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Salt Jokes

157 salt jokes and hilarious salt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about salt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

A collection of jokes about salt, from funny quips about sea salt to puns about epsom salt. From lighthearted jokes about salt and pepper shakers to puns about the chemistry of sodium oxide, this article has something for everyone. Read on for a taste of salty humor!

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Funniest Salt Short Jokes

Short salt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The salt humour may include short sand jokes also.

  1. The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed The label says the expiry date is June 2018.
    I'm so glad they dug it up just in time
  2. Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.
  3. Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze.
    My 8 y/o daughter told me this joke.
  4. My doctor said I need to cut back my sodium intake... ...but I tend to take everything he says with a grain of salt.
  5. I was having dinner .. .. .. with Garry Kasporov
    and on the table was a checkered tablecloth.

    It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt.
  6. Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt? So they would end up with seasoned veterans.
  7. My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture. Wow thanks I'm cured.
  8. WARNING: There's an email going round... ...offering Processed Pork, Gelatin, and Salt in a Can.
    If you get this email, DO NOT OPEN IT.
    It's spam!
  9. TIL: Due to the placebo effect, if you tilt your head back, close your eyes, and pretend as if you're shaking a salt-shaker into your mouth, your brain will cause you to actually taste salt
  10. My doctor told me to cut down on my sodium intake. Ive been taking his advice with a grain of salt.

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Salt One Liners

Which salt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with salt? I can suggest the ones about acid and nuts.

  1. In which state is the Great Salt lake? Liquid
  2. Someone just threw Potassium Chloride at me. That's a salt.
  3. Officer! That guy threw sodium chloride at me! Police officer: That's a salt!
  4. What is a chef's favorite gun? A-salt-rifle
    I'll show myself out
  5. Why do sharks live in salt water Because pepper water makes them sneeze
  6. Why does everyone add salt to their meals? It's sodium goooood
  7. Did you hear about the guy addicted to eating salt? Don't worry, he was cured.
  8. Why do fish live in salt water? Because if they lived in pepper water they would sneeze
  9. My father used to say "Take everything with a pinch of salt" Nice man. Made terrible tea.
  10. What do you call a gun that shoots salt. A-salt rifle.
  11. What did the soldier use to season his fries? A salt rifle.
  12. My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard... He's a seasoned veteran.
  13. Hey who threw the sodium chloride at me? That's a salt!
  14. Women are like the salt of my life They raise my blood pressure
  15. What do you call a weapon made of sodium chloride? A salt rifle.

Salt And Pepper Jokes

Here is a list of funny salt and pepper jokes and even better salt and pepper puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do slugs carry pepper spray when they go out late at night? To protect themselves from a salt
  • What's the opposite of Himalayan Salt? Herastandin Pepper.
  • What do you call a war hero covered in salt and pepper? A seasoned veteran.
  • What did the pepper shaker say to the salt shaker? You're sodium cute
  • A fashion designer was interviewing a cannibal... "So what do you think would best complement a person?"
    "Salt and pepper."
  • Why didn't the chef salt the pizza? Because the customer asked for pepper only
  • Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
    (Roughly translated from a recent issue of *Acadie Nouvelle*)
  • Why do some fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze. (From my 8 year old daughter)
  • Why do seals swim in salt water? Because if they swam in pepper water they'd do nothing but sneeze all day
  • What did the salt say to the pepper? Season's greetings!

Salt Pepper Jokes

Here is a list of funny salt pepper jokes and even better salt pepper puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Salt: So nice to see you. Paprika: How do you do? Nutmeg: 'Sup.
    Garlic: Yo!
    Pepper: HI!
    Oregano: Hola.
    Seasons' Greetings everyone
  • What do cops use pepper spray for? A salt!
  • Why do sharks only swim in salt water?... ...
    Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
  • A merchant had been selling salt and pepper for 30 years... He's a pretty seasoned salesman
  • Trying to teach English is very frustrating I mean how hard is it to understand that "I peppered salt on my baked fries and boneless ribs?"
  • How did the pepper end up getting killed? A salt with deadly weapon
  • What do you call a retired military member who has been showered in salt and pepper? A seasoned veteran.
  • Why do sharks like to swim in salt water? Because if it was pepper water, they'd sneeze
  • Before I go on any long journeys, I always put some salt and pepper on my head. I'm a well-seasoned traveller.
  • Spring, winter, summer, or autumn? the best seasons for chefs are.. Salt and Pepper
Salt joke, Spring, winter, summer, or autumn? the best seasons for chefs are..

Pinch Salt Jokes

Here is a list of funny pinch salt jokes and even better pinch salt puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The only thing I can take seriously in the newspapers nowadays is fish and chips... ... and even that I take with a pinch of salt.
  • My doctor told me to cut down on sodium. I took his advice with a pinch of salt.
  • According to Wikipedia, the open-source online encyclopedia, India is the world's largest producer of spices. But then again, you should always take stats from the internet with a pinch of salt.
  • Why did the skeptic man have high blood pressure? Because he kept taking advice with a pinch of salt!
  • I heard a rumour that tequila can be drunk neat. But I took it with a pinch of salt.
  • I'm a novice cook, so whenever I make something that I say turned out great... Take it with a pinch of salt.
  • How does an angry Mexican season his food? ...With a pinche salt
  • Apparently, the house was haunted. I took that information with a pinch of salt.
  • Waiter said they serve the best steak here... But I'd take that with a pinch of salt.
  • People tell me I use too many clichés. But I take it with a pinch of salt.

Sea Salt Jokes

Here is a list of funny sea salt jokes and even better sea salt puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil? A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok
  • [spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.
  • A clever one from Yahoo! Answers Sea water equals salt. That's what it boils down to.
  • Sea salt makes everything taste better. Except when you're drowning.
  • My girlfriend keeps telling me to buy sea salt, even though we can't afford it So she's just going to have to settle for D salt
  • Mom makes a dad joke. I put salt on tomatoes for my mother.
    My sister said: "That's a lot of salt."
    Me: "Mom loves salt."
    Sister: "But I can see the salt."
    Mom: "That's because it's SEA salt."
  • What do you call it when your house suddenly becomes submerged in salt water? An emergent sea.
  • Did you know it's i**... to combine sea salt and iodized salt? They call it aggregated a salt...

Chemistry Salt Jokes

Here is a list of funny chemistry salt jokes and even better chemistry salt puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chemistry Jokes Me :Is it a crime to throw Sodium Chloride at a woman?
    Judge: Yes, that's assault
    Me: I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
  • Did you hear about the electronic chemistry equipment that was sent to prison? It was charged with a salt in battery.
  • Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
    A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
  • I had an argument with me Chemistry teacher today. I threw some NaCl at him and he yelled;
    "HEY, THATS A SALT!"
Salt joke, I had an argument with me Chemistry teacher today.

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Salt Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about salt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean silver jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make salt pranks.

YO momma so n**......

She pours salt water down her pants to keep the c**... fresh.

Why do sharks only swim in salt water? (Got this is a c**... Jack box)

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

An engineer, chef, and a mathematician go out drinking

To their favorite bar and grill. Well they're having some drinks and laughing when a fire starts behind the bar.
Seeing the staff panicking, the engineer quickly calculates exactly how much water he'll need to put it out and runs in the back for a bucket.
The chef, from his own experience can tell its a grease fire so he runs in back to find salt.
The Mathematician looks at his friends, then to the fire. Upon realizing there is a solution, he promptly continues drinking.

Why was the electrolytic solution taken to court?

It was charged with a salt.

What's the difference between l**... and l**... (Latter Day Saints)?

one you take with a sugar cube, the other with a grain of salt :P

What was the charge when NaCl got arrested?

A salt.

Did you hear about the sodium chloride with a gun?

They called it a salt with a deadly weapon.

My company uses salt water to solve any problem.

We are called Saline Solutions.

What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use?

A salt rifle.

I was making fun of some sodium chloride and

ended up being charged with aggravating a salt.

How much salt does Jihadi John have on his chips?

Just a Daesh.

Would you like some salt?

Na.

I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion)

I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

What is a chefs weapon of choice?

A salt rifle

When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing?

When you're buying salt.

Two bricks of salt visit a meat factory...

And while they are looking down at one of the bone grinders, one of the salt brick accidentally falls down into the machine. The other salt brick watches in panic as his friend gets s**... into the blades and gears. After a while, the salt brick comes out from the other side of the grinding machine, all ground into pieces and powder.
"Oh my god! Are you okay Jimmy?" The salt brick on the top asks.
"Oh yeah I'm fine."

I had lunch with a chess player yesterday.

It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

what did the Copper say to the sodium chloride couple?

I'm taking you in for a salt

I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps.

All I got were Icy Stares.

Why don't snails use the internet?

Salt is bad for their health.

I was at dinner with my girlfriends family

She said "Pass the salt, daddy".
It got really awkward when her father and I both reached for it...

What's saltier than a tuNa?

A barNaCle

A police officer is doing his patrol when he sees two men arguing.

He goes to approach, when suddenly it gets physical. The first man throws a packet of sodium chloride at the second, and the second responds by throwing a bunch of 9 volts at the first.
The officer arrests them for a salt and battery.

Lil piggy is sick

A Lil Piggy is sick and goes to see Dr. Pig. "Dr. Pig," he says, "I feel awful!! What do I do?"
Dr. Pig says "Here's what you do: go home and roll around in some salt. I'll check back in with you in a week."
One week later, Dr. Pig goes to see the Lil Piggy. Dr. Pig asks, "So, are you feeling any better?"
"Better?" says Lil Piggy. "I'm cured!!"

An acid and a base walk into a bar

The police later arrested the two for a salt.

What did the salt say to his girlfriend?

Wow, you're so-dium beautiful

What is the difference between stabbing a man and killing a hog?

One is assaulting with intent to kill; the other is killing with intent to salt.

A husband was sitting next to his wife while she was eating.

He heard his phone's message tone coming from the kitchen. He went to the kitchen and read a message from his wife saying "Please bring the salt on your way back."

I want to treat the roads with sugar instead of salt

This way, you know... Everyone can have a sweet ride

The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an u**.... What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

I was talking to my physics teacher...

Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume

What did the salt say to the water?

I solute you

A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.

The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"

Ronald Reagan got into hot water for telling this joke at the S.A.L.T. talks

Russian citizen goes to the Volga car dealership to buy his first car . Dealer says ''that'll be 20,000 Rubles , and we'll deliver it to you TEN YEARS FROM TODAY''. Man asks ''Morning or afternoon?'' Dealer says ''What's the difference , it's ten years from today''. Man says ''Well , the plumber is scheduled for that morning.''

SMS

I was on sofa next to my wife who was eating and typing on her phone. So I heard my phone ringing at the kitchen where I was charging it. So I went to check , the sms was from my wife and she wrote "bring the salt on your way back."

FOBs will understand.

3 new men - an Irish man, an English man and a Samoan - arrive at the army camp. The next day, the colonel, salt of the earth, rough as guts type fellow, decides to go psych the newbies up.
He calls them to line up and approaches the Irish man...
"DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE!?!?"
"SIR YES SIR!! I CAME HERE TO DIE!"
"Good."
He walks over to the English man...
"DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE!?!?"
"SIR YES SIR!! I CAME HERE TO DIE!"
"Good man."
Then he approaches the Samoan...
"DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE!?!?"
"SIR NO SIR!!"
"What??"
"I CAME HERE YESTER-DIE!"

Why did the police officer arrest the popcorn?

It was guilty of all salt and buttery.

I went to lunch with a champion chess player.

It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt...

70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.

She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.
At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."
He ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."

The Sunday School teacher was explaining s**... and Gomorrah.

TEACHER: "And God told Lot to take his wife and flee out of the city, but not to look back. But Lot's wife looked back, and turned into a pillar of salt."
The children were obviously shocked. One tentatively raised his hand.
TEACHER: "Yes, Billy?"
BILLY: "But what happened to the flea?"

This joke has to be told to someone in person

This joke has three parts. A man is driving and his wife asks him to slow down, he slaps her an says I'm the one driving not you .
The second part is, the woman is cooking food for her and her husband and the husband asks her not to put so much salt in, she slaps him and says I'm the one cooking not you
The fourth part is...
person listening: what you said there were three parts.
*slaps*
I'm the one telling the joke not you

Me: is it a crime to throw sodium chloride at someone?

Judge: yes, that's assault.
Me: ik that's a salt, but is it a crime??

I had dinner with my mother in law the other night. Was gonna ask "would you to pass the salt, please"

But instead my tounge twisted and I said
"You s**... cow. You've completely ruined my life."

Is it a crime to put sodium chloride in your enemy's eyes?

"Is it a crime to put sodium chloride in your enemy's eyes?"
"Yes, that's assault."
"I know it's a salt but is it a crime?"

So a sodium molecule hits a chlorine molecule

It was a salt

Don't throw sodium chloride at people.

That's a salt.

I was going to make a salt joke

But Na, people won't get it

A guy walks into a grocery store and says "I want half a pound of butter"

He looks and sees shelves completely covered with boxes of salt. All over the grocery store, hundreds and hundreds of boxes of salt. So he says to the grocer, Listen, I don't want to pry, but do you sell a lot of salt? And the grocery man says, Me, if I'll sell a box of salt a month, I'm lucky. But the guy that sells me salt… Boy, can he sell salt."

Give a man a fish and he'll ask for chips.

Give a man chips and he'll beg for salt.
Give a man salt and he's going to want a drink.
Give a man enough drink, and he'll start complimenting your wife.
Give a man your wife and you can go fishing as much as you'd like.

There was once a truck driver eating at a diner.

He was enjoying his meal, when a gang of bikers walked in. They started bullying him, by dumping salt and pepper all over him, spitting in his coffee, and stealing his food. To their surprise, the truck driver did nothing, but pay the bill, and walk out of the diner.
As they are marveling about this, the waitress comes up to them. The biker gang says that the truck driver wasn't much of a fighter.
The waitress then looks out into the night and says, He doesn't look to be much of a driver either. He just ran over 3 motorcycles.

I had dinner with a chess master

IT TOOK HIM FOUR HOURS TO PASS THE FRICKING SALT

Why is there a ring of salt around the rim of a margarita glass?

To keep the spirits from escaping.

Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to eating salt?

Don't worry, he was cured.

What did Gandhi say while having dinner with the Queen of England?

"Could you pass the salt?"

Salt joke, What did Gandhi say while having dinner with the Queen of England?

jokes about salt