The Best 85 Sanders Jokes

Following is our collection of Sanders jokes which are very funny. There are some sanders webb jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sanders allen puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Sanders Jokes and Puns

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

Bernie Sanders is so fed up with the BS in politics that he is changing his name.

He's changing it to Ernie Anders.

Bernie Sanders may be old, but he loves modern technologies such as. . .

Socialist Media.

If Bernie Sanders is elected president, I want to spend a weekend at the White House and film it.

I'll call it "Weekend at Bernie's"

Why are Swiss people big fans of Bernie Sanders?

Because they feel the Bern!


What do you call people who use sandpaper to remove any evidence that Ernie and Bert are gay lovers?

Bernie Sanders.

Bernie Sanders is finally deciding to cut the BS

He will now go by: Ernie Anders.

Your momma's so stupid...

...she asked what army Colonel Sanders was in.

I told my Dad I was voting for Bernie Sanders...

He responded, "So you want to see America be destroyed?"

I said, "No, I want to watch it Bern."

Bernie Sanders fans say "Feel the Bern." Gary Johnson fans say

Feel the Johnson.

I heard Bernie Sanders lost a delegate to the millionaire in a coin toss.

The difference was a Quarter of 1%.

You can explore sanders moore reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sanders sander dad jokes. There are also sanders puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?

I thought he didn't care about the 1%

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...

and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"

Which insurance company does Bernie Sanders use?

Progressive.

Bernie Sanders is such a socialist...

...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.

Bernie Sanders is a true socialist

He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own.

Bernie Sanders got twice the votes as Hillary Clinton, but less delegates.

This should help him in South Carolina as he officially now understands the struggle of being black in America.

What's the one type of unsafe tool that most unions are OK with?

Burny sanders

If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...

And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.


When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders...

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?

How do you know someone is a Bernie Sanders supporter?

Don't worry they'll tell you

Bernie Sanders walks into a bar.

The bartender looks over and says "Mr. Sanders! Drinks on me. I really hope you win. Imagine another Clinton in the White House? It would be a circus!"

Bernie replies "Bill didn't run a circus, he ran affaire!"

CNN Poll: 50% of Bernie Sanders supporters drink whole milk, 35% drink 2% milk, and 15% drink skim milk

They all hate the 1% though

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

Was there a good turnout at the Bernie Sanders rally?

There were a lot of people, but I wouldn't say it was super pac'd.

Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters?

Because he hates capitalism.

A dyslexic Sanders supporter was kicked out of the botanical gardens

He kept trying to peel the ferns.

Can Bernie Sanders recover?

From his devastating win in Michigan?

What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates?

Mom & Dad

Yo mama is so fat that she is voting for Sanders

COLONEL SANDERS

If Donald Trump wants Bernie Sanders supporters to stop crashing his rallies,

he should just call them "job fairs."

You didn't lose an hour of sleep last night.

Bernie Sanders just gave it to someone that needs it more than you.

I've Noticed Bernie Sanders is Wearing a Ballcap Now at his Rallies.

If he wants to invigorate his base shouldn't he be wearing a trilby?

Why does Bernie Sanders hate icebergs?

Because only the top 1% can stay above water.

What did Bernie Sanders say to his barber?

Just remove the top 1% please.

To me Bernie Sanders is more like God

It is not the guy I have problem with but the fan club freaks me out.

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

What's the difference between a Bernie Sanders supporter and a fat stripper?

A fat stripper actually gets to the polls.

I heard that Bill Clinton threw his support behind Bernie Sanders

He misheard. He thought the campaign slogan was *Feel the Intern*.

Bernie Sanders is like the Wizard of Oz...

...because he took Kansas by storm.

Bernie Sanders should change his name to Colonel.

That way he'll surely get the black vote.

What type of milk does Bernie Sanders drink?

Whole milk because he cares about all the milk and not just the top 1% milk!

Bernie Sanders to cut the BS

Now wants to be called Ernie Anders

If Bernie Sanders has more delegates but still gets denied by the DNC...

...that would be unpresidented.

What do a Bernie Sanders supporter, a Cross-Fitter, and a person with Herpes have in common?

They all "Feel The Burn!"

What do you call a Jew who is terrible with money?

Bernie Sanders.

Always ask "are you voting for Sanders?" before sex.

If they say "yes" you know they are too young.

What do you call sandpaper on fire?

Bernie Sanders

Bernie Sanders said it's time for him to cut the BS

His new name is Ernie Anders

A jew called Bernie ran the biggest ponzi schema ever , he took millions from gullible low information people promising them unrealistic returns .

I was talking about Bernie Madoff not Bernie Sanders you a**holes

Donate 27 $ and we can still win the Presidency !!!

A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...

"Who's a Trump fan?"

Not wanting to look stupid for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.

"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.

"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.

"And why are you a Sanders fan?"

"Because mommy and daddy are"

"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked

"A Trump fan"

Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie?

Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.

What do you call a fire on the beach?

Bernie Sanders

Bernie Sanders was asked why he is still in the race

and he responded "there are still some states left for me." Those states are Denial, Anger, Grief, Bargaining and Acceptance.

Why does Donald Trump dislike Bernie Sanders?

Chickens tend to avoid anything with the last name "Sanders".

A Trump supporter, a Sanders supporter and a Clinton supporter are being interviewed.

The question asked was 'what do you think of morals in politics'?
The Sanders supporter says: politics? What is politics?
The Clinton supporter says: morals? What is morals?
The Trump supporter says: think? What is think?

I went to buy a book about Bernie Sanders

...but it was sold out.

What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah.

He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.

Libertarian Presidential Candidate's new Campaign, inspired by Bernie Sanders.

"Feel the Johnson"

What does a retired Olympic sprinter have in common with Bernie Sanders?

He quit running.

Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.

When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?

Hillary Clinton and Bernie sanders are having dinner together!

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders were having dinner when Hillary said to Bernie "Let me get you a knife"
Bernie said "I'll just use this one you put in my back"

Have you heard that Bernie Sanders has started a spa?

He puts the "jew" back in rejuvenation!

Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day...

But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!

Former presidential candidate Senator Sanders falls ill. What do you call him?

A sick Bern.

The Sanders/Cruz debate was really weird

It was like peeking into an alternate dimension where both parties had hindsight

What do you call things used to smooth corn kernels?

Kernel Sanders.

How can we get rid of the Electoral College?

Put Jane Sanders in charge of it.

Why did aliens vote for Bernie Sanders?

Universal Healthcare

What is the difference between a drag queen and Sarah Huckabee Sanders?

Drag queens know how to put on makeup.

Why was Colonel Sanders like MacBeth?

Because they both... did murder most foul.

I'd like to have sex with Sarah Huckabee Sanders . . .

no matter how bad it was she would tell everyone it was great.

An old one but a good one

Bernie Sanders

A Bernie Sanders supporter has erectile dysfunction and can't get it up

He says to his lover, My erection was rigged!

What happens when you get a sunburn at the beach?

You become Bernie Sanders.

To solve world hunger we need to eat the rich and erect a giant statue of Bernie Sanders. Why do we need the statue?

Well, I'm glad that the first step didn't raise any questions.

Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

What did Col. Sanders say to S. Truett Cathy?

Ah, I see you are a man of poultry as well.

Bernie Sanders walks in to a bar and yells "free drinks for everyone"

who's buying?

Hey guy, what's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a 12 pack of toilet paper?

The toilet paper gets restocked after it sells out lel.

Why was Bernie Sanders rejected from the army?

There can on be one Colonel Sanders

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Colonel Sanders wanted to show him a secret...

Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump are all on a sinking ship. Who gets saved?

America.

What did Bernie Sanders running for president and me arguing with my wife have in common?

We never stood a chance but we just wanted to get our ideas out there.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sanders williams jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sanders johnson piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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