Sand Beaches Jokes
77 sand beaches jokes and hilarious sand beaches puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sand beaches that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Sand Beaches Short Jokes
Short sand beaches jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sand beaches humour may include short beach sand jokes also.
- Where are you when you're eating an Eggo on the beach and you drop it in the sand? San Diego
(thought of this myself, it's better spoken) - I told my friend to not worry about being hungry at the beach. Because of all the sand which is there.
- If you go to the beach and forget your lunch, what can you eat? Just eat the sand which is there.
- Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach? They don't like getting sand in their crack.
- I would never go hungry if I got stranded on a beach Because of all of the sand which is there
- If a sorceress from the desert and an enchantress from the beach both hugged a magus from a badlands... ...would it be a sand witch sandwich?
- God and the Devil are walking on the beach.... God sees something shiny in the sand. He picks it up an declares "look its religion". The Devil says "give it to me, I'll organize it".
- A husband and wife moved from one sand castle house to another The wife divorced him the next day. She was furious he had another beach.
- The next time you visit the ocean, be sure to dig your toes deep into the sand. Beaches love it when you do that.
- Did you know there are more grains of sand on all the beaches on earth than there are atoms in the universe? wait
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Sand Beaches One Liners
Which sand beaches one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sand beaches? I can suggest the ones about beach and sands.
- Do you know why you'll never go hungry at the beach? Because of the sand which is there.
- Why do seagulls go to the beach? Because of the sand, which is there!
- We are the sand. The wind will blow us. The ocean will beat us. Life is a beach.
- What do you do after you make a rough castle on the beach? You sand it!
- Why don't beach-goers ever get hungry? Because of all the sand-which-is there
- Why did the drowned sailor's wife punch the sand? Because that beach stole her man.
- Why does the man go to the beach when he's hungry? Because of the sand which is there.
- Why don't women drink beer at the beach? Because they'll get sand in their Schlitz.
- What would you find on a spooky beach? A sand-witch!
- A man is walking down the beach and finds a lamp in the sand.
- What do you eat at haunted beach? A sand-witch!
- Why can you never starve at the beach? Because you can eat all the sand which is there.
- What is Calvin Harris and Rihanna's favorite part of the beach? The sand do-oh-unes
- What do you call a Witch that lives on the beach? A Sand Witch
- Why are lesbian relationship like the beach? Because of all the sand which is there.
Comical Sand Beaches Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about sand beaches you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sand castle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sand beaches pranks.
How to be Insulting on the Beach: If there's enough sand, dig huge walls around your site and try to put your neighbors in the shade.
A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.
The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.
The three start to build a watchtower.
The stranger offers to take first watch.
While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No s**... on the beach! Get back to work!"
The husband yells back, "We're not having s**...!"
Later, the stranger yells out to them again.
Again, the husband yells back and corrects him.
This happens several times during the stranger's shift.
Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower.
His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach.
The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"
A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink.
While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head.
So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?"
The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach one day and I came across this bottle buried halfway in the sand. So I picked it up, brushed away the sand, and out popped this fine female genie. She said she would grant me three wishes for releasing her."
"For my first wish, I asked for ten-million dollars, and p**... right there on the sand was $10,000,00."
"For my second wish, I asked for a luxury yacht, and p**... right there on the ocean was a 90-foot yacht."
"Finally for my third wish, I asked to have s**... with the genie, but she said that genies were not allowed to indulge in that kind of activities."
So, I said, "c'mon, how about a little head?"
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
A guy is walking on the beach...
A guy is walking on the beach when he sees a girl lying in the sand crying. He walks over and asks the girl what's wrong she says, " I am 18 years old I have no arms and no legs and I have never been hugged." The man feels bad and gives her a hug. The next day the man is walking on the beach, and he sees the girl crying. He walks over and asks what's wrong. The girl says, " I am 18 years old I have no arms and no legs and I have never been kissed" The mans feels. Ad and gives her a kiss. The next day the man is walking on the beach, and he sees the same girl crying again. He walks over and says, " What's wrong now." The girl says, " I am 18 years old I have no arms and no legs and I have never been s**.... The man immediately picks her up and tosses her into the ocean and says, " now your s**...."
A genius high school chemistry student takes a test
A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have? In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.
Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a brass oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface a genie suddenly appears. The genie thunders, I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire? The student immediately replies, I wish I had gotten that question right, and the universe explodes.
Another genie joke.
A man is walking down the beach carrying a well-oversize BiC lighter. A second man, curious, ran up to him and asked, "Mister, that is the biggest BiC lighter I've ever seen. Where did you get that?"
The first man reached into his pocket and pulled out a small glass bottle, "I found this bottle a ways down the beach, and when I picked it up and rubbed the sand off, a genie came out and gave me the lighter."
"Wow," said the second man. "Do you mind if I try?"
The first man hands the bottle to the second, and as soon as he rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
"What is your wish?" asked the genie.
"I wish for a million bucks!" exclaimed the second man.
With a puff of smoke, the genie disappeared and a million ducks began falling from the sky.
"Mister, I think your genie here is hard of hearing. I asked for a million bucks."
"Do you really think I asked for a big BiC?
A man goes to the beach...
...while he's walking down the shore he sees a 20-year old, blonde-haired girl sitting in the sand crying. Concerned, the man runs over to her. "What's wrong?" He asks.
"I'm twenty years old and I've never been hugged by someone other than family!" She starts sobbing.
Feeling bad, the man hugs her. "There, now you've been hugged." And walks on.
The next day the man walks on the beach again and sees another girl, this one with black hair, sitting in here chair bawling. "What's wrong?" He asks her.
"I'm 19 and I've never been kissed before!" She whines.
He gives her a small kiss on the lips. "There, now you've been kissed." And he walks on.
The third day of his vacation he sees a brunette, openly crying like the other two women. He sighs. "What's wrong?"
"I'm 18 and I've never been s**... before!"
He picks her up, looks her in the eyes, and tosses her out into the ocean, where sharks surround her.
"There. Now you're s**...."
Why shouldn't girls drink beer at the beach?
Because they will get sand in their Schlitz.
Love Handles
One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out.
"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released me, I will grant you one wish."
"Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love handles."
"Your wish is my command," said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of smoke...
And her ears promptly fell off.
Old joke, still funny
A genius senior in high school takes a chemistry test. He gets his score back and is shocked he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have? In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.
Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a bronze oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface of the lamp, a genie suddenly appears. The genie thunders, I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire? The student eyes light up and immediately replies, I wish I had gotten that question right, and the universe explodes.
p**... Englishman and p**... Irishman
p**... Englishman and p**... Irishman are walking along the beach together, when they come upon a lamp in the sand. Being familiar with such clichés, they picked up the lamp, rubbed it, and lo and behold a genie appeared before them.
"For releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you both one wish each."
p**... Englishman goes first, and thinks silently for a moment:
"Well, genie, I love my country, and I'm sick of it being ruined by lazy immigrants who do nothing but live off of state benefits and handouts. I wish all the immigrants were gone from my country, and that it was just us English that lived there. Furthermore, I want a giant wall built around the coast and borders of England so nobody else can get in."
"Done" says the genie, and **p**...** p**... Englishman is back in England with the rest of his compatriots
"Genie," says p**... Irishman, "tell me more of this giant wall surrounding England"
"Well, it's over a mile high and half a mile thick. Nothing can get in or out." the genie replied
p**... Irishman thought for a moment, then looked to the genie and said:
"Fill it with water."
What do you call a cow fixing a computer at the beach?
Utter-in sand-I.T.
I saw Adam Sandler at the beach
He said he went there for the SAND
A man walks into a bar and puts a shoebox down on the table...
He says, "I'll have a beer and a shot of Jack Daniels for my friend in the box."
The bartender looks down and sees a small man playing the piano. He brings the drinks and then asks, "Where'd you get this little guy?"
The man at the bar replies, "I was walking on the beach when I found a bottle lying in the sand. I was dusting it off when a genie came out and this was my first wish."
The bartender is thinking that maybe he can trade something for this guys wish. Now, this guy is feeling pretty generous so he agrees to giving up his second wish in exchange for free food and drinks. The bartender grabs the bottle, rubs it, and exclaims, "I wish for a million bucks!"
Then, the door slams open and a million white ducks come marching into the bar.
The man at the bar says, "I think the genie is hard of hearing."
"What makes you say that?" asks the bartender.
"You think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"
This is the real no arms no legs on the beach joke, not that lame one. - So there was this guy with no arms and no legs...
... and his friends are all like, "we have to make a good thing for him since he's depressed and stuff."
So they decide to take him to the beach. They dug a small hole, positioned the handicapped friend on the sand, with a little table and a drink with a straw.
Over time the tide comes up, and all his friends are playing football far away. They forgot about no arms no legs man. Completely forgot about him.
As the tide almost reaches his belly, a drunk man approaches. The handicapped guy is screaming on the top of his lungs by now.. help!
The drunk guy says "nothin to worry little fella, I'll help"
So he grabs our unlucky protagonist and drags him to the ocean. The drunk man is eager to wish him good fortune: "Go little turtle, go in peace... "
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with Sasquatch
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to Sasquatch, "You promised me, Sasquatch, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of prints in the sand.
Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?"
Sasquatch turned around, look me staight in the eyes and said,
"HHHHRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR"
The Beer-Bottle Genie
A young man is walking along the beach, when he spies a beer bottle in the sand. Picking it up, he brushes it off to see what brand it is, when a genie popped out. In a thundering voice, it proclaimed, "I am the beer bottle genie! For freeing me, I will grant you any three wishes, BUT the condition is, every lawyer in the world will get TWO of that!"
So the kid thought, and decided, "I want a briefcase filled with a million dollars!"
p**...! A briefcase instantly appeared in front if him. Meanwhile, two brief cases with a million dollars each appeared in front of every lawyer in the world.
"And for my next wish," he added, "I would like a red Porsche."
p**...! One appeared in front of him on the sand. And two Porsches appeared in the garages of every lawyer in the world.
"All right," said the genie, " for your last wish think really hard. Okay, time's up! What do you want?"
"Well," said the boy, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
A biologist, a physicist and a chemist visit the beach...
Three scientists visit the beach, a biologist, a physicist and a chemist.
The biologist is so amazed at the marine life that they walk into the ocean never to be seen again.
The physicist is so amazed by fluid dynamics that they walk into the ocean, never to be seen again.
The chemist looks at the ocean, picks up a stick and writes a simple observation in the sand. "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
One Wish
A man was walking along the beach when he found an old bottle buried in the sand. He picked it up and cleaned it with his sleeve. Whereupon a genie appeared and offered him one wish.
"Well my family lives in Australia. It would be great if there was a bridge between here and Australia so I could drive and visit them."
"What!" cried the genie. "Have you any idea what building such a bridge would involve? The gigantic pillars all the way to the sea bed? The hundreds of gas stations to be supplied? The chaos to the shipping lanes? Are you sure there isn't anything else you'd like?"
The man thought for a moment. "Y'know, I've never had much luck in my relationships. Could you give me a complete understanding of women?"
The genie replied, "Was it four lanes you wanted or six?"
A man goes for a walk....
A man goes for a walk along the beach after a bad divorce with his wife. During his walk he finds an old lamp in the sand. Upon further examining it, a genie comes out and tells him he will grant three wishes, but whatever you wish for your ex-wife will get double.
The man quickly uses his first wish for a brand new Ferrari, but his ex-wife got two new Ferraris as well.
The man, just as quickly, uses his second wish for one million dollars, but his ex-wife got two million dollars.
The man now takes his time for his third wish, the genie can tell he is really thinking about it. The man finally decides on his third wish and says "Beat me half to death."
And as he continued to walk, he noticed during the hardest parts of his life
there was only one set of footprints in the sand. He asked Jesus, why, and Jesus said...
"Those are Cris Cristie's...he kicked everyone else off the beach."
This guy walks into a bar
Asks the bartender for a drink then pulls out a small piano and a man about a foot tall. The little man sits at the piano and begins playing a beautiful Beethoven sonata.
Amazed, the bartender asks to find out the story behind this mini musician.
The man tells the bartender that he was on vacation in Costa Rica and after a long night of partying he decided to talk a walk on the beach. While walking, the man trips over something in the sand. He pulls it out and dusts it off. Immediately after dusting, a genie pops out and says you may have 1 wish, anything you'd like.
Before the man could continue, the bartender interrups and says "so you wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
So this old guy is lying face down in the sand on a n**... beach.
A hot blonde comes along and starts rhythmically smacking his buttocks like drums.
Then the g**... flips around, grins toothlessly at her and says, Why don't you play the flute instead of the bongos?
My favorite bar has a s**... on the Beach drink special three weeks out of the month.
The other week it's a Blood and Sand.
A young mother was playing with her son at the beach..
After a few minutes of playing, a huge wave splashes in shore, covering mother and son. When the wave had receded the mother saw that her son was gone, except for his blue baseball cap.
The mother dropped to her knees, stretched her arms to the sky screaming: I'll do anything!! Just bring me back my boy!!
A few seconds later a second huge wave slammed on shore. When it receded back to the ocean, the son was sitting happily playing in the sand.
The mother looks at the boy, but then puts her hands on her hips and looked at the sky. HE HAD A HAT!!!
A mother is watching her son play on the beach
when a huge wave comes and takes him into the waters. She looks up and pleads, "Please God, save my son! He means so much to me. Please bring him back."
A couple of seconds later, another huge wave comes and washes the boy back onto the sand, good as new. She looks back up to the sky and says:
"Hey! He had a hat!"
A thief stole a sine and a cosine.
He took the two identities to a beach. However, they were too heavy for him to carry. He wanted to keep them under the sand, but the beach was so narrow that it could only contain one of them: sine or cosine.
He decided that, using his mathematical skills, that he would stack sine over cosine - but that resulted in tan! He did not want to get tan. So he stacked cosind over sine...
and then he got cot.
A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...
He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.
The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.
"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"
"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"
I took the kids to the beach
So yesterday I decided to take the kids to the beach. Well after a while the kids decided they wanted to build a sand castle. My oldest was the natural leader of the group and was directing the others where to put the towers and such. Well the oldest self assigns the task of digging the moat around the sand castle. I said ok buddy, but don't screw up or you'll be demoted.
I love going to the beach, having a seat, and pull sand up to my c**...
Makes the c**... feel more at home.
s**... kid joke: Why was the sand at the beach wet?
Because the sea wee'd.
A German guy, wanting to escape the cold and dark German winter, books a holiday to Miami.
A German guy, wanting to escape the cold and dark German winter, books a holiday to Miami. His first day there, he heads to the nearest beach bar and proceeds to pound down mai tais. After 5 or 6 drinks, he feels a strong urge to pee, and in his drunken state, he swivels his stool around and starts peeing right onto the sand. Just then, a young woman happens to walk by and shrieks "g**...!"
His cheeks blush as he yells back "Danke!"
I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.
I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.
It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.
Joke Factory: Why did the [NOUN] go to the [LOCATION]?
Give me a random NOUN and LOCATION using the above format, and I'll give you the punchline.
For example:
Why did the soldier go to the beach?He was caught in a sand-off and came back shell-shocked.
Ready? Go!
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