Sanders Jokes

132 sanders jokes and hilarious sanders puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sanders that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article dives deep into the world of Thomas Sanders, and his often overlooked comedic side. Read to find out why his creative writing and brand of humor have landed him in the likes of Bernie Wright and Moore.

Funniest Sanders Short Jokes

Short sanders jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sanders humour may include short sands jokes also.

  1. Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa? I thought he didn't care about the 1%
  2. Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie? Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.
  3. The only similarity between Bernie Sanders's speeches and Hillary's speeches is ......both inspire you to vote against Hillary.
  4. Bernie Sanders is a true socialist He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own.
  5. If Donald Trump wants Bernie Sanders supporters to stop crashing his rallies, he should just call them "job fairs."
  6. Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah. He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.
  7. If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office... And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.
  8. I was talking to my parents over dinner, my Mom said she was getting tired of the Bernie Sanders memes. I looked over to her and said "Don't worry, this trend will Bern out soon."
  9. Bernie Sanders was asked why he is still in the race and he responded "there are still some states left for me." Those states are Denial, Anger, Grief, Bargaining and Acceptance.
  10. Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump are all on a sinking ship. Who gets saved? America.

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Sanders One Liners

Which sanders one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sanders? I can suggest the ones about senator and bernie madoff.

  1. What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates? Mom & Dad
  2. Bernie Sanders is such a socialist... ...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.
  3. Why does Bernie Sanders hate icebergs? Because only the top 1% can stay above water.
  4. Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters? Because he hates capitalism.
  5. Bernie Sanders is finally deciding to cut the BS He will now go by: Ernie Anders.
  6. What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut? Remove only the top 1% please.
  7. What should Bernie Sanders' next presidential campaign be called? Hindsight is 2020
  8. Bernie Sanders said it's time for him to cut the BS His new name is Ernie Anders
  9. I went to buy a book about Bernie Sanders ...but it was sold out.
  10. I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad.
  11. How does Bernie Sanders stay so slim? Inter-mitten fasting.
  12. Why did the chicken cross the road? Colonel Sanders wanted to show him a secret...
  13. How do you know someone is a Bernie Sanders supporter? Don't worry they'll tell you
  14. Bernie Sanders to cut the BS Now wants to be called Ernie Anders
  15. Yo mama is so fat that she is voting for Sanders COLONEL SANDERS

Bernie Sanders Jokes

Here is a list of funny bernie sanders jokes and even better bernie sanders puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates. Err sorry, typo. That should be:
    Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.
  • CNN Poll: 50% of Bernie Sanders supporters drink whole milk, 35% drink 2% milk, and 15% drink skim milk They all hate the 1% though
  • To me Bernie Sanders is more like God It is not the guy I have problem with but the fan club freaks me out.
  • What did Bernie Sanders running for president and me arguing with my wife have in common? We never stood a chance but we just wanted to get our ideas out there.
  • When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders... When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?
  • New poll shows that the majority Bernie Sander's supporters like whole milk But they hate 1%
  • Bernie Sanders may be old, but he loves modern technologies such as. . . Socialist Media.
  • What do you call a Jew who is terrible with money? Bernie Sanders.
  • What's Bernie Sanders's favorite insurance company? Progressive
    *this just popped up in my head while in the shower. If already posted I apologize in advance*
  • Why does Donald Trump dislike Bernie Sanders? Chickens tend to avoid anything with the last name "Sanders".

Colonel Sanders Jokes

Here is a list of funny colonel sanders jokes and even better colonel sanders puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why haven't they cremated Colonel Sanders yet? They haven't decided on regular or extra crispy.
  • Why was Bernie Sanders rejected from the army? There can on be one Colonel Sanders
  • Bernie Sanders should change his name to Colonel. That way he'll surely get the black vote.
  • What do you get when you cross bernie madoff with Colonel Sanders? Bernie Sanders
  • Why did Colonel Sanders keep his eleven herbs and spices a secret? Because he was ashamed of them
  • How did colonel Sanders take over the chicken market? A coup.
  • Your momma's so s**...... ...she asked what army Colonel Sanders was in.
  • Why was Colonel Sanders like MacBeth? Because they both... did m**... most foul.
  • This military commander has killed more people than h**... and continues to ravage the world His name is Colonel Sanders.
  • TIL: Colonel Sanders had a younger brother who was a plumber. u**... Sanders
Sanders joke, TIL: Colonel Sanders had a younger brother who was a plumber.

Sanders joke, TIL: Colonel Sanders had a younger brother who was a plumber.

Laughable Sanders Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about sanders you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean warren jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sanders pranks.

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'


'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for h**.... We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

Bernie Sanders is so fed up with the BS in politics that he is changing his name.

He's changing it to Ernie Anders.

In 2016, Democrats will have to choose between a 70 year-old socialist...

...and Bernie Sanders.

If Bernie Sanders is elected president, I want to spend a weekend at the White House and film it.

I'll call it "Weekend at Bernie's"

Why are Swiss people big fans of Bernie Sanders?

Because they feel the Bern!

What do you call people who use sandpaper to remove any evidence that Ernie and Bert are gay lovers?

Bernie Sanders.

I told my Dad I was voting for Bernie Sanders...

He responded, "So you want to see America be destroyed?"
I said, "No, I want to watch it Bern."

Bernie Sanders fans say "Feel the Bern." Gary Johnson fans say

Feel the Johnson.

I heard Bernie Sanders lost a delegate to the millionaire in a coin toss.

The difference was a Quarter of 1%.

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...

and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"

Which insurance company does Bernie Sanders use?


Bernie Sanders got twice the votes as Hillary Clinton, but less delegates.

This should help him in South Carolina as he officially now understands the struggle of being black in America.

What's the one type of unsafe tool that most unions are OK with?

Burny sanders

What would you call the easter egg roll if Bernie Sanders became president?

Weekend at Bernie's.

Bernie Sanders walks into a bar.

The bartender looks over and says "Mr. Sanders! Drinks on me. I really hope you win. Imagine another Clinton in the White House? It would be a circus!"
Bernie replies "Bill didn't run a circus, he ran affaire!"

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

Was there a good turnout at the Bernie Sanders rally?

There were a lot of people, but I wouldn't say it was super pac'd.

How many Sanders supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

Trick question, they can't change anything.

A dyslexic Sanders supporter was kicked out of the botanical gardens

He kept trying to peel the ferns.

Can Bernie Sanders recover?

From his devastating win in Michigan?

You didn't lose an hour of sleep last night.

Bernie Sanders just gave it to someone that needs it more than you.

I've Noticed Bernie Sanders is Wearing a Ballcap Now at his Rallies.

If he wants to invigorate his base shouldn't he be wearing a trilby?

What do Bernie Sanders and Santa Claus have in common? (Dark)

They both have difficulties regarding chimneys!

What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?

The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance

What did Bernie Sanders say to his barber?

Just remove the top 1% please.

What's the difference between a Bernie Sanders supporter and a fat stripper?

A fat stripper actually gets to the polls.

I heard that Bill Clinton threw his support behind Bernie Sanders

He misheard. He thought the campaign slogan was *Feel the Intern*.

Bernie Sanders is like the wizard of oz...

...because he took Kansas by storm.

What type of milk does Bernie Sanders drink?

Whole milk because he cares about all the milk and not just the top 1% milk!

If Bernie Sanders has more delegates but still gets denied by the DNC...

...that would be unpresidented.

What do a Bernie Sanders supporter, a Cross-Fitter, and a person with h**... have in common?

They all "Feel The Burn!"

Always ask "are you voting for Sanders?" before s**....

If they say "yes" you know they are too young.

What do you call sandpaper on fire?

Bernie Sanders

A jew called Bernie ran the biggest ponzi schema ever , he took millions from gullible low information people promising them unrealistic returns .

I was talking about Bernie Madoff not Bernie Sanders you a**holes
Donate 27 $ and we can still win the Presidency !!!

A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...

"Who's a Trump fan?"
Not wanting to look s**... for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.
"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.
"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.
"And why are you a Sanders fan?"
"Because mommy and daddy are"
"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked
"A Trump fan"

What do you call a fire on the beach?

Bernie Sanders

A Trump supporter, a Sanders supporter and a Clinton supporter are being interviewed.

The question asked was 'what do you think of morals in politics'?
The Sanders supporter says: politics? What is politics?
The Clinton supporter says: morals? What is morals?
The Trump supporter says: think? What is think?

What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

Libertarian Presidential Candidate's new Campaign, inspired by Bernie Sanders.

"Feel the Johnson"

What does a retired Olympic sprinter have in common with Bernie Sanders?

He quit running.

Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.

When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?

What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders?

Earning Sanders.

Hillary Clinton and Bernie sanders are having dinner together!

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders were having dinner when Hillary said to Bernie "Let me get you a knife"
Bernie said "I'll just use this one you put in my back"

Have you heard that Bernie Sanders has started a spa?

He puts the "jew" back in rejuvenation!

Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day...

But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!

Former presidential candidate Senator Sanders falls ill. What do you call him?

A sick Bern.

The Sanders/Cruz debate was really weird

It was like peeking into an alternate dimension where both parties had hindsight

What do you call things used to smooth corn kernels?

Kernel Sanders.

How can we get rid of the Electoral College?

Put Jane Sanders in charge of it.

Why did aliens vote for Bernie Sanders?

Universal Healthcare

What is the difference between a drag queen and Sarah Huckabee Sanders?

Drag queens know how to put on makeup.

I'd like to have s**... with Sarah Huckabee Sanders . . .

no matter how bad it was she would tell everyone it was great.

An old one but a good one

Bernie Sanders

A Bernie Sanders supporter has erectile dysfunction and can't get it up

He says to his lover, My e**... was rigged!

Sanders joke, A Bernie Sanders supporter has erectile dysfunction and can't get it up

jokes about sanders