Sand Jokes
134 sand jokes and hilarious sand puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sand that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover funny and punny jokes about sand that will make you laugh out loud. From kinetic and beach sand to buried in sand and golf sand, there are plenty of ways to make jokes about the tiny, granular particles. Learn how to laugh at anakin sand jokes and jokes about eating sand. Plus find out why silt, rocks, and the seaside bring them all together.
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Funniest Sand Short Jokes
Short sand jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sand humour may include short soap jokes also.
- My favourite childhood memory with my grandad is when i was building a sand castle with him... ...until my mom took the urn back.
- I was stranded on an island with nothing but dark red grass, dark red sand, dark red trees everything was darkred. "AHHH!" i yelled "I've been marooned!"
- Lost: bucket of sand, silt, and gravel Great sedimental value.
(I can't take credit. Read it in a university paper 20 years ago.) - My sister asked me to bring her something hard to write on. Still don't know why she got so mad. It's pretty hard to write on sand.
- Where are you when you're eating an Eggo on the beach and you drop it in the sand? San Diego
(thought of this myself, it's better spoken) - It's amazing how people in the desert never starve because of all the sand which is there.
- How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.
- I saw a single set of footprints in the sand... "Lord," I asked, "why is there but one set of footprints in the sand?"
"My child," he tenderly replied, "Those are Chris Christie's." - What do you call a waffle that's been buried in sand? Sandiego
(The first joke I ever made as a kid) - What's the difference between a truck loaded with sand and a truck loaded with babies? You can't unload the sand with a pitchfork.
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Sand One Liners
Which sand one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sand? I can suggest the ones about salt and rock.
- I love relaxing with some sand paper It's just a little something to take the edge off
- How do you spell sand with only 3 letters? S, A, and D.
- At 70, she still had a body like an hourglass Brittle and full of sand
- How does an arab farmer find his goat in the sand dunes? Very satisfying.
- What do you call 4 Mexicans in quick sand? Cuatro cinco
- What do you call 4 Mexicans caught in quick sand? Quatro Sinko
- I'm not addicted to sand paper I just need something to take the edge off
- Did I tell you about my attempt to grow bananas in sand? It was fruitless.
- I'd make a joke about quick sand... However, it'd probably take a while to sink in.
- What did a pile of sand say to another in sahara Long time no sea
- What would you call a potion brewing pig in the desert? A ham sand witch.
- Why was the sand wet? because the seaweed
- What do you call a bunch of lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
- What did the sea say to the sand? Nothing, it simply waved.
- Why is the sand so quiet? Because the waves keep going "shhhhhh".
Beach Sand Jokes
Here is a list of funny beach sand jokes and even better beach sand puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my friend to not worry about being hungry at the beach. Because of all the sand which is there.
- If you go to the beach and forget your lunch, what can you eat? Just eat the sand which is there.
- I would never go hungry if I got stranded on a beach Because of all of the sand which is there
- Do you know why you'll never go hungry at the beach? Because of the sand which is there.
- Why do seagulls go to the beach? Because of the sand, which is there!
- We are the sand. The wind will blow us. The ocean will beat us. Life is a beach.
- What do you do after you make a rough castle on the beach? You sand it!
- If a sorceress from the desert and an enchantress from the beach both hugged a magus from a badlands... ...would it be a sand witch sandwich?
- Why did the drowned sailor's wife punch the sand? Because that beach stole her man.
- God and the Devil are walking on the beach.... God sees something shiny in the sand. He picks it up an declares "look its religion". The Devil says "give it to me, I'll organize it".
Sand Beaches Jokes
Here is a list of funny sand beaches jokes and even better sand beaches puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A husband and wife moved from one sand castle house to another The wife divorced him the next day. She was furious he had another beach.
- What would you find on a spooky beach? A sand-witch!
- A man is walking down the beach and finds a lamp in the sand.
- The next time you visit the ocean, be sure to dig your toes deep into the sand. Beaches love it when you do that.
- Did you know there are more grains of sand on all the beaches on earth than there are atoms in the universe? wait
- How to be Insulting on the Beach: If there's enough sand, dig huge walls around your site and try to put your neighbors in the shade.
- What is Calvin Harris and Rihanna's favorite part of the beach? The sand do-oh-unes
- Why are lesbian relationship like the beach? Because of all the sand which is there.
- I saw Adam Sandler at the beach He said he went there for the SAND
- What do you call a cow fixing a computer at the beach? Utter-in sand-I.T.
Buried In Sand Jokes
Here is a list of funny buried in sand jokes and even better buried in sand puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you ask a lawyer buried alive up to his neck in sand? "Run out of sand, did they?"
- What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
Eating Sand Jokes
Here is a list of funny eating sand jokes and even better eating sand puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What would you eat if you were stranded on a completely barren deserted isle? The sand which is on the ground.
- What does an Ethiopian eat for breakfast? sand.
- Why can't a man go hungry lost in a great desert? Because he can eat the sand, which is there.
Entertaining Sand Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about sand you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean iron jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sand pranks.
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What do you call a witch that only eats sand?
Malnourished.
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Why are leggings and sand the same?
They both get stuck in c**....
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How is Sandusky like a tortoise?
He gets there before the hair...
A 2nd grade class just gets in from recess...
The teacher tells the class they're going to do a spelling assignment that relates to what they did for recess. "If you can come up to the board and write the word I give you, you'll get a gold star for the day," the teacher explains. "Tommy, what'd you do for recess?" she asks the first student. "Well," Tommy begins, "I played in the sand box with Suzy!" "Okay great. If you can come to the board and spell the word 'sand' I'll give you a gold star." So Tommy goes up to the board, spells 'sand' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks Suzy, "Suzy, what'd you do for recess today?" So Suzy answers, "like Tommy said, we played in the sand box together." "Okay," the teacher thinks, "if you can come up to the board and spell 'box' I'll give you a gold star. So Suzy spells 'box' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks the third student, "Tyrone, what'd you do for recess today?" "Well I wanted to play in the sand box with Tommy and Suzy but they wouldn't let me," Tyrone answers. "Oh no!" says the teacher, "That's terrible! Do you know what that's called? That's called 'racial discrimination.' If you can come up to the board and spell 'racial discrimination' I'll give you a gold star."
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Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
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Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
So two penguins are in the middle of a desert
and they're sitting in a canoe just paddling away, as hard as they can, not going anywhere, sand is flying everywhere, and they just keep paddling. eventually one penguin looks to the other and says "Where's your paddle" the other replies "Sure does."
Its usually a thinker for most, but i love it
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Poor Ajmal.
After playtime, Ms Wilson asks some of her kindergarten kids what they did during playtime.
"What did you do at playtime Tom?"
"I played in the sandpit" said Tom.
"Very good, if you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie!"
Tom spelled sand and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Sally?"
"I played in the sandpit with Tom" said Sally.
"That's nice, if you can spell pit, I'll give you a cookie!"
Sally spelled pit and was given a cookie by Ms Wilson.
"What did you do at playtime Ajmal?"
"I tried to play in the sandpit, but Sally and Tom threw rocks at me!" said Ajmal.
"That sounds like blatant racial discrimination, If you can spell blatant racial discrimination I'll give you a cookie!".
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A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl......
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his p**..., and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The r**... girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
'In America we have so many i**... aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
What is the worst type of sand to have in your pants?
Sandusky
What does a sandwich filling share in common with Joffrey Lannister?
They are both in bread.
A company of the French Foreign Legion are lost in the desert...
The Captain assembles his men and says: "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is... we have run out of food and there is nothing to eat but sand. The good news is... there's plenty."
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Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...
And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
I rolled my first joint last night!
Today I have an ankle the size of a football. :(
A biologist, a physicist and a chemist visit the beach...
Three scientists visit the beach, a biologist, a physicist and a chemist.
The biologist is so amazed at the marine life that they walk into the ocean never to be seen again.
The physicist is so amazed by fluid dynamics that they walk into the ocean, never to be seen again.
The chemist looks at the ocean, picks up a stick and writes a simple observation in the sand. "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
Why did the water cross the ocean?
Because it wanted to wave at the sand!
My 5 year old son asked the question and my wife answered it. Gotta love it.
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A sandwich is better than s**....
Because nothing is better than s**... and a sandwich is better than nothing.
Sandwich making
Two brothers shared a bedroom, bunk beds. The older brother had the top bunk. He wanted to bring his girlfriend over to spend the night. He tells his girlfriend if she wants it faster say lettuce, harder say tomato.
The younger brother wakes up hearing, "lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tomato." He yells up to his older brother and says, "I know you guys are making sandwiches up there but can you stop dropping the mayo!"
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I hate it when..
I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark,
My white friend in snow,
My Chinese friend in sand,
And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strike.
I am a sandwich maker at subway, but i'm not very good at my job. AMA!
Wrong sub, my bad
An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border
At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.
"What do you have in this sack?"
"Sand."
"Well let me check."
The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.
The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.
"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"
And the man replied.
"Bicycles."
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Sandpaper
I've been charged with m**... for killing a man with sandpaper.
Gosh, I only intended to rough him up a bit.
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Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?
They don't like getting sand in their crack.
The sandwich walked into the bar
The sandwich walked into the bar.
It sat on the counter and asked for a banana.
The waiter said, "Sorry Sir, we don't serve food here."
Two men are lost in the desert
Two men are lost in the desert. They are both severely dehydrated and extremely hungry. While stumbling over a particularly large sand dune, one man spots a tin of fig-flavored altoids.
Desperate for any sustenance, he stumbles ahead and grabs the tin, but realizes it was only a mirage.
He turned to the man behind him and said, "I guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination."
American politics is like sand
It's coarse and gets everywhere.
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Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea-w**....
*First joke my 4 year old son learnt
Did you know that sandals were invented by a Frenchman?
His name was Philippe Filoppe.
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Two guys were walking though the Sahara
They suddenly see a tiger approaching .
o**... throws sand in the tiger's eyes and he runs away.
The other guy keeps standing still.
"RUN MAN, WHY ARE YOU STANDING STILL??"
"Well I didn't throw the sand at him"
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All sandwiches are r**......
...because they are i**....
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Sometimes i rub sand into my p**...
Just so I can make my c**... feel at home.
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A boy and a girl are playing n**... in the sand, when the boy starts laughing at the girl that she does not have a p**.... The girl just grins and says...
When I grow up, I will have as many peepees as I like.
A pirate comes across a skull just sitting there randomly in the sand crying.
The pirate asks "Why are you crying?" The skull replies through its tears " I'm all alone, I have nobody!"
When does a sandwich cook?
When it's bakin' lettuce and tomato
What's the difference between a container with sand and a container with babies in it?
I can't use a pitchfork to empty the container with sand.
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So this old guy is lying face down in the sand on a n**... beach.
A hot blonde comes along and starts rhythmically smacking his buttocks like drums.
Then the g**... flips around, grins toothlessly at her and says, Why don't you play the flute instead of the bongos?
Maria had 3 children, snowflake, sand, and brick.
One day snowflake goes to her mom and asks her: Mom, why am I called snowflake? Then the mother replies: Because when you were born, a snowflake fell on your head. The next day goes Sand and asks: Mom, why am I called Sand? And the mother replies: Because when you were born, a small grain of sand fell on your head. The next day goes brick and asks: gyefagcxheufrhd
Why was everyone crying after watching Infinity Wars?
Because sand got into their eyes
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Sandeep, the Indian wife beater, hits his wife every night at 7PM.
On the dot.
This is armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: Is it possible to build socialism in Sahara desert?
We are answering: Possible, but you will end up with a shortage of sand.
A thief stole a sine and a cosine.
He took the two identities to a beach. However, they were too heavy for him to carry. He wanted to keep them under the sand, but the beach was so narrow that it could only contain one of them: sine or cosine.
He decided that, using his mathematical skills, that he would stack sine over cosine - but that resulted in tan! He did not want to get tan. So he stacked cosind over sine...
and then he got cot.
A landscaper is adding a bunch of sand along the edge of a pond...
He looks at the guy who owns the pond and asks "do you really want me doing this?"
The man snaps back, "YES! JUST KEEP WORKING!"
The landscaper replies "ok! Jeez! I'm just makin' shore!"
A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...
He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.
The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.
"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"
"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"
Why can you never starve in a desert?
Because of all the sand which is there
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A camel decided to educate his son who he suspected was getting a little insquisitive...
"Why do we have two humps," asked the son.
"That's so we can go for days without water. We can store it in the humps."
"Why do we have very long eyelashes?
"That," he was told, "is to protect the eyes from sand in a sand storm."
"And why do we have bulbous looking feet?"
"That's so we're can travel twice as fast through the desert."
"Dad," asked the young camel, "What the h**... are we doing in this zoo?"
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I love going to the beach, having a seat, and pull sand up to my c**...
Makes the c**... feel more at home.
Do you know why you can't starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
Source: I'm a dad.
Why is there never a food shortage on the planet of Tatooine?
Because of the abundance of sand which is there.
I met a sorceress in the desert once
She told me I could have all the churned dairy products and preserved fruit I could ever want, but first I had to marry her and sign a legally binding agreement that she would get it all back if we ever got divorced
Until that day I'd never believed the legends of the prenup butter and jelly sand witch
A guy rides his motorcycle through the border from Spain to France every week carrying two bags of sand.
The border guard searched the bags every time, but never found anything, so he had to let him through. The guard has his last day at work before retiring and the guy comes to the border again, carrying his two bags of sand. The guard says "look, man, it's my last day, I'm not going to bust you. You're clearly smuggling *something* across the border all this time but we never find anything, what is it.". The guy says "I'm smuggling motorcycles"
What did the sandwich say to the doorman?
Lettuce in
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Camel Joke
A young camel asks his mother
Why do I have a big h**... on my back
The mother replies
You use it to store water when your in the desert
That's cool says the young camel And why do I have these big hooves
The mother answers Your hooves stop you from sinking in the quicksand when your in the desert
That's brilliant says the young camel Why do I have such long eyelashes
They stop sand from going into your eyes while wandering the desert his mother explains
The young camel pauses for a moment
Well, why am I in the zoo
I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.
I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.
It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.
Yesterday I broke my hourglass
It took forever to clean up and I was only able to save about half the sand. All in all it was a waste of time.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who gets the first sandwich at an o**...?
It's first come first served.
Sandbox games
The newlyweds and young parents in town discover that the fine sand in the nearby nature resort makes for excellent sandbox sand. So people go in to get a big cart of sand and make some cheap garden sandboxes for their children. The park rangers forbid this and nobody can steal sand anymore. This guy sneaks in with a big cart and scoops it full but on his way out he sees a park ranger and starts to quickly shovel the sand out of his cart. "Oh no sir! You won't get away with it that easily!" the park ranger barks,
"You can't dump that here so take it right back home with you!"
Spending time with grandpa got me in trouble.
Well. Today was a nice day until it wasnt.
I got up early and went out to spend some time with my grandfather. I had the greatest idea ever actually! So anyway I stink at writing details so I will get to the point. I was making sand castles with my grandpa and got kicked out by everyone at the crematorium. Bummer.
Why did the thief sand his fingers?
So he could be a smooth criminal
