The Best 68 Sample Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Sample jokes. There are some sample swab jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sample substances puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Sample Jokes and Puns


An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

A policeman pulls over a driver...

for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.

Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.

Alright, we could get a blood sample.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.

Fine then, just walk this white line.

Can't do that either, officer.

Why not?

Because I'm drunk.

An old man doesn't feel well...

So he and his wife go to the doctors office. When they meet with the doctor he says "We need to do a full workup and run some tests. I'm going to need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample". The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and says "eh?". His wife just rolls her eyes and says "Frank, just give him your underwear!"

An old man goes to the doctor...

...for his yearly physical, his wife tags along with him, The Doctor says: "I'll need a Urine sample, a Stool sample, and a Sperm sample." The old man being hard of hearing says: "What did he say? What's he want?" His wife replies: "He said he needs your underwear."

A wife went with her husband to his doctors appointment...

Doctor: I'm gonna need a urine and stool sample.

Wife (to husband): Just give him your underwear honey!!!

An elderly couple go to the doctor......

for the husbands annual physical. The husband is hard of hearing and he and the wife sit at the doctors desk after his exam. The doctor starts talking and tells the husband he is ordering some tests, and he'll need to provide a urine sample, a stool sample, and a blood sample.
The husband looks over to his wife and asks: "what did he just say?" The wife replies "give him your underwear".

Computer diagnosis

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard.

2. Get a water softener.

3. Your dog has ringworm.

4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

5. Your daughter is using cocaine.

6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.

Sample joke, Computer diagnosis

A man goes in for his annual physical...

...and gets called into the examination room. The doctor looks at his chart and tells him, "Okay, I'm going to need a urine, stool and sperm sample."

The man looks at his watch and says, "Geez doc, I'm in kind of a hurry. Can I just leave you my underwear?"

At The Nikon Headquarters

We need random people in a room to test and sample our new lenses

"A focus group?"


What did the radioactive sample say to the other radioactive sample?


Are you a Carbon sample?

Because I want to *date* you.

You can explore sample taster reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sample cyanide dad jokes. There are also sample puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

MY first physical

being 50 years old and having never had a physical the doctor wanted a complete work-up, so he says to me "we'll need a blood, urine,sperm, and stool sample" I threw him the underwear I was wearing and told him to "take whatever you need"

What's the difference between a doctor and a chair salesman?

The chair salesman gives YOU a stool sample.

A man once became addicted to cocaine from foreign countries. He spent all his money to travel and sample the evil drug in all parts of the world.

Thankfully, he stopped once he hit the Finnish line.

Why are statistics more believable with a larger sample size?

The Ns justify the means.

My doctor said he needed a stool sample from me.

The timing was perfect. I was about to go to Ikea anyway

Sample joke, My doctor said he needed a stool sample from me.

What do you call a random selection of sailors?

A seamen sample

What do you call it when you sit on a high chair to see if you want to buy it?

A stool sample.

What's the first step in getting accepted to carpentry school?

Submitting a stool sample.

Why did the doctor go the furniture store?

Because he needed a stool sample.

A farmer once bought some ammonium nitrate fertilizer, but it smelled weird,

so he put a sample in a pan and brought it to the nearest USDA branch. A security guard saw the pan full of fertilizer and yelled "bomb", but it was just panned ammonium

There is a new machine for testing your sperm count at home

Maybe I could use it to check my daughter's saliva sample

My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data.

I guess the N's justify the means.

pair of your underwear

A doctor tells an old couple at his office he needs to get a stool sample, a urine sample, and a blood test from the old man.

Hard of hearing, the old man asks his wife what the doctor said.

The wife replies, "He needs a pair of your underwear."

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I'm still very thankful for your help today, nurse."

"Sure thing, sweet pee."

What do you call it when you are studying bacteria and someone steals your sample?

Cultural appropriation.

Sample joke, What do you call it when you are studying bacteria and someone steals your sample?

Imagine if Samsung and Apple came together to build a phone. What would it be called?


Is your normal probability plot approximately linear?

Cause you can distribute your sample over me


Two guys were crying in front of a hospital when they meet a common friend of theirs. The friend asked them why they were crying.

First guy: I was here for a blood test and they cut my finger for blood sample.

The friend said it's perfectly natural and thats how they take a sample. The second guy immediately started crying harder then before. The friend got confused and asked him what happened.

Second guy: I'm here for urine test.

My doctor asked me for a urine sample and a stool sample.

So I gave him my underwear.

A Frenchman confirms that he wants to sample a Japanese cover of Snoop Dogg's "French Inhale"

Oui, one wee weeb weed song.

I just found out sperm banks pay for your sample....

To think I've let all that money slip through my fingers.

What's a carpenter's prototype of a bar seat called?

A stool sample.

An elderly, married couple walks into a hospital.

The doctor says to the old man, 'I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample.'
The old man says, 'What?' So the doctor says it again. Once again the deaf old codger says, What?'
With that the old man's wife turns to her doddery husband and says, 'He needs a pair of your underwear'.

I think I drink too much.

The last time I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it.

A Marine walks into a McDonald's, starts eating food off the line...

"Sample Fry"

I went to the doctor today. He ask for a stool and urine sample.

I told him I would leave him my underwear

The ancestry results from my 23andMe saliva sample came back today.

I'm 100% alcoholic.

Two German soccer players go to a sperm bank..

The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"

This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previous days game. After discussing it for a while, they decide to inform the nurse

"I don't think we're ready to compete for the cup...

My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug.

Turns out my dog licked my sample.

I went to a store and there was a sample table on display with depleted batteries:

Needless to say, they were free of charge.

An old married couple go to the hospital

And as they are getting checked in the doctor says to the old man,

"I need a stool sample, a urine sample, and a blood sample."

The old man being hard of hearing says, "what'd you say?"

and his wife replies, "He said they need to see your underware."

Why shouldn't you share your food with a statistician?

Because they always want a large sample

The local sperm bank is paying £100 per sample.

Think of all that money you let slip through your fingers.

A doctor takes a pee sample from a patient

When he comes back in, he looks surprised and worried

Patient: Is there something wrong?

Doctor: Urine trouble, alright

When Apple collab with Samsung, their product won't last long

Because they're just Sample

You ladies who only use tampons should really give pads a try. I'll even send you a sample for free.

No strings attached

Sent my stool sample to the lab today...

...he just wagged his tail and asked for seconds.

My doctor just thanked me for submitting the minimum amount of feces for my stool sample.

I told him it was the least I could doo.

New Cologne

My son told me this.

Tesla is offering a sample of their new cologne when you go to their show rooms.

It is called Elon Musk

In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages.

The Ns justify the means.

An old man and his wife go to the doctor...

After the examination the doctor says, "OK sir we just need to get a urine sample, stool sample, blood sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, hard of hearing, turns to his wife, "What'd he say?"

The woman says, "give him your underwear"

When my wife goes out shopping she like to sample things before purchasing.

She is buy-curious.

I conducted a COVID-19 survey by checking in on all the tinder matches I accumulated over the years.

Although my sample size may be insufficient, the results of the survey are devastating and tragic.

May they all rest in peace.

I went to the doctor for a complete physical

He asked for a urine, blood, stool and a sperm sample. So I gave him my underware......and a sock

medina spirit was disqualified for a second failed drug test

experts described the horse's urine sample as "funky, cold"

Doctor asked for a urine sample, stool sample and sperm sample...

So I gave him my underwear.

85 Year Old Man Getting His Physical

Old man is in the room with his wife and doctor says: "We're gonna need a blood sample, a stool sample, and a urine sample."

Old man says to his wife "What'd he say?"

Wife: "He wants your underwear."

New job wants a urine sample everyday

they're taking the piss

Mr. O'Malley comes home from the doctor and tells his wife he needs to supply a urine sample.

Mr. O'Malley is distraught because he has no idea what a urine sample is. Mr. O'Malley asks his wife to go nextdoor and ask their neighbor for help.

Mrs. O'Malley comes back, beaten, bruised, and bloodied.

"What the bloody hell happened to you, my love!?" exclaims Mr. O'Malley.

"I asked Mrs. Finnegan how you get a urine sample," Mrs. O'Malley explains. "She said, 'Go piss in a cup!' and I said, Go Shit In A Hat! And the fight was on."

A gastroenterologist walks into a bar, grabs one of the bar seats, examines it, picks it up & starts walking out.

The bartender yells at him, hey what do you think you're doing?!

He smiles and says just taking a stool sample!

A rich guy visits a doctor for a little blue pill

The doctor gives him a sample to try out. He tells him to take it now and by the time you get home it should be working.

20 minutes later the guy calls the doctor to tell him his wife isn't home but the maid is there.

Doctor says, well... try it out with the maid.

Patient replies, I never needed a pill to get a hard-on with the maid.

An elderly man and his wife are in the doctors office

the doctor says to the man "I'm going to need a a urine sample, a blood sample, and a stool sample."

the man turns to his wife "What did he say?, he needs what?"

the wife yells "Just give him your underpants."

A senior citizen goes to yearly physical

The doctor asks for urine sample, stool sample and sperm sample
The man being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks "what did he say?"

The wife yells back to him "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR "

My vet asked me for a stool sample from my dog

I told them she didn't have any stools, she just sits on the ground, but they just looked at me like I was an idiot.

Where do Russians keep their stool sample for the doctor?

In a Poo-tin!

Picture this: you go to a urologist's office, and along with all their other patients, you contribute a urine sample. The doctor puts everyone's sample bottles in a little machine that spins them around really fast. Congratulations! You've just...

visualized whirled pees.

My doctor asked for a stool sample....

...and got mad at me when I handed him a tiny chair. Now I'm banned from the doctors office and still don't know why I'm pooping out furniture.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sample softener jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sample jar piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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