Sample Jokes
86 sample jokes and hilarious sample puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sample that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh your way to success with a collection of sample jokes for public speaking. Learn how to roast and deliver punchlines with perfect timing. Try sample jokes from different cultures like Japanese and smart ones to make your audience laugh!
Funniest Sample Short Jokes
Short sample jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sample humour may include short examples jokes also.
- My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data. I guess the N's justify the means.
- My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug. Turns out my dog licked my sample.
- Why shouldn't you share your food with a statistician? Because they always want a large sample
- What's the difference between a doctor and a chair salesman? The chair salesman gives YOU a stool sample.
- My vet asked me for a stool sample from my dog I told them she didn't have any stools, she just sits on the ground, but they just looked at me like I was an idiot.
- What do Paint Samples and Michael Jackson have in common? They both come in little white cans...
- When my wife goes out shopping she like to sample things before purchasing. She is buy-curious.
- A carpenter pulls up to his doctor with his truck "Took me a while to source the right kind of spruce, but I have the stool samples you asked for"
- Is your normal probability plot approximately linear? Cause you can distribute your sample over me
- I went to a store and there was a sample table on display with depleted batteries: Needless to say, they were free of charge.
Share These Sample Jokes With Friends
Sample One Liners
Which sample one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sample? I can suggest the ones about survey and specimen.
- Went to get stool sample test. It was expensive... ...cost me a buttload.
- Where do you find rappers in the middle of the day? Costco for all the free samples
- Are you a Carbon sample? Because I want to *date* you.
- If I was a salesman and sold bar stools, I'd hand out free stool samples.
- What's the first step in getting accepted to carpentry school? Submitting a stool sample.
- Costco is like my ex Cheap and giving free samples to everyone
- Why did the deer lose her job at the bakery? She was caught sampling the owner's doe nuts
- What's a carpenter's prototype of a bar seat called? A stool sample.
- What did the radioactive sample say to the other radioactive sample? IDK.
- I was recently sampled by Doctor Dre... Should get my results next week.
- What do you call 10 samples of 6.02 x 10²³ lava molecules? Mole-ten rock.
- Why did the doctor go the furniture store? Because he needed a stool sample.
- I went to Costco and got a lot of food and parts of music. Samples are really big there.
- When Apple collab with Samsung, their product won't last long Because they're just Sample
- The ancestry results from my 23andMe saliva sample came back today. I'm 100% alcoholic.
Stool Sample Jokes
Here is a list of funny stool sample jokes and even better stool sample puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My doctor said he needed a stool sample from me. The timing was perfect. I was about to go to Ikea anyway
- What do you call it when you sit on a high chair to see if you want to buy it? A stool sample.
- Sent my stool sample to the lab today... ...he just wagged his tail and asked for seconds.
Cheeky Sample Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about sample you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean simulation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sample pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The elbow
A man is complaining to his friend: "My elbow really hurts. I think I need to see a doctor." His friend answers: "Dude, this is 2012, in the supermarket they have a new computer that can diagnose much faster and cheaper. Just place a u**... sample in the machine and it says what's wrong, and that only for $1!"
The man decides to take a shot, fills a glass with u**..., goes to the supermarket, finds the computer and pours his u**... into the computer. Immediately a small paper is printed and comes out of the computer: "TENNIS ELBOW. Keep your arm warm for a few days and avoid heavy lifting. In two weeks you'll be better."
The former scriptkiddie is impressed and decides to see if he can confuse the computer. He mixes dishwashing water with diarrhea from his dog, together with some u**... from his wife and daughter. To finish it he masturbates and drops his s**... into the cup and mixes everything again.
when he arrives in the supermarked he drops his mixture into the computer. The computer spits out a little less small paper: "Your tap water contains too much calcium, buy softener. Your dog has parasites, give him medicines. Your daughter smokes marihuana, speak with her. Your wife is pregnant and you're not the father, get yourself a good lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sorry, I Can't do That!
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says,
"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a u**... sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
Come To Me
Two women walked into a department store, stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One woman sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. "That's nice, isn't it?" She said waving her
arm under her friend's nose. "Yeah, what's it called?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What's that mean?" A clerk offered some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" The woman took another sniff. "That doesn't smell like come to me," she said, offering her arm to her friend again. "Does that smell like come to you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A policeman pulls over a driver...
for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.
Okay, we'll just get a u**... sample down at the station.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.
Alright, we could get a blood sample.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.
Fine then, just walk this white line.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm drunk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man doesn't feel well...
So he and his wife go to the doctors office. When they meet with the doctor he says "We need to do a full workup and run some tests. I'm going to need a u**... sample, a stool sample and a s**... sample". The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and says "eh?". His wife just rolls her eyes and says "Frank, just give him your underwear!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wife went with her husband to his doctors appointment...
Doctor: I'm gonna need a u**... and stool sample.
Wife (to husband): Just give him your underwear honey!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys are playing tennis.
After they finish their game, one turns to the other and tells his friend his elbow really hurts. His friend tells him to go down to the local pharmacy. At the pharmacy they have a machine where you put in $5 and a u**... sample, and the machine will tell you what's wrong and how to cure it. The friend is astonished so he goes down. He puts in the $5 and a u**... sample and the machine prints out a little sheet of paper. On the paper it says: You have tennis elbow, rest your elbow, stay away from strenuous activity, and it should go away. This guy is amazed. He drives home quickly, thinking he can test the machine. So, he grabs a big glass. He puts some tap water in, gets his wife and daughter to pee in it, and just for fun he masturbates into it. He goes back down puts in $5 and the sample. A large list prints out. It says: You have hard water get, a water softener, your daughter is addicted to h**..., get her into rehab, your wife is cheating on you, get a lawyer, and if you don't quit m**... your tennis elbow is never going to go away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Computer diagnosis
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor for a u**... test.
The doctor performs the test and tells him that he has Diabetes. The man doesn't believe this and tells the doctor he wants to retake the test. The doctor complies, but the test results remained the same. The man returns home and plans to confuse the doctor by mixing his u**... with that of his wife and daughter and adds some of his car oil. The doctor examines the sample and comes out to tell the man:"Your wife is cheating on you, your daughter is pregnant, your car needs an oil change, and you still have diabetes. "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a nun were visiting from Ireland to New York City one day...
And heard that in the US they eat dogs. The two decided that "when in Rome", so they took it upon themselves to find this cousine to sample. They were strolling through central park and heard someone yelling " dogs here, get yer dogs!" And found a hot dog cart vendor. They both ordered one each and sat down at a park bench to eat them. The nun unwrapped her dog first and took a look, then turned to the priest and asked, "which part of the dog did you get?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christian Drugs.
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "m**... from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "c**... from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At The Nikon Headquarters
We need random people in a room to test and sample our new lenses
"A focus group?"
d**... JOHNSON THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES
Hey girl are you a fossil sample?
cause i'm an impatient paleontologist and i want to date you badly
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
MY first physical
being 50 years old and having never had a physical the doctor wanted a complete work-up, so he says to me "we'll need a blood, u**...,s**..., and stool sample" I threw him the underwear I was wearing and told him to "take whatever you need"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man once became addicted to c**... from foreign countries. He spent all his money to travel and sample the evil drug in all parts of the world.
Thankfully, he stopped once he hit the Finnish line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a random selection of sailors?
A s**... sample
A farmer once bought some ammonium nitrate fertilizer, but it smelled weird,
so he put a sample in a pan and brought it to the nearest USDA branch. A security guard saw the pan full of fertilizer and yelled "bomb", but it was just panned ammonium
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There is a new machine for testing your s**... count at home
Maybe I could use it to check my daughter's saliva sample
A driver was swerving all over the road...
... then was pulled over by a police officer. The police officer knocked on the door and said,
"Sir, please blow into this machine"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I have asthma, and it might trigger an asthma attack"
"Okay, could we get a blood sample then?"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I have diabetes, and it might upset my blood sugar level"
"Okay, then just step outside your car and walk in a straight line"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A masked man walks into a s**... bank with a gun.
He points the gun at the receptionist and tells her to open the safe. She says: but you don't understand. This is not a normal bank. This is a s**... bank. The man says: I know exactly what this is. Now open a sample and s**... the whole thing. The woman opens one and swallows it all. The man then takes off his mask. It is her husband. She screams at him: I can't believe it. It's you. Why are you doing this? He gets close to her and says: you see??? It didn't kill you to s**... it. Did it?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.
Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a u**... sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your u**.... You're diabetic." She says.
Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I'm still very thankful for your help today, nurse."
"Sure thing, sweet pee."
Imagine if Samsung and Apple came together to build a phone. What would it be called?
Sample
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tests
Two guys were crying in front of a hospital when they meet a common friend of theirs. The friend asked them why they were crying.
First guy: I was here for a blood test and they cut my finger for blood sample.
The friend said it's perfectly natural and thats how they take a sample. The second guy immediately started crying harder then before. The friend got confused and asked him what happened.
Second guy: I'm here for u**... test.
When is it impossible to use a spectrometer on a radioactive sample?
On Farad-day.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My doctor asked me for a u**... sample and a stool sample.
So I gave him my underwear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman confirms that he wants to sample a Japanese cover of Snoop Dogg's "French Inhale"
Oui, one wee weeb w**... song.
I got a sample set of contacts from Costco
The toothpicks in the contacts got splinters in my eyes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just found out s**... banks pay for your sample....
To think I've let all that money slip through my fingers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dads favorite medical school joke.
Medical students were attending their 1st biochemistry class. They all gathered around the Lab table with a u**... sample. The professor dip his finger in u**... & tasted it in his own mouth. Then he asked the students to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes, but at last every one dipped their finger in u**... sample & tasted it.... When everyone finished, the professor looked at them & said: The most important quality is 'Observation'. I dipped my MIDDLE Finger but tasted the INDEX Finger. Today you just learn, how to pay attention.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think I drink too much.
The last time I gave a u**... sample, there was an olive in it.
A Marine walks into a McDonald's, starts eating food off the line...
"Sample Fry"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two German soccer players go to a s**... bank..
The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"
This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previous days game. After discussing it for a while, they decide to inform the nurse
"I don't think we're ready to compete for the cup...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor takes a pee sample from a patient
When he comes back in, he looks surprised and worried
Patient: Is there something wrong?
Doctor: u**... trouble, alright
You ladies who only use tampons should really give pads a try. I'll even send you a sample for free.
No strings attached
I wanted to learn more about my ancestry so I registered with a company online and sent them my DNA sample
Two weeks later I got a letter saying the sample cup was for saliva.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My doctor just thanked me for submitting the minimum amount of f**... for my stool sample.
I told him it was the least I could doo.
New Cologne
My son told me this.
Tesla is offering a sample of their new cologne when you go to their show rooms.
It is called Elon Musk
I conducted a COVID-19 survey by checking in on all the tinder matches I accumulated over the years.
Although my sample size may be insufficient, the results of the survey are devastating and tragic.
May they all rest in peace.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to the doctor for a complete physical
He asked for a u**..., blood, stool and a s**... sample. So I gave him my underware......and a sock
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
medina spirit was disqualified for a second failed drug test
experts described the horse's u**... sample as "funky, cold"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New job wants a u**... sample everyday
they're taking the p**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr. O'Malley comes home from the doctor and tells his wife he needs to supply a u**... sample.
Mr. O'Malley is distraught because he has no idea what a u**... sample is. Mr. O'Malley asks his wife to go nextdoor and ask their neighbor for help.
Mrs. O'Malley comes back, beaten, bruised, and bloodied.
"What the b**... h**... happened to you, my love!?" exclaims Mr. O'Malley.
"I asked Mrs. Finnegan how you get a u**... sample," Mrs. O'Malley explains. "She said, 'Go p**... in a cup!' and I said, Go s**... In A Hat! And the fight was on."
A gastroenterologist walks into a bar, grabs one of the bar seats, examines it, picks it up & starts walking out.
The bartender yells at him, hey what do you think you're doing?!
He smiles and says just taking a stool sample!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rich guy visits a doctor for a little blue pill
The doctor gives him a sample to try out. He tells him to take it now and by the time you get home it should be working.
20 minutes later the guy calls the doctor to tell him his wife isn't home but the maid is there.
Doctor says, well... try it out with the maid.
Patient replies, I never needed a pill to get a hard-on with the maid.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do Russians keep their stool sample for the doctor?
In a p**...-tin!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Picture this: you go to a urologist's office, and along with all their other patients, you contribute a u**... sample. The doctor puts everyone's sample bottles in a little machine that spins them around really fast. Congratulations! You've just...
visualized whirled pees.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My doctor asked for a stool sample....
...and got mad at me when I handed him a tiny chair. Now I'm banned from the doctors office and still don't know why I'm p**... out furniture.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just had to pay $300 for a stool sample test.
That..s**... was expensive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the doctor angry at their patient while trying to get a stool sample?
Because he didn't give a s**....
