Salvation Jokes
24 salvation jokes and hilarious salvation puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about salvation that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out this collection of jokes related to the teachings and beliefs of the Salvation Army. Learn about Grace, Apostles, and other sacred teachings and chuckle along the way.
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Funniest Salvation Short Jokes
Short salvation jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The salvation humour may include short redemption jokes also.
- I've been training my dog to alert me when he smells people who follow a creepy pseudo-religious leader who makes them believe that their salvation lies in giving him money. It's sniffacult work.
- Jesus said "come forth unto me and recieve enternal salvation!" Paul came fifth and won a toaster.
- Do you remember why Bill got fired as a Salvation Army Santa Claus? Doesn't ring a bell.
- (Old WoW joke) ...and Jesus said to his disciples 'I shall grant you wisdom and salvation.' And the disciples replied 'could we get kings instead?'
- Confucious say Man walking down the street carrying a 5-disc CD changer... …is either walking to or from the Salvation Army.
- Thought I would do something admirable this holiday season and donate a kidney but I got nothing but grief from the Salvation Army bell ringer who's bucket I was trying to shove it in
- Yesterday I saw one of those Salvation Army bell ringing guys outside the grocery store and he looked JUST like a zombie... Dead ringer.
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Salvation One Liners
Which salvation one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with salvation? I can suggest the ones about savior and holiness.
- What branch of the military did the hipster join? The Salvation Army.
- Why did the Jews hate Jesus? Because he gave away salvation for free.
- How many members of the Salvation Army does it take to screw in a light bulb? Change?
- Why'd the angle go to the salvation army? Cos there was a 345 sale.
- What do you call an armed robbery of a salvation army truck? Grand Thrift Auto
- We need a new name for the Bible. How about: DIY Salvation
- What do you get when you cross a two criminals and a Jew? Salvation
Charming Humor Salvation Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about salvation you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean resurrection jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make salvation pranks.
My daughter just walked into the living room and said
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said... Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Lakers"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....
... and they're at death's door....
They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with s**... after s**... of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......
"ees... a.... Hambush"
A drunk walks into a church...
...during mass and sits down. The priest is bothered by his presence and says to everybody:
\-The drink is a terrible vice, so much so that a drunk man will never reach salvation. If any of you is inebriated, I ask you to stand up.
The drunk man does, looks around to everybody sitted and says:
\-Whelp, I guess it's just the two of us, father.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried donating s**... the other day, but they refused me.
The requirements they have are really strict there at the salvation army
The religion of bras.
There are basically 3 types of bras for women that can be described in religious terms.
There's the Catholic bra: it holds the masses.
There's the Salvation Army bra: it uplifts the downtrodden.
There's the Baptist bra: it makes mountains out of mole-hills.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Reporter 1: The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!
Reporter 2: And that concludes our report from the White House.
