salty Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious salty puns

My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

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Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land doesn't wave back.

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I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

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Where's the spoon?

A man is sitting in a restaurant and calls the waiter over.

Man: Try the soup.

Waiter: What is wrong with the soup? Is it too salty?

Man: Just try the soup.

Waiter: Is the soup too hot?

Man: Just try the soup!

Waiter: Is the soup too cold?

Man: JUST TRY THE GODDAMN SOUP!!

Waiter: Fine. Where's the spoon?

Man: That's the problem.

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Why is the sea salty?

Because the land does not wave back.

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Why is the ocean so salty?

The land never waves back.

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During an exam, a student pokes the guy next to him and whispers, "pssst... is C the chemical symbol for chlorine?"

He whispers back, "Na, Cl you idiot!".

"OK thanks..." replies the student, "but why so salty?"

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Two morticians meet in a bar...

...and talk about their jobs.
The first mortician says to the other:
"Today I got a woman who had a clitoris like a pickled cucumber".
the other one asks: "What, so big?"
"No," says the first, "so salty!"

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Little Johnny's peanut

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won't believe it! Little Johnny pulled out his pee-pee in class today! It was like a peanut."

The mom replies, "Oh, it was small?"

Little Sally says, "No, it was salty."

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Guy at a restaurant orders a soup

Some random guy orders a soup in the restaurant and the waiter brings him the soup. Right after the waiter leaves the table the guy calls him back and says "Try the soup" the waiter asks "What's the matter, is it too salty?" guy says "Go ahead and taste it" and the waiter asks "Is it too spicy?" and the guy says "Just freakin' try it!" and the waiter asks "Where's the spoon?" and the guy answers "Exactly"

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Mommy...

A little girl comes home from school and her mother asks how her day was. The little girl told her mom That she had found out something new. Her mother asked what it was and the girl replied
"Johnny showed me his pee-pee today and it reminded me of a peanut."
Of course her mother was disturbed and she decided to go along with the little girl's act to see if it wasn't true.
"What about it reminded you of a peanut? Was it small like a peanut?"
"No, it tasted salty."

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A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten

A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten. The girls gets into the car and says - "Mom, Timmy's wee wee is like a peanut!". The mother laughs and asks "why is it small?". "No" the girls answers, "it's salty"

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Finally realized why the end of my rifle always tastes so salty

Because whenever I put it in my mouth I'm always crying

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A priest is playing golf with a sailor.

The sailor uses salty language each time he misses. "Goddammit, I missed!"

The priest warns him not to curse in God's name.

The sailor misses again. "Goddammit I missed!"

The priest cautions him again.

The sailor misses a third time. "Goddammit I missed!"

The skies open up and the hand of God casts down a bolt of furious vengeance which completely obliterates... the priest.

The sailor looks up into the sky.

A booming voice from heaven says "Goddammit, I missed!"

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Little Susie came home from school one day.

Her mom asks "How was school today sweetie?"

"GOOD! Johnny showed me his penis on the playground!"

"What!" Said her mom, "Well what did you think about it?

"It reminded me of a peanut."

"HAHA, Because it was so small?" Joked her mom.

"NO! Because it tasted salty!"

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My 2nd Parrot joke!

A woman goes to a pet store and buys a parrot. Before she leaves the owner warns her that the Parrot had previously lived in a brothel and might have picked up some salty language. When she gets the bird home he looks around and says "New house."
She puts the bird down in the house and the parrot observes her for a moment before saying "New Madam."
The woman shrugs and thinks that it's not so bad.
Shortly after the woman's two daughters return from school and see the new pet. The Parrot looks at them and says "New girls."
Then her husband comes home from work and the parrot looks over at him and says: "Hi Bill."

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Why was the peanut so salty?

Because it got R O A S T E D

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Little Mary

Little Mary came home from Little Johnny's house and called out:

"Hey, Mom, guess what! Johnny has a penis like a peanut!"

Her mother was understandably confused for a second,then queried: "What, you mean it's shaped like a peanut?"

"No, silly, I mean it tastes salty!

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So there's this hot NA chick in my chemistry class

Her attitude is always salty, but hey, her booty is sodium fine.

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What do you call a salty ex-marine?

A seasoned veteran.

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One day in Biology Class...

The teacher was teaching a lesson on human reproductive organs. As a fun fact, she told the class that there was sugar present in semen.

One girl raised her hand and asked, "Then why does semen taste salty?"

Realising what she had said, her face turned bright red. She put her head down in embarrassment.

The teacher then replied, "That's because you taste sweet on the tip of your tongue, not the part that's in the back of your throat."

The girl signed out of school and stayed home for the rest of the day.

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two guys are working at the morgue

guy 1: did you see that woman they dragged out of the ocean? her clitoris was like a pickle...

guy 2: swollen?

guy 1: no, salty

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A little girl talks to her mother about her accident in school...

Annie : Mommy, Jimmy showed his penis to me this morning!

Mom : Really?!?!

Annie : Yeah, and it reminded me about peanuts

Mom : *chuckles* Why? Is it because they are small?

Annie : No, salty...

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A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

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Little Sally comes home from school...

and says "Mummy! Today at school Jimmy showed me his penis!" Her Mother says "Oh, what was it like?" "It was like a peanut" answers little Sally. "You mean it was small, like a peanut?" "No, Salty."

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"Mommy, mommy! Little Johnny pulled out his thingy and showed it to me in the tree house!"

Sally's mother gasped, but didn't want to embarrass her. "Well, what did you think?" she asked.

"It reminded me of a peanut."

"You mean it was small?" her mother chuckled.

"No!" said Sally. "It was salty!"

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2 Mexicans were walking through the desert...

It'd been more than a week since either of them had eaten anything, and their last bottle of water had just gone dry. They'd been walking for hours on end.

Suddenly on the horizon, one of the Mexican's spotted something. 'Look over there my friend, you see the green thing?'

His friend replies 'The thing with pink stuff on it'

Through the air a delicious salty, meaty aroma hit both their noses. They could see a large green, leafy shape in the distance, with pink slivers of what looked like greasy meat hanging from it.

'Yeah man, and you can smell it too!, amigo eetz a bacon tree!'

'AMIGO EETZ A BACON TREE! WE'RE SAVED!'

The Mexican who had first spotted the bacon tree on the horizon suddenly ran, as fast as his legs could carry him towards the plant in in the distance. When all of a sudden...

BANG! BANG! BANG! - Gunshots fired out, as if from nowhere

The other Mexican, who had not had the energy to run looked on to his friend, who lay bleeding and dying from his wounds

Barely able to mouth the words through lack of water the Mexican cried out to his dying friend. 'Amigo, what happened?'

With his last breath the dying Mexican warned his partner...

'Amigo, eetz no bacon tree, eetz a Ham Bush!'

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Bacon related humor...

I'm way too proud of this:

I like my women like I like my bacon,
Salty and bad for me.

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Mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten [NSFW]

The girls gets into the car and says - "Mom, Timmy's willy is like a peanut!". The mother laughs and asks "why is it small?". "No" the girls answers, "it's salty"

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Breaking News: United States is now the largest producer of salt.

So Salty...

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Little girl says to her mum, johnny showed me his willy today, it was just like a peanut, mum says what very small? girl replies...

No very salty.

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What's the difference between a gamer and a pot of boiling water?

A pot of boiling water doesn't get salty when you put a tea-bag in it.

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What part of your hand is the most salty?

The NaCls

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What do you call fish that taste two times as salty?

2Na

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Why are oceans so salty?

Because the Earth is always tilted.

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What are the most funny Salty jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Salty? Well, here are the best Salty dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Salty pick up lines to share with friends.

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