Salty Jokes

What are some Salty jokes?

Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land doesn't wave back.

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

Why is the sea salty?

Because the land does not wave back.

Why is the ocean so salty?

The land never waves back.

During an exam, a student pokes the guy next to him and whispers, "pssst... is C the chemical symbol for chlorine?"

He whispers back, "Na, Cl you idiot!".

"OK thanks..." replies the student, "but why so salty?"

Little Johnny's peanut

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won't believe it! Little Johnny pulled out his pee-pee in class today! It was like a peanut."

The mom replies, "Oh, it was small?"

Little Sally says, "No, it was salty."

Guy at a restaurant orders a soup

Some random guy orders a soup in the restaurant and the waiter brings him the soup. Right after the waiter leaves the table the guy calls him back and says "Try the soup" the waiter asks "What's the matter, is it too salty?" guy says "Go ahead and taste it" and the waiter asks "Is it too spicy?" and the guy says "Just freakin' try it!" and the waiter asks "Where's the spoon?" and the guy answers "Exactly"

Mommy...

A little girl comes home from school and her mother asks how her day was. The little girl told her mom That she had found out something new. Her mother asked what it was and the girl replied
"Johnny showed me his pee-pee today and it reminded me of a peanut."
Of course her mother was disturbed and she decided to go along with the little girl's act to see if it wasn't true.
"What about it reminded you of a peanut? Was it small like a peanut?"
"No, it tasted salty."

A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten

A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten. The girls gets into the car and says - "Mom, Timmy's wee wee is like a peanut!". The mother laughs and asks "why is it small?". "No" the girls answers, "it's salty"

Finally realized why the end of my rifle always tastes so salty

Because whenever I put it in my mouth I'm always crying

A priest is playing golf with a sailor.

The sailor uses salty language each time he misses. "Goddammit, I missed!"

The priest warns him not to curse in God's name.

The sailor misses again. "Goddammit I missed!"

The priest cautions him again.

The sailor misses a third time. "Goddammit I missed!"

The skies open up and the hand of God casts down a bolt of furious vengeance which completely obliterates... the priest.

The sailor looks up into the sky.

A booming voice from heaven says "Goddammit, I missed!"

Why Americans don't need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

My 2nd Parrot joke!

A woman goes to a pet store and buys a parrot. Before she leaves the owner warns her that the Parrot had previously lived in a brothel and might have picked up some salty language. When she gets the bird home he looks around and says "New house."
She puts the bird down in the house and the parrot observes her for a moment before saying "New Madam."
The woman shrugs and thinks that it's not so bad.
Shortly after the woman's two daughters return from school and see the new pet. The Parrot looks at them and says "New girls."
Then her husband comes home from work and the parrot looks over at him and says: "Hi Bill."

Why was the peanut so salty?

Because it got R O A S T E D

So there's this hot NA chick in my chemistry class

Her attitude is always salty, but hey, her booty is sodium fine.

What do you call a salty ex-marine?

A seasoned veteran.

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

"Mommy, mommy! Little Johnny pulled out his thingy and showed it to me in the tree house!"

Sally's mother gasped, but didn't want to embarrass her. "Well, what did you think?" she asked.

"It reminded me of a peanut."

"You mean it was small?" her mother chuckled.

"No!" said Sally. "It was salty!"

Breaking News: United States is now the largest producer of salt.

So Salty...

Bacon related humor...

I'm way too proud of this:

I like my women like I like my bacon,
Salty and bad for me.

2 Mexicans were walking through the desert...

It'd been more than a week since either of them had eaten anything, and their last bottle of water had just gone dry. They'd been walking for hours on end.

Suddenly on the horizon, one of the Mexican's spotted something. 'Look over there my friend, you see the green thing?'

His friend replies 'The thing with pink stuff on it'

Through the air a delicious salty, meaty aroma hit both their noses. They could see a large green, leafy shape in the distance, with pink slivers of what looked like greasy meat hanging from it.

'Yeah man, and you can smell it too!, amigo eetz a bacon tree!'

'AMIGO EETZ A BACON TREE! WE'RE SAVED!'

The Mexican who had first spotted the bacon tree on the horizon suddenly ran, as fast as his legs could carry him towards the plant in in the distance. When all of a sudden...

BANG! BANG! BANG! - Gunshots fired out, as if from nowhere

The other Mexican, who had not had the energy to run looked on to his friend, who lay bleeding and dying from his wounds

Barely able to mouth the words through lack of water the Mexican cried out to his dying friend. 'Amigo, what happened?'

With his last breath the dying Mexican warned his partner...

'Amigo, eetz no bacon tree, eetz a Ham Bush!'

What's the difference between a gamer and a pot of boiling water?

A pot of boiling water doesn't get salty when you put a tea-bag in it.

Why were the British salty about losing America?

They got tea-bagged

What part of your hand is the most salty?

The NaCls

Why are oceans so salty?

Because the Earth is always tilted.

Why is North America so salty?

Because its Na.

What do you call fish that taste two times as salty?

2Na

If genres were flavors SCI-FI would be sour, Fantasy would be sweet, Horror would be bitter, Mystery would be umami...

And Erotica would be salty.

What does a Reditor and the Ocean have in common?

Both are salty.

They banned me from the school talent show.

But i know they were just salty, because they knew they couldnt make their clothes disappear as well as i did.

I bought my wife a desalination device for her birthday

Oddly enough, she's been real salty about it ever since

Start a sentence with "I'm not racist/sexist/whatever, but..." Then say something that has nothing to do with that at all

"I'm not racist, but this soup is too salty."

"I'm not sexist, but I need to borrow a pen."

The joke is in the reactions

Why is the Ocean Salty?

Because the Beach didn't wave back.

My car hates winter...

... Every time it snows it gets so salty.

Why is the ocean so salty?

Because no one ever waves back

What would make Batman really salty?

Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-

What did the Hanzo main say to his salty team?

Nothing, he isn't even in voice chat

Is the Sea salty because the land doesn't wave back?

Someone else thought it was a funny thought of mine on showethoughts

Two cannibals were eating Jerry Seinfeld...

One looks at the other and asks Does this taste salty?

Why is the ocean so salty?

Because people just started to comment on its new YouTube channel.

Which song is the most salty?

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
Hey, Jude

I figured out why peanuts are the meanest food

They're salty about something

Why was 1 all salty?

Someone told him it was 2's day.

What do you call a butthurt white guy?

A salty cracker.

My wife and I decided not to have children.

Their tears make the broth too salty.

My doctor told me that I should avoid salty things

I'm gonna miss playing MOBAs

Why was the potato salty?

Because he had a chip on his shoulder

What did the cookie say to the cracker?

You feeling salty bro?

I like my women like I like my snacks..

Cheesy, salty, a little sweet, and upset about my nutritional value per 50g servings.

"Wanna hear a chemistry joke?"

"Na, man, I'm good."

"Wow, you didn't have to get salty over it."

(Chemically inaccurate but who cares, right?)

Why did Na punch Cl?

Because he made him salty

Little Mary told her dad that Johnny's peepee reminded her of a peanut.

Dad: Why? Is it tiny ?

Little Mary: No ! Salty !

I can never have a nice conversation with the ocean...

...it's simply too salty.

Why did Lot leave his wife?

She became salty.

What do you call a salty white person?

A saltine.

Why was the Ocean kicked from the gaming team?

It was being too salty

A milk thief goes into a barn

He finds a suitable cattle, and tries to milk it. Eventually he resorts to sucking on the udder, and eventually gets a spurt of gelatinous, salty milk. The farmer enters to see the man spitting it out, before the man remarks about the disgusting milk.

Farmer hands him a bucket, and points to another heifer. He says

"That's the female cow right there."

What are the only two similarities between my favorite buger joint, and the orgy I just had?

Nothing but Five Guys, extra salty

Gym class made me sweat a little bit.

I'm salty about it.

Legend says you can't drown playing LOL..

..Because people are too salty there

Lot's Wife

We've all heard the story. No one can blame her if she felt any resentment. Some say, after all these years, she's still pretty salty about it.

Mother, you're so sweet yet salty at the same time

Son, what on earth do you mean?

Well isn't it obvious? Umami

Why do slugs die when you beat them in video games?

They get salty

Why won't the ocean let us drink its water?

Because it's too salty.

I like my women like I like my chips

Original and slightly salty

A man asks his friend if he wants to play another round. He replies with "Na."

The first guy asks the second guy 'Why you gotta be so salty?"

I was told as a kid..

..the ocean water was salty because of whale sperm.

And I believed it for the longest time (true story).

"Do you like dry, salty peanuts in your mouth?"

"I sure do. With ketchup."

"What are you, a gay starfish?!"

Sodium lost its electron...

... and its loving best friend, Chlorine, who had sneakily stolen its electron, asked Sodium if it was sure it had lost its electron. Sodium responded, "I'm positive it was stolen." Chlorine retorted with false disbelief, "You salty cation."

How to make Salty jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Salty to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Salty? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Salty pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes