'?
The Sanders supporter says: politics? What is politics?
The Clinton supporter says: morals? What is morals?
The Trump supporter says: think? What is think?
After his failed Presidential run, Bernie Sanders decides to write a book and finally endorses Hillary Clinton.
The Clinton Foundation bought 10 million copies in advance.
What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?
Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.
What does a retired Olympic sprinter have in common with Bernie Sanders?
He quit running.
Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.
When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?
What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders?
Earning Sanders.
All the Bernie Sanders supporters, across the nation, are now saying...
"We had to, right?"
Hillary Clinton and Bernie sanders are having dinner together!
Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders were having dinner when Hillary said to Bernie "Let me get you a knife"
Bernie said "I'll just use this one you put in my back"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you heard that Bernie Sanders has started a spa?
He puts the "jew" back in rejuvenation!
Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day...
But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!
Former presidential candidate Senator Sanders falls ill. What do you call him?
A sick Bern.
The Sanders/Cruz debate was really weird
It was like peeking into an alternate dimension where both parties had hindsight
How can we get rid of the Electoral College?
Put Jane Sanders in charge of it.
What is the difference between a drag queen and Sarah Huckabee Sanders?
Drag queens know how to put on makeup.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was Colonel Sanders like MacBeth?
Because they both... did m**... most foul.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'd like to have s**... with Sarah Huckabee Sanders . . .
no matter how bad it was she would tell everyone it was great.
An old one but a good one
Bernie Sanders
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Bernie Sanders supporter has erectile dysfunction and can't get it up
He says to his lover, My e**... was rigged!
I'm trying to make a Bernie Sanders joke...
But I'm still waiting for the government to send me my punchline.
