Sam Jokes
103 sam jokes and hilarious sam puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sam that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article provides funny jokes about the various "Sams" we know. From Uncle Sam, Fireman Sam, and Yosemite Sam, to Trader Sam and Sam Kinison, you'll find funny jokes to share with friends and family. You'll also learn some of the funniest jokes about Ellie, Bessie, and Sally. Laugh and enjoy these unique Sam Jokes!
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Funniest Sam Short Jokes
Short sam jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sam humour may include short sally jokes also.
- Why did Gollum leave the room every time Sam and Frodo lit their pipes? He couldn't stand being around such filthy habitses.
- Black eye Tom: "Hey buddy, howya do...whoa! who gave you that black eye?
Sam: "My wife"
Tom: "I thought she was out of town for the weekend."
Sam: "So did I." - Waiter: "Okay then! My name is Sam if you need anything." Me: "And what's your name if I *don't* need anything?"
- I was trying to track down a man and a woman, so I set a trap, and baited it with raw chicken. And that's how I got Sam and ella.
- If Sam McCringle can mingle with a single bag of Pringles in the time it takes to sing a single jingle, with how many Pringles did Sam McCringle mingle? none... Pringles come in cans
- I'm giving out full size chocolate bars for Hallo So my friend Sam who is in college came over. He had full wizard costume, and his coding book.
He was an installation wizard! - Good trade Man was walking down the street with a case of beer. His friend Sam stops him and asks "what did ya get the beer for?"
I got it for my wife answers the man
Oh exclaims Sam "Good trade" - My 5 yo son, Samuel, came up with this knock knock joke at his birthday and we were all in tears.. "Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Sam"
"Sam who?"
"Samwhere over the rainbow..." - Hunters should always know what's behind their target Behind mine is a Sam's Club and a Starbucks
- She's an Angel... Al: What kind of woman did you marry?
Sam: She's an angel, that's what she is.
Al: Boy, you sure are lucky. Mine's still living.
Share These Sam Jokes With Friends
Sam One Liners
Which sam one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sam? I can suggest the ones about john and smith.
- How does Yosemite Sam keep recovering from being killed? Rein-tarnation.
- Everyone told Sam not to sing. But Samsung anyway.
- Sam Bankman-Fried has been arrested He is now Sam Bankman-Jailed
- Why did Uncle Sam get a divorce? His wife was Auntie America.
- How do you call a fish that's turned on A sam-ON
- Ok I have a Scottish joke: Sam Wanamaker, Immanuel Kant. Sammy Cahn… … but Walt Disney.
- Did you see what Sam did at the talent show? Sam sung
- Sam and Ella died From Salmonella
- A woman asks her husband "John, why are you so miserable?" "Because my name is Sam"
- Mommy, i want a bicycle !! Shut up Sam! You've already have your wheelchair!
- What do ghosts order at the bar? Sam-BOO!-ca
- A couple I know only eat raw meat. Their names are Sam and Ella.
- The karaoke party was the bomb Sam sung
- Samsung But what did Sam sing?!
- Samantha is giving out tug jobs. Free Sam pulls.
Michael Sam Jokes
Here is a list of funny michael sam jokes and even better michael sam puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Michael Sam Michael Sam has stepped away from football. He will now pursue his sacks elsewhere.
- Michael Sam is going to get cut from the Rams Apparently he is always behind the competition
- Why did the Rams give Michael Sam #96? Would #69 be too offensive?
- Why did Michael Sam, the first openly gay NFL player, say he doesn't shop at Sports Authority? Because he prefers d**...'s.
- Did you hear Michael Sam turned down a Sports Authority sponsorship? He prefers d**...'s.
Uncle Sam Jokes
Here is a list of funny uncle sam jokes and even better uncle sam puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Merry 4th of July! The difference between Uncle Sam and Santa Claus is... Santa Claus gives notes with his presents... Uncle Sam takes note of your presence.
- My creepy uncle constantly watches me, and he keeps telling me what I can and can't do. His name is Sam.
- What do you call an American m**...? Uncle Sam.
Ridiculous Sam Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about sam you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prim jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sam pranks.
A Michael Sam joke
After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it's the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien
Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers.
Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Emma gives Mary 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Sam gives Mary 2 stuffed animals and 1 flower. What does Mary have?
Cancer. Mary has cancer.
Sam: Hey Dave, I saw something really weird last night in the woods.
Dave: Oh yeah? What'd you see?
Sam: We'll it's kinda hard to explain, except it looked like a group of older women gathered around a fire, doing these weird chants and they started to get n**..... I mean that could only mean one thing..
Dave: Which is?
Sam: Exactly
An Asian man goes to rent a car, and the clerk sees the man's name is Herschel Leibowitz
The clerk asks him how an Asian man like himself got the name Herschel Leibowitz. He responds in a heavy accent "When I was going through immigration, we were in a line in the area where we give our names. The name of the man in front of me was Herschel Leibowitz. When they call for me to ask me what my name is, I said "Sam Ting"
Purchased Vs. Homemade
Six year old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks; "How did it go?" "I nearly died of shame!" she answers.
"Sam from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."
Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."
"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves! that I was HOMEMADE."
Jewish Judge
Taking his seat in his chambers, the smart, HONEST Jewish Judge faced the opposing lawyers.
"So, the Judge said, I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both lawyers became uncomfortable.
" You, attorney John, gave me $ 50,000 and you, attorney Sam, gave me $ 60,000."
The judge now reached into his pocket and pulled out $ 10,000, He handed it to attorney Sam and said...
"Now that I'm returning $ 10,000, we're going to decide this case solely on its merits.
Baseball in Heaven
Moe and Sam, who were both 90 years old, loved baseball, and they had their entire life. One day, they were sitting together on a bench in their neighborhood when Moe turns to Sam and says:
"Will you promise me something? Promise me that if you die first and go to heaven, you'll come back and tell if there's baseball there."
Sam agreed, and made Moe promise the same. 3 months later, Sam died, and the next week Moe woke up in his sleep with someone calling his name.
"Who's there?" he called out.
"Moe! It's me Sam!"
"Sam! It's so good to hear you! How's heaven?" Moe asked.
"It's great, but I've some news, some good and some bad" Sam told him.
"Well tell me the good news first" Moe replied.
"Ok, the good news is that, there is baseball in heaven."
"That's great." Moe exclaimed, "What's the bad news?"
"Well, the bad news is that I was reading the lineup, and you're pitching on Friday."
Sam walks into his boss's office.
Sir, I'll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.
After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5 per cent raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.
By the way , asks the boss as Sam is getting up, which three companies are after you?
The electric company, water company, and phone company , Sam replied.
Two guys meet up at a high school reunion
They start talking about people from their past.
"Hey, remember that flat chested girl Sam?"
"Oh yea, how she doing?"
"I just saw her like 15 minutes ago and now she's like this" - He holds his hands in front of his chest, fingers curled in.
"Oh, she got breast e**...?"
"No, she's got severe arthritis"
Where ya from Sam?
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.
And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."
Two Americans were trekking in a desert.
Dehydrated and hungry, they walked into a mosque.
The Imam asked for their names.
Mark thought: Maybe it's wiser to pretend to be a Muslim. So he replied: My name is Ahmed.
Sam said: My name is Sam.
The Imam called his servant over, who handed Sam some food and water.
He then turned to Mark and said: Happy Ramadan, brother Ahmed.
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.
The only married person was Otis, & he was the town drunk.
Thank God
Sam was driving down the road and was pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Sam's car, the policeman said, "Your wife fell out the car five miles back." Sam replied,
"Thank God for that. I'd thought I'd gone deaf!"
One day John looks over the fence and spies Sam's wife, n**..., watering the garden.
When Sam gets home from work, John brags to him that he's seen his wife n**....
Sam wants revenge, so that night creeps over to John's yard and catches sight of John's wife performing o**... s**....
The next day, Sam approaches John at the mailbox. "Hey, I saw your wife performing o**... s**... on you last night."
"Ha ha, the joke's on you," John says, "I wasn't home last night!"
Two friends Sam and Terry are spending the day together
As they are walking home down an empty street they find themselves at gunpoint with a mugger asking for their wallets.
As they take out their wallets Sam says "One sec" He takes a 20 out of his wallet and gives it to Terry
"Here's the 20 I owe you"
Student 1: My name is Tom Archer because my ancestors were making bows and arrows.
Student 2: My name is Sam Baker because my forefathers were bakers.
Student 3: My name is John Dickinson, and I hate this game.
After many years in America, the local Korean owner of a convenience store was asked how it was that his name is Patrick Murphy.
When I come to America, there was long line of immigrants from all over the world. When immigration officer ask man in front of me where he comes from & what his name he tell him, " I'm from Ireland & my name is Patrick Murphy!" Then immigration officer writes his name down and tells him to go on to next line.
Then immigration officer ask me where I come from & my name and I tell him, " I am from Korean and my name is Sam Ting!"
Sam's girlfriend asked if he had ever slept with a p**...
Sam says "Darling, i've never told you this, but you were my first and only. I have never been with any woman other than you."
Sam's girlfriend gives him a huge hug and kiss in relief. As they hug Sam says "So to answer your question, yes."
I came up with a joke on Tinder. It was wasted on her.
Frodo, Sam, Pippen and Merry went to Kay's Jewellers. Frodo said to the jeweler: "We are all getting married this weekend, and we shall need 4 wedding bands!". The jeweler responded, "I'm sorry, we are almost completely sold out. The best I can offer is one ring to woo them all."
Dating a nice guy.
Sam: Your boyfriend seems real nice.
Alex: Yea, he's the best!
Sam: He seems a little TOO nice though, can't be all that exciting in the bedroom.
Alex: Not true, what they say about nice guys is true you know.
Sam: What's that?
Alex: Nice guys ALWAYS finish last.
Sam Adams decides to pay Thomas Paine a visit ...
He knocks, and Tom comes to answer the door. Sam says, "I notice that you use the New York Times instead of a doormat. "Yes," says Tom. "These are the Times that dry mens' soles."
Let's play name the title
Jokes are reposted so many times here, so name the titles of these punchlines
1. Ones a hippo and ones a little lighter
2. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?
3. Obviously not
4. But it wasn't stroganoff
5. Sam sung note 7
6. Measles
7. We went out and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wanted to become a web designer.
8. I wore the wrong sock this morning
9. Unless everyone gets them
10. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for life.
Want to hear a dirty joke?
Sam played in the mud.
Want to hear a clean joke?
Sam took a bath with Bubbles.
Want to hear another dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.
Enjoy this middle school level joke I suddenly remembered for some reason.
Tommy's parents wanted to have s**.......
So his dad asked him to stand in the balcony and tell What's happening outside. Tommy started
Tommy : Sam is having his breakfast
Lil is starting her car
Kids are playing in the park
Mark is opening his garage
Mike's parents are having s**...
Dad : What! How do you know that!
Tommy : He is also standing in the balcony!
My 12 year old son is already trying to be a dad
He gave me three jokes:
Q: Why couldn't Sam go on the swing set at school?
A: Because he's a turtle.
Q: Why couldn't Sally go on the swing set at school?
A: Because she doesn't have any arms.
Knock knock
(Who's there?)
Well, obviously not Sally!
Abraham wandered into Sam's pawnshop and placed a leather coat on the counter.
How much will you give me for this jacket?
Sam checked it over. $20, and that's the best he replied.
But that jacket is worth $100" argued Abraham.
Sam was adamant. $20 or nothing.
Are you sure that's all it's worth? pressed Abe.
Positive
Okay, said Abe. "Here's your $20. The jacket was hanging in your doorway and I was wondering how much it was worth.
Lucky
An old guy, Sam isn't feeling too good so he goes to the doctor. After the exam, the doctor comes back and says, Unfortunately, Sam, I have bad news and worse news.
Oh dear , says Sam. Well, give me the worse news first.
Well , says the doc, you only have about 6 hours to live.
Oh no! , says Sam. This is awful!
I know. , says the doctor. I'm sorry. And you also have advanced Alzheimer's.
Well , says Sam. At least I'm not gonna die!
I was in LA recently and got pulled over by an Indian cop
They are outsourcing everything.
He asked me, " why do you think I pulled you over"?
I said, " I don't know, because I missed my last credit payment?"
Credit Sam Tripoli
My 3 sons placed 1st, 2nd and 3rd in a talent contest judged by Lee Kun-hee
Jake juggled, Daniel danced and Sam sung
Sam Allardyce is a disgrace and needs to be punished, humiliated and made an example of...
Therefore he should continue as England Manager
A teacher was telling his students how striking magnets would make the magnets weaker.
Sam, who wasn't paying attention, asked the teacher to explain the concept again.
The teacher replied: 'No matter how attractive they are Sam, DON'T BANG THE MAGNETS'.
Sam got sick and taken to Middle-Earth Medical Center. Frodo rushed to the hospital, asking where Sam is. Chief Registrar Sauron replied:
ICU
I just bought a pet cat and named it Sam.
My friend asked me what Sam is short for.
I said, "Because he's a cat, you d**...."
The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.
They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."
They're Syria killers.
Sam had amazing vocal skills, but was in doubt of them all the time. He got himself to sign up to a Talent Show for the first time. And finally in front of all the people
Samsung
Sam was a struggling singer
Sam wanted the new iPhone but he had no money for that so samsung
Inside the Alamo, Davy Crockett got up from his cot, walked across the dusty dirt floor to the ladder, and climbed to the roof. There, he found Sam Houston and Jim Bowie staring off in the distance...
...as over the hills rode straight toward them a thousand Mexicans. Davy thought for a moment and then said, "Guys...are we laying concrete today?"
What noise does a frog engineer make?
Rivet, rivet.
\- 2019, Sam: a dude sisting next to me in class
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his c**.... The bartender says "What's with the wheel?"
The pirate replies "Arrr it's drivin me nuts!"
Source: Sam Morgan - Uncharted 4
Sam went into Samsung store
Sam went into a Samsung store where he was told that he could win a brand new phone if he sings them a song. What did Sam do?
Sam sung.
John to Sam: Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Sam rushed home angrily.
After half an hour, Sam came back and slapped the John.
Sam said: You fool, he is not my friend.
One day teacher asked Sam that did his father help him with his homework.
Sam simply said that No, he did it all by himself !
Today, my son, Sam, told me that he wanted to become a woman.
I've always wanted a Trans Sam.
I'm playing serious Sam vr with my dad.
Me: Remember you have a shield use it!
Dad: Where's the button for it?
Me: Where your middle finger naturally rests.
Dad: so in your mom.
Quaker Oats announced they are getting rid of Aunt Jemima due to it's racist conotations.
Not to be out done, Froot Loops announced their beloved mascot Toucan Sam will now be replaced with Tekashi 6ix9nine.
A woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!"
"Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
"Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"
Sam goes to the doctor's office.
He is in the waiting room, when he hears the receptionist.
Is Sam here? Sam..
I am!
Dr. Seuss will see you now.
Back in their heyday Ella Fitzgerald and Sammy Davis Jr. opened a restaurant together.
Hard to figure out why "Sam and Ella's" failed.
This Man Sam is Not a Ram
Sam got rammed
by **LA Rams**
although he proved
that he could **jam**
he talked no trash
he sent no **spam**
he even got
3 qb **slams**
his proved his chance
was just a **sham**
should have stayed in bed,
not caused **bedlam**
a man is sam
not a **madam**
and not a Ram
is this man **Sam**
Yosemite Sam walked into a bar
Bugs Bunny was probably involved.
Samsung...
...and I'm sure Sam has lots of dates because if it.
Nicki Minaj is pregnant with Sam 'n Ella twins.
After apparently a guy named Romaine tossed her salad.
Mich grabbed his Meat. Sam grabbed her buns...
The made little sam'miches together. <3
John: I just learned the Spanish word for cheese!
Sam: 'Kay? So?
